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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?      Home login  
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 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 313
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?Page 14 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
Wow. This is still a live and active thread. With even more and more people whining about how horrible the OP must be.
I think that it should be pointed out yet AGAIN that the OP seems to have all of the things that she is requesting. She has a degree and a decent paying career, she obviously makes an effort to stay attractive and in shape. I obviously can not talk about her social skills as I have never met her, but I am assuming that with the money that she makes and it is a standard for her that she probably has a nice home. Why should she settle for less than what she brings to the table? If education and career are important to her and she has obviously created that for herself, then why should she not want it in a partner?

But more to the point, the point that she is making is about men complaining that they want a woman to give them the time of day simply because they are 'nice' but have no idea what it takes to be interesting. They are unable to hold the attention of a date, nor properly entertain one at their house. being 35 years old and haviing two room mates listening in while you have sex ain't sexy guys.
 1bellanella
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 314
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/14/2011 7:22:19 AM

haviing two room mates listening in while you have sex ain't sexy guys


I'm sure that some would beg to differ, Canam Miles

But on a more serious note, I think what most of these people are missing is that this isn't necessarily Jen's personal list. This is just something she came up with to help "nice guys" make themselves stand out from the crowd of "nice guys." Sure, being nice is great but what else does he have to offer?
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 315
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/14/2011 10:06:42 AM
actually being 'nice' isn't important at all as long as one has most of the other attributes..$, career, body, etc.

it might be a drawback; arrogance & c0ckiness more often seem to win the day.

not a "whine" , an observation.
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 316
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/14/2011 12:18:26 PM
femaleandflirty@

"But by and large men tend to go for women above their attractiveness level and feel that if they have money or sexperience or whatever they can get them."

I keep reading words to that effect all over the internet, but can anyone cite any evidence for it?
I think it might just be a handy way for women to dismiss men's complaints about the dating culture, whether those complaints are justified or not.
 cooldude
Joined: 4/26/2004
Msg: 317
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/14/2011 10:23:34 PM

But by and large men tend to go for women above their attractiveness level


So how do we measure attractiveness level? We all seem to have our own ruler.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 318
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/18/2011 3:44:31 PM
I think OPie is responding to the "nice guy" who constantly comes to the table here with ONE thing: his "niceness" ~~ which isn't really. It's chokl't dipped hostility which they expect to go unnoticed. No one objects to genuinely NICE human beings. It's not *enough* to bring to any table ever, but not objectionable in an of itself.

If one went to a job interview, would it be enough to say: I'm all around adequate and NICE? Na. Didn't think so.

But the "nice guys" who aren't making it here (and I won't posit why), then show up on these formums to bash the ladies; not just the ones they've had no luck with, but ALL of us.
And it gets very old.

All the OPie is saying, is do something, be something beyond your niceness. . . .

 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 319
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/18/2011 4:10:53 PM
lol - i forgot all about the greatness of this thread.


this girl is up on her throne casting stones and crushing ""nice guys"" under her boot like a cigarett butt.

YET

she has been married and divorced by her early 20s...


what a joke this girl is truly.


i'm still laughing about it...


she's 23 and tainted...

she'll be 33 and still not married and begging for a nice guy to have her....
 martymard
Joined: 7/20/2011
Msg: 320
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/18/2011 10:06:35 PM
Amen Miss Belle. You have a good heart.
 foffeefifo
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 321
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/19/2011 1:42:42 AM
what's up with the never ending let's tear the OP a new orifice routine? She posted this back in July....she hung in there despite all your really nasty posts for a month...she hasn't been seen for the last six pages.... (smart girl, i wouldn't hang around as a target as long as you did. you have lots more courage than most)

honestly, stop kicking a dead dog. I doubt she's the witch you all have portrayed her as, you are talking to the wind now, for SIX pages. When do these threads stop being fountains of advice and just turn to mean and angry diatribes with everyone having the OP all figured out. Let up already. She's gone. She's not listening. Move on to someone else you can fixate on.
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 322
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/20/2011 11:03:21 AM
^ ^^

well you would get no respect from the OP since you only have high school education.

not sure about career v. job

go to gym?

apparently did not invest $ in a a 'nice haircut'

I doubt you meet many, if any, of her hurdles or qualifications..?
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 323
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/20/2011 12:18:17 PM
OK so you have fallen head over heels with the OP..

