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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?      Home login  
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 LargoMaNonTroppo
Joined: 6/23/2011
Msg: 51
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?Page 3 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
I cant answer for the OP, but I would date you because you seem to have your shi*t together, have a nice manner, and not too hard on the eyes. :)

(Of course, that would be a long drive, lol)
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 52
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/24/2011 9:12:55 PM
It's always easier to blame someone or something else. And if denial is strong enough, you'll convince yourself that that is the entire problem.

Only the chosen few wish to challenge themselves to grow.
 andy1961
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 53
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/24/2011 9:49:07 PM

Does anyone here really believe the OP is willing to settle for a guy with a job making... ohh 50k a year? (and I'm not talking to the guys here who are going out of their way to be her knight in shining armor, kissing her ass because they think she's hot).

She made it clear she wants a man with a career and not a "job." This means she is expecting HIGH income. A job means punching the proverbial clock and making a reasonable income. A career usually implies high income with an air of importance that comes with having a title. This is my point. The OP is full of herself. She thinks so highly of herself that a man with a "simple" job simply wont do. No, no... she "deserves" much more. And why? Because she's spent a life getting lots and lots of attention because some think she's cute. Personally, I think she's average... I've dated much hotter and some that weren't as attractive - but that's neither here nor there.

Another example is what she demands in looks. It's not enough for her to be with a guy who looks decent - she needs a hottie! Again, because in her self-centered reality - she "deserves" nothing less.

If you folks can't read her profile and her comments here and not see it - you're either lying, or blind.

Again, to be clear. I am not saying nor have I said there is anything wrong with being REASONALBE with your expectations. Sure, we all want someone we're physically attracted to. Sure, we all want someone who is responsible, etc.. but the OP has set her bar to the stratisphere (sp) - because she thinks so highly of herself if you're not absolutely perfect you won't be good enough for her highness.

And sadly, there's nothing remotely THAT special about her. A little above average looks, a masters degree (which are a dime a dozen now), and an engineer (nothing really special about that either).


Absolutely correct! Every damn word!

In short - and my sincere apologies for lowering the tone - the OP is so far up her own ass it's laughable!
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 54
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/24/2011 11:22:33 PM
The op can want or demand anything in a partner she dang well pleases.Anyone who is beyotching about it shows nothing more then sour grapes.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 55
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/24/2011 11:43:13 PM

Why would we "nice guys" or any guy for that matter, put in great effort on a profile? So that we can waste even more time with this site? First we don't receive replies on our well-written messages, and women want excellently filled out profiles? No thanks. New rule - give me a response, and then I'll put in effort, otherwise it's pointless.
Ever consider that women aren't responding to your "well-written messages" because you haven't given them anything to respond TO? It doesn't matter how attractive someone is in a picture, if there's nothing of substance to go on in their profile it comes across with your attitude that you don't care and will put no effort into meeting someone. IMO, if a man won't put any effort into creating a profile that MAKES me want to get to know him more, then he probably won't put any effort into a relationship either.
 ThatClassicRomance
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 56
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 12:53:14 AM
The problem is the OP is not recognizing that when the man or woman is perfected and fulfills all those things on the list then everyone else in the dating pool not living up to those standards, becomes less desirable. The more one has to offer the less it seems others have to offer, and so it becomes harder the higher one's standards are.
The nicer a person the more likely they feel others are not so nice, like in their behavior or treatment of others. What is common courtesy for the nice guy/girl might not be the same standard for those who couldn't give a damn in the way they treat or interact with others. So the nice guy might have a valid beef, but should recognize that it is the one downside of personal growth that separates you from the sloths and slouches.
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 57
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 2:37:42 AM
OP has serious judgmental issues.
If all women have the same philosophy as you, the you really should recognize why most nice guys struggle. Maybe if you realize that many of these nice guys DO in fact try hard, but cannot meet the ridiculously high standards that you (and perhaps most woman) set, maybe you can see the answer to your own question.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 58
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 6:55:28 AM
I might be picky, but in order to get a reply from me you need to invest many years in your mind, body, soul, and career.

I'm picky too, but my criteria filtered out women who didn't have enough going on in their own lives so that they needed to worry about my career, etc. I have more education on paper (as in going to school) than you could acquire in the next 10 years, but I have a definite antipathy for people who confuse education with having gone to school. I have a business that I decided was more important than providing a bachelor pad for dates who wold sleep with me because I had really nice furniture unclutterd by journal articles, circuit boards and other equipment that is relevant to what I do.

