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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?      Home login  
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 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 51
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?Page 3 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)

Men in their 50's are not really looking for women of the same age, they want younger. Women in their 50's tend to be contacted by the over 60's but are flattered by the very young men who make contact. It's also not an age thing for some of us it is really difficult to meet anyone of any age.


While I understand the "she may not like you" idea, most men run into the same thing. I message, roughly, one woman every two weeks. If I get no response I move on. The vast majority never respond and this seems to be the experience of most men . Oh, no I do not proposition them for sex nor include a nude photograph. There comes a point where one begins to think, "why bother"?

One week ago I signed out of POF and then opened the site to see what men write in their profiles. I've never done this before. I searched all men 50 to 65 within a 10 mile radius. I never found a one that was looking for someone his daughters age. There were two that said they wanted a "sexy" woman but that was the limit. Maybe I live in a area where gentlemen abound or this concept is being blown way out of proportion.
 KAKI3152
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 52
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/6/2011 7:01:42 PM
Well, here I am getting ready to go dancing. A good way to forget my probnlems.
It's been a good week

I have messaged a few women on POF and never heard anything. One or two have sent "not Interested" message. One or two have sent me E-mails which I respectfully answered but made clear that I was not interested. I have had very enthusaistic E-mails from women who live in Missouri and New York. Enjoy the E-maill excahnges but still no date on Saturday night.

But I guess I want someone who is attractive and personable. I think men in their fifties have become unrealistic if they expect to date 30 year olds. Most women I find attractive are in their 40s with a few over the fifties mark.

I disagree with the woman who posted "[T]he problem i have found is that men, in their 50's, still have not matured and figured out what the important things are in life (which, i guess is why they are here). The men who DO know the importance of the non-superficial are "taken" and know the worth of putting in the work to be a happy couple."

So you're saying women 'have figured out the important things in life"? And the Men who DO "know the inportance of the non-superficial are 'taken'"? Seem too simplistic a world view.
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 53
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/6/2011 10:33:00 PM
Yes and guys, harder to be attractive over 55- 60 to women as well, not to mention sexually viable. .It works both ways.

The Rod Stewarts of this world having children at 65 dont think about the fact that he will be 80 when that son is 15, or dead.... Viagra has a lot to answer for lol!!
Lets see if this child has any health defects...

 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 54
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/6/2011 10:43:36 PM
That is right, men dont want women in general over the age of 55 unless they are looking for the nurse/housemaid.... and are geriatric. We cant all afford or even want the plastic surgery or botox of the Chers of this world.

Younger guys contact mature women because of the lack of commitment inherent in such a liaison and the lack of pregnancy issues not to mention wanting to gain more sexperience. I dont necessarily find it flattering. I cant imagine going anywhere socially or introducing a much younger man to my circle of friends or family..
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 55
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/7/2011 7:49:41 AM

That is right, men dont want women in general over the age of 55 unless they are looking for the nurse/housemaid.


Never have I or the single men I know, that are my age, ever look for what you describe. Your comments sound more like an cliche that some older women use to bash men because they are having a hard time getting one. Maybe a little less bashing and a more positive outlook might get some results.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 56
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/7/2011 9:51:18 AM
Well. . . since replying to this OP and to "Messenger #53," two "private" e-mails have landed in my POF mailbox -- both from very attractive 50something women who are educated, articulate, financially solvent, and (assuming their photos are recent) athletic/active/physically fit.

These women reside in different US time zones. Both wrote to share privately that their own personal experiences validate my reply to the OP: it is indeed harder to meet other people in their 50's, and there appears to be a significant disconnect between the image that members of this age group emotionally "see" when looking into a mirror and the image that the mirror is literally reflecting to members of this age group.

Of course each gender can only know our own astonishment at the difficulty in finding One Special Someone to Love. However, anyone taking the time to read profile statements and photos --- from both genders -- can only conclude that this "disconnect" exists in the minds of both men and women in the "Over 50" group.

In an increasingly challenging global existence, isn't it a loss like no other to have so many 50 year olds --- capable of giving and receiving so much love --- missing out on having a hand to hold and a heart to cherish? Isn't it a loss like no other to spend --- without a Love of Our Lives --- what for most of us may be a matter of 1-2 decades left to run and hike and bike and live in excellent health?