I'm not your honey, those gay bar put-downs ("negs") won't work on me, sorry
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 324
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/20/2011 9:25:53 PM

^ ^^

well you would get no respect from the OP since you only have high school education.

not sure about career v. job

go to gym?

apparently did not invest $ in a a 'nice haircut'

I doubt you meet many, if any, of her hurdles or qualifications..?



OK so you have fallen head over heels with the OP..

I'm not your honey, those gay bar put-downs ("negs") won't work on me, sorry


Jebus this is sooo lame. He is NOT trying to pick up or get on the OP's good side. You do not haveto fit all of her qualifications to agree with her. that is not the issue. And before you get too uppity about his 'honey' comment, you were the first one to make a sh!tty comment by remarking on his haircut. (which is fine by the way)

It is really pathetic, but telling that the bashing of the OP has gone on for SOoooOOO long now. Especialy for stating an actual truth. Frankly, success in dating is largely a developed social skill and many folks have not developed it.
Talking about what kind of b!tch the OP must be, all the while saying FAR worse things than she ever did. Actually trying to RATIONALIZE why it is reasonable to bash a person that has an opion different to yours? Are you serious?

I have asked over and over and over, yet not a single person has taken up the challenge. Why should the OP settle for someone that does not bring what she brings to the table? She has an engineering degree, has a lucrative career thatshe obviously worked hard for, she looks good and obviously takes care of herself. These things are obviously important to her. Whomever dates her will be getting these things in return. What is so wrong with wanting what she is offering?
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 325
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/20/2011 11:14:29 PM

We can only take her at her word that she had the engineering degree. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I read her profile while it was up, and that doesn't sound very likely to me. She more than "takes care of herself" if those pictures were actually her. She won the genetic lottery, and instead of being appreciative of her good fortune/breeding and using her natural ability to get peoples' interest so she could be a fun person, she became overly demanding, picky, exclusionary and ultimately shallow. It was abundantly obvious from her profile that she had a good deal of concern for how whoever she was with made her look, and I'm sorry, that's just the wrong mindset to approach the search for a relationship from.

If you really think that she was this good person with everything going for her who had to come to POF to find someone to date, I'm sorry, but you're deluding yourself.


Really? Well this says all that needs to be said. We can only take any one of us here at their word. It's that they have to show us. But she said nothing to show that she was anything other than what she said she was. She won the genetic lottory? Says who? This is the issue with your entire point of view. You have decided that you have the answers here. Who is to say that she does not diet and work out like a fiend to look how she looks? Who is to say that she is not doing EVERYTHING in her power to look as good as she looks?? Why would you simply dismiss her as being a product of luck? Maybe she is, maybe she ain't but we have NO IDEA! None. You have simply created a story in your imagination to confirmk that she must be shallow. Her degree was not good fortune. It was probably six years of hard work and sacrifice. How do you know that any of it is 'natural ability'? She may have put the 'work' in herself to have the things that you decided are natural ability and would like someone that has done the same. Perhaps she was a complete nerd and had no idea what it took to get someone's interest. Again, you are just inventing a story in your head to make it seem like this person has simply had life handed to her and not done a shred of effort on her own part, thus justifying anyone else not putting forth a shred of effort either. You imagined a scenario here. A scenario that makes your ridiculous comments seem reasonable.
Over demanding and picky? How is wanting what she wants 'over demanding'? No one suffers for it but her if she has a small dating pool. She is being as exclusionary as anyone else that has standards and sticks to them. The same can be said of anyone that has rejected someone else. The rejected person can just say 'they were being overly picky and exclusionary because they would not give ME a chance! They must be shallow because I am a great person!'
I do not see anywhere that she was making her judgements on how they made her look. She is educated and obviously feels that is important so, she wants a man that is educated. She has a career and feels that is important so she wants a man that has a career and feels that is a priority. She is attractive and takes the effort to look good and feels that is important so she wants the same in a man. By the way, she never said he she be a hottie. Just that he should do the best with what he has. She said invest in a nice hair style. Have some fashion sense. Not be a swimsuit model. Now these things can be taken alsorts of ways from the perspective of 'sour grapes'. But she was pretty reasonable. The wrong or right mindset to approach a relationship is not for you to decide for someone else. You get to decide your own mind set then find someone that compliments/matches it. If she did not match yours then cool, but it is not wrong.


