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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Do all single moms have problems with dating?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ForumFlashLight
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 91
Do all single moms have problems with dating?Page 4 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
OOOOOOOOOO my I am laughing out loud.

m church....really, you think all of us hot women who are mothers are going to be locked up at home 24/7 til those kids graduate high school? Seriously, there would be a riot in this country.

dad2stay...thanks buddy, you are a prince!

Iceman - thanks. I always love your posts. You are the definition of NO NONSENSE.

And, why am I required by some poster to elaborate on financial responsibility of mothers? That isn't technically on topic though it can follow from some aspects of dating.

For one thing, Woman Time and pleasing ourselves with a pedicure can be done at home by ourselves.

For another, some of us are professionals and we are not living in poverty because we work hard for our $$$ and it hits the bank regularly!

This thread is about dating as a woman who has child(ren) and whether we struggle or not, and the OP is looking for some support.

OP - Baby YOU CAN DO IT with a baby!!!! YES YOU CAN!!!! Get your booty into school and a job and surround yourself with POSITIVE WOMEN FRIENDS.

This dating life could be heaven if Mommas stuck together. I would totally keep my girlfriend's children for her so she could go out on a date, and take turns. Currently I only accept my family members as babysitters for my child, but that is because our fantastic babysitter took herself off to college. We will find another one who meets the standard.

Y'all need to form support circles. It DOES take a village. Mommas helping Mommas, we can all make it together.

AND P-TOOEY on anyone who thinks because we have children that we should never date until they're old enough to vote!!!!!
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 92
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/5/2011 11:46:42 PM
Damn lol, is she supposed to post bank statements because she likes to have a life,
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 93
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/6/2011 10:03:37 AM

Damn lol, is she supposed to post bank statements because she likes to have a life,


 OMGyaa
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 95
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/6/2011 3:17:26 PM
dad2stay Well let me answer that for you

#1 I am the custodial parent of all my kids
#2 I am a parent of multiple children
#3 unlike most fathers I was there 100% of my wives pregnancy's, I went to every appointment i was there every minute
#4 I have attended seminars, taken classes and have worked with pregnant women, single parents and children for the better part of the last 20 year

I never asked or wanted or hinted at this info .. I was trying to show you that you dont have to have direct experience to be able to advise somebody on something , you giving me your parenting resume has no bearing on what I was saying. To me your opinion might be no more valuable then someone who has no direct parenting experience depending on what advice is given and how it fits into the situation.

dad2stay

In regards to pregnancy I never once said I had a baby but I was there I read the books, spoke to the mothers, held the babies, attended all the dr visits etc.

Thank you for helping me make my point - you have shown you have no direct experience on being a pregnant mother and yet you and most people will feel that you possibly can give good advice about being a pregnant mother . Do you now see how someone who doesnt have direct parenting experience could possibly give good advice on parenting ?

I myself have read lots of books on parenting, been a parent for about 20 years , worked with people in the child psychology field etc and I willingly take anybodies input ( in almost every circumstance) on parenting because I do not want to overlook anything that could help me guide my child and other children to become happier and healthier adults.
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 96
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/6/2011 3:43:52 PM
^^^

Ok let me try again

Just because a woman had a kid does not mean she knows more about parenting than any other parent male or female

Just because a father did not give birth to the child does not mean he knows any less about his child or what it was like for his baby's mother to be pregnant

She may have had the child inside of her which is amazing in itself but he witnessed it ALL

After all it was the dad who gets yelled at every time she got a mood swing, it was the dad who runs out for late night snacks, It was the dad who holds her hair while shes throwing up, It was the dad who rubs her feet and back when shes uncomfortable, It was the dad who stops eating his favorite foods because the mere thought of them makes her sick

It was the dad who held her stomach while feeling his baby kick, It was the dad who rubbed butter cream on her belly trying to reassure her the stretch marks were not permanent and your still as beautiful as you ever were

It was the dad who drove her to every doctors appointment and witnessed each ultrasound

It was the dad who took care of her while his child grew inside of you

Just because she gave birth does not mean she is the better parent, does not mean she knows more than anyone else. The only difference is which end each parent experienced it all on



thank you for helping me make my point - you have shown you have no direct experience on being a pregnant mother and yet you and most people will feel that you possibly can give good advice about being a pregnant mother . Do you now see how someone who doesnt have direct parenting experience could possibly give good advice on parenting ?