Truly. Each of us is "here" because we know that love is that "one true thing." So even though most of us have now practically resigned ourselves to spending the aforementioned 1-2 decades without that kind of love --- that "one true thing" --- we will never ever surrender our dream that one day. . .
 roe64
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 57
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/7/2011 6:11:55 PM
If a man in his 60"s dates a woman his age, she's not going to look bad, but men age faster physically then women, that's why women outlive men. If you're young and date someone older, yea you're in trouble. Stick with your age. Most of these guys on here look pretty bad. As for me I don't depend on just the internet. Another thing the guys on here say is that they do this and do that. Well why the hell haven't they met someone out there???? I'm just starting to get out with friends, and I'm getting alot of flirts out there. Of course I'm a little afraid, but I know I'll meet someone my age, I'm not needy or desperate. Good luck all you old guys!!!
 roe64
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 58
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/8/2011 8:00:02 AM
You seem to be critical of alot of women on this site. Maybe that's why you're having trouble. Why is it that men die sooner then women?? There's alot ot single women on this site ya know. Instead of writing on this forum, why not write some of the women. Seems like you've got it in for women, must of been severly wounded!!!
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 59
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/8/2011 8:53:17 AM
Yes. This is because people in their 50's are looking for people in their 40's
Who are looking for people in their 30's
Who are looking for people in their 20's
Who are getting arrested for dating people in their teens.
 Gastro Man
Joined: 7/25/2005
Msg: 60
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/8/2011 8:57:00 AM
The irony in your post is that online is the BEST way to meet people now. You can contact thousands of people without even getting up out of your char. What you might wanna do is try to find a woman that may be within driving distance, say 200 miles of you. If there are none that are closer than that, then resign yourself to finding a woman that is a couple hours drive away. You can broaden your search base that way, plus you can at least get to see her once or twice a month.
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 61
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/8/2011 9:06:38 AM
Meeting ladies in their 50's ? I have met some wonderful ladies in their 50's here. Like the OP, I too am fairly happy being single. I don't necessarily think it's harder to meet these gals at all. The POF parties locally are a great place to meet folks of all ages.

Finding a mutual attraction seems to be tough though. Maybe it's too much of past experience reigning in my hormones. Maybe it's not having the hormones I had when in my 20's? Making friends is great and I am all for that. As far as head over heels, in love goes....Have'nt been there in a long time and if it does happen again I'd like it to be with a lady of my age group.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 62
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/8/2011 10:57:45 AM

Ready_Real:
Each of us is "here" because we know that love is that "one true thing."


ERROR ERROR ERROR

Assuming facts not in evidence.

Supporting statement: This is a dating site, not a "true love" site.

Many of us (myself included) are here because we want to find an attractive member of the opposite sex, go out on dates, have fun, possibly leading to intimacy.

Is it possible that all of the above could lead to falling in love? Why, yes, that is possible. But I do not consider "finding true love" to be the primary reason why I am here.
 Abusheesha
Joined: 6/9/2011
Msg: 63
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/8/2011 11:47:05 AM
I run 10k 4 or 5 times a week, ride, swim, hike, canoe, retired at 52, travel around the world and so on -- like who cares anyways -- Sure hope I am in the 5% I say to myself as I pat my little belly, and if I am, I am not sure you are correct in the tastes of all older men --

Despite being the typical male with a pea-size brain and global size ego coupled with the ever pleasing emotional awareness of a gnat, I can still only relate to women around my own age (54) who are much more difficult to find than a 30 year old and especially that are active -- Although I will concede in a second you have an infinitely better chance of finding a good woman than you do a man at any age -- Even men with the self-awareness of a slug know this, seldom admitted, albeit

I think it comes down to whether you are interested in the whole women, or only a very small part of her and a man with even a spark of intelligence knows there are a lot of minutes in the day "so, uh, ya's best be able to talk to her two (sic), eh guys" (translated from English to enable understanding for male readers).

Good luck, although looking for a good man is kind of like fishing for gold in the toilet bowl.

 Blue-Eyes-Shine
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 64
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/8/2011 12:06:59 PM
Abusheesha, good attitude, good sense of humor and I am assuming your mail box will soon be full.

It is very hard to meet a person with a good and healthy attitude and body in your 50's.

I think some men are being rejected because most women aren't going straight to intimacy after a couple of dates. We (women) have a mind and brains and want to be appreciated for it, not just our bodies.
 Mermaid2804
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 65
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/8/2011 3:11:14 PM
Msg 61...so you went on POF and checked out men's profiles ONCE and yet you are certain that all of the women on here that are speaking of their day to day experience are exaggerating, lying or just making up stories? Are you so closed minded that you cannot even be open to the possibility that we know what we are talking about?