If you really think that she was this good person with everything going for her who had to come to POF to find someone to date, I'm sorry, but you're deluding yourself.

I have no idea if she is a good person or not. I don't care actually. The thing is that NO ONE HERE DOES!! Not a single person can say for sure what she is like. The diference is that many people here have decided that they DO know what she is like. What she said is based in some fact. She insulted no one. And that was that. Many folks decided to take issue with it and rather than debate the merits of what she said they decided to attack her personally. utter nonsense. Villify the OP all that you would like. suggest that anyone that see's her point of view must be trying to curry favor with her all that you would like. The fact is that what she said is true. You want to have better success at dating then look in the mirror and learn to match/ co-ordinate and understand what looks best on your body. Perhaps learn what is and is not in style. Get a hair style that compliments you, clean your house up and make it comfortable to not just you but guests and perhaps learn to have a conversation that will hold a person's attention for a while. It will work wonders!! Try to avoid poor decisions in life that will hurt you down the road. That was all that she said. She must be the devil...

Oh yeah and YES, GETTING DIVORCED BY THE AGE OF 23 IS A PRETTY POOR MOVE IN LIFE. GETTING MARRIED EARLY ENOUGH TO GO THROUGH THE PROCESS OF MEETING DATING, GETTING MARRIED, HAVING THE MARRIAGE GO SOUTH AND THEN GETTING SEPARATED AND THEN DIVIRCED IS POOR LIFE PLANNING AND SHORT SIGHTED. YOU SHOULD HAVE WAITED LIKE THE REST OF US DO UNTIL YOU ARE OLDER. PERIOD. IT IS A STUPID MOVE. PERIOD.
 SpryO3
Joined: 6/20/2011
Msg: 326
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/21/2011 12:41:23 AM
Foffeefifo, the thing you and everyone else should understand is that most guys reading this topic probably think they fit the bill as the "nice guy" from the original post. They don't see a post from a girl from months back, they see their chance to finally stand up for themselves against all the shallow ****es who have rejected them for similar reasons. I understand taking care of yourself is important (I do it myself very well), but after 21 years of experience of being the nice, funny and awesome guy whom everybody loves but not enough to give a chance because of his looks, writing just one simple post in response to this shallow view of dating can give a guy an immense satisfaction. Stop looking into this topic as a place to cause a serious discussion or a chance to change a person's whole life view. It's simply a place to vent and that's it.

I heard this quote years ago and its truth has made me a much happier person with a lot more time on my hands: "Arguing on the Internet is like the Special Olympics, even if you win, you're still retarded." Now if you excuse me, I have something productive to attend to.
 Dorkvader27
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 327
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/21/2011 10:50:41 AM
I just recently got told I'm a nice guy.

I own two businesses.
I own a house.
I have a nice car.
I wear nice clothes (one of my favorite stores is Emporio Armani).
I'm not divorced and have no kids.

No I'm not perfect I have some flaws. I smoke I'm OCD and so on. Yes I realize that. I do how ever hide that I'm not poor from the women I date. I got sick of getting used it's the worst feeling on earth...