Now with all that said would you mind answering my 2 simple questions.

A) Where have I given any advise to a pregnant woman that was not asked directly to me?

B) What does giving advise to a pregnant woman have to do with a forum topic asking if a single mom has problems dating?
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 98
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/7/2011 7:53:12 AM
absolutely nothing I was simply responding to a post made to me, why are you here?
 OMGyaa
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 100
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/7/2011 1:22:32 PM
To dad2stay -- I am not asking for your qualifications on parenting or anything the purpose of my post is to argue the following statement/opinion you posted

It amazes me how people who have no kids and never been married think they are qualified enough to give advise to people who do and have been

In answer to your question -- A-- you gave advice to pregnant ladies about whether they should date while pregnant . In no way was their question directed to you specifically/directly and in no way are you according to your parenting advise standards qualified to answer. ( I believe myself that almost anyone's advice can be helpful and shouldnt be dicounted )

B) I just used the reasoning you used on being qualified on parenting and applied them to giving advice specifically to pregnant women so that perhaps you could see how your above statement/opinion is flawed.

I hope I have clarified this to you and also hope for the sake of your children that you will not be close minded and will take heed of advice given to you or that is available ., whether it comes from someone who is married, has kids or single and childless. Who knows that person might just give you the perfect advise that you somehow overlooked.

Btw this has never been an attack on you, just challenging your closeminded statement/opinion.
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 101
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/7/2011 2:05:02 PM
OMGyaa


you gave advice to pregnant ladies about whether they should date while pregnant


I never gave any pregnant woman advise on weather or not she should date so please get your facts straight before posting to or about me


In no way was their question directed to you specifically/directly and in no way

Your right it was posted to EVERYONE the questions were:
A)Would you date a pregnant woman? I said yes
B)Do guys actually date single mothers? I said yes

So though it was not made to me personally because the OP does not know me it was posted to people like me and as I have or would date single mothers that made me qualified to reply


you according to your parenting advise standards qualified to answer. ( I believe myself that almost anyone's advice can be helpful and shouldn't be discounted )

And my point is that anyone who is giving advise should have some experience on the topic other than an opinion they simply pulled out of their butt

Your most likely not going to ask your neighbors kid for advise on filing taxes, or a monk advise on flying a plain, or a babysitter advise on the comprehension of nuclear physics

So my opinion is if you do not have kids, have never been married, have not raised a child, gone to school or have some type of experience in relationships and child rearing what advise can you possibly give that isn't already common sense or total BS?


I just used the reasoning you used on being qualified on parenting and applied them to giving advice specifically to pregnant women so that perhaps you could see how your above statement/opinion is flawed.

I disagree, I have the experience and knowledge to back up ALL of my statements


I hope I have clarified this to you and also hope for the sake of your children that you will not be close minded and will take heed of advice given to you or that is available ., whether it comes from someone who is married, has kids or single and childless. Who knows that person might just give you the perfect advise that you somehow overlooked.


I welcome all logical experienced advise, i do not welcome uneducated, non experienced know it alls giving advise on topics they know nothing about and trying to pass it off as fact

ADVISE:
a : to give (someone) a recommendation about what should be done

Now tell me how can anyone logically give advise on what SHOULD be done on a topic they have no experience or training on or have done themselves?
 ForumFlashLight
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 103
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/7/2011 2:40:04 PM
Why are three men arguing in a single mother thread about whether we struggle or not?

