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 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 76
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?Page 4 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
Being picky is one thing, being ignorant is something else...

Now we (men) can get picky too... ah I mean ignorant... age 33 - the way I see it, it's all downhill form here. Want kids ? You better hurry.. that clock is ticking.

Now I'd like to settle down and have my own family. Should I go for a 25yr old or 33yr old... hmm.. Now that's a toughie
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 77
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 4:20:31 PM
So she set her standards that's high and you don't meet them, so its her fault now? good lord.
I don't see any of you nice guys hitting on the women that are " a few extra pound or bigger" or not Model material what about those women? there are plenty of " average " women with intelligence, grace, personality but maybe lacking in the looks department or has a killer body more than capable of being a good partner, but do you nice guys give them a second look , let alone a first look? and yet some of you whine about women when you should be rephrasing it " hot woman" turning you down.

I have to agree with everything you say here.These men are single therefore they are turning down women who they deem "unacceptable".It's obviously alright for them to decide they don't want someone for whatever reasons and,oh no that doesn't make them shallow at all,but when the op does is she is a shallow,unrealistic narcissistic witch.

If someone makes good money why would they want someone struggling to make ends meet.If someone has a good career why would they want someone who works at 7 11 part time? If they can afford a nice car why would they want someone who has to ride the bus? If someone is attractive and in shape then why would they want someone fat and unattractive?All this means is that she wants someone who is at the same place in their lives and who value the same things.

LIke I said before all of this boils down to nothing more then sour grapes.The hot woman who is well educated who has a career and money does not want mr average joe blow so there fore in some sort of twisted logic this makes her someone we should burn at the stake.I mean how DARE the op want someone who has as much as she has.How freakin dare she!!!

 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 78
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 4:31:45 PM

…are you educated?
…do you have a career instead of a job?
…do you go to the gym to look healthy and attractive?
…did you invest the money for a nice haircut?
…have you built healthy social skills?
…have you found your own place to live?
…is that place clean and nicely furnished?
…have you avoided stupid mistakes (such as being divorced at the age of 23)?

There is absolutely nothing,not one single thing here that the op is looking for here that is over the top and unattainable.Everything here is what most of the people I know fall into.Nothing here is only open to the rich and famous.


Most can have a career,most can go to the gym,most can invest money,most can build a good social life,most can find their own place to live,most can furnish it nicely,most can avoid getting married at at a young age.

So obviously what the op is looking for is what most men out there are.Not exactly slim pickings.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 79
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 4:51:52 PM
Geez.
That is why I am not a nice guy.
I'm just too frickin lazy.

and since all the women in POF...
are apparently passing up on all the nice guys....
I can stay stay that way.
:-P
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 80
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 8:34:08 PM
So I guess we have different definitions of what's unreasonable and what isn't. Fair enough.

But let's dissect her needs:



…are you educated?

Many quality men did not necessarily get a Bachelors (or apparently to her standard, a Masters). Many went the apprenticeship route, or even been involved with their own business without going through further education. Education =/= knowledge....why is it so important that he's educated in the level she desires?



…do you have a career instead of a job?

Especially in this economy, people have been struggling to get a job PERIOD. Even with masters. Perhaps is tied to her previous want, where she basically wants someone with money. If a man is happy with what he's doing, even if it is not a career per se, why should it matter if's a career instead of a job? I suspect it's like others think: because she's a gold digger and wants the money.



…do you go to the gym to look healthy and attractive?
…did you invest the money for a nice haircut?


One does not necessarily have to go to the gym to look attractive....a gym membership, after all, isn't really inexpensive. Some keep fit in other ways. In fact, some are perfectly attractive without needing to work out. One does not need to invest money for nice hair. One can easily groom their hair themselves. I have the impression here, she's setting a high standard for looks, and would only care about men that has a high standard of beauty.



…have you built healthy social skills?


I admit this should really apply to everyone, but then again, her definition of social skills are subjective.