No I'm not a nice guy I can actually be extremely mean. Women use the "you're a nice guy" in an attempt to let the guy down in a nice way and it has little or nothing to do with that.
 TheresAnAppForMe
Joined: 6/13/2011
Msg: 328
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/21/2011 12:10:31 PM
she's shallow, bottom line.
 RockyDakota
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 329
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/21/2011 5:26:26 PM


I own two businesses.
I own a house.
I have a nice car.
I wear nice clothes (one of my favorite stores is Emporio Armani).
I'm not divorced and have no kids.
[quote/]

None of that makes the man.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 330
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/21/2011 5:52:35 PM

I just recently got told I'm a nice guy.

I own two businesses.
I own a house.
I have a nice car.
I wear nice clothes (one of my favorite stores is Emporio Armani).
I'm not divorced and have no kids.


All very nice and all but they are all nothing if you are boring or can not hold her attention. you have to be rich for those to be over looked.


No I'm not perfect I have some flaws. I smoke I'm OCD and so on. Yes I realize that. I do how ever hide that I'm not poor from the women I date. I got sick of getting used it's the worst feeling on earth...

No I'm not a nice guy I can actually be extremely mean. Women use the "you're a nice guy" in an attempt to let the guy down in a nice way and it has little or nothing to do with that.


Well you have OCD, smoke, can be extremely mean. yet you are not sure what the problem is? You are only used if you allow yourself to be used. Yup. They use the 'nice guy' or 'it's not you, it's me' line to let you down gently.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 331
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/21/2011 6:56:27 PM

the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?

I recently met a truly "nice guy." I, without a doubt, messed up the first meeting, but apparently he's not detoured by my abstract ways. So yes, after discussion, we are both willing to put in time, effort, energy. It takes two people ~ not just finding a "nice guy" but finding a man who's not only nice, but is sincerely nice. And finding a nice gal to add to that mix? Ekk ~ that's maybe the hard part of the question. It takes two nice people ~ not just one who professes to be nice. JMO
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 332
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/21/2011 7:17:01 PM

Let's break this down nice and easy, and do some translations here so we can poinpoint what you're actually talking about...


Nooo, let me break it down for YOU so you can understand what is being said here...


are you educated?

Translation: "Do you have higher-end earning potential?"

Noooo, it means that and can you talk about things that require some understanding. Do you have the ability to think criticly? Have you been exposed to anything outside of a mile radius of your house?


do you have a career instead of a job?

Translation: "Do you have higher-end earning potential? I cost money, you know."

Because the OP has a high earning potential and would like to date with in her range. She can afford lobster and would like you to as well. Career is obviously important to her as she went through the effort of getting one. Thus she would like a guy that has the same career goals.


do you go to the gym to look healthy and attractive?

Translation: "Are you a model? I think I'm really hot, and I can't be with someone who doesn't somehow make me look better in the eyes of others."

Noooo. She goes to the gym to look healthy and attractive. It is lots of work. She makes theeffort to look good naked and wants to be with a guy that makes a similar effort.


did you invest the money for a nice haircut?

Translation: "Are you a model? I think I'm really hot, and you need to be as surface-conscious as I am so others don't think less of me."

Again, she invested in looking good. So she wants a man that will put that effort in too.




have you built healthy social skills?

Translation: "Do you know how to not make me look bad around others? 'Cause, you know, I care what others think of me. I need to put my best foot forward in case an upgrade shows up."

??? Well we all care what others think of us and we have all seen a date be embarrassed by the person that they were with but, the idea is can you conduct yourself appropriately? Can you hold a decent conversation without dropping f-bombs every third word? Can you talk about things that would be interesting and hold her attention? Do you understand the difference between talking to your buddies, her grandmother, her co-workers and children?


have you found your own place to live?

Translation: "Do you have a nice place I can go to feel better about myself? 'Cause, you know, my roommates sometimes want things for themselves, and I don't think I can deal with someone who isn't prioritizing me."

Or she does not want your room mates listening in while you have sex with her. Or perhaps she does not want to be the only one that hosts all the time. She would expect reasonably so that a thirty year old man may have his own place.


is that place clean and nicely furnished?

