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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?      Home login  
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 oceanbreeze77
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 251
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?Page 11 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
Men, this is a trap. She has baited the line to see who would bite. She has some of you guys fighting over her already. She needs attention and this is how she gets it(looks like for years now).
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 252
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/15/2011 6:16:40 PM
You mean this is the on line version of high heels and a short skirt?
 FunkTheMillenium
Joined: 7/23/2011
Msg: 253
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/15/2011 9:54:48 PM
she is looking for attention and its amazing how many guys fall into the trap everywhere even the so call seasoned forumites who u'd think would see thru it don't. amazing at just how much a woman's power can unleash and how they can use it.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 254
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/16/2011 8:56:52 PM
A trap? Please. look Neither CDN nor I are interested in trying to attract the OP. Heck The OP is barely even here for the conversation. But the OP brings up a good point. Actually a great point. That point being that if men want to have more success in dating then there is a reasonable way to get it. Work on yourself. Work on your social skills.
There were a few shows on television over the last few years that specifically helped guys (and some for women) do this. Keys to the VIP showed how regular guys how to approach, connect with and pull women in under two minutes in actual clubs. There was some dating show on VH1 where women and then couples actually focused on how to successfully date and what it took to improve your odds of success.

It is not difficult.

In any other case the people in the forum would be telling you not to 'settle' and hold out for what you want, but because this woman's criteria is higher than what most people here are able to provide they blast her.
I am still waiting for ANYONE to eplain why she should settle for less than she brings to the table.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 255
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/16/2011 9:01:57 PM
I was just going to say that Canam, thanks man.
amazing how people jump to conclusion about things? Good Lord what's next Canam and the rest of cool cast are going fly down and take the OP out for a bucket of the Colonels best?
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 256
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/16/2011 10:49:15 PM

Men, this is a trap. She has baited the line to see who would bite. She has some of you guys fighting over her already. She needs attention and this is how she gets it(looks like for years now).

Says the person whom in her profile says...

Notice:
***I'M ONLY LOOKING FOR INDEPENDENT MEN WHO ARE EASY TO BE WITH AND CAN ENJOY Many different things.*** Please don't contact me if you live with your parents or have no car.


The same thing that the OP says in this post. able to enjoy different things is the read, educated and worked on yourself part. independent is generally considered financial for men. live in your own place is right up there with have it be clean and presentable and have a car is the financial as well.

ugh.

But the OP is the one being outlandish here? realllyy???
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 257
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/17/2011 8:25:09 AM

A trap? Please. look Neither CDN nor I are interested in trying to attract the OP. Heck The OP is barely even here for the conversation. But the OP brings up a good point. Actually a great point. That point being that if men want to have more success in dating then there is a reasonable way to get it. Work on yourself. Work on your social skills.


What the hell do social skill have to do with a relationship? relationships are one on one, unless she want a partner to help her climb some social ladder. some people are great one on one and horrible in groups , but playaz have great social skills.
 andy1961
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 258
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/17/2011 2:00:54 PM

Good Lord what's next, Canam and the rest of cool cast are going fly down and take the OP out for a bucket of the Colonels best?


It's highly unlikely Jennifer would be seen dead in KFC!



 casey0413
Joined: 10/27/2009
Msg: 259
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/17/2011 4:23:04 PM
What the hell do social skill have to do with a relationship?

Social skills dictate how well you are able to carry on a conversation with someone you don't know well. i.e. a prospective dating partner during a 'meet'. Or being able to craft a reasonable first message to indicate your interest in someone. Social skills carry over into all aspects of life, not just climbing 'social ladders'. How you relate to your mate is dependant on your social skills.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 260
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/17/2011 7:35:05 PM

Social skills dictate how well you are able to carry on a conversation with someone you don't know well. i.e. a prospective dating partner during a 'meet'. Or being able to craft a reasonable first message to indicate your interest in someone. Social skills carry over into all aspects of life, not just climbing 'social ladders'. How you relate to your mate is dependent on your social skills.


