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 FyrKrakn
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 66
Is honesty the best policy?Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Tact, discretion, kindness, self-protection, is the best policy. Stay as close to the truth as possible, but do it with those things in mind.
 BSradar925
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 67
Is honesty the best policy?
Posted: 11/19/2011 10:03:53 PM

Should I just be honest and tell him what I didn't like about him or just let it drop?


You don't owe him anything... You don't own an explanation as to why you did not find him attractive!
 BSradar925
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 68
Is honesty the best policy?
Posted: 11/19/2011 10:07:12 PM

But if I was honest with him, and he fixed the problem, he'd most definitely have better luck dating


Before saying anything I always ask myself, "is it true? it is kind? is it necessary?"

I think telling a stranger about his physical flaws is NOT kind, and is NOT necessary IMO
 TabascoPasco
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 69
Is honesty the best policy?
Posted: 11/20/2011 1:48:34 AM
You gotta love the ones that say sure I like to hangout to go out or whatever after the first date. A few days or a week later you call that person to hangout, go out or whatever and they say yes I'll call you back but no they did not call back.
 CptJohnSheridan
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 70
Is honesty the best policy?
Posted: 11/30/2011 11:59:48 AM
I will play devil's advocate here. What if the guy has gone his entire life and doesn't know? How many of us have friends who think they can sing because no one has had the guts to tell them that they stink? I would tell him the truth and if he responds harshly ignore him. You still will have done a good deed.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 71
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Is honesty the best policy?
Posted: 12/1/2011 9:46:48 AM
Sorry, I couldn't read ll responses but from what I could read I would go with this.



I don't feel it's a match but it was nice to meet you,' you're done. I would not respond to any more contacts from him.


Of course honesty is best. However, this is not about honesty anymore. It's about control and an opening to humiliate and attempt verbal abuse. He disrespected you when you told him, "please don't ask". Giving him an answer would only enforce his disrespectful behaviour.

I was in a similar situation once. And he would just not stop leaving me alone until he got what he wanted, which was a more detailed reason why I didn't want to see him. Then he started with the passive-aggressive and abusive comments, which I was trying to avoid. Don't fall for it.


I would tell him the truth and if he responds harshly ignore him.

By then it's already too late. It's her choice to decide when and to whom the good deed is appropriate. Anytime someone takes this choice away from me by making it a requirement or by insisting, it doesn't sit well with me. But everyone is different.
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 72
Is honesty the best policy?
Posted: 12/1/2011 2:22:58 PM
The correct answer is it's not your job to tell him about his teeth. You are not a dentist. This is a matter of common sense.

Your job is to date and find a partner and minimize rejection for the sake of your own sanity. If you say something negative and he turns out to be a hothead and lashes out, don't be surprised.
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 73
Is honesty the best policy?
Posted: 12/1/2011 6:01:00 PM
If it was me I'd get back to him with "You're a nice guy and we had some spark but sorry the teeth just don't do it for me. Get yourself some braces and then give me a call in a year or however long it takes".

I dated a girl a year or so back.. we went out twice. Tall, thin brunette, very attractive.. except her teeth were rather crooked. I realized I'd never be able to get used to it.

If she had asked me.. I'd have told her. They detract from her beauty.

It's something that can be fixed. I'd never tell someone I didn't like their face, that wouldn't be very productive for them, or for me.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 74
Is honesty the best policy?
Posted: 12/2/2011 8:37:04 PM
OP: He's probably baiting you into a flame war. You've given him all he needs to know.

Honesty is not only the best policy, it's the only policy. But that doesn't mean telling everyone you meet the complete unvarnished truth. It's OK to take the fifth...
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 75
Is honesty the best policy?
Posted: 12/2/2011 9:37:42 PM
when someone has a few photos up and they all have a closed mouth smile it makes me wonder why and if its their teeth.
I honestly dont know what i would do and I have been in the same situation before and did not tell the man why. I just did not go on a second date. i would think that at this age (40's and 50's) the person would know how they looked. But that isnt always true,...sometimes they are just used to their teeth and dont realize that it detracts from their looks. now I sound shallow but Im not. the worst kind of teeth are when you can tell they have been on drugs.
once I dated a man with bad teeth, but his personality was so great that I fell in love with him and although I would have loved it if he fixed his teeth, i never mentioned it.
he had the income to do so also.

