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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Do all single moms have problems with dating?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 101
Do all single moms have problems with dating?Page 5 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
Ive often said, those single parents that has trouble balancing parenthood and their love life has difficulties in dating, this is not to say parents should ignore their child(ren) or their child(ren) should not be their priority that is not what I'm saying,Lord knows there will be a daft person that will say Im saying otherwise.

Balance is the key IMO.
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 102
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/4/2011 8:12:41 PM
^^^ Omg at your profile pic Iceman, i thought someone had hacked your account, lmao.
 ForumFlashLight
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 103
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/4/2011 9:33:25 PM
Yes, but some of us call those Challenges.

Plus, we are not this poor pathetic category called single moms.

We are Mothers. Period. Ever notice you were the only one pushing that baby out? (and for the C-sections, you were the ONLY one who got the scar and had to recuperate that). So. Motherhood starts with some help but we ALL do the work of mothers alone. So, pu-tooey on this label.

We are Women. Period. Now that we are Women who Have Children, we have this respectful title of Mothers. However, we are still women, just with an added title to cover our special role.

There is such a thing as Mommy time....when you give your time as a mommy.

And there is such a thing as Woman Time. Including all sorts of delights...where you spend time taking care of yourself....pedicures, shopping, exercise, picking out a new perfume just because you like it, watching movies by yourself just because YOU wanted to, going all out for yourself and living life. Even if it's just an hour a day. You need woman time.

Then there is Lover Time. Where hopefully someone is spending time on you. ;) mmm.

If you practice scheduling your life with all the right kinds of Time, you will not view either yourself or your children as a problem...you will be enjoying your life!

I think what you are asking is, do most of us Women who are properly respected as Mothers, have some challenges in figuring out our different kinds of Time and how to manage it?

Yup. ;) But it's a learning process, and also....about letting go a little bit of the fear-clutch hold we have on our children, just enough to let reasonable people take care of them a few hours....about insisting on taking good care of ourselves....and about enjoying attention from a partner.

Then there is the filter for weeding out pedophiles from dating us. THAT is an important challenge, and takes some skill. Better just to wear them out with the rule, no meeting the children for a year or until seriously exclusive and committed.

Those are the challenges....Women who are Mothers can handle challenges!
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 104
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/5/2011 12:32:40 AM
You dont have to wait until your children are teenagers or grown adults to be able to have a balanced Mommy life & love/sex life. I married & got pregnant again when my Daughter was a small little one, i now have a almost-teen & a first grader & am very happy in a relationship, am a wonderful Mom & wonderful partner. I was a wonderful wife when i was married.

Been a few dates in between long term partners, had my fun.


Might be time for baby #3.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 105
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/5/2011 4:52:19 AM
StarledbyLight

A very well written opinion and something one to aspire to!!!! Yet it does seem strange there is no mention of self determination or self reliance?........because without it comes the suggestion of having to rely on someone else or society to pay for woman’s time....pay for your children and pay for your Lover Time....

But then reality rears its head and the potential stereotype that woman complain about? A single mother who spends the money on her children and herself and little to no mention of her earning the financial resources herself?

I also agree with your premise or suggestion of the filter....and as a single father with custody....without cs.....I use a filter to weed out the ones who have a sense of entitlement to having their lifestyle supported by someone else....to avoid the single mother type who was employed full time but still felt it was appropriate that guys who dated her could also pay or assist paying the babysitter.....or the part time single mother who lives on cs and social programs....as the social programs often stop when they live with a supporting partner...and the cs can also stop?

one needs to keep a very open mind for the very significant percentage of single custodial mothers who do not feel the need for being self reliant and self supporting.....and just as valid is the filter single mothers should use is determining the guys who have already left or are not financially responsible for children they already have....or a lack of stability before they allow into their beds or procreate with?

I have no issue calling out any father who is not responsible and not being financially and emotionally responsible for providing for their children....but I suggest woman will use two different measuring sticks....they expect men to be financially and emotionally supportive...and mothers to be emotionally responsible...as this well written piece by a mental health professional is conspicuous in its lack of financial accountability it expects for woman.....no problem illustrating spending the money...but amazingly mute about earning it...outside of the expected child support payments they would be receiving?


I do have time to date; and I can balance my work and home life with spending time with someone.



But she does suggest it in her own profile...but like so many woman....they seemingly do not suggest it of other woman....

