Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 301
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?Page 13 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)

Msg. 322: You would think that a woman that ugly would have worked on her personality, but nope, she was angry at the world for what nature gave her.


Gee, how horrible of her. I wonder why?

Oh, wait…maybe because she had been determined to be:


Msg. 322 …ugly as sin, I mean a zero on a scale of 1-10. I felt bad for her for this, I mean she was a freak of nature and probably not much she could do about it without significant amounts of surgery.


How dare she be a “freak of nature” AND have a crap personality?!

Good grief.
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 302
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/11/2011 11:36:02 AM
oh stars. this thread has so much fail in it, it's sad.
Why in a world some women think men will change for them? The arrogance is astounding. There is ALWAYS a bigger pool of potential partners for men then women. That fraking horse has been so dead for such a long time. Stop beating it.

There is a difference between being a nice guy and a moossy. Some of these males need to realize their inner strength and stop depending on women for support.
 chopshopstev
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 303
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/11/2011 7:02:06 PM
ok i get it you had to work to get where you are today. Congratulations you are independent, free, and socially acceptable. Okay we get it and you have every right to be picky about who you want to include in your life that is your prerogative.

So what is a "NICE GUY"
Maybe im a nice guy - ill hold a door open, pull out a chair, give up my seat..exc...
or maybe im an A** - a girl comes at me swinging im not going to think twice before i lay her out, and if i find my girl with another guy it wont be me out of my house.

What all this comes down to is can you respect the other person or not and will they respect you
 kokopeli80
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 304
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/11/2011 9:33:32 PM
OH WOW! I guess by your criteria, I am not a nice girl because I made a "STUPID MISTAKE" and was divorced at 23..... but oh, you don't know the circumstances behind that divorce. HOW DARE YOU USE THAT AS A WAY TO MEASURE A PERSON! Geesh! No wonder I have to put up with BS from guys with girls like you on sites like this being all stuck-up and having this "I'm better than you" attitude. Sounds like you want a wealthy man to pamper you and buy you expensive things...

Well Princess, when you get over yourself, maybe you'll find a "nice" guy.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 305
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/11/2011 10:06:49 PM
^^^^That's the point. She's put in the time, and isn't 40 lbs. overweight. She's not saying, oh, I'm a nice girl and can't get anywhere on this site, etc.
She's simply stating that it would be great if a lot of men didn't whine about being a nice guy who haven't done the work. Yes, it's non-gender specific, but I have seen more nice guy threads by far.
I say, simply ignore those who have that mentality whether they're male or female and date who you're attracted to.
 Caringheart2011
Joined: 4/28/2011
Msg: 306
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/11/2011 10:26:15 PM
You have to be kidding me ?

I wonder if you are for real.
I read your profile and you are not looking for a relationship.
So what it is all that about?
Apparently you like attention, and that is about it .
All the BS you are mentioning is for the birds baby girl.

How often do you go see your shrink ?
If not you need one and fast .
 808md
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 307
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/12/2011 6:24:58 PM

OH WOW! I guess by your criteria, I am not a nice girl because I made a "STUPID MISTAKE" and was divorced at 23..... but oh, you don't know the circumstances behind that divorce. HOW DARE YOU USE THAT AS A WAY TO MEASURE A PERSON!


Sorry girl but being divorced at 23 is pretty stupid. You definitely made a major mistake by getting married that early.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 308
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/13/2011 2:07:55 PM
I don't think the OP hit the nail on the head with Nice Guy(tm)'s fallouts. The standard Nice Guy fall-outs are due to women not having genuine interest from the get-go when they approach them and try to get a phone #, etc. This happens from college onward.

<div class="quote">…are you educated? …do you have a career instead of a job?
These aren't the fall-outs... but a jobless person without a brain in their head certainly would prevent it. I think what you state is more for relationship... Education+job is more of a pass/fail thing or an enhancement. But many Mr Nice Guys are just fine in that dept anyway.

<div class="quote">…have you found your own place to live? …is that place clean and nicely furnished?
Again, not a secret fall-out of Mr Nice Guys -- they have a problem getting a girl back to their place in the first place, even if it were in college with roommates and it was normal.