Get back on topic!

And if you are not a single mother, then really, can you witness FOR us whether we struggle or not?

Sure, you can observe.

But can you give the OP anything useful about getting back in her dating groove?

THAT is the topic.

OP - you might find it useful to make a list of traits regarding unsuccessful partners in the past, and separate out what you liked from what clearly was connected to either bad or just undesirable behavior. You need a clear picture of how you really live your life and what fits comfortably with you. Figure out what should really make you hit the EJECT button before you ever get more than a couple dates into it.

And then be strong!
 OMGyaa
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 106
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/7/2011 3:03:39 PM
dad2stay - you never gave advice to pregnant ladies? Are you that forgetful , do you have selective memory or are you full of it? This is one quote of many in which you say it is ok in your opinion for a pregnant woman to date - that is giving your opinion which is a form of giving advice


A mothers love and support is not the same as a mans, when your lonely and need affection do you look to your wife/girlfriend or go to your mommy's???

Now amplify that emotion and need by a thousand and you only begin to comprehend the hormonal roller coaster a woman goes through when pregnant and alone

Just because she is pregnant does not make her celibate

just because shes pregnant does not mean she wants or deserves to be alone

I agree she should not rush out but if she finds someone its her business

In case you didn't know most pregnant women's sex drive and need for a partner increase significantly for those 9-10 months so yes she does NEED someone its up to her if she can do without and to what extent that need should go

Also include her age and that need is even more


I guess you are closeminded after all and not willing to listen to others advice unless they are according to you --qualified.

Your most likely not going to ask your neighbors kid for advise on filing taxes, or a monk advise on flying a plain, or a babysitter advise on the comprehension of nuclear physics

What if that kid overheard me say I was doing my taxes and themselves have read/heard or whatever about a certain deduction that might apply to me . Would I at least look into it -- hell yes I would. What if the monk was a former pilot or had read about flying them, was a former video game designer who had done a flight simulator game -- then yes i would listen to him . What if the babysitter was studying nuclear physics or had read something about a new study - would i discount her advice - no I would look into it . What if any of them had common sense ( a lot of people don't) or even had a thought that wasnt the norm would I dismiss it out right - no I wouldnt . A friend of mine who is a computer programmer use to have me look at his programs when they were almost complete - and I had basically no computer experience . I had a knack it seems of seeing things that professionals could not see and could think outside the box and supposedly gave invaluable suggestions.


If you cant see how someone who has no experience can possibly offer advice then you go ahead and live in your close minded world.


Ok I am done hijacking this thread - sorry for that
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 107
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History
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/7/2011 3:29:45 PM
Omgyaa, you might as well start beating your head against the wall right now if you think that for even a moment he's going to actually understand your point. I learned quite some time ago that explaining logic to the illogical is impossible... mind you, every once in a while I forget myself and try again, but even I recognize this one as a lost cause.

Back to the topic at hand...

I'm amazed at all the young mothers that have problems dating. When I was young, I was never short on something to do or a date with whom to go out. I wonder if this is due to a change in society... ?
 Aries_328
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 108
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History
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/7/2011 3:36:11 PM

I wonder if this is due to a change in society


I like that idea but I would think the change in society is that there a lot more single mothers and the internet lets them communicate to the outside world from home.

If it wasn't for the forums... would you have any other real reference?


As for the topic. No clue. I'm a single dad and its not easy. Has never been easy. Actually it can be quite complicated and difficult.
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 109
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/7/2011 6:09:37 PM
OMGyaa

nope never gave advice (look arlo you learnt me sumtin good lol) to them the post you quoted was in response to someone other then the OP and what you quoted was not advice it was a statement based off of my experience, medical research which I read about and what I have been told by women who are or have been pregnant

As for the rest of your post, I was speaking about a couple people in particular who have NO experience whatsoever on this topic yet they fight with anyone who says anything contrary to their beliefs. and when they are asked where their opinions come from, what experience they have, where they learned it, they never reply or give one that doesn't make sense

Of course some people may have knowledge that is helpful but for a non parent to criticize a parent and say they know better than someone who is living the topic at hand is ludicrous.