I get contacted by men 15 - 20 years older than me frequently. I also get contacted (through the IM system) by 'men' in their 20's . Neither age group appeals to me.

I would much rather be happy alone than settle just to be alone in a relationship.
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 66
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/8/2011 6:10:50 PM

Msg 61...so you went on POF and checked out men's profiles ONCE and yet you are certain that all of the women on here that are speaking of their day to day experience are exaggerating, lying or just making up stories? Are you so closed minded that you cannot even be open to the possibility that we know what we are talking about?


From the way many women here complain the """"MAJORITY"""" of men (over 50) everywhere are either:

1. Only after sex
2. Only want someone in their 20's or 30's (only for sex)

This is all we hear out of many women here. They don't say "some men". It's always "men"! Are the ladies listening!!! Many (fortunately not all) come across as having this "all men are created evil" philosophy. If the women's accusations are accurate then it should be reflected everywhere. So ..... I looked to see if the average guy, my age (roughly), were only looking for sex or young women and they are not. Maybe the "GENERALISED STEREO TYPE" that women on here are stating isn't as accurate as they percieve:

1. Have they been contacted by EVERY man in their geographical area?
2. Have they read EVERY man's profile in their geographical area.

If not, then these blanket statements are unfair and inaccurate.
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 67
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/8/2011 6:20:05 PM
Reading between the lines here, I think the biggest problem a lot of the men and women on this site have is that actually they despise the opposite sex.

Back to the drawing board...


Very likely, unfortunately. When I was 17 I remember sitting in Church waiting for my mother to finish talking to some of her friends. In the area where I sat were a number of older (50's and 60's) divorced women talking. The subject: how unacceptable the single men were and if they want a relationship they'll have to tow the line. Later I heard some of the older men talk and they were not any better.

What's is sad is "all" of them eventually died single and had never found any sort of love. All of them. The older they became the more stubborn their attitude became. So the $64,000 question is can our generation learn from this? From what I see, read and experience we are becoming just like they were. Am I being negative: maybe.

Are we repeating history? Can we change??????????
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 68
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/8/2011 7:12:51 PM
Dear ohenryx & Donald Duck,

Sex --- and as much of it as we both could possibly have at our st/age -- would be the grand finale of a friendship that develops into a soulmate love affair (aka "that one true thing"). And what a grand finale!!! It would happen over and over again for as long as we both lived and cherished each other --- soul and body.

But sex as defined by two bodies coming together is not what most people at our st/age of life say they want and need. Not that you aren't entitled to state your preferences in a free country such as ours! As for most profiles I've read and most people who've written me? Their thinking is that friendship is the foundation for all good things, including soulmate love. And that nothing ---- absolutely positively nothing --- is more "true" than one soulmate love --- body and soul -- between two people:)
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 69
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/9/2011 3:58:21 AM
It would seem the older men and women become the less trusting and open we are towards the opposite sex. It sure seems like we can't stand each other.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 70
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/9/2011 4:22:20 AM
Msg 85

When I was 17 I remember sitting in Church waiting for my mother to finish talking to some of her friends. In the area where I sat were a number of older (50's and 60's) divorced women talking. The subject: how unacceptable the single men were and if they want a relationship they'll have to tow the line. Later I heard some of the older men talk and they were not any better.


I observed that many church goers place their fate in the hands of God. No wonder that even the almighty can't satisfy all of them. And no wonder that they complain so much. Meanwhile, the heathens grab the tiger by the tail and are having great time.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 71
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/9/2011 6:42:32 AM

Ready_Real:
Their thinking is that friendship is the foundation for all good things, including soulmate love. And that nothing ---- absolutely positively nothing --- is more "true" than one soulmate love --- body and soul -- between two people:)


Please don't get me wrong, I am not knocking "true love". Far from it. I think love is a wonderful thing, and a worthwhile ambition. But you cannot come on a "dating site" and shop for it, like you would shop for a frying pan in the Sears and Roebuck catalog. What you can do, is try and find someone who is of the opposite sex, single, attractive to you, and just maybe someone you would enjoy meeting / dating. Lower your expectations, start small, build from there.

If you keep running around starry-eyed, searching online for your one true love, you are going to grow old, alone and bitter. Loosen up, have some fun, go on dates, love just may find you. But you are very unlikely to find "it" by searching online.

