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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Was I played by this woman on purpose?      Home login  
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 KreweOf2
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 26
Was I played by this woman on purpose?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
No matter whether you were "played on purpose", or not... you allowed it.

You made a choice to e-date someone for 9 months before meeting. You made a choice to talk 8-12 hrs/day???? (I don't even believe that!) with someone you'd never even met.

Yes, people get lonely and do stupid things. You should be the poster child for this.
 BACKAGAINTOTRYAGAIN
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 27
Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 7/29/2011 7:09:27 PM
realy did you think this would work out .
twenty years younger it never work out thats rare okay.
you could be her father think about it.
maybe you should talk to people your age or 10 years younger then you would not have this iusse ,
maybe you got played because you didnt think, and sorry but your not young anymore you almost 60. and its time to face the fact . that you would be better off with a 50 or60 woman more in common with.
sorry if this hurts but it the truth
 dashenka4
Joined: 4/4/2011
Msg: 28
Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 7/29/2011 7:48:57 PM
Seriously? Talking 8-12 hrs a day? And texting in between? Is there time left to sleep, eat, take a shower? Do you have any kind of life ? Real life commitments, relationships, obligations? Because, you know, life is very lonely one on one with computer or telephone. Get out of your shell, go somewhere, talk to someone, get involved, read a book. Get off of your fantasy island. You have created a virtual reality and then wanted real life to match it. Get a buddy to do a reality check with you every few days. Or pay a therapist to do that until you safely leave your imaginary world and plant your feet in here and now. Good luck.
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 29
Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 7/30/2011 1:49:37 AM
Yes I have to wonder what you would have had in common with the twenty year age gap and she may have found it too wide in the end. She left you furniture and goods so you didnt miss out financially so you were not really being played.

I think she had another relationship going on and with so much time on the phone as you say, she was definitely carrying on a relationship elsewhere. She may have needed somewhere to go for a while and then had sorted things out with the ex perhaps....

Dont let it dishearten you and you may be better of finding someone lliving closer and more mature that you can have a real relationship with. May not be the stunning beauty that you say the other one was, but what good was that? You were living a fantasy and now she is not with you.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 30
Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 7/30/2011 2:34:25 AM
I agree with many of the posters; just the wording you used; your beautiful hummingbird?

At 59 it can get lonely; no faulting you there but you have to be real.

8 months on the phone isn't getting to know someone; that is a fairy tale. Getting to know someone is spending time with you; hanging out; dealing with problems and successes.

She met you, realized it's not what she wanted and moved on.

You weren't played on purpose; this person just didnt' want this.

With your personality I dont' suggest online dating. You need to get out there and meet people in person. You built up this magical fairy tale and it was an illusion. I wish you well
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 31
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History
Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 7/30/2011 3:21:54 AM
What you *really* missed were the red flags, like:

* Establishing a relationship with someone an entire generation younger than you.

* Agreeing to move in together and even *thinking* marriage before you'd even met in person.

* Diving into life-changing events w/o really thinking through the impact of those changes on those lives.

Sounds to me like you tried to live out a TV or movie fantasy. Those can work in the 90 minutes or two hours on a screen. In real life? Not so much.
 Kitten189
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 32
Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 7/30/2011 4:22:00 AM
Wow...................just wow.............

Op,i really hope you NEVER do this again and understand that you cant fall in love "head to toe" with someone you've not even met,let alone start talking about marriage.
Good grief,man.
I mean,that's just crazee talk................you were living in Fantasy Land.

It's really quite sad to *me* to read and understand how very lonely some people must be.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 33
Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 7/30/2011 5:07:28 AM
you cant ever make a relationship by email, chat, phone and web notes. It is difficult enough to keep a love going with only those as well. You need to be in front of the person. The web is only an introduction. Nothing more. Any future has to be based on the realities that occur AFTER meeting, after collecting the red flags, after verifying that they are indeed who they say they are, who the claimed to be, and their intent is indeed honest and in line with correspondence. Otherwise it is just a happy fantasy - you might as well go play W.o.W