i think if it was something so distracting about me that caused me not to get dates I would want to know in a nice way.
 AnEvilgenius
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 76
Is honesty the best policy?
Posted: 12/2/2011 10:00:15 PM
Op, you might want to do some research and soul searching because it seems as if you have more then just this one problem with when, where, and how honesty should be applied.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 77
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History
Is honesty the best policy?
Posted: 12/3/2011 1:18:51 AM

Op, you might want to do some research and soul searching because it seems as if you have more then just this one problem with when, where, and how honesty should be applied.
Wow. Where did that come from? Out of all posts you had to pick her and accuse her of having a problem? Good grief.
 bottleguy
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 78
Is honesty the best policy?
Posted: 12/3/2011 7:19:43 AM
Have you noticed that all the dating tips in books and online basically tell you to lie. I don't see the point.
 AnEvilgenius
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 79
Is honesty the best policy?
Posted: 12/3/2011 9:21:42 AM

Wow. Where did that come from?

Two different threads started by the same person with the topic based on honesty.
"when do you tell someone you're dating you have a FWB"
("So my question is: When would you tell them? Before meeting? Before a second date? I don't like hiding things from people, but most men won't understand this arrangement.")

"Is honesty the best policy?"
("Should I just be honest and tell him what I didn't like about him or just let it drop?")




Out of all posts you had to pick her and accuse her of having a problem? Good grief.

Exactly who should I have responded to if not the "original poster" ?
And I apologize if my post came across as an accusation, I was stating a fact.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 80
Is honesty the best policy?
Posted: 12/3/2011 1:24:39 PM
OK ... it's his teeth. Buck teeth with a giant gap between them


OP that would be a big turnoff to me too. Years ago I worked w/a really nice guy. He had many good qualities, but he had extremely crooked, brown & yellow teeth. He has horribly offensive breath too. He had a good job w/dental insurance, so I don't know why he never had his teeth fixed. His breath was so bad, didn't he brush & use mouth wash? Or was the rancid oder caused by decay? He liked me a lot & wanted a relationship w/me, I went out w/him once to try & overlook his problem, & see him for the person he was inside, but the site of his teeth & his breath drove me away. I knew I would never kiss him. We remained friends on the job, but that was it. I didn't feel comfortable telling him why I wouldn't go out w/him again, but to me it was obvious. He should have cared enough about his appearance to fix those awful teeth, & to brush his teeth before a date.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 81
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Is honesty the best policy?
Posted: 12/3/2011 9:39:48 PM
Msg 103,


Exactly who should I have responded to if not the "original poster" ?
And I apologize if my post came across as an accusation, I was stating a fact.

By “out of all posts” I meant posts in various threads.
First of all, telling her "she has other problems" has nothing to do with the title of the thread or the question.

What fact did you state?
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 82
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Is honesty the best policy?
Posted: 12/3/2011 9:56:20 PM
You got ME curious what it was you did not like about him... Can you tell us on here? I am curious now...
 AnEvilgenius
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 83
Is honesty the best policy?
Posted: 12/3/2011 11:33:15 PM
Msg, 105

Well that's a strange question to ask someone, a bit antagonistic.
First of all, I said she had more then just the one problem with honesty and how, when and why it should be applied.

And it has everything to do with the topic and question.

I've never had a situation where I questioned my own honesty unless I was looking for a loophole or way to use it as a justification for poor behavior.
So I suggested that the op takes some time to look inside herself for the answer's she is seeking.
Honesty isn't something you need to seek advice for.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 84
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Is honesty the best policy?
Posted: 12/4/2011 1:21:21 AM
107
Just because a question seems strange doesn’t mean there is a problem, yet you are claiming she has many and other problems as well and needs to do this and that.

She never asked if she had any problems. It’s great that you never questioned your honesty before but not everyone is perfect.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 85
Is honesty the best policy?
Posted: 12/4/2011 10:36:44 AM

Have you noticed that all the dating tips in books and online basically tell you to lie. I don't see the point.