You are mistaking social skill's for communication skill's, at least in the common use of the word. meaning some people can have great communication skills one on one, but don't feel comfortable in [bold]social settings, hence poor social skills.

It has nothing to do with the ability to be in a relationship.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 261
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/17/2011 7:47:03 PM

6. It's true, to please an engineer or an architect, it has to be pretty close to perfect. How many crooked buildings do you see built in America; how many bridges are falling down from poor design? They drive themselves harder than anyone.


That's a load of crap. There are TONS of professions that "drive themselves harder than anyone..." Go to a biotech lab and watch the PhD working till 2, 3 or 4 in the morning to finish his/her research before the grant runs out. Go to a training camp and watch the players pushing themselves to the bring of exhaustion. Go to a roofing job and watch the roofers work 10, 12 hours straight in 95 degree heat.

Engineers are not God's gift to the world - they and their suck ups do. But, the truth there is nothing special about the field. I've never been impressed by an engineer. wow! They can do advanced cal and differential equations... and so can those working in physics, math, and so on.

And this crap about being "creative." MOST engineers are not "artists..." there are very few that come up with new ideas. MOST of our technological advances were FIRST science fiction articles of comic books and novels. An engineer didn't "invent it."

And another thing... "perfect?" It's not the engineer who creates the blue line print - it's the DRAFTSMAN. All the nerd does is crunch the numbers, steal ideas of science fiction authors and take all the credit - after someone else does any the work.

Trust me - there is nothing magical, special, or admiring of an engineer. They're not half as smart as others would have you believe.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 262
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/17/2011 7:52:25 PM
Social skills dictate how well you are able to carry on a conversation with someone you don't know well. i.e. a prospective dating partner during a 'meet'. Or being able to craft a reasonable first message to indicate your interest in someone. Social skills carry over into all aspects of life, not just climbing 'social ladders'. How you relate to your mate is dependant on your social skills.


Morta beat me to it - but he's right - you are talking about communication skills - not social skills.

Social skills are the behaviors one exhibits in a social setting - not the words you speak. Do you shake hands? Do you make eye contact? Do you use the right fork for the salad? Do you excuse yourself before leaving the table? So on and so forth.

Relating to your "mate" (as if we were lesser animals) - I prefer the word "partner" - has nothing to do with your social skills. It has everything do with your levels of compatibility in listening, communicating and understanding one another. None of which have anything to do with social skills.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 263
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/17/2011 8:34:57 PM

Social skills are the behaviors one exhibits in a social setting - not the words you speak. Do you shake hands? Do you make eye contact? Do you use the right fork for the salad? Do you excuse yourself before leaving the table? So on and so forth.

Relating to your "mate" (as if we were lesser animals) - I prefer the word "partner" - has nothing to do with your social skills. It has everything do with your levels of compatibility in listening, communicating and understanding one another. None of which have anything to do with social skills.


Guys, you're wrong. Socail skills are skills in ALL social settings. This is the point that the OP is making over all. Social skills do not just encompass do you know which salad fork to use. They encompass can you be effectively communicate how you want to in a social setting. Being up on current news and events. Being able to discuss things that are interesting to the social circle (even if it just one person) that you are in. In the dating realm at it's highest, it means being 'charming'. being that guy that can attract attention, keep that attention and leave them wanting more. It's about understanding the social dynamics involved with dealing with the social situation that you are in.
Earlier a poster talked about men being 'boorish' (My word) and the forums blasted her. they don't get it. That guy is considered fun. He makes the woman enjoy herself during their time together. It is the 'ALPHA MALE' performance. Done right, that guy is charming.


charm·ing
adj \ˈchär-miŋ\

Definition of CHARMING
: extremely pleasing or delightful : entrancing

Examples of CHARMING

a charming little café by the sea


Synonyms: alluring, appealing, attractive, bewitching, captivating, charismatic, fascinating, elfin, enchanting, engaging, entrancing, fetching, glamorous (also glamourous), luring, magnetic, seductive

Antonyms: repellent (also repellant), repelling, repugnant, repulsive, revolting, unalluring