two examples
1) When I was 13 and the BBs was just taking off, I had the modem and was writing notes to university girl in New York. It was a grand romance of words, hope, poetry and teasing, when I finally met her on spring break when I was 15 - well we both knew that there was not a future to it - it was a great and fun weekend - but we invested two years together on really nothing of solid foundation. (yes she knew my age, she must have been ahead of the cougar power curve)
2) I have done letter writing and translating for men looking to Russia/Ukraine/FSU for 15 years. I always tell them to never admit to notions of love and a future life together until after they have met. In cases of future promises that seem all out of proportion, too early, too often, too grand, when meeting the relationship FAILS. I keep trying to coach them to only say they are hopeful to meet, and that should be the goal of the efforts, the start of a Once upon a time - the chance to be together; not writing out the whole fairytale promising a Happily Ever After before you have even met ! ugh.
You cant down load your wife, you cant mail order a bride, you need to be in person, you need to be face to face.
otherwise, it is all a web of lies and deceit, a happy little diversion that you stumbled into.
 OneMoreGuyOutThere
Joined: 3/13/2011
Msg: 34
Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 7/30/2011 7:26:31 AM
You got away unscathed, consider yourself lucky.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 35
Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 7/30/2011 7:56:49 AM
You were not played. You were a victim or your own imagination. This is what happens when people spend too much time on the computer and on the phone without having met in person. Start the falling in love with someone AFTER you meet, so it does not cloud your judgment.
 GrinGuy
Joined: 11/6/2010
Msg: 36
Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 7/30/2011 8:01:16 AM
Well, she appears to have no backbone - not even a face to face, "I cannot do this"...
We live and learn.. However, I suggest you do not return her calls when she does call.. You'll simply be the guy she's talking to, in the bathroom, while she's with her next guy..

She's learned how to do this stunt, and it works for her...
 FatBottomGirI
Joined: 6/28/2011
Msg: 37
Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 7/30/2011 8:31:32 AM
You cannot fall in love over a phone or computer. How can you love someone when you do not even know them? It amazes me that people get a place together and plan weddings when they have yet to meet in person. It's just so ridiculous that it's hard to picture two sane adults to do.
Also how does one have the time to text or talk for 12 hours everyday?
 joelmann
Joined: 7/19/2011
Msg: 38
Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 7/30/2011 8:52:13 AM
I am curious, however not offended, by your statement "your personality I don't suggest on-line dating". I thought i was pretty much like everyone else. What kind of personality would that be?
 Mr. B from Dallas
Joined: 7/10/2010
Msg: 39
Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 7/30/2011 10:08:24 AM

You got away unscathed, consider yourself lucky.


My thoughts exactly! Consider yourself lucky that it ended quickly! The fact that she would just pick up and move that far for someone she has only known by phone and text should have given you a clue that she has some serious issues. I understand being lonely but that pretty freaking crazy.

So what did you do with her furniture?
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 40
Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 7/30/2011 10:23:50 AM
OP you had it right when you said "you can't fall in love over a cell phone" ..........you should have stuck with that instinct.

Yes, you met her and she moved in with you. But the first red flag would have been staying in the bathroom for hours. I would have gotten to the bottom of the problem.

Lucky for you, it was only 16 days.....it could have been a lot worse. She could have cleaned out your bank account......D'OH!!!!!!!!!!

Take it as a lesson learned and don't let it leave you jaded.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 41
Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 7/30/2011 10:41:10 AM
OP
The "no guts no glory" philosophy of living has it's excellent points but it's also true that it can get you into the position of being emotional roadkill.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
FWIW, my take is that the lady looked the thing square in the eye and lost her nerve. Nobody's fault-and better she bailed than having you guys get seriously interwoven lives and THEN lose her nerve...or turn into a passive aggressive partner manipulating YOU into being the "bad guy" that ends the relationship.
Stick to people that you can reasonably meet in a fairly quick timeframe...don't spend months on the 'net and the 'phone creating a fantasy.
Cindy O
 daisypetalpicking
Joined: 6/25/2011
Msg: 42
Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 7/30/2011 11:36:47 AM
Love is a word to frequently used without knowing the true meaning of the word and sometimes the desperation for the want of belonging clouds the reality.. It can be easy to fantasize a situation into being and when it doesn't live up to your fantasy it's a long fall..I don't think she played you. If that was the case she would have cleaned you out..I think she just woke up from a dream . And I also don't think you can fall in love over the phone and warning bells should have gone off by the intensity of her affections over that medium.. Anyway live and learn.. Life is way too short to worry about it move on and find that special one..in fact she may have done you a favour...
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 43
Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 7/30/2011 2:19:29 PM
Op back in 97 I had something happen like this, met a guy online before there were dating sites and no pictures where online. We talked every days for hours...expensive phone bills. Twice he told me he mailed me pictures; I never got them. He gets off the airplane and I realized that he hadn't mail them on purpose; he was nothing like he said. I was angry and hurt that he had lied; He was to stay for 5 days but I worked it out that he returned the next day and he called from the airport in Chicago and said..."Was it me?". He was embarrassed and spent the next several days at the airport so his friends would never know what happened.

