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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?      Home login  
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 maryjay51
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 126
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?Page 6 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)
im not concentrating on anyone's age..just looking to find someone i can connect with and do things with. i have a hard time with men my age. they dont seem to get along with me in a dating fashion. but ive dated men in their 30s and we get along wonderfully well .. i havent figured out why yet either but at any rate im happy someone out there gets along with me !!!
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 127
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 9/2/2011 8:03:23 PM
Quite right. Men in their 50's with something to offer, reasonable health, financially comfortable, and so on want younger women and can get them. Why not!!!

The others you have to act as nurse/housemaid and terrified they will have a heart attack at the least exertion. Case in point I met a guy who was late fifties and at the prospect of a kiss, puffed and panted and made such wheezing noises that I was frightened and put right off. I thought he was dying....lol!
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 128
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 9/2/2011 8:05:11 PM
For myself I am financially secure and dont necessarily want a wealthy guy but of course dont want a pauper either. Chemistry is what I want even at my age and wont settle for less. I am independent and not willing to settle, even at my age.
 cupper3
Joined: 8/28/2006
Msg: 129
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 9/4/2011 11:04:42 AM

Quite right. Men in their 50's with something to offer, reasonable health, financially comfortable, and so on want younger women and can get them. Why not!!!


I disagree.

My last GF was 18 years younger, and we are still good friends, just not a couple any more. Our relationship lasted 2.5 years.

My previous GF was 2 years older then me. That relationship lasted over a year.

The commonality between both?

They were interesting people intellectually, they thought "young", in other words, were active and had no problem hiking in the mountains or taking a canoe down a river, and yes, of course the physical was there also.

My next relationship may be someone anywhere's in between those two age gaps... or it may not.

Clear thinking, down to earth, and stimulate me intellectually as well as physically, and we'll have a good start.

If she is tied into possessions and status we won't be compatible. In fact, I down play were I am at, as I want to know that she is into me, not what I may or may not have.
 islandreaming
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 130
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 9/5/2011 4:49:05 PM
I have wondered the same thing myself. I have dated a lot and had a recent 8 month relationship myself, but recently it has been a challenge. Is our age group willing to put in "what is needed," to work on a relationship? I have a friend who was divorced in her 50's and at 63 she just finally gave up. When I asked her why, she said she had enough. I do not want to think that my chance for love again is over!! I am too young, and have so much of life and love to live and share. I have a wonder family and great kids, but wow what happened to two people who just want to spend time together, have intimate contact that you cannot get from your family and friends and enjoy life?? Someone will contact me, we start to talk and then they just stop responding. Or if you just want to chat and say hello to someone, good luck with that. Most of the time, there is no response. What is up with us?
 Artful22
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 131
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 9/5/2011 8:15:52 PM
Island: I don't think anything is wrong with "us" fifty something single people (men and women) who are decent folk. If you send a nice note to someone or have been writing to someone and they don't respond/vanish, count yourself lucky that you are no longer wasting time on an ill-mannered online dater. Plenty of nice available people about but many of them are not online. Of the interesting people I know who are single and in our age category, very few have tried online dating.

I heard a while ago that these dating sites "plant" fake profiles and send the emails to people to keep them using the site. I have often wondered if E Harmony does this especially on their free weekends, to try and get you to buy a membership so you can respond to messages sent you. Have no idea if this practice is actually done or not.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 132
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 9/5/2011 9:03:27 PM

I have often wondered if E Harmony does this especially on their free weekends, to try and get you to buy a membership so you can respond to messages sent you. Have no idea if this practice is actually done or not.

I was curious this weekend - in good part because I know someone who swears by it - so I checked. E-Harmony's free weekend was tied to facebook. You had to belong to facebook, and then it would show up on your wall. Not even gonna go there, I am not that curious.
 Sensual_Raven
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 133
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 9/7/2011 9:33:37 PM
I joined a site on a free weekend a while back. I found I couldn't answer e-mails and tried to delete my profile. Couldn't delete my profile. Lesson learned. If I had of joined the last free weekend and it showed up on facebook I'd been upset to say the least.
 Artful22
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 134
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 9/8/2011 7:02:31 AM
Kari & Sensual - re the "free weekend" last weekend dating website, I was curious to find out if it was possible to actually communicate free as if you subscribed. There was a facebook "like" button that you had the option of using. I didn't. I don't see that anything attached to my facebook.