Social skills are what matter most in dating. More than looks, money or having a great body. I have said it here a few times and I will say it again. If you don't understand that, then fine, but you don't get it.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 264
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/17/2011 9:31:40 PM

Guys, you're wrong. Socail skills are skills in ALL social settings. This is the point that the OP is making over all. Social skills do not just encompass do you know which salad fork to use. They encompass can you be effectively communicate how you want to in a social setting. Being up on current news and events. Being able to discuss things that are interesting to the social circle (even if it just one person) that you are in. In the dating realm at it's highest, it means being 'charming'. being that guy that can attract attention, keep that attention and leave them wanting more. It's about understanding the social dynamics involved with dealing with the social situation that you are in.


Nope you got it wrong, you communicate with one person, you socialize in a crowd.
wikipedia:
A social skill is any skill facilitating interaction and communication with others(plural).
dictionary.com
so·cial
adjective
1.pertaining to, devoted to, or characterized by friendly companionship or relations: a social club.
2.seeking or enjoying the companionship of others(plural); friendly; sociable; gregarious.
3.of, pertaining to, connected with, or suited to polite or fashionable society: a social event.
4.living or disposed to live in companionship with others(plural) or in a community, rather than in isolation: People are social beings.
5.of or pertaining to human society, especially as a body divided into classes according to status: social rank.
6.involved in many social activities: We're so busy working, we have to be a little less social now.

Social skills are what matter most in dating. More than looks, money or having a great body. I have said it here a few times and I will say it again. If you don't understand that, then fine, but you don't get it.


No you don't get it, how you act in a crowd has nothing to do with how you act one on one, the dynamics are totally different, one on one I'm great and engaging in a crowd I get aggravated(except when preforming). For the most part I hate large groups even though I can work a crowd, I'm much happier ALONE with a female.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 265
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/17/2011 9:54:06 PM
SO- OP,,, this is basically a thread- complaining about folks who complain about not being able to get the attention of a woman so illustrious as yourself.

or at least how you view yourself.

I mean really- get over yourself.

ya there are tons of ""nice guys"" out there that don't get it...

we know that...we get that about those guys.


so why do you feel the need to kick these poor saps down when they are on the ground?

does it make you feel better about your lofted self?



Even still- virtually everything on your list has zero to do with anything in regards to chemistry and love and commitment and so forth.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 266
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/17/2011 9:54:31 PM
Uhhh, you should go and re-read that.



A social skill is any skill facilitating interaction and communication with others. Social rules and relations are created, communicated, and changed in verbal and nonverbal ways. The process of learning such skills is called socialization. The rationale for this type of an approach to treatment is that people meet a variety of social problems and can reduce the stress and punishment from the encounter as well as increase their reinforcement by having the correct skills.

You added the

(Plural)
. The description did not specify that it was only plural and not singular.

But for the sake of argument let's pretend that you are correct. You are really only interested in arguing the semantics of the meaning of the word instead of the obviously intended skills that were described??


SO- OP,,, this is basically a thread- complaining about folks who complain about not being able to get the attention of a woman so illustrious as yourself.

or at least how you view yourself.

I mean really- get over yourself.

ya there are tons of ""nice guys"" out there that don't get it...

we know that...we get that about those guys.


so why do you feel the need to kick these poor saps down when they are on the ground?

does it make you feel better about your lofted self?



Even still- virtually everything on your list has zero to do with anything in regards to chemistry and love and commitment and so forth.


that is not at all what the OP said or was communicating. actually most folks DON'T get it about those guys. She was not kicking them/ attacking them or any other negative. She is pointing out that you can take the success of your dating experience in hand and make a CHANGE on your on with some work and effort.
 leanco
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 267
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/17/2011 10:35:25 PM

I mean really- get over yourself.

ROTFLMAO! Boon, couldn't have said it any better!
 raggadie
Joined: 6/18/2011
Msg: 268
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/17/2011 11:27:46 PM
Most of all I find this thread more amusing than anything else.