Translation: "Do you have a fashionable home? I might show up with one of my girlfriends one night to 'show you off', when I'm really just trying to make her jealous. Your home has to meet my standards, because what you want doesn't matter."

Or that you actually have a CLEAN house. That she would feel comfortable sitting on your toilet and the place does not smell like wet dog.


I might be picky, but in order to get a reply from me you need to invest many years in your mind, body, soul, and career. Being a nice guy is not enough. I know Americans like instant gratification. But dating success is based on years of working on yourself and not on ten minutes tweaking of your POF profile.


...No kidding? You're all about *you*, Princess, and not in the good way. I pity any man who winds up with your money-grubbing, status-seeking, shallow, overly-demanding ass.

Yeah, before the other person comes into the picture it is all about you, seeing how there is no one else. Sorry that the crazy woman has some standards. She must be the devil!! But as far as money grubbing and overly demanding... she did not ask for a single thing that she does not offer in return. At no point did she say that she wanted someone as educated as she is or more. Just educated. At no point did she say a career that surpases hers, just a career. At no point did she say a model, just keep yourself up. If these are overly demanding to you, then that is fair but these are pretty reasonable things that many people would ask for or expect.
 njm7911
Joined: 9/18/2011
Msg: 333
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/22/2011 10:09:05 PM
I would say you sound a little more than picky. I agree with you to a point. The person should do whatever is necessary to stay healthy and clean (including their house). But in this economy, to say they should have a career instead of only a job is a little harsh. If someone lost their CAREER, because the company they worked for decided to downsize, and had to take whatever JOB was available to pay the bills, how does that make them a bad person. As far as education, not everybody can afford college, and don't give me that line about financial aid or grants. They aren't as easy to get as some may think. Also about having to have nice furniture and haircuts, some people can only have what their budget allows. That does not make them less of a person. They should be allowed to have a simple inexpensive haircut and furniture that serves its actual purpose other than just looking pretty. You don't sound picky, you sound more like a gold digger. But that's only if you ask me.

Sorry if I sound rude...I just call it how I see it.
 njm7911
Joined: 9/18/2011
Msg: 334
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/22/2011 10:13:15 PM
Hit right on the nose...lmao!!!!
 Such_Small_Hands
Joined: 4/15/2009
Msg: 335
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/22/2011 11:45:43 PM
Haha I'd be out of the question for the OP, despite the fact that I'm interesting, cute, and charming. 0_0
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 336
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/23/2011 12:11:09 AM

Yes, you might be nice, but…
…are you educated?
…do you have a career instead of a job?
…do you go to the gym to look healthy and attractive?
…did you invest the money for a nice haircut?
…have you built healthy social skills?
…have you found your own place to live?
…is that place clean and nicely furnished?
…have you avoided stupid mistakes (such as being divorced at the age of 23)?




negative ghost rider...the pattern is full...


wait wait...

I just won the big lottery tonight !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mega millionssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what ? you want my phone number ?
why ? cuz you wanna send me naked pics of your coosie ?

sorry baby you're no worth any amount of work ....


lol
 LuvFishes
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 337
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 9/23/2011 2:40:21 AM
I don't think ur being picky. You have invested time into yourself to figure ur wants, needs and what type of person ur hoping to find in a relationship match.

I read what is on the profile:, before lookimg at pics.. Distance, smoking are deal breakers for me. I travel enough without being so far we can never see the other but on wknds. Legally seperated can be difficult so I tend not to get in that situation by choice on case by case basics.

So the big question for me is "Am I willing to invest the considerable time, effort to find out really who the person is? Right now probably not. Often the nice guy profile just needs rewriting of their profiles , many come off as whiny, odd, or desperate, listing all kinds of medical problems. The negativity is turn off, trying to make an effort to get beyong the outer layer of garbage is difficult at best.

All of us are here in some shape or form were lonely, seek that mate. Most of us are comfortable being alone, we just know our lives are more fuller when we have that person who makes you smile inside and out. I know he's out there, for now I'll enjoy the ride in seeking him.
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