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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?      Home login  
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 KingJambo
Joined: 7/20/2011
Msg: 26
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?Page 2 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
absolutely i would..so you mean to tell me...you put in all that hard work in life..between your two masters degrees, your physical fitness, and your goals in life..and you will just accept any ole braod that comes your way because she's nice? i may not have two masters degrees..but i can see through your BS clearer then a window
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 27
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/23/2011 10:38:07 PM

Iceman - you talk of entitlement with many men. But, what about women like the OP? "I'm pretty so I deserve only the best of everything. Daddy told me I was a princess when I was six and I have taken that to mean I actually AM a princess so if you're not Bill Gates + Brad Pitt + Jerry Seignfeld AND on top of all that you damn well better be the perfect gentleman - then don't bother with me, because I'm really special and I am really wonderful and you're all slugs not worthy of my time.
Im not sure why you think the OP is like that, she doesn't come across like that?



Don't believe me? Run into a woman like the OP while out and the town and watch how she and her gaggle of friends treat the people around them.
Have I seen women like that yeah, but I don't associate with them, I hang out with a different class of people, we just laugh at those folks.





There are exponetially more women out there with a sense of entitlement due to their looks than there are men who feel entitled because they're "nice."
Come on women like that are diva like, and not all women are like that, I know plenty of " hot " women and they dont act like, that maybe it has to do with maturity.



A lot of men haven't caught on that women are typically never honest, or rarely honest, with what they really want. "I just want a nice guy" is the same load of shit as the "looks don't matter" nonesense they've been trying to feed us for years. A lot of men simply don't understand that it's a line of BS.
that I dont agree with, there is just as many dishonest men out there , there are guys bullshitting to the woman telling them they want " long term" when all they want is to get into her pants what about that?

Look.......both genders lie, each gender has things to worry about when it comes to the other gender and relationships, its human nature.

Entitlement isn't gender specific .


The OP is shallow and pretentious.
Prove it then, I don't see it, unless you have some magical insight


Funny thing is... a lot of guys here will come running to defend her on this forum because she is attractive. If she were 40 pounds over weight would you still be here spewing your support? No you wouldn't.
You see that is where you don't know me bud , I don't play favorites, I don't sugar coat things, I don't kiss ass and I definitely don't play games, If I agree with someone I agree, If I don't I WONT, I don't care if the OP was a 140 lbs heavier , if she right and I agree with her I agree with her ( IN THIS CASE)
she's talking about Nice guys working harder and expecting and I happen to agree, you are bringing woman that plays games, that has nothing to do with the subject in hand, take a look at my posting history, I don't lie down for anyone even people I like on here

Second you think the OP is like that, that's your prerogative , but I don't see it and im not going to agree with you until you provide evidence
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 28
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/23/2011 10:43:49 PM

absolutely i would..so you mean to tell me...you put in all that hard work in life..between your two masters degrees, your physical fitness, and your goals in life..and you will just accept any ole braod that comes your way because she's nice? i may not have two masters degrees..but i can see through your BS clearer then a window


First, you're full of shit - if the OP were below average in looks and 40 or more pounds over weight you wouldn't have bothered posting anything. Maybe in your delusional world - you think that if you come running to the OP's defense she'll email you and who knows - maybe fly across the world to be with you!

Anyway, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the 90% of the male support here is based on her looks - not because you and the others actually agree with her.

Oh, and to shut you down in your virtual analsys. No, actually it doesn't matter. I have dated doctors and I have dated waitresses. Quite frankly I don't care what her educational background is, or how much she makes, or how "nice" she is - I care about how well we get along, what we have in common and I feel when we're together.