But then back to the filter...POF has a great filter.....it has the box that allows one to illustrate Profession...or ability to pay or support the individual and any children they may have....and for ones who have no job and no profession.....I would suggest one enter into with open eyes and the realization of having to financially support both the individual and their children ....in some manner.....support their woman time....and support their pedicures and perfumes and hairdresser.....if they are not working or not working full time…...and the situation is easily validated by the statistics….employment and who is most likely to live or be found living in poverty.
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 106
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/5/2011 7:01:55 AM
It amazes me how people who have no kids and never been married think they are qualified enough to give advise to people who do and have been

When she's pregnant there is no child to neglect and if she feels like dating that's her business

When the child is first born, most women who do not get PPD probably wouldn't want to date but if she has a support group in place and the child is cared for what business is it of anyone else's if she chooses to date?

When the child is no longer an infant and there's a support base in place (family sitters etc) and the mother wants to date.. WHO CARES???

Truth is it is no ones business what a single parent chooses to do with their life and body as long as the child is safe, fed and cared for. If you are an over protective individual who feels smothering a child 24/7 for 18 years is warranted then ill let you screw that kid up yourself but do not think for even a moment that a person cannot have a social life and still be a great parent just because they have kids
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 107
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/5/2011 7:31:59 AM

(dad2stay) It amazes me how people who have no kids and never been married think they are qualified enough to give advise to people who do and have been


Why is that, necessarily? Someone who may not have the personal experience of, say, parenthood, might still have some valuable input on, say, time management and allocation of resources. The problem arises, IMHANHO, when one side or the other says, "It's like THIS...!!!", revealing that they're immune to thinking for themselves. No general observation applies COMPLETELY to a specific situation; that doesn't make the general observation invalid...


When the child is first born, most women who do not get PPD probably wouldn't want to date...


That, for example, is a PERFECT example of a general observation.


... but if she has a support group in place and the child is cared for what business is it of anyone else's if she chooses to date?


And THAT is a PERFECT example of how a given woman's specific situation may make the general observation not applicable IN HER CASE. Doesn't make it invalid.

Arlo...

(BTW, I'm not arguing with you -- just building upon your message)
 OMGyaa
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 108
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/5/2011 7:34:03 AM
It amazes me how people can assume because someone does not have children that they are not qualified to advise people who do have children. There are lots of child psychologists ,social workers etc who do not have children and perhaps cannot have children who are more then qualified to give advise. Some people have more comon sense and can give better parenting advise despite the fact that they aren't themselves parents. What amazes me is that it doesn't surprise me how certain people act ignorantly and close minded instead of trying to learn from everyone's advise irrespective if it advise they will consider or not.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 109
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/5/2011 9:18:29 AM
Starledbylight, wow you said it perfectly, I couldn't of said it any better bingo, bango bongo.



It amazes me how people who have no kids and never been married think they are qualified enough to give advise to people who do and have been
It amazes me when one thinks they are qualified just because they have kids and divorced.



When she's pregnant there is no child to neglect and if she feels like dating that's her business
Im not sure what that has to do with Single moms having problems dating?




When the child is no longer an infant and there's a support base in place (family sitters etc) and the mother wants to date.. WHO CARES???
so what if she doesn't have the family and sitter to help out? what then?

Nobody is saying a single mom shouldn't date, the question was "Do all single moms have problems with dating?" the answer is Some Moms do and some moms don't , Starledbylight answered it perfectly along with other single moms.

Its funny but you complain about people not on topic but not to nit pick you're not a single mom, you're a single dad its not the same thing technically, you've never breast fed the children, you don't get PPD, some single moms have to fight their dead beat ex for support do you know what that is like? or how about raising a child or children by yourself with no baby sitter or family in sight completely Alone, some single moms have to rely on Social Assistance or worse food stamps , so tell me again what makes you a expert on single moms?

Do you worry about weight gain after you gave birth, stretch marks for some, things like that plays on a woman's confidence, don't get me wrong single dads has their issues and problems too, one of my best friend is a single dad with two girls ( one being my youngest goddaughter) and he's done a amazing job raising them and thank goodness he met his current partner who is also a single mom, so Ive seen what they have gone through

I was raised by a single mom Ive seen first hand the sacrifices single moms make , thank Goodness I had Grandparents or who knows where I would be , because of her sacrifices my Mother lives in luxury and comfort today from her grateful kids.
 OMGyaa
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 110
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/5/2011 11:38:18 AM
Bitten82 I am answering a clear statement from a poster and yes that answer was one example of why his amazement is nonsensical . There are lost of people whose advise I would listen to who have never been parents just as there are lots of people who are parents whose advise I would be more then likely to ignore.