…have you found your own place to live?
…is that place clean and nicely furnished?


I see absolutely no problem with not having you're own place at all. Living with parents or roommates allows for more financial stability. In fact, I think this is by far the most ridiculous one, because most people period don't generally keep a place to themselves. Even in marriage, there should exist a contribution from both parties. Of course, it's kind of expected to keep it clean, but expecting their own place is really too much. I'd reckon this means she wants a guy who has money...which again, cements gold digger status.



…have you avoided stupid mistakes (such as being divorced at the age of 23)?


Who the hell is she to judge for things like this? Circumstances are different. What gives her the right to say, being divorced at age 23 is a "stupid mistake"? Most "mistakes" we can learn from, and depending on what happened, being divorced at that age may not necessarily be a mistake at all. Here, she's being judgmental to the fullest.

Although it's not unreasonable to meet some of these criteria, it IS unreasonable to expect all of it in a man. Also, notice has she mentions ALMOST NO PERSONALITY QUALITIES? Most of her wants involve either looks or finance.

Point is, A LOT of good men with plentiful of good qualities are going to be overlooked because of obnoxiously high standards like this, especially in this society we live in now. The way the OP presented herself, she values looks and money over good traits that these nice guys haves that she overlooks because she cares too much about superficial shit.I mean sure, it's good to have physical attraction or financial stability, but she basically admits she wont even give a chance to know you if you don't meet her obnoxiously high criteria
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 81
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 8:37:14 PM
First to Iceman.

You're an intelligent man. So for the life of me I cannot understand why you are not getting what we (the so-called haters) are trying to get across.

No one here is say that having standards are bad. We ALL have our own personalized set of standards that we use to measure each and every date we go on. There is nothing wrong with that - when those standards are REASONABLE. When they are grounded in reality.

The issue is here is that the OP is the quintessential modern woman. What infuriates a lot of men is that they bust their ass to be good men, to do the right thing, they work hard to situate themselves to be good providers, they work toward being great potential partners with dreams of meeting someone they can ultimately spend their lives with. Only too then run across pretentious, narcissistic snobs like the OP who think their "shit don't stink" because they have a piece of paper proclaiming their intelligence and happen to be in great shape. So, they end up subjected to Little Ms. I'm-So-Hot-And-Special that if you are not freaking PERFECT in every regard you're best to not waste your time even looking at me. THIS IS THE OP Iceman. Why in God's name a man of your intelligence and maturity can't see it completely blows me away.

My money says that the OP is the type of woman who will demand "perfection" from her man, but you damn well accpet HER imperfections without question.

As abelien stated so articulately... a college degree doesn't mean jack in the grand scheme. Intelligence and educated are not the same thing. You are wrong when you said I have two degrees. No sir, I have three. A BS and two Masters and you know what? I happen to know two men, who work on cars for a living, who both dropped out of high school, who are exponentially more intelligent than I could ever hope to be. Having a degree just means you can pay attention in class and pass a test. I has nothing to do with the true measure of intelligence, which is problem solving and so forth.

The OP or as I like to call her Ms Thang - thinks that because she's an engineer with a college degree she IS all that. Sorry, she's not. It just means she's good at math and can pass tests.

Now keep in mind, I am not trying to slight the amount of work or effort that is required to earn a degree. Because it IS demanding, it IS hard word, and at the conclusion of your program it IS worthy of celebration. My point here is that OP thinks anyone without a degree is beneath her. I'd wager she thinks she's smarter than most of the people posting in this forum, let alone the people she encounters on a daily basis.

Ever consider that women aren't responding to your "well-written messages" because you haven't given them anything to respond TO?

Soooooo... a well written message.. a message that has more substance than "you're hawt let's screw" doesn't deserve being replied too? And yet you've been here since 2009.... gee I wonder why??


Great. Good enough to lay, yet not good enough to date.

I did find true love on this site actually. Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances beyond our control, it didn't work.