Sure enough, a lot of activity as you enter the system - men send you the first, second, third set of questions and then ... just as the free weekend dissolves, all is quiet. Of course right after the expiry the final stage emails come in, but you can't read them unless you subscribe. That could be coincidence but my sense is the free weekend promotion is simply selling memberships. I am not convinced the "matches" communications sent you are real people but of course you can't know that until you pay the subscription fee. This business model is likely very profitable but not so sure it's entirely ethical. Anyway, I'm not one of their subscribers.
 smokincigars
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 135
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 9/8/2011 5:39:30 PM
Of course it's harder to meet other people (by which I mean "other singles") in their fifties and beyond. Most people get married at some point, others settle into good non-marriage relationships. Even with divorces and being widowed, the dating pool is much smaller at 50 than it is at 25.

I don't think I would ever be interested in online dating with a woman who lived far away, and especially in another country; the odds of ever actually meeting are greatly reduced, and the pressure to "seal the deal" quickly would be greatly increased. Also, I would always wonder how much of her interest in me was romantic, and how much was based on a hope of moving to the U.S. But that's me, and you may be very different.
 tippy 967
Joined: 5/21/2009
Msg: 136
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 9/8/2011 6:20:28 PM
You both have valid points and are very very funny.
I had several comments regarding your statements but I'll just sum it up by saying " It's Hell getting Old."
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 137
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 9/8/2011 6:52:33 PM

Kari & Sensual - re the "free weekend" last weekend dating website, I was curious to find out if it was possible to actually communicate free as if you subscribed. There was a facebook "like" button that you had the option of using. I didn't. I don't see that anything attached to my facebook.

I simply could not get past the 'Like' button to check it out. I don't do much of that, I have secure settings - as secure as they get, anyway - on FB and there's still a lot of spamming and clickjacking. I went straight to the site, and couldn't get past it. Enough of my friends get hacked anyway and I get weird emails. I finally switched to a throwaway email addy and delete the inbox every month or so, and I still get the odd spammies from my friends' hacked email accounts.
 Artful22
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 138
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 9/8/2011 10:43:29 PM
Kari I'm no computer wiz, but I think spamming your email addy and the Like FB button are unrelated. I chose not to click on the Like button and just endured that year long questionnaire they give you. Mind you, I did meet a guy about five years ago on Harmony and if we had lived in the same city it may have gone somewhere but as it is we have remained friends. It really did match our values and compatibility however he was about 3,000 miles away from me! So they tend to add people far away as your matches if there aren't enough in your selected area. And if you don't carefully select age range, you end up with 79 year olds. Quite a funny experience overall.

If you have your FB secured down to info only (no one can even search for me I'm that private), only your FB friends could see your likes. The only spam I get are from friend's old deleted hotmail accounts. That system is riddled!
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 139
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 9/9/2011 4:07:35 AM

but I think spamming your email addy and the Like FB button are unrelated.

I wish. No matter what FB says about security/privacy, it's almost non-existent, especially when most of the younger generation and half of my generation uses smartphones instead of actual computers. Clickjacking is common. The FriendFinder sucks all the email addresses off your computer, which makes it a prime target for piggyback programs. I went through 4 computers last year between June and August and I have no intention of doing so again. I only use webmail now, no more email programs living in my PC. It really sucks when there is no one within 60 miles who has any clue how to clean/reinstall an OS/do anything at all with a computer, and one can't drive.

The Like FB button is the commonest way by far to get clickjacked and end up spamming everyone on someone's friend list, and before you know it, whatever the hacking program is, it has gone viral and gotten thousands of email addresses. I do my best to make sure nothing originates with me, but I still get the fallout from a lot of others.
 Artful22
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 140
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 9/9/2011 7:37:54 AM
Wow, I had no idea Kari. I have never used friend finder on FB and I'm not on FB much anymore. I have had my latest MAC since 2005, replaced the HD twice, keyboard once, and on my third battery. Maybe our platform difference is why I am not experiencing the hacking, I have never had a virus either.

Back on topic: We learn what we want and what we don't over time and that very much contributes to our selection in a mate later in life. We're not looking to start a family, that's been done, and our taste in the sort of person that attracts us has likely changed too. Most of all, many of us don't feel we HAVE to be pared off. It would be nice but only with the right person. We are still active with our (now adult) kids and maybe their kids, work and keeping the house up to scratch, so when and where do we have the opportunity and time to meet anyone that might become a partner? Is online the answer? Is this online site working for anyone here?