<div class="quote">…do you go to the gym to look healthy and attractive? …did you invest the money for a nice haircut?
Now that's the #2 reason in one way, the #1 reason as far as to a certain threshold. Physical attractiveness.

<div class="quote">…have you built healthy social skills?
This is the #1 reason (when physical attractiveness gets thru the door).... BUT put that way, not so much. Because this is where the confusion lies. Their social skills can be great, or just shy. But even when not shy, all that gets them into is the friend-zone.

Mr Nice Guy gets himself in the friend zone too much, or no zone if he's too shy.
Here's my 5 things, the first three from yours:
... do you keep in shape to look healthy & attractive?
... do you keep a decent hair cut, have clothes that Fit Well (often overlooked), and overall kept well in an attractive sense?
... have you built healthy social skills in relation to the opposite sex to overcome shyness?
... have you built the gumption to talk with women in a manner to best avoid the friend-zone and also embrace romantic rejection?
... have you come to the realization that it's ineffective to blindly cater to a woman to woo her, but believe at this point you're a true "catch" -- not a fish who scrambles to jump into a boat and always thinking he has to prove-prove-prove himself for a chance?
 TheWonderingGuy
Joined: 4/30/2011
Msg: 309
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/13/2011 5:35:36 PM
"Why is it that girls are so desperate to marry and have kids by the time they are like 21, I mean for crying out loud, enjoy some of your youth won't you? "

Being "in love," thinking that having a kid with their moron boyfriend will make him stay "for love," that kind of stuff. The foolishness of youth.
 TheWonderingGuy
Joined: 4/30/2011
Msg: 310
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/13/2011 5:36:51 PM
"HOW DARE YOU USE THAT AS A WAY TO MEASURE A PERSON! Geesh!"

Internet dating is all about external measurement(s) unfortunately.
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 311
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:58:39 PM
Oh yeah but remember what we want and what we have to settle for is vastly different in some cases. Dont forget a lot of us are only fantasising on a freebie dating site and are not really serious.

But by and large men tend to go for women above their attractiveness level and feel that if they have money or sexperience or whatever they can get them. Sometimes they can. Or they kid themselves as to their personal attractiveness which is often the case.
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 312
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:59:53 PM
I think Jen 29 is having a lend of us all. There is no such man as she describes, at least on a freebie dating site......
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 313
view profile
History
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/13/2011 8:53:46 PM
Wow. This is still a live and active thread. With even more and more people whining about how horrible the OP must be.
I think that it should be pointed out yet AGAIN that the OP seems to have all of the things that she is requesting. She has a degree and a decent paying career, she obviously makes an effort to stay attractive and in shape. I obviously can not talk about her social skills as I have never met her, but I am assuming that with the money that she makes and it is a standard for her that she probably has a nice home. Why should she settle for less than what she brings to the table? If education and career are important to her and she has obviously created that for herself, then why should she not want it in a partner?

But more to the point, the point that she is making is about men complaining that they want a woman to give them the time of day simply because they are 'nice' but have no idea what it takes to be interesting. They are unable to hold the attention of a date, nor properly entertain one at their house. being 35 years old and haviing two room mates listening in while you have sex ain't sexy guys.
 1bellanella
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 314
view profile
History
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/14/2011 7:22:19 AM

haviing two room mates listening in while you have sex ain't sexy guys


I'm sure that some would beg to differ, Canam Miles

But on a more serious note, I think what most of these people are missing is that this isn't necessarily Jen's personal list. This is just something she came up with to help "nice guys" make themselves stand out from the crowd of "nice guys." Sure, being nice is great but what else does he have to offer?
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 315
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/14/2011 10:06:42 AM
actually being 'nice' isn't important at all as long as one has most of the other attributes..$, career, body, etc.

it might be a drawback; arrogance & c0ckiness more often seem to win the day.

not a "whine" , an observation.
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 316
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/14/2011 12:18:26 PM
femaleandflirty@

"But by and large men tend to go for women above their attractiveness level and feel that if they have money or sexperience or whatever they can get them."