People KEEP disagreeing over the SAME thing using different analogies and semantics to try to persuade the other side in seeing what they see.

The social one is almost a roll on the floor laughing. Love the slight change of meaning of words to confirm an ideal.

Maybe as a whole we as humanity can learn from this. People have different perceptions we use biases to create our perception, all while making another seem like it doesn't work. When both can be true and or untrue.

I see both sides, and agree with both sides. You both have valid points.

I think it really all boils down to how the OP views "her" world and the people in it. That in itself is hard to do being we can not take a trip to her head and see how she is using the perception.

Meaning she could say that's what she meant for social acceptance or because she has a confirmation bias herself, or she may be telling the truth. We can not really know without getting to know her and watching her actions.

I believe people should work on themselves not just for attraction purposes ( attraction in this case ) and I also believe people can be very arrogant.

I think if the people that talk about arrogant women, knew this woman personally and thought she was nice, the perception would be different and vise versa.

Argue on thou...
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 269
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/18/2011 6:26:45 AM

The description did not specify that it was only plural and not singular.

But for the sake of argument let's pretend that you are correct. You are really only interested in arguing the semantics of the meaning of the word instead of the obviously intended skills that were described??


actually it did, hence "others"= plural "another" = singular.

And like I said they are different skill sets, social skills have nothing to do with what kind of boyfriend you are, but communication skills are everything. kindness is everything. You say being kind and nice are just basic requirements, well that would be true if EVERYBODY was kind, but we all know jerks, b!tches, cheaters and playaz outnumber kind faithful people. Even many who CLAIM to be faithful dont seem to have the ability to BEHAVE as if they are in a relationship. you know the ones that want to be in a relationship but still act like they are single?, well they tend to have great social skills, but lousy communication skills, so they are not one in the same.
 andy1961
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 270
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/18/2011 6:38:41 AM

Guys, you're wrong. Socail skills are skills in ALL social settings. This is the point that the OP is making over all. Social skills do not just encompass do you know which salad fork to use. They encompass can you be effectively communicate how you want to in a social setting. Being up on current news and events. Being able to discuss things that are interesting to the social circle (even if it just one person) that you are in. In the dating realm at it's highest, it means being 'charming'. being that guy that can attract attention, keep that attention and leave them wanting more. It's about understanding the social dynamics involved with dealing with the social situation that you are in.
Earlier a poster talked about men being 'boorish' (My word) and the forums blasted her. they don't get it. That guy is considered fun. He makes the woman enjoy herself during their time together. It is the 'ALPHA MALE' performance. Done right, that guy is charming.


I've never read so much nonsense!

I don't know about you Canam, but I was taught social skills from the age of 3 or 4 upwards by my parents, incoporating good manners for starters, amongst other things. Basic teachings indeed, and absolutely nothing to do with keeping up with "current news and events" and being "interesting" in any social circle.

Even the most intelligent people on the planet [academia] can lack social skills and even be downright boring, but ironically (or maybe not) end up meeting and god knows falling in love (wonder if the OP knows what that is!) with their equal or someone less than their equal, academically and in other departments.

Social skills (which Cinsav summed up perfectly) are usually picked up at a young age and cultivated from that point onwards, but there's a cut of point as an adult where you're either adequately equipped with those skills or you aren't. A lot of people, regardless of their class, upbringing and education, don't have these skills - but it doesn't stop them getting ahead in life.

And then there's charm. Charm comes in many different guises. It's a long list. A homeless person can have lots of charm, but by god it won't guarantee them a roof over their head any time soon!

And then there's the extremely attractive woman with an engineering degree, who seems to have it all, but very possibly no charm whatsoever.
 casey0413
Joined: 10/27/2009
Msg: 271
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/18/2011 6:53:27 AM
actually it did, hence "others"= plural "another" = singular.