You are an angry dude, who should NOT be internet dating. I'm glad your profile agrees.


Umm... well let's see... how about I haven't met anyone yet who didn't have more emotional baggage than a United flight? 99.99% of the women I have met on ANY dating site have been either completely nuts, were absolutely dishonest about who they really were, etc...

Oh, you found true love!!! oh wait.. you're still here, again like the other person.... since 2009. So, umm why didn't marry that true love? Oh, and a tip... it's really not attractive to call yourself attractive. That's kind of the opinion of the other person dontcha think? Calling yourself attractive screams arrogance... no wonder you agree with the OP. Good luck on your next three years of "finding true love!"

And another thing, by "good enough to lay" -here's the deal. I don't lie or manipulate. If she wants to come back to my place and two consenting adults enjoy a night together... and? If I sense she wants more than just a hook up I don't go there. I don't need the drama or the headache.

Thanks for playing though.


It's always easier to blame someone or something else. And if denial is strong enough, you'll convince yourself that that is the entire problem.

Only the chosen few wish to challenge themselves to grow.


What?


She's hardly a "kid". She's 33 years of age. Why on earth would you describe her as a kid?
"Hatred"? Breaking balls? I wouldn't describe anyone's contribution on this thread as hatred. It's actually called healthy debate on a dating forum, whether we like what we read or not. And that's all it is.

It's interesting how the OP hasn't actually come back with any real intelligent response at all, to her apparent haters and ball breakers.

Still, she's got a few ass kissers doing that for her.


BINGO! Exactly.


Seriously, she puts a ridiculiously high standard most HUMANS struggle to realistically meet. Shes critcizing the nice guys for not meeting that obnoxiously high standard. If this is the precedent that women set for their dating partners, she needs to understand that she is contributing to problems and has no right to complain about them

Another BINGO moment. Absolutely correct.

Notice that most of the people coming to the OP's aid have been here for multiple YEARS - still looking. Tells ya something doesn't it? OR the "dudes" who think if they defend her, she'll magically want to fly all the way from Hawaii to be with them!

As someone very well put in a previous post. The days of evaluating a person on how they treat others, how they strive to better themselves and improve the lives they impact are gone. We are now judged by how nice our ass is, how much we make, or by how popular and liked we are. We have gotten so utterly lost in a fog of arrogance and self-love that we no longer see what is truly important anymore.

Take a second and compare Britney100 to the OP. Is there really any question who the more attractive woman is? The OP wouldn't stand a chance. BUT, what is important here is that you READ the profiles of the OP and Britney100. See the difference? One of them has an ego the size of a small planet, the other is a down to earth woman who has set REALISTIC expectations by virtue of her self-description.

Without repeating what I have said before about having reasonable expectations... at the end of the day it isn't about how much he / she makes, how "important" they are, how "hot" they are. It's about how they make you feel, how you connect, how you communicate, the things you have in common. It's about KNOWING with absolute certainty, at the end of the road, that the person you're with will carry you the restroom when you're no longer able to walk. THAT is what it's about. And, until we pull our collective heads out of pop culture's ass and stop measuring our potential partners by the metrics of looks, money and popularity, our divorce rates will continue to climb above 50%.

In a way, I actually feel sorry for the OP - because she does have a lot to offer. She does come across as a potentially fun person. But, I feel sorry for her because her arrogance has blinded her to those whom she might actually truly connect with and experience real love with. And, why? Because they don't make enough, they don't have a nice ass, or don't have an important title at the office. For this, I really do feel for her and the loniless she will feel until she realizes where she is going wrong. Oh sure, she'll have a lot of "pretty boys" after her and it won't be hard for her to get dates. But in the end, they'll continue to use her for sex, lie to her and abuse her gifts of trust and love.

None of us are special. We like to think we are. But, we're not. The only people WE are special too are our closest friends and family. To everyone else we're just another asshole cutting cutting them off in traffic as they're trying to get to work. Once the OP realizes that despite her looks and education that she's no better, no different than the rest of the us... and after a few more years of being used for sex... she'll wake up and realize that she doesn't deserve any more than the rest of us. And, her ego will deflate...