I keep reading words to that effect all over the internet, but can anyone cite any evidence for it?
I think it might just be a handy way for women to dismiss men's complaints about the dating culture, whether those complaints are justified or not.
 cooldude
Joined: 4/26/2004
Msg: 317
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/14/2011 10:23:34 PM

But by and large men tend to go for women above their attractiveness level


So how do we measure attractiveness level? We all seem to have our own ruler.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 318
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/18/2011 3:44:31 PM
I think OPie is responding to the "nice guy" who constantly comes to the table here with ONE thing: his "niceness" ~~ which isn't really. It's chokl't dipped hostility which they expect to go unnoticed. No one objects to genuinely NICE human beings. It's not *enough* to bring to any table ever, but not objectionable in an of itself.

If one went to a job interview, would it be enough to say: I'm all around adequate and NICE? Na. Didn't think so.

But the "nice guys" who aren't making it here (and I won't posit why), then show up on these formums to bash the ladies; not just the ones they've had no luck with, but ALL of us.
And it gets very old.

All the OPie is saying, is do something, be something beyond your niceness. . . .

 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 319
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/18/2011 4:10:53 PM
lol - i forgot all about the greatness of this thread.


this girl is up on her throne casting stones and crushing ""nice guys"" under her boot like a cigarett butt.

YET

she has been married and divorced by her early 20s...


what a joke this girl is truly.


i'm still laughing about it...


she's 23 and tainted...

she'll be 33 and still not married and begging for a nice guy to have her....
 martymard
Joined: 7/20/2011
Msg: 320
view profile
History
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/18/2011 10:06:35 PM
Amen Miss Belle. You have a good heart.
 foffeefifo
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 321
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/19/2011 1:42:42 AM
what's up with the never ending let's tear the OP a new orifice routine? She posted this back in July....she hung in there despite all your really nasty posts for a month...she hasn't been seen for the last six pages.... (smart girl, i wouldn't hang around as a target as long as you did. you have lots more courage than most)

honestly, stop kicking a dead dog. I doubt she's the witch you all have portrayed her as, you are talking to the wind now, for SIX pages. When do these threads stop being fountains of advice and just turn to mean and angry diatribes with everyone having the OP all figured out. Let up already. She's gone. She's not listening. Move on to someone else you can fixate on.
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 322
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/20/2011 11:03:21 AM
^ ^^

well you would get no respect from the OP since you only have high school education.

not sure about career v. job

go to gym?

apparently did not invest $ in a a 'nice haircut'

I doubt you meet many, if any, of her hurdles or qualifications..?
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 323
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/20/2011 12:18:17 PM
OK so you have fallen head over heels with the OP..

I'm not your honey, those gay bar put-downs ("negs") won't work on me, sorry
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 324
view profile
History
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/20/2011 9:25:53 PM

^ ^^

well you would get no respect from the OP since you only have high school education.

not sure about career v. job

go to gym?

apparently did not invest $ in a a 'nice haircut'

I doubt you meet many, if any, of her hurdles or qualifications..?



OK so you have fallen head over heels with the OP..

I'm not your honey, those gay bar put-downs ("negs") won't work on me, sorry


Jebus this is sooo lame. He is NOT trying to pick up or get on the OP's good side. You do not haveto fit all of her qualifications to agree with her. that is not the issue. And before you get too uppity about his 'honey' comment, you were the first one to make a sh!tty comment by remarking on his haircut. (which is fine by the way)

It is really pathetic, but telling that the bashing of the OP has gone on for SOoooOOO long now. Especialy for stating an actual truth. Frankly, success in dating is largely a developed social skill and many folks have not developed it.
Talking about what kind of b!tch the OP must be, all the while saying FAR worse things than she ever did. Actually trying to RATIONALIZE why it is reasonable to bash a person that has an opion different to yours? Are you serious?

I have asked over and over and over, yet not a single person has taken up the challenge. Why should the OP settle for someone that does not bring what she brings to the table? She has an engineering degree, has a lucrative career thatshe obviously worked hard for, she looks good and obviously takes care of herself. These things are obviously important to her. Whomever dates her will be getting these things in return. What is so wrong with wanting what she is offering?
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 325
view profile
History
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/20/2011 11:14:29 PM

We can only take her at her word that she had the engineering degree. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I read her profile while it was up, and that doesn't sound very likely to me. She more than "takes care of herself" if those pictures were actually her. She won the genetic lottery, and instead of being appreciative of her good fortune/breeding and using her natural ability to get peoples' interest so she could be a fun person, she became overly demanding, picky, exclusionary and ultimately shallow. It was abundantly obvious from her profile that she had a good deal of concern for how whoever she was with made her look, and I'm sorry, that's just the wrong mindset to approach the search for a relationship from.