If someone needs to experience things before they should give advise then why is it that the same person feels the need to advise on what a woman should or not do while she is pregnant when clearly he has mo first hand knowledge. The point is anyone's opinion or advise could be valuable whether they have direct experience or not and to the advise just because of the source's esperience is more foolish then wise .
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 111
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/5/2011 2:40:50 PM
Arlo

Someone who may not have the personal experience of, say, parenthood, might still have some valuable input on


Whats the old saying, Those who can DO those who can't TEACH

If you have never been a parent there is no way you can know what parenting is like, babysitting, watching a family member, teaching etc is NOT like having and raising your own kids and therefore the knowledge you think you have is not always what others would see as good


That, for example, is a PERFECT example of a general observation/


I like how I used the word PROBABLY & MOST implying this statement does NOT apply to every woman and therefore only applies to some which makes this statement true and accurate (at least for the some)
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 112
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/5/2011 2:44:31 PM

Having children does not automatically impart the wisdom of the ages... There are enough neglectful or abusive women out there to prove that...


However experience from raising those children does at least more so than someone giving advise to a single parent who has no experience or children of their own. After all i believe nothing is more annoying that a stranger who has no kids approaching a parent and telling them how to be a better parent to their kid

OMGyaa


Bitten82 I am answering a clear statement from a poster and yes that answer was one example of why his amazement is nonsensical . There are lost of people whose advise I would listen to who have never been parents just as there are lots of people who are parents whose advise I would be more then likely to ignore.

If someone needs to experience things before they should give advise then why is it that the same person feels the need to advise on what a woman should or not do while she is pregnant when clearly he has mo first hand knowledge. The point is anyone's opinion or advise could be valuable whether they have direct experience or not and to the advise just because of the source's esperience is more foolish then wise .


Well let me answer that for you

#1 I am the custodial parent of all my kids
#2 I am a parent of multiple children
#3 unlike most fathers I was there 100% of my wives pregnancy's, I went to every appointment i was there every minute
#4 I have attended seminars, taken classes and have worked with pregnant women, single parents and children for the better part of the last 20 year


So basically I have both personal experience and extended education on the topic which extends for more than 20 years which would make me more qualified than the average joe to talk on this discussion

In regards to pregnancy I never once said I had a baby but I was there I read the books, spoke to the mothers, held the babies, attended all the dr visits etc. so I am sorry if I did not feel a rip as the child slid out of me but in comparison to most DADS i have done allot more

Now feel free to correct me which I know you will do but as far as I can recollect the ONLY advise I have given anyone is (Be safe, do what you feel comfortable with and yes I THINK it is possible for anyone to find love) now i'm not sure what part of that was not appropriate for anyone to give but i am eager to finally hear what you think
 ForumFlashLight
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 113
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/5/2011 4:09:43 PM
OOOOOOOOOO my I am laughing out loud.

m church....really, you think all of us hot women who are mothers are going to be locked up at home 24/7 til those kids graduate high school? Seriously, there would be a riot in this country.

dad2stay...thanks buddy, you are a prince!

Iceman - thanks. I always love your posts. You are the definition of NO NONSENSE.

And, why am I required by some poster to elaborate on financial responsibility of mothers? That isn't technically on topic though it can follow from some aspects of dating.

For one thing, Woman Time and pleasing ourselves with a pedicure can be done at home by ourselves.

For another, some of us are professionals and we are not living in poverty because we work hard for our $$$ and it hits the bank regularly!

This thread is about dating as a woman who has child(ren) and whether we struggle or not, and the OP is looking for some support.

OP - Baby YOU CAN DO IT with a baby!!!! YES YOU CAN!!!! Get your booty into school and a job and surround yourself with POSITIVE WOMEN FRIENDS.

This dating life could be heaven if Mommas stuck together. I would totally keep my girlfriend's children for her so she could go out on a date, and take turns. Currently I only accept my family members as babysitters for my child, but that is because our fantastic babysitter took herself off to college. We will find another one who meets the standard.

Y'all need to form support circles. It DOES take a village. Mommas helping Mommas, we can all make it together.