My social skills are what they are, which was good enough for the women I dated and my fiancee, who will be my first marriage at my age of 47. Basically, if you think those things are a big deal, go for it, but to be quite honest, my idea of an exceptional woman is a woman who evaluate things like education, without relying on a certificate of attendance (i.e., degree) to recognize it and doesn't need to see my furniture to decide if I'm datable.

Being a nice guy is not enough.

I agree. The less willing I was to try to fit some strange (in my opinion) idea of what I should be to get dates with great women, the more great women I met. In fact, I wouldn't identify myself as a ``nice guy'' beyond the fact that I'm generally nice to people who appreciate that.

This is not to say that I think any criteria are shallow. None are and all are just preferences. However, I was more interested in women who don't need me to be an accessory to a lifestyle or worse, provide them with one. I met someone who is her own person without needing me to be a fashion accessory, so I'd dispute the necessity of fulfilling all of your criteria as a prerequisite for being datable.
 FNADude
Joined: 7/22/2011
Msg: 59
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 7:07:34 AM
I agree with 452

The op can want or demand anything in a partner she dang well pleases.Anyone who is beyotching about it shows nothing more then sour grapes.


For the most part we live in a free society. The OP can live by any set of rules she likes. The only problem is she is creating a very narrow field of prospective partners. think about it ... Not only does she have to find the perfect match for her but this perfect match has also got to want her in return. Good looks will only get you in the door. And this perfect man is most likely in pretty high demand so he will have a list of demands of his own.

So ..... Good luck !
 andy1961
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 60
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 8:59:40 AM
asking about the job and money etc just screams gold digger to me


At the end of the day - regardless of the supposed pros, and very definite cons, that are being debated about the OP - she does indeed come across, quite obviously, as a gold digga'!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 61
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 10:23:42 AM

Does anyone here really believe the OP is willing to settle for a guy with a job making... ohh 50k a year? (and I'm not talking to the guys here who are going out of their way to be her knight in shining armor, kissing her ass because they think she's hot).

She made it clear she wants a man with a career and not a "job." This means she is expecting HIGH income. A job means punching the proverbial clock and making a reasonable income. A career usually implies high income with an air of importance that comes with having a title. This is my point. The OP is full of herself. She thinks so highly of herself that a man with a "simple" job simply wont do. No, no... she "deserves" much more. And why? Because she's spent a life getting lots and lots of attention because some think she's cute. Personally, I think she's average... I've dated much hotter and some that weren't as attractive - but that's neither here nor there.

This type of attitude makes me giggle. In every CAREER, there are venues of low pay (ie: college professors, attorneys who opt for prosecution or civil services vs private practices, doctors that work for state/federal clinics vs private practice, etc., etc.) OH, and??? If this OP is/was a gold-digger? She'd NOT be here on POF seeking a partner, she'd be going to haunts where men with money hang out.

Another example is what she demands in looks. It's not enough for her to be with a guy who looks decent - she needs a hottie! Again, because in her self-centered reality - she "deserves" nothing less.

What's wrong with wanting a hottie? I refused to settle for less than a man I thought was "hot." Personal preferences are NOT character flaws/faults ~ they are personal preferences.

If you folks can't read her profile and her comments here and not see it - you're either lying, or blind.

Who cares what's in her profile/posts here? Unless you are interested in her on a personal level, WTF difference does it make? (Other than to lash out nastiness from behind a screen of anonymity and a keyboard.)

Again, to be clear. I am not saying nor have I said there is anything wrong with being REASONALBE with your expectations. Sure, we all want someone we're physically attracted to. Sure, we all want someone who is responsible, etc.. but the OP has set her bar to the stratisphere (sp) - because she thinks so highly of herself if you're not absolutely perfect you won't be good enough for her highness.

What's "reasonable" to you might be simplistic-minded to me. What's "reasonable" to you, might be completely insane-in-nature in my eyes. What's "reasonable" to me? Likely would have royally pissed you off. But? It's not up to you to set the standards for anyone but your own self.

And sadly, there's nothing remotely THAT special about her. A little above average looks, a masters degree (which are a dime a dozen now), and an engineer (nothing really special about that either).

And you know this poster personally? How else would you know there's nothing "remotely THAT special" about her without knowing her in the flesh? (This whole post reads like another hater hiding behind a screen/keyboard. Pretty common here. Nothing remotely special about that!!!)

~OT~ I've never met a truly "nice guy" that needs to profess they are nice. Truly nice-guys are nice naturally, without needing to convince them self or anyone else of that fact. If you have to profess it? You don't possess it.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 62
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 10:29:12 AM

At the end of the day - regardless of the supposed pros, and very definite cons, that are being debated about the OP - she does indeed come across, quite obviously, as a gold digga'!
and you wonder why I laugh and shake my head when I read comments like these

Ive read this kids profile and nothing jumps out at me saying she's a gold digga, and even if she said she's a gold digga, so what? you're not asking her out so its all good.