And, I DO appologize if I "attacked" any of the posters here - but you did draw frist blood... no?
 -metal4life-
Joined: 7/17/2011
Msg: 82
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 9:38:39 PM
Haha I got all those but the social skills...damn:(
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 83
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 11:12:07 PM

You're an intelligent man. So for the life of me I cannot understand why you are not getting what we (the so-called haters) are trying to get across.
I will take that as a compliment Civ,and I do understand what you are saying but what im saying is everyone has a right to ask for something in a person, doesn't mean they will get it The OP was stating her opinion, doesn't mean its right or wrong, its her opinion and that was my point


The issue is here is that the OP is the quintessential modern woman. What infuriates a lot of men is that they bust their ass to be good men, to do the right thing, they work hard to situate themselves to be good providers, they work toward being great potential partners with dreams of meeting someone they can ultimately spend their lives with. Only too then run across pretentious, narcissistic snobs like the OP who think their "shit don't stink" because they have a piece of paper proclaiming their intelligence and happen to be in great shape. So, they end up subjected to Little Ms. I'm-So-Hot-And-Special that if you are not freaking PERFECT in every regard you're best to not waste your time even looking at me. THIS IS THE OP Iceman. Why in God's name a man of your intelligence and maturity can't see it completely blows me away.
Again I don't know the OP, never spoken to her , not trying to blow smoke up her ass or anything I have no opinion on her looks etc, she just gave her opinion on something that has some truth to it, you have admit Civ, a lot of nice guys out there expects to have the Ms. Beauty queen and wouldn't give a woman that isn't HOT, SEXY, or GORGEOUS a second look, It works both ways is what im saying, Are there women out there like what you describe, absolutely Do I give a rats ass about them NOT AT ALL, im confident enough where they don't affect my life or dating life one bit.

But back to the OP , she's just stating what she wants and I think some of things she's asking for ruffled a few guys feathers, I for one don't care one way or the other , and that is my point as well.
 leanco
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 84
view profile
History
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/26/2011 12:10:51 AM

What infuriates a lot of men is that they bust their ass to be good men, to do the right thing... Only too then run across pretentious, narcissistic snobs like the OP who think their "shit don't stink"... So, they end up subjected to Little Ms. I'm-So-Hot-And-Special that if you are not freaking PERFECT in every regard you're best to not waste your time even looking at me.

Yeah, I get the same feeling after reading OP's profile too. I actually have no problem with any of her expectations, even though collectively they seem unrealistic. But hey, whatever floats her boat. What I do find tasteless and arrogant, is when she had to start a thread to lecture the world on what anyone has to do to earn a reply from her. Other than those who actually wants to contact her, why would anyone else care?

In a way, I actually feel sorry for the OP - because she does have a lot to offer. She does come across as a potentially fun person. But, I feel sorry for her because her arrogance has blinded her to those whom she might actually truly connect with and experience real love with. And, why? Because they don't make enough, they don't have a nice ass, or don't have an important title at the office. For this, I really do feel for her and the loniless she will feel until she realizes where she is going wrong. Oh sure, she'll have a lot of "pretty boys" after her and it won't be hard for her to get dates. But in the end, they'll continue to use her for sex, lie to her and abuse her gifts of trust and love.

None of us are special. We like to think we are. But, we're not. The only people WE are special too are our closest friends and family. To everyone else we're just another ***hole cutting cutting them off in traffic as they're trying to get to work. Once the OP realizes that despite her looks and education that she's no better, no different than the rest of the us... and after a few more years of being used for sex... she'll wake up and realize that she doesn't deserve any more than the rest of us. And, her ego will deflate...

Yes, and that's exactly how I see it too. She can easily get lots of dates with all the pretty boys, but if her focus is only on superficial things like a cute butt and an educational title, that's all the other person will see in her too.