If you really think that she was this good person with everything going for her who had to come to POF to find someone to date, I'm sorry, but you're deluding yourself.


Really? Well this says all that needs to be said. We can only take any one of us here at their word. It's that they have to show us. But she said nothing to show that she was anything other than what she said she was. She won the genetic lottory? Says who? This is the issue with your entire point of view. You have decided that you have the answers here. Who is to say that she does not diet and work out like a fiend to look how she looks? Who is to say that she is not doing EVERYTHING in her power to look as good as she looks?? Why would you simply dismiss her as being a product of luck? Maybe she is, maybe she ain't but we have NO IDEA! None. You have simply created a story in your imagination to confirmk that she must be shallow. Her degree was not good fortune. It was probably six years of hard work and sacrifice. How do you know that any of it is 'natural ability'? She may have put the 'work' in herself to have the things that you decided are natural ability and would like someone that has done the same. Perhaps she was a complete nerd and had no idea what it took to get someone's interest. Again, you are just inventing a story in your head to make it seem like this person has simply had life handed to her and not done a shred of effort on her own part, thus justifying anyone else not putting forth a shred of effort either. You imagined a scenario here. A scenario that makes your ridiculous comments seem reasonable.
Over demanding and picky? How is wanting what she wants 'over demanding'? No one suffers for it but her if she has a small dating pool. She is being as exclusionary as anyone else that has standards and sticks to them. The same can be said of anyone that has rejected someone else. The rejected person can just say 'they were being overly picky and exclusionary because they would not give ME a chance! They must be shallow because I am a great person!'
I do not see anywhere that she was making her judgements on how they made her look. She is educated and obviously feels that is important so, she wants a man that is educated. She has a career and feels that is important so she wants a man that has a career and feels that is a priority. She is attractive and takes the effort to look good and feels that is important so she wants the same in a man. By the way, she never said he she be a hottie. Just that he should do the best with what he has. She said invest in a nice hair style. Have some fashion sense. Not be a swimsuit model. Now these things can be taken alsorts of ways from the perspective of 'sour grapes'. But she was pretty reasonable. The wrong or right mindset to approach a relationship is not for you to decide for someone else. You get to decide your own mind set then find someone that compliments/matches it. If she did not match yours then cool, but it is not wrong.


If you really think that she was this good person with everything going for her who had to come to POF to find someone to date, I'm sorry, but you're deluding yourself.

I have no idea if she is a good person or not. I don't care actually. The thing is that NO ONE HERE DOES!! Not a single person can say for sure what she is like. The diference is that many people here have decided that they DO know what she is like. What she said is based in some fact. She insulted no one. And that was that. Many folks decided to take issue with it and rather than debate the merits of what she said they decided to attack her personally. utter nonsense. Villify the OP all that you would like. suggest that anyone that see's her point of view must be trying to curry favor with her all that you would like. The fact is that what she said is true. You want to have better success at dating then look in the mirror and learn to match/ co-ordinate and understand what looks best on your body. Perhaps learn what is and is not in style. Get a hair style that compliments you, clean your house up and make it comfortable to not just you but guests and perhaps learn to have a conversation that will hold a person's attention for a while. It will work wonders!! Try to avoid poor decisions in life that will hurt you down the road. That was all that she said. She must be the devil...

Oh yeah and YES, GETTING DIVORCED BY THE AGE OF 23 IS A PRETTY POOR MOVE IN LIFE. GETTING MARRIED EARLY ENOUGH TO GO THROUGH THE PROCESS OF MEETING DATING, GETTING MARRIED, HAVING THE MARRIAGE GO SOUTH AND THEN GETTING SEPARATED AND THEN DIVIRCED IS POOR LIFE PLANNING AND SHORT SIGHTED. YOU SHOULD HAVE WAITED LIKE THE REST OF US DO UNTIL YOU ARE OLDER. PERIOD. IT IS A STUPID MOVE. PERIOD.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?