I worked on my goals because they were accomplishments I set for MYSELF - not because I thought I could get more ass in the end. I don't really care what "she" thinks of my acheivements... they have nothing to do with her.
 KingJambo
Joined: 7/20/2011
Msg: 29
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/23/2011 10:53:06 PM
Dude, you are completely contradicting yourself. I just starting being able to post tonight and have run up a good tab of posts all over the map. I read your profile even, laughed my ass off because it's true, but you have set standards in your profile that are VERY CLEARLY defined. OP has the same standards, CLEARLY DEFINED. I literally do not care what she looks like, but you are basically saying it is not ok to have any standards? You calling me full of shit means nothing when you yourself have the same standards the OP has more or less.
 KingJambo
Joined: 7/20/2011
Msg: 30
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/23/2011 10:54:47 PM
Also, if you took the time to read, which you obviously did not, I started by tearing the OP down..but like I satated, I see both sides of the story
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 31
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/23/2011 10:56:00 PM

Im not sure why you think the OP is like that, she doesn't come across like that?


When you read her profile and then read her post? Yeah, she sure as hell does. Read her profile and the double talk in it. Her profile reeks of arrogance and narcissim. She thinks VERY highly of herself.


Have I seen women like that yeah, but I don't associate with them, I hang out with a different class of people, we just laugh at those folks.


Same here - I actually feel sorry for them.


Look.......both genders lie, each gender has things to worry about when it comes to the other gender and relationships, its human nature.

Entitlement isn't gender specific .


I agree - it isn't gender specific. BUT, like it or not there are many, many more women who feel entitled than there are men who do.


Prove it then, I don't see it, unless you have some magical insight


Read her profile - if you can't see it - then I can't help you.
 Jen_29
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 32
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/23/2011 11:14:10 PM
lol...I leave you guys alone for 45min and you get all worked up. Kind of funny.

Relax, it's just a little internet forum.
 JeetKuneDo
Joined: 6/24/2011
Msg: 33
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/23/2011 11:51:50 PM

She has a lot to offer. She deserves a lot back. Simple.


How can you tell she has a lot to offer? I don't see anything in her profile that will point to that.

I do think the things she wants is kind of unrealistic and she may wait a long time. All I see in her profile is about HER, what does she offer? Successful dating means being compatible with someone and have great communication skills, not working years to be perfect date candidate. You can't be perfect to everyone.
 JeetKuneDo
Joined: 6/24/2011
Msg: 34
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/24/2011 12:14:54 AM

^^^ true...but you guys have to admit that we see way more guys with these "I am nice...why is nobody replying mails"


Maybe that's because only few women are willing to mail to guys? Obviously you haven't read some female posts, " I mail these guys but they don't respond". I"m sure if female were the ones that did most of the mailing then they would be posting about the same thing.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 35
view profile
History
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/24/2011 12:38:01 AM
Look, I also see both sides of this story. This is something that I tell people all of thime! Being nice is baseline and expected. The idea that she (the OP ) is talking about are the self described 'nice guys' who's profiles go on at length about how they are good listeners and would be such great boyfriends and never cheat and treat them so nice and bring them flowers and support them and tell them how beautiful they were each and every day. They do not simply iunderstand that while sweet the idea here is to be "interesting' not just "Loyal" and really really nice. I read these profiles (as I spend most of my forum time in profile review) constantly. They just can not understand that you need to attract another person by being attractive. While I can not speak for the OP, you do not need to have all of these qualifications. Actually there are others that are just as important like confidence, a general understanding of the world around them, some hobbies and passions in life... Basically things that make you interesting to talk to and be around.
And yes women have their own issues as well. I often ask myself what a woman thinks that she brings to the table other than a vagina to attract the great guy that she says she is searching for? Often not much, but while I have not read the OP's profile, if she has a Master's Degree, is attractive, keeps in shape and is an engineer of some sort then it is reasonable top want a man that has similar aspirations for himself. She seems to be asking for the things that she herself brings to the table!
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 36
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/24/2011 7:21:10 AM

Yes, you might be nice, but…
…are you educated?
…do you have a career instead of a job?
…do you go to the gym to look healthy and attractive?
…did you invest the money for a nice haircut?
…have you built healthy social skills?
…have you found your own place to live?
…is that place clean and nicely furnished?
…have you avoided stupid mistakes (such as being divorced at the age of 23)?


I know what the OP is "trying" to say, but I would suggest to her and others, don't put these kinda things up, because it kinda shows what you TRUELY find important in another.