I dont get the hatred sometimes for people when 1) you guys strongly suggest that a woman should be honest and 2) when she is honest on what she wants you break balls and call her all sorts of names because you dont fit what she wants? I dont get it.

If she lies she's a lying b1tch, and she's honest she's a b1tch? and you wonder why some decent women is gone like candy at a fat kids house? good lord.
 AGuyWithPants
Joined: 7/19/2011
Msg: 63
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 11:04:11 AM
Jen is right. Girls want quality guys. Nothing wrong with that.

But Jen, maybe you would get better messages if your profile was something more than you are pretty and want a good looking guy with a decent job? Right now you kind of come off stuck up and unapproachable.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 64
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 11:10:53 AM
She has a degree... she wants someone with a degree.

She has a career... she wants someone with a career.

she works out and stays in shape... she wants someone that works out and stays in shape.

I am lost as to why people are giving this woman a hard time. She asks only for things that she herself brings to the table. It's not like she is asking for a millionaire, nor a swim suit model.

I really do not see the problem here... other than the exact point that she is making in this thread. She wants someone with some reasonable level of social skills and that brings more to the table than just being nice and won't cheat.
 andy1961
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 65
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 12:08:22 PM
Funny thing is... a lot of guys here will come running to defend her on this forum because she is attractive. If she were 40 pounds over weight would you still be here spewing your support? No you wouldn't.


Yep. so true!



Ive read this kids profile and nothing jumps out at me saying she's a gold digga, and even if she said she's a gold digga, so what? you're not asking her out so its all good.

I dont get the hatred sometimes for people when 1) you guys strongly suggest that a woman should be honest and 2) when she is honest on what she wants you break balls and call her all sorts of names because you dont fit what she wants? I dont get it.

If she lies she's a lying b1tch, and she's honest she's a b1tch? and you wonder why some decent women is gone like candy at a fat kids house? good lord.


She's hardly a "kid". She's 33 years of age. Why on earth would you describe her as a kid?
"Hatred"? Breaking balls? I wouldn't describe anyone's contribution on this thread as hatred. It's actually called healthy debate on a dating forum, whether we like what we read or not. And that's all it is.

It's interesting how the OP hasn't actually come back with any real intelligent response at all, to her apparent haters and ball breakers.

Still, she's got a few ass kissers doing that for her.



 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 66
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 12:15:41 PM
Oh no Andy re read some of the posts? and yeah at 33 she is young, im 47 so anyone in their early thirties is a kid to ME, but I get your point.

Second, I don't kiss anyone ass, never have and never will , but if I agree with someone I agree I don't care who it is.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 67
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 12:18:27 PM

"Hatred"? Breaking balls? I wouldn't describe anyone's contribution on this thread as hatred. It's actually called healthy debate on a dating forum, whether we like what we read or not. And that's all it is.

This:

Absolutely correct! Every damn word!

In short - and my sincere apologies for lowering the tone - the OP is so far up her own ass it's laughable!

is hardly a "healthy debate." Healthy debates are posts with debatable material contained within, not simply one's opinion about someone being up their own ass.
And this:

It's interesting how the OP hasn't actually come back with any real intelligent response at all, to her apparent haters and ball breakers.

Still, she's got a few ass kissers doing that for her.

is proof positive you aren't here to have a "healthy debate." You just want an argument from the OP. She's the smart one here. Smart enough to avoid/ignore posts such as your's calling her names and being (albeit ~ sneakily) hateful/nasty. (And just because some of us disagree with you, doesn't mean we're kissing the OP's ass, it means some of us don't agree with you ~ simple as that.)

~OT~ As for putting in time to get to know if someone is "nice" or not ~ I'm all for that. You can usually tell, however, very early on if someone is trying to be nice or if someone is actually ~~~ nice. JMO
 andy1961
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 68
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the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 12:38:55 PM
Second, I don't kiss anyone ass, never have and never will , but if I agree with someone I agree I don't care who it is.


Yeah well, I should have been more specific about who doesn't kiss ass on this thread. You certainly couldn't be accused of doing that here or elsewhere for that matter.
Forum contributer CanamMiles couldn't be accused of that either.

For me it's simple: Regardless of the OP's preferences etc, at the end of the day she comes across as extremely unlikeable - in my opinion.

Interestingly, she's tweaked her profile slightly in the last few hours and taken out the "Must have a career not job" part.

She must be taking something from this...


You just want an argument from the OP. She's the smart one here. Smart enough to avoid/ignore posts such as your's calling her names and being (albeit ~ sneakily) hateful/nasty.


