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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?      Home login  
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 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 226
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?Page 10 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
Well, you may be too far away...lol!!
 Jen_29
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 227
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/13/2011 4:54:58 PM

And we're still wondering why some of these nice men are turning out violent toward us after years of frustrations...Women like OP are probably the reasons of these consequences.


I am very sorry to read this from a woman. This "she was dress too sexy...it was her fault that she got raped" logic is very disturbing.
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 228
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/13/2011 5:01:14 PM
It's all common sense. Improve yourself instead of whining and crying... we all know that. However when you come up with a list...like yours... you kind of sound like a jerk...

I understand the career, social skills and education but what the hell is up with expensive haircut and nicely furnished place ? Are you really going to reject someone because of his haircut ? or the amount of money he paid for his haircut ? - or the kind/type/amount of furniture in his house ?

You better start collecting cats, lady.... oh and yes.. I am surprised she didn't say "at least 6'2.. " or maybe she didn't want to sound like a JERK...

bah!
 808md
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 229
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/13/2011 5:02:54 PM
And we're still wondering why some of these nice men are turning out violent toward us after years of frustrations...Women like OP are probably the reasons of these consequences.


You are justifying violence against women? These forums are full of stupid posts but this is probably the most ridiculous thing I have ever read here. Especially coming from a woman.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 230
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/13/2011 5:03:48 PM

Hopefully, people will realize that not all women are like the OP. Sure, we had some preference but I just can't relate to the OP. At least she doesn't said she wanted a man who's at least 6ft tall or whatever it is!
so just because you cant relate to the OP's list that makes her wrong and you right? good Lord.



What if your man who 'look healthy and muscular' and you just found out that he has diseases? I bet you're the kind of woman who's ready to move on to the next man...
My point is: 'looking healthy' doesn't mean that you're actually healthy!! WHAT'S THE POINT OF THAT? OP, do you want a trophy or a real relationship??
What does that have to do with being a nice guy trying to meet a woman? I like mango chicken but not fried chicken , what does that say about me and I like Turtles



You're picky , but not the worst I've seen. Unfortunately, women like OP are giving us a bad name and no wonder why some men are frustrated and angry here...
And we're still wondering why some of these nice men are turning out violent toward us after years of frustrations...Women like OP are probably the reasons of these consequences.
sweet Jesus , you cant be serious girl? If being turned down from women time and time again turns a guy violent then he needed his head candled in the first place, violence against women has nothing to do with being turned down from women, trying to justify it is really friggen frightening .

You know ass holes have a way of seeming like nice guys when they are getting what they want.and so are violent guys they are not nice they are disguising themselves as nice guys , until the reveal their true colors.
 missytubbie86
Joined: 7/21/2011
Msg: 231
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/13/2011 7:52:25 PM

so just because you cant relate to the OP's list that makes her wrong and you right? good Lord


Mr. CDN, the fact that I can't relate to people like OP, does it really means that I'm feeling that she's in the wrong and I'm in the right? I just can't relate to her shallowness, that's all!


What does that have to do with being a nice guy trying to meet a woman? I like mango chicken but not fried chicken , what does that say about me and I like Turtles


She mades it clear that in order to get a responses from her, a man needs to meet all these criterion, right? I just implied that going to the gym, having a career or being educated is irrelevant when it comes to find Mr. Right! But hey, that's her choice having her own list of things. Well, there's women who thinks that having materials is the only source of true love...hum ok?
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 232
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/13/2011 9:21:17 PM
have shown this thread to 14 guys that actually fit into her "wish list" , and they all but one would avoid her like the plague, the main reasons are that they dont feel those things are what should attract women to them, and most practice what the preach.

My cousin make 100K a year and his girlfriend works at quicktrip(a gas station/conviniance store) she seems like a cool lady, smokin hot but not big headed.
My old boss is at around 89k a year but looks like he makes 15k when he goes out just to avoid shallow women(he got nailed to the wall in his divorce).

I don't blame him if I won the lotto tomorrow I would pull a "coming to america" on every woman I met.
If she loves you in a palace she'll love you in the gutter .... IF ITS REAL LOVE!!!!!

There is a reason why the vows say for rich or for poor.... but I guess vows mean nothing to these people.
 missytubbie86
Joined: 7/21/2011
Msg: 233
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/13/2011 9:43:55 PM

I don't blame him if I won the lotto tomorrow I would pull a "coming to america" on every woman I met.
If she loves you in a palace she'll love you in the gutter .... IF ITS REAL LOVE!!!!!