AND P-TOOEY on anyone who thinks because we have children that we should never date until they're old enough to vote!!!!!
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 114
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/5/2011 11:46:42 PM
Damn lol, is she supposed to post bank statements because she likes to have a life,
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 115
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/6/2011 10:03:37 AM

Damn lol, is she supposed to post bank statements because she likes to have a life,


 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 116
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/6/2011 10:19:54 AM

(dad2stay) Whats the old saying, Those who can DO those who can't TEACH


I don't live my life by "old saying(s)". I stand by what I said: someone without the specific experience of parenting, might still have some valuable input. A discerning, sophisticated listener would be able to extract the principle in the opinion of a non-parent, and apply it to his/her own situation. The smaller the mind, the more likely it is to retreat into, "You're not a parent!!! You wouldn't know!!!"... just sayin'...



(AT) That, for example, is a PERFECT example of a general observation/


(dad2stay) I like how I used the word PROBABLY & MOST implying this statement does NOT apply to every woman and therefore only applies to some which makes this statement true and accurate (at least for the some)


I like how I said I'm NOT trying to argue with you, but merely using your post to expand upon my idea. Why, then, are you trying to argue with me? Have your meds worn off?

Arlo...
 OMGyaa
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 117
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/6/2011 3:17:26 PM
dad2stay Well let me answer that for you

#1 I am the custodial parent of all my kids
#2 I am a parent of multiple children
#3 unlike most fathers I was there 100% of my wives pregnancy's, I went to every appointment i was there every minute
#4 I have attended seminars, taken classes and have worked with pregnant women, single parents and children for the better part of the last 20 year

I never asked or wanted or hinted at this info .. I was trying to show you that you dont have to have direct experience to be able to advise somebody on something , you giving me your parenting resume has no bearing on what I was saying. To me your opinion might be no more valuable then someone who has no direct parenting experience depending on what advice is given and how it fits into the situation.

dad2stay

In regards to pregnancy I never once said I had a baby but I was there I read the books, spoke to the mothers, held the babies, attended all the dr visits etc.

Thank you for helping me make my point - you have shown you have no direct experience on being a pregnant mother and yet you and most people will feel that you possibly can give good advice about being a pregnant mother . Do you now see how someone who doesnt have direct parenting experience could possibly give good advice on parenting ?

I myself have read lots of books on parenting, been a parent for about 20 years , worked with people in the child psychology field etc and I willingly take anybodies input ( in almost every circumstance) on parenting because I do not want to overlook anything that could help me guide my child and other children to become happier and healthier adults.
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 118
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/6/2011 3:43:52 PM
^^^

Ok let me try again

Just because a woman had a kid does not mean she knows more about parenting than any other parent male or female

Just because a father did not give birth to the child does not mean he knows any less about his child or what it was like for his baby's mother to be pregnant

She may have had the child inside of her which is amazing in itself but he witnessed it ALL

After all it was the dad who gets yelled at every time she got a mood swing, it was the dad who runs out for late night snacks, It was the dad who holds her hair while shes throwing up, It was the dad who rubs her feet and back when shes uncomfortable, It was the dad who stops eating his favorite foods because the mere thought of them makes her sick

It was the dad who held her stomach while feeling his baby kick, It was the dad who rubbed butter cream on her belly trying to reassure her the stretch marks were not permanent and your still as beautiful as you ever were

It was the dad who drove her to every doctors appointment and witnessed each ultrasound

It was the dad who took care of her while his child grew inside of you

Just because she gave birth does not mean she is the better parent, does not mean she knows more than anyone else. The only difference is which end each parent experienced it all on



thank you for helping me make my point - you have shown you have no direct experience on being a pregnant mother and yet you and most people will feel that you possibly can give good advice about being a pregnant mother . Do you now see how someone who doesnt have direct parenting experience could possibly give good advice on parenting ?


Now with all that said would you mind answering my 2 simple questions.

A) Where have I given any advise to a pregnant woman that was not asked directly to me?

B) What does giving advise to a pregnant woman have to do with a forum topic asking if a single mom has problems dating?
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 119
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/7/2011 7:35:20 AM

(dad2stay) B) What does giving advise to a pregnant woman have to do with a forum topic asking if a single mom has problems dating?


What does your post have to do with the topic, either? It's just you being a sycophant, but you'll still find something to argue with OMGyaa about...

Arlo...
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 120
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/7/2011 7:53:12 AM
absolutely nothing I was simply responding to a post made to me, why are you here?
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 121
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/7/2011 10:18:52 AM

(dad2stay) why are you here?


Unless you narrow down your definition of "here", I can't reliably answer you...

Arlo...

