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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financ      Home login  
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 chaty1
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 25
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If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?Page 5 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Not only should you not be giving her money but she should not be taking it. You already new this thats why you are trying to justify it. Does she want a healthy relationship or a second bank account?

I personaly would find it dificult to resist being in a young persons life with out doing all I could do to help out but dating is not the time to do this. Of course birthdays and special events should not be over looked and offering to take them all out seems to me to be healthier way to get involved.
 iesha23
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 26
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If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 12/8/2011 8:45:04 AM
I haven;t read all the replies, so I'm probably repeating something already said, but the only people obligated to financially support a child are the children's parents. A woman is not making a sacrifice to spend time with her date, and if she makes you feel like she is then she is not fit to be in a relationship. She should want to be with you. A man owes a woman nothing apart from his time. If you feel she is short of money and needs some help from time to time, then it is your choice whether you help her by paying a bill, take her food shopping, or just give her a massage to help her destress. I am a single parent, a student, and on a low income but would never accept money for the raising of my child from anyone bar his father, or other immediate family if they offered and I was really struggling. I would never ask anyone other than my ex, and have turned down cash loans from friends and dates (I had a guy offer to buy me a car to get to uni) because I feel I should be independant, and my friends, boyfriends and/or dates are there for company, not financial gain.
 NCbornandraised
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 27
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If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 12/11/2011 4:30:01 PM
Nope, you are completely wrong and I'll tell you why; because you said this:

She is making a sacrifice in fiving hime attention while she's already busy with her kids...

She isn't with him because she's doing him a favor. She's with him because she is lonely and is looking for a faithful compainion, same as he is. The fact that she has kids, though he understands that she is a parent going into this relationship, is her own deal. There is no obligation whatsoever to assist her in the lifestyle situtation that she has put herself in.

Don't get me wrong, it would be very nice of him to OFFER to help out with some things, but his assistance is a privalege, not a right. A gentleman should offer to help out a som, but her financial predicament is her responsibility, not his, and therefore he shouldn't be held accountable for her and HER children's expenses. I am a single father myself, but I in no way feel that there is any obligation to any childless, single woman I date to help me and my son with our expenses. I realize the typical viewpoint on this matter is that I shouldn't have to because I'm a man, but that just simply isn't fair to us guys.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 28
If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 12/12/2011 8:07:10 PM
Part of the reason I do not dive right in to go to a mommys house, or to meet the kids is that I hate seeing kiddos go without; I get attached. Kids also get attached; so the dates are done: at my house, out and about, or at your place (when the kids are away for the weekend)

Many guys DO feel obligated.......for the exact same reasons.

However; the actual answer I have for your question is:

Ya right

Do you feel obligated to pay for the extra upkeep my sports car requires over a Toyota 4 banger?



exxxacory
 fishpizza
Joined: 11/6/2011
Msg: 29
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If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 12/18/2011 12:28:49 PM
my ex is now dating a guy exclusively and i would feel really weird about him providing for her financially. we both struggle but manage to take care of ourselves and our kid just fine, thats what you gotta do if your gonna have a kid. it doesnt matter whether your a man or a woman married or divorced having a kid is a responsibility that you chose to accept. look at it this way if a women decides to date a single father wouldnt it sound crazy to assume that she would now be responsible to pay him for that privilege? were living in a new age where we should be able to appreciate all the struggles that women have gone through in the last 100 years, they didnt do it for nothing! i can certainly appreciate it from the point of view that i didnt chose my gender (pretty sure noone on earth can make that claim) and if i had been born female i would be pissed if i didnt have equal rights. however lets not forget equal rights= equal responsibility. ANY differential treatment because of gender by definition is inequality.
 Flurr
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 30
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If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 12/19/2011 7:05:35 AM
This is BY FARRRRR! the most ridiculous thread I have ever seen on any website for any topic in my entire life. Hands down. No doubt about it. This isn't an old fashion opinion. Actually I think it is very very shallow to think that you can put a dollar figure on a relationship like this, it really does disgust me that somebody would even think like this. Its funny you said single mother and not single father and assumed the converse either isn't possible or a women shouldn't provide for the man with kids. i hope this thread gets deleted. Ughhh
 Flurr
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 31
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If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 12/19/2011 7:20:43 AM
I hope everyone read his profile. This guy has a few screws loose for sure.
 fishpizza
Joined: 11/6/2011
Msg: 32
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If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 1/3/2012 2:15:28 PM

That's just my natural, ancient alpha male programming.

natural alpha male programming is actually to spread your seed to as many women as possible.
 Ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 33
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If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 1/10/2012 6:39:55 PM
No

Unless they move in together or get married. He should offer to help out once in a while with babysitters fees when they date though... that would be nice.

YOUR kids are YOUR responsibility...
 dadasaurus
Joined: 1/10/2012
Msg: 34
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If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 1/29/2012 9:41:55 AM
someone elses problem man
 wvarose19
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 35
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If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 2/5/2012 6:51:17 PM
so you would pay for a baby setter to watch the kid so you can get the mom drunk and have sex with her but you would not buy the child a pair of shoes! what kind of man are you!
 wvarose19
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 36
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If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 2/5/2012 6:51:59 PM
so you would pay for a baby setter to watch the kid so you can get the mom drunk and have sex with her but you would not buy the child a pair of shoes! what kind of man are you!
 wvarose19
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 37
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If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 2/5/2012 6:52:36 PM
so you would pay for a baby setter to watch the kid so you can get the mom drunk and have se!!! with her but you would not buy the child a pair of shoes! what kind of man are you!:
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 38
If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 2/6/2012 3:42:41 PM

Mom shouldnt be out getting drunk and having sex. Theres the problem. lol.