There is a reason why the vows say for rich or for poor.... but I guess vows mean nothing to these people.


I remember seeing a homeless couple a few years ago outside in the winter, they were begging for $$$ together. If they were really that poor, then I have witnessed true love! That woman could have left the man for a rich guy but if you had the OP's eyes, that poor woman is simply stupid...
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 234
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/13/2011 10:06:51 PM
I remember seeing a homeless couple a few years ago outside in the winter, they were begging for $$$ together. If they were really that poor, then I have witnessed true love! That woman could have left the man for a rich guy but if you had the OP's eyes, that poor woman is simply stupid...


I read a study that stated that 52% of americans are 2 paychecks away from being homeless. but the funny think about that study is if you separate by income 73% of those who earn 40 - 100K a year fall into that category as opposed to 30% of those of who earn less than 25K a year. maybe because poor people own more stuff while middle and upper-class finance everything.

There are 3 homeless shelters not far from me, and yes you see couples there often and once in awhile you see an attractive woman in one of those couples though I wont say its always love because usually its the biggest and strongest of the homeless guys that have girlfriends(protection), there was one girl outside the gas station who looked like she could be on baywatch if you cleaned her up, I mean she had dirty stringy hair and her cloths didn't look like they had seen a washing machine in weeks and she still looked smokin hot, so I have no doubt she could with little effort find some guy who would take her off the streets but I have seen her out there begging with her boyfriend for a few months now so it may be love.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 235
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/14/2011 1:20:22 AM
Wow. This thread has really gone into left field. The Op correctly stated that if you want to have more success in your dating experience then work on what you bring to the table instead of deciding that the rest of the world is too shallow and you will probably see results.
That's it.

Yes you can show her profile too 14 other people and have them not be interested. So? 14 people is a tiny, TINY number to judge by. Insignifigantly tiny.

Is anyone going to explain to me why the OP should not ask for what she brings to the table? Why the OP should settle for less than she wants? While people want to dog the OP for having high standards that she says may contribute to her being single, are the people that knock her all in solid relationships? I have a feeling that they are not.
 leanco
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 236
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/14/2011 1:46:30 AM

have shown this thread to 14 guys that actually fit into her "wish list" , and they all but one would avoid her like the plague, the main reasons are that they dont feel those things are what should attract women to them

And that's the funny consequence when someone comes out all high and mighty, lecturing the world on how to date. The pesky "nice guy" gets a major dosage of putdown alright, that's the intention. But inadvertently, many who eminently qualify wouldn't be too impressed either. Never mind what the content of the list is, the condescending attitude on display is more than enough to drive many quality men away.

if I won the lotto tomorrow I would pull a "coming to america" on every woman I met. If she loves you in a palace she'll love you in the gutter"

This is just too funny. I buy the occasional lotto ticket and that's exactly what I would do should I win, and I don't even have to have been divorced and taken to the cleaner to think like that!
 808md
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 237
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/14/2011 2:24:19 AM

And that's the funny consequence when someone comes out all high and mighty, lecturing the world on how to date. The pesky "nice guy" gets a major dosage of putdown alright, that's the intention.


What's really funny is that the OP has a not single/not looking in her profile and the "nice" guys are still whining.

OP 1, Nice Guy 0
 inthroughtheoutdoor
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 238
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/14/2011 4:07:47 AM

-That [homeless] woman could have left the man for a rich guy ...

-There are 3 homeless shelters not far from me, and yes you see couples there often and once in awhile you see an attractive woman

- ...there was one girl outside the gas station who looked like she could be on baywatch if you cleaned her up

- ...she still looked smokin hot, so I have no doubt she could with little effort find some guy who would take her off the streets


Speaking of shallow....are some people so simple minded that they believe that being attractive and/or "smoking hot" means you are protected against mental illnesses and/or from becoming addicted to various substances? Really? So only ugly people develop schizophrenia? Only ugly people become alcoholics? Only ugly people become hooked to heroin, speed, cocaine or crack?

So what you're saying is that those women were attractive and HOT and so they didn't "deserve" to be homeless but the ugly ones well...who cares about the ugly ones eh?

Hahahaha. Not to mention that the ONLY reason any one of you mentioned that any of these HOT woman could have gotten off the streets was because of her LOOKS - not ONE comment was made, not even a hint, to her personality or mental status.