As the saying goes, be careful what you ask for.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 85
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/26/2011 2:24:20 AM
There is absolutely nothing,not one single thing here that the op is looking for here that is over the top and unattainable.Everything here is what most of the people I know fall into.

True, but it's just like the guy who prefers women who are height weight proportionate and writes ``no fat chicks'' in his profile. It's a turn off for those who meet the requirements, too. I meet the requirements, but in my opinion, the way she's gone about stating her preferences indicates that she lacks at least one of her own requirements, namely the healthy social skills and possibly the education unless one equivocates education with degrees.

So obviously what the op is looking for is what most men out there are.Not exactly slim pickings.

It is if you turn off the target audience.

Education =/= knowledge....why is it so important that he's educated in the level she desires?

Intellectual laziness. It's easier to assume a degree means educated than to recognize education where you find it, so lots of people confuse education with having gone to school. It's also a form of elitist snobbery. People without degrees often do the same thing as a sort of anti-elitist reverse snobbery. Both are examples of intellectual laziness. An educated person judges others on what they know, not a piece of paper or self-hype. Education does equal knowledge. What knowledge and education do not equal is having gone to school. One can be self educated and knowledgable just by learning things.

 casey0413
Joined: 10/27/2009
Msg: 86
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/26/2011 8:02:47 AM

Oh, you found true love!!! oh wait.. you're still here, again like the other person.... since 2009. So, umm why didn't marry that true love?


The answer to your question, can be found in my post. Trying to belittle my opinion by making me seem like a loser is a pretty pathetic debating technique. And you clearly don't even know what my stance is, since (in your frenzy over OP) you seem to think I am defending her. Which I am not.
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 87
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/26/2011 8:52:49 AM
Cinsay :


Only too then run across pretentious, narcissistic snobs like the OP who think their "shit don't stink" because they have a piece of paper proclaiming their intelligence and happen to be in great shape. So, they end up subjected to Little Ms. I'm-So-Hot-And-Special that if you are not freaking PERFECT in every regard you're best to not waste your time even looking at me.


I'm more than happy not to waste my time on these types - what do you care if types like this exist ?

They do exist and allowing this fact to contaminate your energy is only hurting YOU.

Forget them - why not focus on the ones who DON'T have the tude that seems to annoy the crap out of you ?

Appreciate the ones that appreciate you and I think you might enjoy life more.

Just sayin .

 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 88
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/26/2011 9:06:54 AM
cinsav, first I have to apologize for calling you Civ, it would help if I read the profile name more carefully * note to self, one cup of morning java first*

Second ,I re read the OP profile and I came up with the same conclusion about her I had in the beginning Its just someone that knows what she wants, now I see where some of the guys would take offense about the 100 emails, I can see where some would think that comes off as bragging but I see it as "..look, gentlemen I get a lot of emails and I don't have the time to answer all of them and here is the reason why" ? personally I don't see anything wrong with that, it limits the guys she doesn't want and unfortunately will offend those that feel she is high and might and being snobbish.

I don't see where she said anything derogatory , you know all profiles offend someone, if its too nice it offends the politically correct ones, if its too honest it offends the nice ones, If its too humorous it offense the serious ones, if its too serious it offends those that are humorous , you cant win for losing and you cant grill eggs on a barbecue
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 89
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/26/2011 9:27:36 AM
It's not her profile. It's her op and the attitude of ``hey guys, here's how to get a date...'' that's over the top. That's a little presumptuous, especially given the requirement for nice furniture, which is a little weird.

<div class='quote'>I don't see where she said anything derogatory , you know all profiles offend someone, if its too nice it offends the politically correct ones, if its too honest it offends the nice ones, If its too humorous it offense the serious ones, if its too serious it offends those that are humorous , you cant win for losing and you cant grill eggs on a barbecue
That's all fine. I have no argument with offending people who take offense easily. It's their choice. However, if a person posted something like, ``Hey girls, here's how to get a date... lose weight,'' I think a lot of people would point out that saying that in that way is going to turn off women who are thin, athletic and average, too. It's not necessary to take offense to something or be a member of the intended target audience to be turned off by it.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 90
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/26/2011 10:11:06 AM

especially given the requirement for nice furniture, which is a little weird.