Would it be better if she wore her hair in a bun, wore her apron as she was slaving away cooking? (by the way, I do all that, minus the bun, usually just go for the straight ponytail).


God forbid a mom (who is also a woman) have sex! Gasp!
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 39
If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 2/6/2012 3:48:13 PM
I could have sworn I once replied to this thread..

I have never asked or expected a man to help or pay for a sitter.

It is my responsibility. Usually my parents will watch her and have her overnight anyway, because they enjoy having granddaughter/grandparents time. Sometimes they have asked me and taken her on vacationing with them during the summer, while I have to work. So my situation is a moot point as I rarely have anyone outside of family watch her. I have been asked if they would like to, to make it easier for me to go out, but I politely decline.
 uniquedork
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 40
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If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 2/13/2012 9:57:38 PM
That's great you feel a little old fashion. You don't see that very often any more. That being said, I am a single mom and I don't expect anyone I am dating to help me out financially. If it was serious as in living together or engaged that's one thing but if just gf/bf status, nope, I wouldn't want a man to ask me to help his rent, food, or gas money when we were just dating. Things can always change and once I have gotten to trust and know someone things might be different.
 ARiveros3
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 41
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If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 6/26/2012 2:29:28 AM
I have three children myself, and quite honestly, I don't want a man to feel like he HAS to take care of my children. It's one thing to pay the baby sitter so we can go out, or to bring my kids a toy or something.... (Although to be honest, I would feel better if you didn't do either of those things until you've been around my kids and I for a while)

I would expect you to pay for the date, yes. But to pay my bills? Or buy diapers? No. It's not your responsibility. It is their father's and myself's responsibility to financially support them.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 42
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If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/3/2012 3:42:45 AM
quote] Especially seeing as how my children have given him gifts for holidays, birthdays, & even fathers day as a gesture of respect for him as the man in the household I don't consider a man I'm dating as the man in my household nor have I ever encouraged my children to give a Father's Day card to anyone.

I think it's presumptuous to expect someone to pay for another's children... if you want to give a gift, then give it freely - don't attach conditions.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 43
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If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/4/2012 9:16:57 AM

Why would you not do so?
I don't understand women that parade an array of men in front of their children and allowing them to give such an exhalted title to each of them in turn.

I really dont think giving a gift equates to "paying for ones children".
What you are doing isn't gifting, it's exchanging. There is a difference.

When I give someone a gift, it's with no expectations of someone giving me something in return. Gift are free.

When you start expecting or demanding gifts, I would then call it a payment.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 44
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If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/4/2012 12:34:39 PM

It would be like your girlfriend not getting you something for your birthday and just ignoring you.. same premise..
Not the same premise at all. We're talking about dependent children, the cost of babysitting and other such sundries as opposed to a significant other purchasing a gift for the person they're with in a romantic relationship.

My children are my responsibility financially and socially - not the responsibility of a guy with whom I'm going on a date.

Get the natural father to kick in... not the poor schmoe that has asked you out to dinner and a movie.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 45
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If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/6/2012 6:18:35 AM

My children are not brats. Why on earth would you use such a disrespectful term on little precious human beings?
Keep in mind that your children are not necessarily precious human beings to anyone other than yourself.

This is a serious relationship I am speaking of. We both genuinely care about the children in both of our lives.
This thread is about dating, not established relationships. Congrats on taking the thread off topic though...
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 46
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If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/6/2012 11:46:41 AM
Queenbee... you have a huge chip on your shoulder. Your kids might be precious to you, but to me they're not. That's not an insult, it's a fact.

If my children were to insult someone in YOUR family, say a parent or sibling or any other beloved family member of yours, & deemed it acceptable because it is not THEIR family member, you are perfectly fine with that?
I would understand that they don't know me or my family and slough it off as it deserves to be...

Perhaps you were raised differently, or live in a trashy area where people have no morals or respect for self & others & families.
While I've not insulted anyone, you've just gone off on a little tangent and have chosen to insult me.

I'll be the bigger person and not take offense to your comments...

Have a fabulous day... I know I will.
 GarnerGirl71
Joined: 2/10/2012
Msg: 47
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If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/9/2012 5:31:50 AM
I am a single mom fully capable of supporting myself and my children. I have had to cut off "luxury" items like eating out and cable to feel more financially secure, but those were easy choices. One guy I dated would say things like "good thing you have a rich boyfriend who will buy you cable" and it would really piss me off. I don't want or need someone to pay my bills for me. If you want to do something nice, take me to dinner or on a weekend trip. Or don't and we'll cook dinner and rent a redbox... makes little difference to me. I want you time and attention, not your money.
 Frogy27
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 48
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If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/11/2012 7:52:17 AM
ok to the ? that was asked i have dated a few woman with kids and i feel that as a man and gf other have that i need to step in a be kids dad and take care of them with money and so on i choice to date a woman with kids kids are my problem now
 rockondon
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 49
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If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/16/2012 8:57:58 AM
I think this thread was a case of a guy trying to make himself look good by making a thread about how he's willing to pay his date. As though treating single moms like they're prostitutes makes him look more endearing.

And Terra's post on the first page confirmed a lot of the suspicions I had about him.
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