Not one comment was made regarding the possibility that the "boyfriend" she was with was possibly her partner in crime, meaning that like her, he too could possibly be suffering from a mental illness and/or various addictions.

But hey, the lady is attractive and hot and according to some, that's all that matters. But OP and those who got her are the ones who are shallow. Okaaaay.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 239
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/14/2011 5:45:55 AM

She mades it clear that in order to get a responses from her, a man needs to meet all these criterion, right? I just implied that going to the gym, having a career or being educated is irrelevant when it comes to find Mr. Right! But hey, that's her choice having her own list of things. Well, there's women who thinks that having materials is the only source of true love...hum ok?
I think some of you are making a mountain out of a mole hill , we all have " check list" and most of us calls them standards, this selection process we use to narrow down what we will accept and not accept, which in my opinion cuts down the wasted time of trying to be with someone that doesn't fit our ideals.

No matter what our personal preferences are, there will always be those who are intimidated, angered and even enraged by choices/views unlike their own, this seem overly active when the subject of physical appearance /age/height is mentioned.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 240
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/14/2011 7:31:58 AM
What's really funny is that the OP has a not single/not looking in her profile and the "nice" guys are still whining. OP 1, Nice Guy 0

Appears that she's got YOU interested, by pretending to be NOT interested..

Maybe some other POFers can learn a bit from these two.. About the "disinterest hook" which works with common reverse psychology expressions..

Some Forumites have actually stated they get MORE emails/interest when they purport to be "not single/not looking" on their profiles..

Or some trying to project an attitude of "even tho I'm online here just like you, I don't really need to be here anyway
cause I'm just slumming..
funny how convoluted human nature can be..
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 241
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/14/2011 10:45:31 AM

This "she was dress too sexy...it was her fault that she got raped" logic is very disturbing.
I agree very very disturbing.

The actual facts are that rapist interviewed for the most part can't even remember what their victims were wearing.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 242
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/14/2011 11:21:34 AM

Speaking of shallow....are some people so simple minded that they believe that being attractive and/or "smoking hot" means you are protected against mental illnesses and/or from becoming addicted to various substances? Really? So only ugly people develop schizophrenia? Only ugly people become alcoholics? Only ugly people become hooked to heroin, speed, cocaine or crack?

So what you're saying is that those women were attractive and HOT and so they didn't "deserve" to be homeless but the ugly ones well...who cares about the ugly ones eh?

Hahahaha. Not to mention that the ONLY reason any one of you mentioned that any of these HOT woman could have gotten off the streets was because of her LOOKS - not ONE comment was made, not even a hint, to her personality or mental status.

Not one comment was made regarding the possibility that the "boyfriend" she was with was possibly her partner in crime, meaning that like her, he too could possibly be suffering from a mental illness and/or various addictions.

But hey, the lady is attractive and hot and according to some, that's all that matters. But OP and those who got her are the ones who are shallow. Okaaaay.


Nope I'm not being shallow, I did not mention her personality because I dont know her, but what I do know from my 41 years on this planet is attractive women have no problem finding someone to take them in when they hit hard times, just as rich men have no trouble getting a woman to spend the night with them.

I am not saying this is right I am saying is this is how the world is, turn on the TV and you will see sex is used to sell everything, especially luxury items, right now as I type this there is an infomercial on TV with women in very short skirts selling used sports cars for a local dealership. So yes I gave that woman extra points because she does not HAVE to be with this guy because her looks could attract another and get her off the streets.
 Kevjohns
Joined: 8/9/2011
Msg: 243
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/14/2011 11:41:35 AM
Interesting thread, but the thing is that the OP is exactly what any guy knows good looking, intelligent women are like. They have high standards. That's always been the case. In Ops case, as an engineer she likely gets even more attention because she works in a male dominated field. She gets the attention, likely has gotten it all her life, so she has high standards. Its the same with good looking and intelligent guys. They too have high standards. Smart guys don't date dumb women. And good looking guys don't date ugly women. Its as simple as that. No surprises here. I don't know what a nice guy is or is not. Everybody has the capacity to be nice or mean given the circumstances. Niceness is not the issue. Never has been. That's simply a cop out.