Haven't you seen that "Nature" series episode, the one where the Bowerbird collects shiny things and builds up his elaborate "bower" in hopes of attracting a persnickety mate?

It works for some, so is built into the genes of many, and some humans may respond in just that way also.. So THAT part of the requirements list is very understandable..
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 91
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/26/2011 7:01:21 PM
I see two problems here. In the one part the OP's list is ridiculous. I see a list of career day superlatives or something out of the Dating Game. Every single one of those elements in the list could mean a nice guy, could mean some jerk, could be some hot looking dude that has everything, and also five other chick like the OP kept by their strings. So the list means absolutely nothing.

Second, for a guy to play by that list is simply says that YOU as a man are doing nothing but playing her validation game. And yes, it's a game many women play. What I have learned is that the moment you start validating yourself to some woman, she loses interest? Why, because she has another 300 other guys trying to kiss her toes and tell her how they have a career, they have money, they are clean cut. B ull sh it, bu ll sh it.

So my advice is, to guys f vck the list. Don't validate yourself to anyone. Second, tell women like the OP, do you have what it takes to keep up with me? Of course, do it in a fun provocative way, or otherwise in the internet you are going to come across as angry, angry, angry. Don't be angry, be fun, fun, fun. Hehehe.

If anything take each and everyone of those things in the list and bust them just to have fun.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 92
view profile
History
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/26/2011 9:51:37 PM
Why would the OP come back? So that she can be called names and attacked?

This is not about validating yourself to a woman (although you are correct, you should almost never validate yourself to a woman unless doing so will completely blow her out of the water!!). She never said that she does not want a decent guy with a good heart and morals and character. But the anti to play in her card game are the things that she listed. If you can not come up with those things then play at a different table. Again, she is only asking for things that she herself brings to the table. It would bew BS for me to demend a woman with a high level of education as I do not have a Master's Degree myself. It is reasonable for her to do so as she has put the time in to aquire that.

Notice that she never said gorgeous. She only asks that the men that approach her here put in the same sort of work in the areas that she has put in the work. being educated, having a formidable career (and for the record Career does not mean high paying. It means a stable line of work that you do, not floating from job to job. I have a career as a restaurant/bar manager. I make much less than 100,000 a year, but it IS a career.), developing social skills and taking care of her body. Again I do not see the problem here. She has stated what it is that she wants and it matches what she is offering.
 psytle
Joined: 3/7/2011
Msg: 93
view profile
History
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/27/2011 1:47:37 AM

I see [a] problem here.

...for a guy to play by that list is simply says that YOU as a man are doing nothing but playing her validation game.


Yes, I see that as a huge problem too, but only if one tries satisfy the conditions of that list (aka "playing the validation game") in a perverted effort to try to win a particular person's favor, rather than pursuing one's own goals which coincidentally happen to satisfy the list.

Going out on a limb here, but I'm pretty sure the OP would shoot down a guy that met all the criteria of her list simply to appease her in favor of a guy that met all the criteria BECAUSE he wants to do so for his own sake.

Which is what I believe you were generally saying, Outmind.

However, I think our opinions differ about the significance of the test. The test itself is fairly meaningless, because a nice guy with false intentions could theoretically pass this test too. However, I believe most nice guys with false intentions wouldn't have the patience to jump through the hoops, so to speak, just for the affection of a particular woman unless this lifestyle really appealed to them. My two cents, I guess.
 CumberlandIsTheBestLand
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 94
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/27/2011 11:05:41 AM

…are you educated?
…do you have a career instead of a job?
…do you go to the gym to look healthy and attractive?
…did you invest the money for a nice haircut?
…have you built healthy social skills?
…have you found your own place to live?
…is that place clean and nicely furnished?
…have you avoided stupid mistakes (such as being divorced at the age of 23)?