Just my opinion, and you are of course entitled to your opposing opinion.
 KAKI3152
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 72
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/9/2011 8:44:01 AM
I thinkthe real problem is we become cynical with age. We don't hate the opposite sex, we just don't trust them. We're always looking for the hidden flaw that a prospective mate might have.

With these uncertain economic times, we also want to save what we do have for our retrirement.

I became a member of POF in order to find some women to go out with and hopefully have a good time. So far, it hasn't worked out that way but call me crazy, I'm still hoping.
 RichenLosAngeles
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 73
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/9/2011 9:33:33 AM
Kaki, have you ever tried a profile review? You might benefit from that.
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 74
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/9/2011 5:44:45 PM
There's a lot of the word "Trust" being slung around, but, at least from my POV, I don't see that as the culprit.

"SOOOOOOOOUUULLL MATE!" - THAT's your culprit.

It suggests that there is, somewhere, some one perfect match in the world that is perfectly tailored for your happiness. And that, with that snipe loose in the bushes, anything less is not acceptable. "Why settle, when the other part of my very Soul is out there, lonely and searching for me?!"

Hands up for those of you whose parents found their unassailable, perfect, no-arguments, no complaints Soooul Mate. Grandparents? Aunts? Uncles? Friends?

There's a disconnect. If you have a Soooul Mate, then a relationship is not work. If you have a Soooul mate, a relationship needs no compromise. They will never lie, never complain, always be exactly where you want them when you want them.

It's a fantasy.

It's a community starving in view of itself; its the embodiment of the allegory of the Long Spoons:

Rabbi Haim of Romshishok was an itinerant preacher. He traveled from town to town delivering religious sermons that stressed the importance of respect for one’s fellow man. He often began his talks with the following story:

"I once ascended to the firmaments. I first went to see Hell and the sight was horrifying. Row after row of tables were laden with platters of sumptuous food, yet the people seated around the tables were pale and emaciated, moaning in hunger. As I came closer, I understood their predicament.

"Every person held a full spoon, but both arms were splinted with wooden slats so he could not bend either elbow to bring the food to his mouth. It broke my heart to hear the tortured groans of these poor people as they held their food so near but could not consume it.

"Next I went to visit Heaven. I was surprised to see the same setting I had witnessed in Hell – row after row of long tables laden with food. But in contrast to Hell, the people here in Heaven were sitting contentedly talking with each other, obviously sated from their sumptuous meal.

"As I came closer, I was amazed to discover that here, too, each person had his arms splinted on wooden slats that prevented him from bending his elbows. How, then, did they manage to eat?

"As I watched, a man picked up his spoon and dug it into the dish before him. Then he stretched across the table and fed the person across from him! The recipient of this kindness thanked him and returned the favor by leaning across the table to feed his benefactor.

I suddenly understood. Heaven and Hell offer the same circumstances and conditions. The critical difference is in the way the people treat each other.

I ran back to Hell to share this solution with the poor souls trapped there. I whispered in the ear of one starving man, "You do not have to go hungry. Use your spoon to feed your neighbor, and he will surely return the favor and feed you."

"'You expect me to feed the detestable man sitting across the table?' said the man angrily. 'I would rather starve than give him the pleasure of eating!'

"I then understood God’s wisdom in choosing who is worthy to go to Heaven and who deserves to go to Hell."
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 75
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/9/2011 6:30:43 PM
[QUOTE]MY GOD. Aren't there any accomplished, smart, decent, normal men out there?[/QUOTE]

Well, that depends - and it goes to the heart of the question.

Accomplished; I was a newspaper editor and columnist for ten years; weekly column, daily blog, over 5 million eyeballs a year. Newspapers died. After a decade, I was overqualified for everything, and I am now Project Manager at a Federal Courthouse. "Project Manager " = "Head Janitor." Who I was was 'Accomplished." What am I now?

Smart; three degrees - Business, Marketing, Philosophy, with a minor in art history and film. I watch silent film, foreign film, listen to Phillipino Pop, 40's Big Band, and ambient. Would you watch "Metropolis" with a soundtrack by Harold Budd?

Sometimes "Smart" is overqualified.

Decent; I consider myself so. But use every man after his desert, and who should 'scape whipping? Does my lust damn me?

Normal; "Normal" goes against the rest of your wants; I have come to know "Normal," and I don't think you can consider "Smart," "Accomplished," and, more usually than not, "Decent" as "Normal" qualities alone - combined, they are far from the norm.
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