Actually, the mainstream ones don't. In fact, to be more honest in reference to I-dont-give-a-fck attitude is what the book The Game is about (a story about a guy who was supposed to write a mother of all manuals on picking girls up, but ended up applying things to himself personally).

Basically the only thing you lie about, which a vast majority of people do anyway, is about how many people you've slept with (it's not their business anyway). Other than that, you don't. Shy people, status-quo single guys can lie more.
 AnEvilgenius
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 86
Is honesty the best policy?
Posted: 12/4/2011 9:32:38 PM

107
Just because a question seems strange doesn’t mean there is a problem, yet you are claiming she has many and other problems as well and needs to do this and that.

She never asked if she had any problems. It’s great that you never questioned your honesty before but not everyone is perfect.


Well since you refuse to reply, question and even quote anything in the context in which it was written I find your questions and complaints to be completely irrelevant.
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 87
Is honesty the best policy?
Posted: 12/4/2011 10:06:45 PM
Honesty has to be one of life's trickiest aspects. I've come to believe that whomever made up that expression (Honestys the best policy) was a somewhat a dishonest person/s (lol). Or very misinformed. Sometimes it's worth it to be honest with certain people in certain circumstances. But it just seems to be human nature much of the time, that when people know lots about something or someone to maliciously use what they know against others. Knowing when to be totally honest with whomever, whenever requires some significant life experience.

To more specifically answer the op question. If you think it was obvious or should have been obvious to her date, I would not mention what it was that turned her off. But if it was something her date could have been oblivious to, she could tell him if she wanted.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 88
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Is honesty the best policy?
Posted: 12/4/2011 10:28:35 PM

Well since you refuse to reply, question and even quote anything in the context in which it was written I find your questions and complaints to be completely irrelevant.


Reply to what? Question what? It seems you are doing a lot of projecting. First it was the OP and now you are telling me what I need to do. I wasn't aware I had to question something. I have been responding. What are you talking about?

I don't question on demand or share everything I question, if I question.

Still haven't heard from you what the "facts" regarding your original post is. The post title is very clear. No one likes to be told from a stranger that they have problems and they need soul searching.

Don't take out YOUR problems on someone who posts a question. That way everyone can enjoy it.

You can always explain your context. Here are your words. Not mine.



Op, you might want to do some research and soul searching because it seems as if you have more then just this one problem with when, where, and how honesty should be applied.
You're full of it. It would seem if someone posts a thread they are maybe already thinking about it. Assumptions, assumptions, assumption. So, again, what part of your original statement is a fact? What you are saying is totally irrelevant.
 AnEvilgenius
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 89
Is honesty the best policy?
Posted: 12/5/2011 1:02:03 AM
Wow!

Reply to what? Question what? It seems you are doing a lot of projecting. First it was the OP and now you are telling me what I need to do. I wasn't aware I had to question something. I have been responding. What are you talking about?

You are a liar. I've yet to tell anyone to do anything. I made a suggestion to the op and pointed out why you are irrelevant.

Still haven't heard from you what the "facts" regarding your original post is. The post title is very clear. No one likes to be told from a stranger that they have problems and they need soul searching.
Answered that question before you asked for it. post 103.
And again you are a liar, I said she "might" want to do.

Don't take out YOUR problems on someone who posts a question. That way everyone can enjoy it.

It's not a problem for me, I know the solution that's why I offered it to the op.
Everyone else like you is irrelevant, my reply was to the op.

You can always explain your context. Here are your words. Not mine.

I did explain the context in post 107.

So, again, what part of your original statement is a fact?

Again, post 103.



 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 90
Is honesty the best policy?
Posted: 12/5/2011 11:54:43 AM

Honesty has to be one of life's trickiest aspects.

It can be non-tricky, but it certainly can be life's trickiest things in different ways, for different circumstances.

The movie liar-liar exposes this. Being 100% honest about anything someone may want to know 100% of the time is going to get you in trouble at some point, create mild enemies over time, and just rub people the wrong way. Many in life don't expect to hear the complete truth about a particular number of things unless there's some huge huge problem. And since we can't know for sure of someone we don't know what they're reaction would be, we play it safe -- usually lying by omission and lying by exaggeration or downplaying.
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