1. Nope, but I'm working on it. I'm saving up my government checks for a round of college classes.
2. I have neither. I'm living in a really shit job market.
3. No, but I am going on long walks and doing pushups. I'm not in good shape, but, I'm trying to get a handle on that.
4. I cut my hair with clippers, and brush it. Anything fancier than that would be kind of pricey.
5. Sadly, no. I'm kind of an introvert.
6. Yes. Low-rent government housing.
7. Yes. (kind of)
8. I was expelled from school at age 11 (don't ask).
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 95
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/27/2011 11:22:32 AM

…are you educated?
…do you have a career instead of a job?
…do you go to the gym to look healthy and attractive?
…did you invest the money for a nice haircut?
…have you built healthy social skills?
…have you found your own place to live?
…is that place clean and nicely furnished?
…have you avoided stupid mistakes (such as being divorced at the age of 23)?

The only REAL problem with this list??? This OP posted it here in forums. We all have a list of some sort regarding the person/people we'd like to know (or get to know.) Most people, however, do not go to the extent of writing down these things in a list format. And certainly, very few would be honest enough to post it in a place where the vast majority of opinion/thoughts/posts are less-than-amiable. Personally, I don't find this list the least bit offensive and most definitely NOT excessive. My "list" would have read very similar had I made one at any time in my adult life. I don't understand why so many are so bothered by someone else's criteria. If you don't meet the criteria, move along to someone who's list is different and that you do fit. That's the joy of personal preferences ~ weeding out tools for those that we'd not be a good fit for/with. JMO
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 96
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/27/2011 11:43:28 AM
most of Jen's requirements could be summarized by : $$$$$$$$$$$$$

why not just be a little more honest and set a minimum annual income level (confirmed by audited IRS returns) or minimum net worth (rather than proxies such as 'career' vs. 'job'

place to live that is 'nicely furnished', etc., etc., not divorced (meaning no irritating alimony/CS payments)


otherwise you have the more difficult job of trying to approximately estimate someone's income &/or potential base don career as surgeon, tax lawyer, etc.- might not be totally accurate

just put in your profile, (headline maybe) minimum required US$200,000 annual income (audit) - , or state in Euros or Swiss Francs if preferred) or minimum net worth of US$ 2 million, etc.

maybe not every guy has received the memo that Jen is God's gift to mankind yet , I got mine last week
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 97
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/27/2011 11:43:51 AM
Exactly Very green eyez , what I don't get is some of these guys posts " why cant women be honest?" and when she posts something she's honest about , they are all over her like a fat kid on a smarty I don't get it, either you want honesty or you don't, I too didn't, find the list distasteful and if that's what she wants God bless her and her country of origin

It doesn't affect me one way or another, and I like banana pancakes with Canadian maple syrup
 inthroughtheoutdoor
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 98
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/27/2011 1:10:28 PM

…most of Jen's requirements could be summarized by : $$$$$$$$$$$$$


I disagree. Having a career doesn't mean making more money. What it does mean normally is that you are doing something you enjoy, something you are likely to have trained and/or studied for. But there are plenty of careers that pay less than jobs and one doesn't necessarily go with the other.

Being or staying in shape does not require money - walking, running, bicycling, swimming, etc....all of that is free. Eating appropriately, even while on a strict budget, is doable and doesn't cost anymore than eating inappropriately.

Haircuts - as a former licensed hairstylist/barber, I know for a fact that a good and bad haircut can be had anywhere. You have no or very little money? Go to a hairdressing school - for just a few dollars, you will get a nice haircut/style probably done by a nervous but oh so careful student which will be supervised and reviewed by a senior hairstylist who also happens to be his or her teacher.

Social skills? How is being social and/or learning social skills related to money?