I learned that when you talk with someone online you allow them to become to you ...what you want them to be...NOT who they are. You see them in your minds eye as being what you want. So while she exceeded your expectations; you did not met hers. In my case my ex husband lied about everything so once I met him I wondered whatever wasn't he telling me. Then the guy mentioned honeymoon and taking my kids over dinner that night I just felt I had to end it there.

Never allow a personal connection to another person before you see the whites of their eyes (Face-to-Face). That way you can tell if you like them and if they like you. You should have met sooner before she became such a big part of your daily life. He would call me for months afterwards and all the old feelings would RUSH back and I had to remind myself that he couldn't be trusted. You built her up to much. She was to important to you before you met.

The main thing is life is balanced...you lost your balance with her. You didnt balance your real life with your feelings for her.
 714mia
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 44
Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 7/30/2011 2:42:56 PM
.all that was left of her was a text in my phone saying .."I cant do this""keep the furniture and tv ...DID U CHECK YOURSELF FOR S.T.D?
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 45
Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 8/27/2011 4:15:30 PM
Spending hours in the bathroom on the phone with someone was a big red flag right there! People do not spend that much time talking to their mothers, and if it was her mother, she wouldn't have been so secretive about it. You chose to look the other way because you were in love with her. You were lonley, you opened yourself up, &you were so trusting, but she wasn't that way with you. You are not the first blinded by love. It seems you were caught up in a fantasy world & not living in reality. It happens so try to learn from this so you won't repeat it again. What if she had left with all of your possessions? What if you came home to an empty apartment, & she stole everything? What if the person on the phone that she was talking to tried to harm you? You put your physical safety at risk, luckily the only thing broken was your heart, and not your head!
 WhiteKnight91360
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 46
Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 8/27/2011 5:06:37 PM
You weren't played. You're a nice guy looking for love. You're human. My personal experience...women younger than myself, even 5 years, are not as stable as you would think.

Appreciate the time you had with her and forgive yourself for indulging...you're a human being.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 47
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Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 8/27/2011 5:07:57 PM
What kind of a person has 8-12 hours a day to spend on the phone? Only 9 hours away and you moved in without meeting? You could have met by skipping one call.
Don't blame her, blame yourself.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 48
Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 8/27/2011 5:19:10 PM
I am so sorry you were hurt, but there are loads of red flags here!


a woman that was 20 years younger than myself

In the future, please exercise EXTRA caution when something appears too good to be true.


talking for 8 to 12 hours a day..and texting in between

Good grief! Did neither of you have anything to do all day! Excessive is a red flag of an unstable person!

Who knows...you got a younger woman for a few days & it cost you a few tears & a bit of $$$. She could've taken you for a lot more so I'd say you got off pretty easy. Be more cautious would be the only advice I'd offer.
 x_file
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 49
Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 8/27/2011 5:48:04 PM

... you mostly played yourselves.


Simple and down to the point... and 99% of the time true.

Oh how easy it is to blame others and how unnatural or inconceivable is to take personal responsibility for one's infinite stupidity.
 Sully8545
Joined: 12/12/2009
Msg: 50
Was I played by this woman on purpose?
Posted: 8/27/2011 5:56:01 PM
No you weren't played. You were just stupid. No offense.
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