Also many of us have been downsized and we're entering new careers now, putting together freelance projects or other work. That takes a lot of energy and time. I'm shocked at how many mid age men and women who have been downsized in the last five years.
 Kevjohns
Joined: 8/9/2011
Msg: 141
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 9/9/2011 8:01:04 AM
Kari, if you purchase an HP or Dell or many brand name computers, you can purchase recovery disks for a nominal amount or create them with DVDs. You put them away and if your computer is infested with a virus you can't get rid of, you simply reinstall the operating system and applications from the DVD. Its very easy to do. You don't need a tech. Also, you can download a good free firewall from Zonealarm (something like that) and there are many good free virus programs from AVG, even Microsoft.

One thing you should NEVER do is give your password and user name to an email request for the same from facebook. Those are almost always hackers. Never give your email password to anybody so they cannot hack your address book.

When you click on varioius buttons and they ask for information . . do not give it EVER.

So you can avoid most problems out there by just not allowing yourself to be conned into providing your private information. A good fire wall, good virus protection, and your computer should last unscathed through use. You also might want to invest in a good Utility like System Mechanic to help keep your computer running smoothly.
 sunroomlady
Joined: 9/25/2009
Msg: 142
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 9/9/2011 2:06:13 PM
I agree you on this:

I have no problem meeting people. Meeting ones that are folks I would like to date is another matter.

It's a matching process: matching what you like, what your goals are with someone. If the retirement goals are not pointed in the same direction, then a 2nd date is not worthwhile.
 daffie
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 143
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 9/9/2011 5:50:17 PM
i'm always meeting new people in their 50s and 60s but it's been a long time since i've come across someone i'd like to swap saliva with.

i'm a great believer in attraction at first meet so don't ever bother to make a second date if the first one, for various reasons, is a so so affair.
there's always a next time...
 ctigersimon382
Joined: 2/26/2011
Msg: 144
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 9/9/2011 6:26:54 PM
You are very fortunate to have such good health. I get the feeling that you think anyone over fifty that is disabled has no one to blame but themselves. I would just like to say that there are many out there that have been injured due to many years of hard physical labor or a debilitating disease. I would love nothing more than to be able to go for a walk with my grandaughter or ride a bicycle but due to physical injury I cannot and this just leads to more weight gain missed opportunities. This is not even mentioning all the pain. Just thought I'd try to share another point of view.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 145
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 9/10/2011 6:29:41 AM
Hi,

Not sure to whom you are addressing your post, but as someone who has known the challenges of physical limitations very up close and personal via deeply loved family members, i categorically reject the phrase "disabled." Far far more often than not, there are ways for we "over 45's" to enjoy good health. Certainly obesity is not the only physical challenge of middle aged folk, but it is now common knowledge that obesity is the foundation (along with smoking whose negative effects upon one's overall health are now also common knowledge) for a relatively high number of health challenges. Some of these absolutely contribute significantly to a person's ability to be mobile. Persons unable to move freely in turn are more prone to respiratory and circulatory challenges. And so the cycle vicious happens.

It is neither easy nor simple to handle the increasing weight that comes with middle age --- not to mention the forces of gravity which i'm beyond clueless to understand (i.e. how is it that everthing seems to sag downward from the neck to the waist and sag upward from the ankles to the waist????????????).

But not a human being alive has zero choices. Nobody is forcing anyone to eat foods whose fat content per serving has a number higher than his/her biological age. Nobody is chaining us to our chairs so that we can't try to move as many parts of our bodies as possible.

You do what you can do. And if you don't do what you can do, it's your life. What is unconscionable is to abuse your physical self with full knowledge that you are abusing your physical self. And then wonder why your loved ones, the taxpayers, and any prospective lover/romance is reluctant to foot the cost --- from the emotional toll it takes to love you to the sheer amount of dollars it takes to pay for your medical bills ---- of your self abuse.

Ultimately the above relates directly to this thread's topic: too many people over 45 appear to be giving in, giving up and giving out sooner than later. It is challenging enough to strive for our own best health possible once we are "over 45." Few of us have the desire or the resources to undertake the challenges that inevitably become ours should we allow ourselves to fall in love with someone who is knowingly putting his/her health at risk. And so yes --- very sadly yes ---- it is indeed harder to meet other people in their 50's.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 146
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 9/10/2011 6:55:41 AM

You are very fortunate to have such good health. I get the feeling that you think anyone over fifty that is disabled has no one to blame but themselves.