A social skill is any skill facilitating interaction and communication with others. Social rules and relations are created, communicated, and changed in verbal and nonverbal ways. The process of learning such skills is called socialization. The rationale for this type of an approach to treatment is that people meet a variety of social problems and can reduce the stress and punishment from the encounter as well as increase their reinforcement by having the correct skills.[1] Wikepedia

"Social skills can be measured on about how you treat other people and how you react to them. It's a matter of dealing with the people around you. Different tests will help you to provide and tell what kind of personality you have towards others. If you are in doubt of your behavior, then you may be in touched with this kind of test. This would not help you totally, but this would serve as your guide in handling your personality towards the people whom you're reacting with." (Ledesma, 2009)

Since clearly, communicating falls under social skills, I think it safe to say that this statement 'Social skills can be measured on about how you treat other people and how you react to them. It's a matter of dealing with the people around you.' can be applied to your significant other. Wouldn't you?
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 272
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/18/2011 7:58:32 AM

"charming" ..Synonyms: alluring, appealing, attractive, bewitching, captivating, charismatic, fascinating, elfin, enchanting, engaging, entrancing, fetching, glamorous (also glamourous), luring, magnetic, seductive


and all of these can often be SUPERFICIAL 'qualities' used to hide the rotten person within. the person who uses glitz & dazzle to seduce, to distract & manipulate, and to USE other people..

I know many get sucked in by 'charm'..confidence operators have charm, grifters and scam artists have LOADS of charm..

Adolf Hitler reportedly was VERY charming with (non-Jewish, Aryan, at least) women & children..had TONS of charisma..

did that make him a good person ? (rhetorical question obviously).. he likely had more charm than some of his major opponents, Franklin Roosevelt & Winston Churchill (Churchill known for being gruff & blunt)

I'm sure we all know 'charming' people that have used, abused and ruined other people.

when someone "puts on the charm" to me I put my guard up. figure they are after something, often $$/possessions.

Bill "I feel your pain" Clinton was quite 'charming'. Goes to a federal disaster area (tornado, earthquake, etc.) and tells the people whose homes have been destroyed :" I feel your pain".. oh right, he REALLY "felt the pain" on his way in the $500,000 limo to the multi-million $ helicopter, to the $100-million + Air Force One, on the way back to his multi-million $$ private mansion with a fleet of servants..
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 273
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/18/2011 9:38:31 AM

Since clearly, communicating falls under social skills, I think it safe to say that this statement 'Social skills can be measured on about how you treat other people and how you react to them. It's a matter of dealing with the people around you.' can be applied to your significant other. Wouldn't you?


And you also miss my point, one can be a good communicator but not be good in social settings, its a different skill set. while many people can do both some are either some aren't. Example I have a friend who is GREAT at working a crowd he can be the life of a party much more so than I, but put him alone with a woman in a NON social setting and he does not do as well as me in the same setting, why? because I have better communication skill's and he has better social skill's. Its a totally different skill set. but communication skills are more conducive to a monogamous relationship, while social skills can actually be detrimental to a long term relationship because of the personality traits of most social people.
 casey0413
Joined: 10/27/2009
Msg: 274
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/18/2011 11:25:37 AM
^^^^^Perhaps you are thinking more in terms of introvert vs extrovert, which has to do with personality and in what settings people are more comfortable in applying their communication (i.e. social) skills.

Communication is a social skill, whether it be one on one or in a large crowd. You are still trying to separate the two, and it's not possible. I do understand what you are saying, but I think you are trying to make your theory fit that which it will not. Because the definition of social skills is clear.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 275
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/18/2011 12:03:43 PM

Communication is a social skill, whether it be one on one or in a large crowd. You are still trying to separate the two, and it's not possible. I do understand what you are saying, but I think you are trying to make your theory fit that which it will not. Because the definition of social skills is clear.


I am just using the definitions as they are used in common speech. being that I know how to do both I recognize that they ARE different skill sets. the exaggerated arm movements or controlled fluctuations in tone and pitch of speech someone uses when addressing a crowd would look very silly if you were talking to one person. just as listening to an accent watching for puple dilation, listening and watching for changes in breathing pasterns is near impossible when dealing with more than one person.
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