Complete nonsense. And nowhere have I been sneaky.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 69
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 1:11:50 PM
Interestingly, she's tweaked her profile slightly in the last few hours and taken out the "Must have a career not job" part.

That IS one of the main benefits of POF Forums.. Education, attitude revelation and mind-expansion..
Learning the true perspective of the opposite sex, when almost no friend/acquaintance IRL would say anything contrary/critical to your pretty face..
Coming here where most people who post will NEVER meet IRL, many feel the freedom to express their true thoughts/perspective, with little inhibition or concern for how it might affect their local social circle..
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 70
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 2:04:03 PM
Seriously, she puts a ridiculiously high standard most HUMANS struggle to realistically meet. Shes critcizing the nice guys for not meeting that obnoxiously high standard. If this is the precedent that women set for their dating partners, she needs to understand that she is contributing to problems and has no right to complain about them
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 71
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 2:10:54 PM

Seriously, she puts a ridiculiously high standard most HUMANS struggle to realistically meet. Shes critcizing the nice guys for not meeting that obnoxiously high standard. If this is the precedent that women set for their dating partners, she needs to understand that she is contributing to problems and has no right to complain about them
You see Andy, Civ, this is the type " entitlement" Im referring to and I shake my head and think WTF?

So she set her standards that's high and you don't meet them, so its her fault now? good lord.
I don't see any of you nice guys hitting on the women that are " a few extra pound or bigger" or not Model material what about those women? there are plenty of " average " women with intelligence, grace, personality but maybe lacking in the looks department or has a killer body more than capable of being a good partner, but do you nice guys give them a second look , let alone a first look? and yet some of you whine about women when you should be rephrasing it " hot woman" turning you down.
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 72
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 2:25:56 PM
What entitlement issues are you talking about. There is a clear distinction between high standards and stupidly high that most cannot meet, and OP definitely falls under the latter.

I dont ask for too much in a partner, but if shes asking for THAT much, maybe shes the one with entitlement issues
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 73
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 2:30:37 PM
It seems to me that the Op wrote this thread in regards to the quintessential 'nice guy' who complains incessantly that no one will give him a chance, instead of making some healthy changes in his life which could improve his chances in the dating world.

So far, the responses have been very illuminating..
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 74
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 3:27:11 PM
There is a clear distinction between bull shit and loopy too, look..... you nice guys whine about oh her standards are too high and its stupid that most cant meet booo hoooo hoooooo

So friggen what? Im going to assume you went to University right? they set the standards for students to get in , if those students cant meet the standards they don't get it , its not the universities fault? nor is the student that cant get in, that's the way life is.

If the OP sets her standards who are you or me or any one to question it? you have standards and criteria, let me ask you this, would you date a Intelligent, Personable, Affable, dresses well, pretty woman with integrity? yes you would, but let me throw something in the mix, she's 280 lbs at 5 ft 5? what says you now?

I think I know the answer to that, you would be gone like Opposum Cheese cake at Aunt Bee and Uncle Goober family get together.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 75
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 3:41:32 PM

So what advice do you have for the "quintessential 'nice guy'" who has made those healthy changes and still has no luck?
Changing the outer appearance is one thing, if one doesn't have confidence forget about it, you're old enough and been around Hardwod floor board, how many women that has exceptional looks and you get to know them and they are insecure and has low self esteem etc? and you just shake your head and ask why?



You, the OP, and others are making generalized complaints about cartoon stereotype Nice Guys, rather than actual individual humans.
you sure about that Hardwood?read most of the threads about nice guys and bitter guys they all have one thing in common



A guy could meet all the requirements on the OP's list, and still not be attractive to her. He could put in all that Hard Work being recommended above, and still not attract a woman on here. There is no accounting for individual taste, and attraction is not a matter of merit.
I agree there is no accounting for individual taste, but so what? Brad Pitt could come on this site and there will be still women turning him down, a high number wouldn't but he cant get 100% of the women on here , nobody can.

Look..... the bottom line is , if one doesn't have confidence he ain't going no where its plain and simple.lots of these guys have great jobs/careers, personable, has integrity you name it, but most of them suffers from lack of confidence low self esteem, I know I used to be one of those nice guys many many years ago I had more women in the friendship zone than bugs bunny has friggen carrots, and one day I decided to let my balls drop, developed confidence etc, today I date when I want to date, I meet people and im not afraid of rejection, its part of life in the dating world, I know what I like and quite honestly don't care what people think of me anymore.

I don't go out of my way to treat women like shit, or be a " bad boy" I don't label myself or believe in labels, and im not one of those nice guys either IM ME, and I have better luck on meeting people because of it.
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