Not sure how you got to that conclusion from the post.. My conclusion was that Daffy wanted someone that she felt there could be a physical relationship with in the future.. Too often people meet that are not attracted to one another in a physical sense.. I have even felt an initial attraction physically but as I explored the mental aspect there was a complete disconnect I happen to need both.. Not to say the poster does not need both as well..But that first glance is where things can start or end, and at our age it is like sifting for gold.. Likewise am sure a whole lot of gentlemen feel the same..

nativerock
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 147
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 9/10/2011 6:58:26 AM
@ Ready Real: You totally missed the point of ctiger's post. Check her profile before saying that you 'reject' her use of the word disability - she didn't say her weight was a disability, but that it was in part a consequence of her disability. She is retired/disabled, as I am. As a former vocational rehabilitation counselor, I've also known and worked with a lot of people with all kinds of disabilities, and for a lot of them, being unable to do much of anything physically led to more issues with weight gain.

It never fails to astonish me how people will read what they want into what someone else says. I'm legally blind and can't drive anymore, and I say so in my profile. I've lost track of how many times men have contacted me, telling me I don't need to be ashamed and make excuses for not knowing how to drive, they'd be happy to teach me. Then when they finally realize I'm not just making excuses, I really can't drive anymore, they vanish, because all they wanted was someone who could drive them home after a night on the town. Good grief.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 148
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 9/10/2011 7:05:59 AM
Hi, Kari,

You're legally blind. So you can't drive. This does not make you disabled. From what i "see" of your writing, you in fact "see" better than the average person our age. We English teachers do employ our metaphors. Of course you are literally legally blind. But you are --- in my "view" of life -- not disabled simply because you cannot get behind the wheel of a car! Many persons unable to afford a car or living with autism can't drive either. I would not call them "disabled" when it comes to mobility; rather, they face different challenges to go where they need to go. Still. Far more often than not, they do what they can get to where they need to go. Just as i'm sure you do.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 149
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 9/10/2011 8:02:11 AM

You're legally blind. So you can't drive. This does not make you disabled. From what i "see" of your writing, you in fact "see" better than the average person our age. We English teachers do employ our metaphors. Of course you are literally legally blind. But you are --- in my "view" of life -- not disabled simply because you cannot get behind the wheel of a car! Many persons unable to afford a car or living with autism can't drive either. I would not call them "disabled" when it comes to mobility; rather, they face different challenges to go where they need to go. Still. Far more often than not, they do what they can get to where they need to go. Just as i'm sure you do.

You're still missing the point. There are both legal definitions and functional limitations. I do focus much more on what I can do than what I can't do. But one of those pesky little ramifications is that since I'm legally disabled/retired, I get to live on approximately 30% of what I'd previously earned. Another one of those pesky little details is that, not being able to drive, I can't take any of my dogs to a vet. I have one that needs to be spayed, but golly gee, not a single one of the people who are willing to drive me around are willing to take a 100 lb dog anywhere at all.

And still, I'm one of the lucky ones. I can enlarge the font on my computer enough to read things, and I still have a functioning brain. But it would be great to be able to go see my new - and only - grandchild, which I can't because I can't afford the trip scraping by on SSDI. You can call it whatever you want, and you are entitled to your opinions, but living in the world of disabilities can suck rotten eggs.
 Susan in San Antonio
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 150
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 9/10/2011 10:11:37 AM
Maybe it is different in CA than TX but there are PLENTY of women who would like to meet a good guy. Provided he is a good guy.

Meeting people 40 plus and older is easier than ever. You have dating sites, singles clubs etc. You just have to make the effort to GET out there and MEET someone. POF isnt a mail order business where they will ship your mate to your door. They are a site that assists people in meeting other singles.

"am not attending any courses or schools and find that my female friends from my past have all disappeared."...... Why not? Take a class or get a new hobby. Thats how you meet interesting people that you have things in common with!

As far as the foreign women.... Dont really want to go there, but I will. If you REALLY think that Russian, Vietnamese, Mexican women will meet you, come over here and fall in love and have babies and be a good wife, think again.... Most want a sucker that will send money to get them here then they will bolt on you. Women are women. Doesnt matter where you live, your skin color or whatever. We ALL think pretty much alike.
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