As for your programmer buddy you had the exact experience he required NONE I also dabble in programming and often use computer illiterate people to show me what can be done to dummy down what i am creating so that the average Joe can use it easily

Lint,
Seriously I take advice very well, I take criticism pretty well what I don't take is trolls, liars, people who have no logic behind their statements and people who unfairly attack others for nothing more than a difference of opinion or being in a situation other than what is preferred (S/A single parenting)

If you noticed the people who attacked me most have been banned from these forums and I haven't. That kinda shows I am not as bad as the people who rallied against my input

either way the lady above is correct we are now off topic so I am done discussing other things here
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 110
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/8/2011 6:09:40 AM

And then be strong!


 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 111
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/8/2011 6:41:58 AM
I just went potty~~~Do y'all want a breakdown of the cost of the toilet paper i used, documentation of how i paid for it, & a political essay about single Moms needing to be accountable for toilet paper, & how 50% of single Moms dont use toilet paper full time, & how single Dads are so much more responsible because they let the roll hang over rather than under?
 Aries_328
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 112
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History
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/8/2011 7:03:25 AM

Dads are so much more responsible because they let the roll hang over rather than under?


I knew that had something to do with it!!!!
 ForumFlashLight
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 114
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/8/2011 9:38:47 AM
Arlo, seriously, there are no oxen on this thread.

QueenBee, that was funny honey.

Back on topic:
OK, YES, we who are now Unattached Moms who Previously Started Out as Married Mothers, YES, we have problems with dating.

The problems we have with dating are largely the same as everyone else....Everyone who is single has been hurt, and is now gun-shy, suspicious, and hyper-reactive to the natural process of creating new social connections.

We may create complicated, multi-level plans to have fun and meet someone new...and then be disappointed, just like everyone else.

Along the way, being as gun-shy and disappointed as everyone else, we must maintain a joyful and positive attitude as mothers in order to feed our children's souls, a truly dogged work ethic to maintain our status as breadwinners as well as keeping a decent home free of dangerous crayons to injure one's instep, and frankly, we must have the patience of Job to endure the cynical and sulky ravings of those who would tear us down because we are building the citizens of tomorrow alone. And we must build them anyway. And keep smiling.

There is such a thing as being a dignified mother who raises her child mostly alone and pays the bills and still enjoys the company of gentlemen.
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 116
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/8/2011 12:20:12 PM

Aside from being in extremely poor taste, your post is, well, "irrelevant", is the word that comes to mind.


Oh nooooooo. Nooobody had ever said anythng in poor taste or irrelevant on this forum. This was just a classy litle place where single parents all held hands & sang kumbayah and farted rainbows & glitter until my bad ass came along.

BTW, do you think Charmin or generic store brand is better for staying clean & fresh?





Reducing an IMPORTANT subject, custodial fathers working full-time more often than custodial mothers, because it might have something to it, shows that you feel that your ox has been gored...

No, not really, i am a firm beleiver in at least one parent being home more often than not with children, & i worked hard to invest & become self employed so i could afford to do so & not be super stressed about working long crazy hours & tending to children at the same time. And i never owned an ox? Maybe my neighbors over in Alabama do, but in FL that really isnt socially acceptable?
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 117
view profile
History
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/8/2011 1:38:13 PM

I just went potty~~~Do y'all want a breakdown of the cost of the toilet paper i used, documentation of how i paid for it, & a political essay about single Moms needing to be accountable for toilet paper, & how 50% of single Moms dont use toilet paper full time, & how single Dads are so much more responsible because they let the roll hang over rather than under?

Did you wash your hands before typing your post?
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 118
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/8/2011 1:55:52 PM
^^ No. Who does that sorta thing?
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 119
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/8/2011 2:27:43 PM


I welcome all logical experienced advise (sic)...



