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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > why is the first question always the same      Home login  
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 unclezeus
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 15
why is the first question always the same Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
I just don't understand once they know you don't have a job they don't even try to get to know you


Natural selection.

You lose. Some other guy, more successful than you , wins her attention.

Women don't want to support a man, she has no sexual arousal for that kind of man.

Concentrate more on finding a job . Dating and getting laid comes later, after you get a job. Otherwise you fall prey to women you normally would not be attracted to.
And thats not good. Why?

Because when you do start getting an income, other better looking women you are naturally more attracted to , will become more accessible.
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 16
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why is the first question always the same
Posted: 8/5/2011 1:43:23 PM
Most of the responses are correct, look for a job. Finding a woman right now should not be your priority. I was laid off for two years a long time ago and I did not date or look for anyone to date at that time. I looked for another job. I took a part time job to help supplement my unemployment and keep my bills up to date. Those were the ONLY dates I had in my mind.
I know it is tough now, but I believe it will improve. Get any free help you can about your resume, take stock of your wardrobe (clothes) and dress correctly for the job interviews, it is tough to get another job when you don't have one.
I ask a man what kind of job he has because they ask me, too. If they do not have a job and live with their parents , that is a red flag for me. In my age group, they should be working and not living with parents, they ARE the parent.
So, good luck, and search on line jobs, newspapers, local job markets, job fairs and network with people who have jobs, they may help you find one.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 17
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why is the first question always the same
Posted: 8/5/2011 1:56:17 PM
As a single Mom when I found myself laid off a few years ago, I spent night and day job hunting. I did not have time to think about dating or meeting people, having a BF was the last thing on my mind. I had to watch my pennies and think about my bills.
Thank god it was all over within 6 weeks, but I know that even had it gone on longer I would not have been trolling the Internet looking for a guy. I think it sends the wrong message to people, like you need assistance or are looking for a pleasant divergence while your life falls apart.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 18
why is the first question always the same
Posted: 8/5/2011 4:48:23 PM
To answer your question, parasites are usually not welcomed by the host, unless the host is getting something outta the deal????? What are YOU offering another right now in your life????? Include both good and bad in your list. I know if I wasn't working for any other reason than I don't need to, I sure wouldn't be putting all this effort that I do into trying to find "A" date.
 ForumFlashLight
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 19
why is the first question always the same
Posted: 8/5/2011 7:43:45 PM
Silverwolve, it's just a bit un-nerving because most dope dealers don't have jobs, we are basically making quick and ruthless decisions for our safety.

Good luck.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 20
why is the first question always the same
Posted: 8/6/2011 1:36:25 PM

Interesting to read the comments. Do many see the news and whats happening for companIES? Recession is something i dont think many are smart enough to understand yet. Getting a job will get harder for everyone. Keeping one will too and i hope more experiEnce whats coming. Too many live in the land of plenty to care for those who have nothing.

This isn't about being charitable, this is about knowing that dating isn't a priority when one isn't able to pay their bills. It's one thing to be involved in a relationship when you're out of work, it's quite another to go out looking to start one. I was unemployed for nearly two years during this recession...the absolute LAST thing I thought about was who would date me. Honestly, even when someone did want to date me I wasn't happy with where I was so I declined. I was WAY too busy worrying about being back on track, so I went to school to put myself in a better place. I'm now working three jobs, have one degree, finishing school and working on another and I've grabbed a couple certifications so I'm not looking to date now either because I don't have the time, but that's beside the point.

Face that as someone unemployed you will always be judged.

Putting dating aside and worrying about survival has nothing to do with judgement.

Money matters more than personality in todays world.

When did personality pay YOUR bills (unless you make money with your personality, that is), ever?

I don't care if a man isn't working so long as he's looking for work and doing what he can to survive. I DO care if he's looking to date new people while being out of work because I would never think about something so trivial at a time when I wasn't sure if I could buy food. Therefore - for ME, it's all about someone's sense of priority. Dating is for when times are good and you're not worried about taking care of yourself. When it comes time to take care of yourself, and we've all been there at least once, all else should be put aside.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 21
why is the first question always the same
Posted: 8/6/2011 3:18:39 PM
OP- prolly cuz you're borderline on the fence attractive to the women you are messaging.

they wanna know if they are gonna waste any time wtih an unemployed, or low paying worker.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 22
why is the first question always the same
Posted: 8/6/2011 4:04:30 PM
Most folks want to know the one they date can support themselves. Men also would want to know what a woman does for a living. Seems pretty normal to me.
 1776or1984
Joined: 12/25/2009
Msg: 23
why is the first question always the same
Posted: 8/6/2011 6:25:00 PM
Yup, most men will ask other men when they meet them for the first time what they do for a living. For most guys, what you do for a living defines you. After all it is the thing in your life that you usually spend the most time doing.
 Jebby16
Joined: 11/3/2007
Msg: 26
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why is the first question always the same
Posted: 8/8/2011 6:25:29 PM
...that's why you don't tell them.
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 27
why is the first question always the same
Posted: 8/9/2011 9:23:05 AM
Maybe they're afraid you're going to ask them for money. Or maybe they wanna move in with you. Maybe they're just making conversation. For whatever reason, it's important to know that someone isn't looking to take advantage of you. Some people are very snobby about jobs ... they won't date a perfectly nice janitor, but they're sure as heck latch onto an abusive doctor.

So consider yourself lucky ... the first question most men ask me generally pertains to sex -- not what kind of job I have
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