Having your own place to live and/or having nice furniture. Maybe this is what has some people in a burr. Well, I have been very poor and have lived in places and areas I wouldn't want to live in now yet...all of my places, no matter how small or how "ugly" they were at first were made to look nice, were kept clean and were well appointed. Even at my poorest, with two children and I packed in a small one bedroom apartment in one of the shadiest part of town, the inside of our home was cozy, warm and inviting. Furniture and home accessories can be had for peanuts, specially nowadays with all the thrift stores and second hand shops and often time they can be had for free - check your local Kijiji or whatever other networks - there are also treasures left everyday on the side of the road , my latest find is a rattan 3 tiers table/shelf unit and a good picture frame I found on a walk in my neighborhood on garbage day:). Places like Value Village have curtains, cushions, tables, chairs, lamps, dishes, pots and pans and all kinds of household items to both furnish and decorate your apartment to make it a home for just a few dollars. In my opinion, there is (almost) no excuse to live poorly just because one is poor.

Lastly, things like education, class, manners, grace...all of those can be acquired on your own if you weren't fortunate enough to have them taught/given to you as a child.


I say good for OP for refusing to accept the whawhawhawimminIcantgetareevilbiitches losers who would no doubt LOVE to bring her down and put her in her rightful place. Think I'm kiddin'? Just take a look at the hatred, the contempt, the jealousy that's in some of these posts and you'll see I'm not kiddin'.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 99
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/27/2011 1:38:00 PM

most of Jen's requirements could be summarized by : $$$$$$$$$$$$$

why not just be a little more honest and set a minimum annual income level (confirmed by audited IRS returns) or minimum net worth (rather than proxies such as 'career' vs. 'job'

place to live that is 'nicely furnished', etc., etc., not divorced (meaning no irritating alimony/CS payments)

I disagree. There are many careers that don't encompass large salaries. Doctors who opt for clinic positions vs. specialty private practice, lawyers that opt for public service vs. private practice venues, scientists that prefer teaching vs. research, etc. And some jobs pay much more than some careers. McDonald managers can make in excess of 6 figures in some areas vs other "jobs" (although being a manager is likely considered a career since many are life-long McDonald's employees ~ it's still likely revered as a "job" to many.) There are all sorts of variables to having a career vs a job. And I doubt it is all about salary to many people who prefer their SO to have a career vs a job.

A "nicely furnished" place can mean all sorts of things. My SO is a self-described "minimalist." This was definitely a shock to my system. He's all about NOT having things. Although it wasn't a deal-breaker for me ~ I did make it clear that he'd have to meet in the middle on "things." I like a nicely furnished home. This doesn't mean expensive things or a lot of things, it means comfortable, warm, friendly, welcoming and clean (same as stated by inthroughtheoutdoor above.)

As for your view on not divorced? If she doesn't wish to deal with child support and/or alimony ~ so what? I don't wish to deal with that either. I prefer a no-drama/trauma/hate/discontent zone, too. Some people don't mind these things, but some of us have no interest. It's not a character flaw to want what you offer. I don't have an ex or ex's someone needs to contend with and I want the same option. Again, personal preference vs. shallowness. It's all just more to-each-their-own stuff. JMO
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 100
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/27/2011 2:03:15 PM
My SO is a self-described "minimalist." This was definitely a shock to my system. He's all about NOT having things. Although it wasn't a deal-breaker for me ~ I did make it clear that he'd have to meet in the middle on "things."

And you both DID compromise, so you both DO now have an S/O..

THAT is what it takes.. compromise of one's dreamed-up wishlist that it SEEMS ought to be readily available since there "ARE" 30 Million people on this POF site...

SO many people feel they can shop like in a car dealer.. Oh I don't like that model, so I will wait for the newer one with "better features".. Maybe I can order it and wait a year for delivery..

In the case of humans, NONE are perfect, so waiting for delivery of that "special" one with ALL the requirements, WILL likely take much of the rest of your limited-offer WOW lifetime..
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