I call BS. You do *NOT* welcome any idea that differs in the slightest with your pre-conceived prejudices. Rather, you wheedle and split hairs until you can find something, ANYTHING, to argue about. I don't know if you do it because you think it will give you an opportunity to show how "smart" you are, or if you're just naturally argumentative.


Arlo ... as much as I find your posts strange ...

This one is so dead on!

and this one ...


Lint,
Seriously I take advice very well, I take criticism pretty well what I don't take is trolls, liars, people who have no logic behind their statements and people who unfairly attack others for nothing more than a difference of opinion or being in a situation other than what is preferred (S/A single parenting)


^^^
See that word in there, you know the word that begins with 'L'
Look who is calling the kettle black.

As for the topic at hand.
I never dated much when I was a single parent.
I focused more on my kids.
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 121
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/8/2011 4:04:38 PM
Well, i never did it until i could afford the luxury, i couldnt afford to do so until i had gotten married, had baby #2, & had some time to build up savings & investments from my own job, in my early days as a Mommy i was in the work 60 hours or starve boat, i wish i could have given my Daughter the same amount of attnetion in her infancy/toddler years as i was able to give my son, but thats just the way my cookie crumbled. She understands though. But i dont feel good about daycare being my Daughters primary caregiver in her formation years. So i made damn sure when i had my next baby i was 100% ready. And yes, it is a luxury to an extent, & i am more than glad i am blessed with that luxury, but giving proper attention to your family; a necessity.

I imagine if one truly cant afford it, they dont do it. But having kids is much much more than just being an ATM machine to pay the bills & buy them what they want, they need a physical presence, quality time, nurturing time, teaching time, each individual child needs their own one on one time, they need family together time.
If a parent works 60-80 hours a week, unless they have a partner or spouse who is home with the kids, they are failing at being a parent, no matter how big their paycheck is. I personally think every parent should try to invest or start some sort of business so they can both earn a decent income & give a child the attention they need, unless of course it is an arrangement where there is a 2 parent home, one parent is devoted to career & the other parent to the home & family needs.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 122
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/8/2011 7:47:22 PM

What do american mothers get for maternity leave?


6 weeks for vag delivery.
8 weeks for c-section.

then theres the FMLA act for husbands if they desire to help out, I believe.

I think you already knew that though

damn. sometimes I wish I had lived in Canada...
 ForumFlashLight
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 123
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/8/2011 7:53:13 PM
American moms get, variously,

Fired! unjustly while pregnant for maternity leave

Offered four weeks UNPAID maternity leave

Six weeks paid maternity leave benefit advertised, then when pregnant they get....drumroll...You guessed it! Fired! for maternity leave.

Some very lucky mothers get four to six weeks maternity leave paid, and then they must separate from their baby and go back to work full-time, cold turkey, and start paying a lot for childcare.

I have a good friend who took both her babies to daycare at two months of age each, after her working pregnant to the very last day...had to keep her job because her HUSBAND, yes, she had one, had a job that did not make enough money to support the family.

That is IT for American mothers. Real maternity leave from working, long enough to properly nourish, bond and love a child into security, involves 2 years of staying home with said child, while the mother's partner supports them financially.

So, in America, Real Maternity Leave means having a husband.

And otherwise...they just suffer.

Canadian women are VERY lucky.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 124
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/8/2011 8:05:05 PM

American moms get, variously,

Fired! unjustly while pregnant for maternity leave


yup, sometimes. mine was while i was on med disability..
sued Ralphs (grocery chain) back in 2000 when dr took me off for 2 months for high risk. scheduled to go back, not on schedule, got a few hrs that others gave me, then later that night, lost baby at 22 weeks. 6 days later, they term'd me. i went thru fair housing and they went after them. immediately they were ready to settle. took a few yrs of negotiating and it finally went thru.
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