Hold on,hold on. I changed my mind!!!!! For all those that DO have lists, PLEASE DO put them on your profile, for those of us that like to see what you girls/guys DO find IMPORTANT in another.

I do believe why you read about the "nice guy" on threads is because at one time some of us were taught that people would judge you on your actions, your words, your beliefs and convictions. But, now, we have found, that's truely a bunch of ca ca. It's not our actions, our words, our beliefs or convictions, but, in fact, it's our haircut, what type of work we do,the type of furniture we have or our decorating skills we have,if we ever made a mistake or two in our lives,etc.

Ya see where all of this is going yet?????

And people actually wonder why I am single and don't enjoy the majority????? Seriously, they do.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 37
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/24/2011 7:44:59 AM
Cinsav, you sure have a hard on for this woman, its obvious , look.......so what if she's picky? and has set the bar at what ever level, but that is her, so she doesn't want to settle with some average guy working nine to five, comes home struggling to make ends meet, doesn't work out blah blah blah, that's her prerogative that is her right.

What she's trying to point out in my opinion, its just because one labels him self a " nice guy" doesn't mean all women has to roll over and say " I do" it doesn't work that way, I think Halle Berry is one of the hottest women out there, I have a career, education, love my country, plays sports, never abusive to women, animals or children does that mean im entitled to date her?
and if she doesn't want to date me is she a b1tch, diva, pretentious woman?

Like I said anyone who knows me will tell you as I mentioned before I don't play favorites or kisses ass, and Im not into women her age, and If I agree with someone I agree.

I think most nice guys has to learn you have to put a little work in there, get out of your comfort zone, lose the entitlement attitude.

Civ, you posted you have two degrees, did it come easy or did you put in some work, some time, serious studying, did they hand you your job right away or did you put out a resume to get your current position?
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 38
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/24/2011 7:52:07 AM
In life there are small things one can overlook in order to win a bigger prize.
This dating site is compromised with all kinds of people.
These people have many qualities, some quirks, and some irresponsibilities.
If you are looking to size someone up you will find something wrong in all of us.
It is good to have a list of things you want, and to expect people will be on their best behavior and try to impress you is totally acceptable.
If people are lazy about meeting someone right away, chances are they will be lazy about maintaining the relationship too.

Putting your best foot forward shows respect, and interest.

To expect someone to have not made stupid mistakes up till now, is really kind of over the top though.

If someone tells me that they are baggage free and never fought and acts like they were
totally blameless in the downfall of their past relationships than my thought is : either you have not examined your role or where were you while your relationship was taking place.
Playing dumbfounded is lame.
 casey0413
Joined: 10/27/2009
Msg: 39
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/24/2011 7:57:31 AM
Here is a link to a free pdf of the article iceman was referring to if anyone is interested.

http://drrobertepstein.com/pdf/Epstein-TheTruthAboutOnlineDating-2-07.pdf
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 40
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/24/2011 8:09:00 AM
I might be picky, but in order to get a reply from me you need to invest many years in your mind, body, soul, and career. Being a nice guy is not enough

Great! another "nice guy" thread supposedly by a long-time single "nice woman" yet...

Yes.. He also has to have a "cute butt" as well as meet all those "requirements" on that list..

Well, she is young and has about 10 years left to just "date" or to learn about true long-lasting relationships..
How you can't order a human to your specifications like you can a car, or a circuit board..

Or maybe just continue to play with those local surfers and made-up fake "professionals" who do their best to try to impress with complete profile prevarication and fake picture..
 bimmerdude
Joined: 3/8/2011
Msg: 41
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/24/2011 9:17:29 AM
Well I am not a nice guy (aka doormat, sucker, chump) but I am not an a$$hole either.

I agree with Jen_29 here- if you want to attract someone attractive you do need to step up the game and take care of your house first. I lost 100 pounds and went from morbid obese to healthy. I still need to drop a few more pounds but working on it. I feel SO much better now. Well off to the gym and to enjoy a sunny day!
 JD4Real29
Joined: 3/28/2011
Msg: 42
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/24/2011 9:21:50 AM
Why do I read this shit?