And for better or for worse, educated women want successful, educated men. That too is a fact of life.
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 244
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/14/2011 11:48:08 AM

In Ops case, as an engineer she likely gets even more attention because she works in a male dominated field.


yes, good point, probably quite a bit more than if she were the exact same person, but worked as a nurse, about 95% of whom are women in N. America

on some engineering jobs she could likely be the only or one of a very few, females
 808md
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 245
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/14/2011 11:48:10 AM
Maybe some other POFers can learn a bit from these two.. About the "disinterest hook" which works with common reverse psychology expressions..


Lol…now that is a little far-fetched. I think it is way more likely that she is in a relationship and that years of online dating dating have turned you into a paranoid, grumpy and jaded old man.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 246
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/14/2011 5:46:16 PM
OK I can give an example of a list from my profile.
Ok here is my choice making criteria.
1.Does she want a real relationship or have time to devote to a relationship.
2.Do I find her attractive.
3.Are we mentally compatible.
4.are we sexually compatible.
5.Does she live in my city(don't do long distance)
6.Do we have the same taste in movies, music, etc etc.......
7.Does she not have kids or have older or adult kids..(I avoid those with younger kids.)(exeptions being if father is an active part of their lives or extended family watches them sometimes)
8.Does she show affection(not the same as sex).
9.Does she have male friends(I avoid that like death)
10.Does she like to go out all the time( High maintenance)
11.Does she drink too much( people do stupid things when drunk)
12.Is she faithful(goes without saying but if the others are in check this is taken care of)
13.not hung up on an ex.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Most of my list focuses on meeting someone I can spent time with and grow as a couple.
Status, and wealth play no part in this. as I seek REAL love, my job does not define me, my hobbies and interests do, you know more about a person looking through their record collection than you do from their resume' .
 808md
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 247
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/14/2011 6:05:31 PM
^^^
o.k. ... let me compare...

You: I find her attractive. OP: I want somebody fit and healthy who cares a little about his appearance (i.e. gets a decent haircut)

You: I want somebody mentally compatible. OP: I want somebody educated.

You: I want somebody without to much baggage (kids, male friends). OP: I want somebody with his own place (not living with mom, or ex; i.e. baggage)

You: I don't want somebody who drinks or parties all the time. OP: I want somebody with good social skills.

I can't believe what a hypocrite you are.

Yes, and she wants somebody with a career...she does not mention money. Career just means that somebody has a direction in life; goals and ambitions. Teaching can be a career...or social services. Both pay next to nothing.
 Truth09
Joined: 7/1/2010
Msg: 248
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/14/2011 10:58:44 PM
The OP sounds like every other picky,upity girl on here
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 249
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/15/2011 12:12:12 AM

o.k. ... let me compare...
You: I find her attractive. OP: I want somebody fit and healthy who cares a little about his appearance (i.e. gets a decent haircut)
You: I want somebody mentally compatible. OP: I want somebody educated.
You: I want somebody without to much baggage (kids, male friends). OP: I want somebody with his own place (not living with mom, or ex; i.e. baggage)
You: I don't want somebody who drinks or parties all the time. OP: I want somebody with good social skills.
I can't believe what a hypocrite you are.
Yes, and she wants somebody with a career...she does not mention money. Career just means that somebody has a direction in life; goals and ambitions. Teaching can be a career...or social services. Both pay next to nothing.


big difference, I did not go into specifics on what I find attractive(it would be a small novel) as I have dated women with mohawks, dreadlocks, blue, green or pink hair etc etc etc..... the tallest girl i dated was 6ft2 the shortest was 4ft8, they have been thin to chubby and I found all of them attractive, yes some more than others but hey, I have broad taste.

Yes I want somebody mentally compatible, thats not the same as educated as that implies college and I could care less about that, as long as she is well read. plenty of smart people never went to college, which is why from time to time you see a professor get his a$$ kicked on jeopardy by a security guard.

A guy with roommates, or living with mom can still spend time with an SO, a woman with young kids cant, big difference. as again my list is mostly about the ability to have one on one time.

I don't want to date a girl who drinks and parties, social skills is directly related to large crowds which I avoid, as I am a one on one kinda guy many people with poor social skill are great one on one.

so it is a very different list.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 250
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/15/2011 4:00:58 PM
Let's not forget, a lot of this is going to depend on your dating goals and definition of "dating sucess". Me trying to date the OP, as an example, would not be sucessfull. There just isn't much in common between us. I think another solution to improving dating success is to be realistic in setting your goals. I mean I could ask sandra Bullock to marry me but I rather doubt I'd even get a response.
Age has a lot to do with it also, I'm 49 and not about to re-invent myself to start impressing people now.
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