(or, are you trying to tell me where I can post?)
 OMGyaa
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 122
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/7/2011 1:22:32 PM
To dad2stay -- I am not asking for your qualifications on parenting or anything the purpose of my post is to argue the following statement/opinion you posted

It amazes me how people who have no kids and never been married think they are qualified enough to give advise to people who do and have been

In answer to your question -- A-- you gave advice to pregnant ladies about whether they should date while pregnant . In no way was their question directed to you specifically/directly and in no way are you according to your parenting advise standards qualified to answer. ( I believe myself that almost anyone's advice can be helpful and shouldnt be dicounted )

B) I just used the reasoning you used on being qualified on parenting and applied them to giving advice specifically to pregnant women so that perhaps you could see how your above statement/opinion is flawed.

I hope I have clarified this to you and also hope for the sake of your children that you will not be close minded and will take heed of advice given to you or that is available ., whether it comes from someone who is married, has kids or single and childless. Who knows that person might just give you the perfect advise that you somehow overlooked.

Btw this has never been an attack on you, just challenging your closeminded statement/opinion.
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 123
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/7/2011 2:05:02 PM
OMGyaa


you gave advice to pregnant ladies about whether they should date while pregnant


I never gave any pregnant woman advise on weather or not she should date so please get your facts straight before posting to or about me


In no way was their question directed to you specifically/directly and in no way

Your right it was posted to EVERYONE the questions were:
A)Would you date a pregnant woman? I said yes
B)Do guys actually date single mothers? I said yes

So though it was not made to me personally because the OP does not know me it was posted to people like me and as I have or would date single mothers that made me qualified to reply


you according to your parenting advise standards qualified to answer. ( I believe myself that almost anyone's advice can be helpful and shouldn't be discounted )

And my point is that anyone who is giving advise should have some experience on the topic other than an opinion they simply pulled out of their butt

Your most likely not going to ask your neighbors kid for advise on filing taxes, or a monk advise on flying a plain, or a babysitter advise on the comprehension of nuclear physics

So my opinion is if you do not have kids, have never been married, have not raised a child, gone to school or have some type of experience in relationships and child rearing what advise can you possibly give that isn't already common sense or total BS?


I just used the reasoning you used on being qualified on parenting and applied them to giving advice specifically to pregnant women so that perhaps you could see how your above statement/opinion is flawed.

I disagree, I have the experience and knowledge to back up ALL of my statements


I hope I have clarified this to you and also hope for the sake of your children that you will not be close minded and will take heed of advice given to you or that is available ., whether it comes from someone who is married, has kids or single and childless. Who knows that person might just give you the perfect advise that you somehow overlooked.


I welcome all logical experienced advise, i do not welcome uneducated, non experienced know it alls giving advise on topics they know nothing about and trying to pass it off as fact

ADVISE:
a : to give (someone) a recommendation about what should be done

Now tell me how can anyone logically give advise on what SHOULD be done on a topic they have no experience or training on or have done themselves?
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 124
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/7/2011 2:36:03 PM

(dad2stay) Now tell me how can anyone logically give advise on what SHOULD be done on a topic they have no experience or training on or have done themselves?


Just like you, anybody is free to hold forth with an *OPINION*. As I said, anyone who uses his/her brains for more than just filling up that big hollow space in his/her skull, will be able t0 understand the principle of the argument, and modify it as appropriate, and then apply it to his/her situation.

BTW, "advise", as you've used it (incorrectly) in the sentence above (and below), is a VERB. The NOUN, which you presumably wanted to use, would be "advice".


I welcome all logical experienced advise (sic)...


I call BS. You do *NOT* welcome any idea that differs in the slightest with your pre-conceived prejudices. Rather, you wheedle and split hairs until you can find something, ANYTHING, to argue about. I don't know if you do it because you think it will give you an opportunity to show how "smart" you are, or if you're just naturally argumentative.

Arlo...

(I thought people got loopy in the Spring...)
 ForumFlashLight
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 125
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 11/7/2011 2:40:04 PM
Why are three men arguing in a single mother thread about whether we struggle or not?

Get back on topic!

And if you are not a single mother, then really, can you witness FOR us whether we struggle or not?

Sure, you can observe.

But can you give the OP anything useful about getting back in her dating groove?

THAT is the topic.

OP - you might find it useful to make a list of traits regarding unsuccessful partners in the past, and separate out what you liked from what clearly was connected to either bad or just undesirable behavior. You need a clear picture of how you really live your life and what fits comfortably with you. Figure out what should really make you hit the EJECT button before you ever get more than a couple dates into it.

And then be strong!
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