This thread s/h/b deleted long ago.
 808md
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 43
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/24/2011 12:53:50 PM
Well, she is young and has about 10 years left to just "date" or to learn about true long-lasting relationships..


So a woman's dateablity expires at a certain age? What BS is that. She can date and learn about long-lasting relationship for the rest of her life. Granted, having children is a different story.

And the list was obviously just an example of things people might want in addition to "niceness". But are her requirements really that unreasonable? She is not asking for a rocket scientist...but an education. She is not asking for money...but for somebody with a career. She is not asking for a model but somebody fit and healthy. And she is asking for somebody with basic social skills. Sorry, that is still a pretty low bar...I want all of that too and more. So attack me for being arrogant and narcissistic.
 gidget979
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 44
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/24/2011 2:17:14 PM
Interesting, almost seems like battle of the wills here for someones attention and a "bump" shall I say to ones own profile.
First of all, I can say anything at all about myself, what does that mean? It's my opinion or that of someone else. Not everyone will agree that one woman is beautiful, one man is handsome, one person is "nice". We all have own tastes and opinions and they differ, that's what makes someone for all of us. When someone says they are a nice person, I would tend to assume that is the opinion of himself or what he has been told, you don't have to agree. If you're interested, you need to find out if you do agree, if you do, great, if not, move one. But who are we to bash someone's opinion of themselves really?
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 45
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/24/2011 4:32:24 PM
Another good question to add to the mr nice guy list is...."do you do things for others without expecting anything in return,even silently"?

Self proclaimed nice guys are notorious for placing high price tags "hidden" on every single thing they do for others.When they come to collect,and they always do,God help you if you are not willing to give in to them.
 statesshapes
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 46
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/24/2011 7:05:29 PM
Why would we "nice guys" or any guy for that matter, put in great effort on a profile? So that we can waste even more time with this site? First we don't receive replies on our well-written messages, and women want excellently filled out profiles? No thanks. New rule - give me a response, and then I'll put in effort, otherwise it's pointless.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 47
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/24/2011 7:11:56 PM
HA! I knew she wouldn't come back to defend her shallowism.

To statesshapes... Internet dating is a joke. Whether you want to hear that or not... it is. Don't use it solely for your dating needs - use it as a suppliment. Your REAL dating should come from meeting people in your world (the area you live in) - whether on volunteer outings, at work, at the gym, where ever...

I have been on Match, PoF and so on - the only thing I have gotten from these sites is laid. I have yet to meet anyone worth dating and being serious with. THOSE types? I meet in my real life. Use the Interwebs to get laid. Stop depending on it to find "true love" - you'll never find it here.

Oh and 808md... nice try dude. You're trying so hard to get laid! Congrats if you do. Yeah, we get it - she lives close to you, so you feel the need to be her Knight in Internet Shining Armor so maybe she'll get with you... I hope it works for ya brother!
 Easygoin68a
Joined: 5/17/2011
Msg: 48
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/24/2011 7:23:04 PM
A very interesting and thought provoking post..
 Easygoin68a
Joined: 5/17/2011
Msg: 49
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/24/2011 7:28:21 PM
are the demands listed, in any type of order of importance?

Im a nice guy.

Took some college courses
Have had a successful business since '98
Live in an amazing home in the historic district
I have furniture - several pieces in fact:), but I am clueless on decorating..lol - also being colored blind doesnt help at all
Stay in great shape - mostly because of an active and healthy lifestyle

So - with no sarcasm at all (promise) would you be put off by me, because our decorating styles differ, and I do not have a degree? Or, would you be more attracted to the masters degree, or PhD - that has a well furnished home? But is also deep in debt?

H
 casey0413
Joined: 10/27/2009
Msg: 50
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/24/2011 7:50:52 PM

I have been on Match, PoF and so on - the only thing I have gotten from these sites is laid. I have yet to meet anyone worth dating and being serious with. THOSE types? I meet in my real life. Use the Interwebs to get laid. Stop depending on it to find "true love" -


Great. Good enough to lay, yet not good enough to date.

I did find true love on this site actually. Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances beyond our control, it didn't work.

You are an angry dude, who should NOT be internet dating. I'm glad your profile agrees.
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