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 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 344
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Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!Page 18 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)

at least verygreeneyez has the "balls" to admit responsibility for picking the men she did. what about the rest of the stupid women on this thread? when y'all gonna take responsibility for the trash y'all chose???


Then males are passive objects like a toy doll sits on the shelf and wait to be picked???
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 345
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 9/10/2011 10:31:04 AM

at least verygreeneyez has the "balls" to admit responsibility for picking the men she did. what about the rest of the stupid women on this thread? when y'all gonna take responsibility for the trash y'all chose???

Then males are passive objects like a toy doll sits on the shelf and wait to be picked???

I seriously doubt that's what's meant at all. When I personally state "I picked him...." it's true. No one put a gun to my head and made me marry someone. No one told me I'd lose life and/or limb if I didn't venture into my most recent failure. So yes, I picked them. I chose to be with every single person from my past. But I can state, not one of them were passively waiting for me to wander down the single-male-isle and jumped in my cart when I pointed and said, "I'll take that one." There is an element of "picking" when people get into something, including the simplest meet/greet. BUT? We are sharing our thoughts from our own side. I can't post "I wanted her and she wanted me, so we picked each other." Sheesh ~ come on! You're a smart guy, you know exactly what's meant by these types of comments such as, "I picked him/her."
 1ukn4u
Joined: 10/30/2010
Msg: 346
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 9/10/2011 10:52:46 AM

how bout that. cedar77 calls it like it is and gets ridiculed for it. you just can't make this crap up. women are like liberals......they make stupid choices in men, but want to blame someone else for what they're going through.

at least verygreeneyez has the "balls" to admit responsibility for picking the men she did. what about the rest of the stupid women on this thread? when y'all gonna take responsibility for the trash y'all chose???


socoj74 socoj74 socoj74. First of all I didn't ridicule him. Secondly why are you here if you make such great decisions in women? Or if your really such a prize why are you still single? Are you a soldier over seas? Hope the government doesn't have the budget to afford your body armor and your on the front lines. We really need to thin out the population of men like you. Really really thin.



The particular one I knew happened to choose strong women and that choice eventually proved his downfall because we weren't afraid of his pathology or afraid to stand up and disclose information when asked.


Define strong. You got to remember artful your definition of strong is different than someone who is mentally ill. From his view point there are things he viewed as weaker than most. They don't go after the strong at all from their perspective. Someone who may have a big heart compassion care a great deal for their children and others can be viewed as weak by someone like this. Understand?

You have to look at it from their perspective to see why they choose you or vice versa or both. Cause you kind of choose each other. Someone easily manipulated with many good things to have held over your head. Going through all of your personal stuff to try and control every piece of information that comes in or out of you. I use a definition as meek. Someone who may appear weak but is very strong. A sleeping giant of sorts. I'm a very meek guy that if you saw in person you may view as a weak person. My capabilities are unreal though. It's far more complicated than to just say these types are attracted to weak or strong people. I have no doubt they are attracted to what THEY view as weak easily manipulated people. I think the thing we are missing is their view is completely different than ours.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 350
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 9/10/2011 7:00:23 PM

We should never pretend we don't know what an NPD is when one is staring us straight in the face. It really IS okay to recognize them and respond accordingly. In fact, it may just save our lives.

OK, I'm all for your personal story and how you had to live the after-math. But quite honestly? You have a penchant for insulting anyone that doesn't see people as you do. Not everyone runs around with a Master's Degree/Ph.d in Psych capable/educated enought to diagnose strangers.) Even if you or someone else here did have that capability??? It's not the least bit appropriate for anyone who has that type of degree to diagnose someone they've never seen/spoken to. If you personally can "diagnose" someone at a glance or via a post on a free website? Bottle and sell that gift because there are many state/federal agencies that would pay you BIG money!!!!! Even the most skilled investigator/therapist/criminal pro-filer has never perfected that particular gift. As for your "saving our lives" comment? I've held my tongue for a couple of years with you and quite frankly? I think you are BEYOND over-zealous with paranoia about who's killing who and why. But that's just me, and until you made it clear here, today that you think some of us are damned idiots for NOT seeing a narcissist in the flesh at first glance? I just assumed you were on a crusade and that I should just let you be. Not so much now. Opinions are one thing, but making others feel like damned fools for doing EXACTLY what you have done (and likely more than once, from what you state here in forums) is just a judgmental person wishing they had lived their own life differently and pushing their angst on others. I don't need your angst....I have enough of my own and most likely? So others that haven't read your "How to avoid what I've done in my lifetime and do NOT be me" memoirs.

OY VEY!!! Enough already ~ some people think because they "survived" a bad scene they hold all the answers. That is simply ridiculous or we'd all be given a shot in the azz of whatever it was that made that person more intuitive than the rest of us. JMO
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 351
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Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 9/10/2011 7:25:29 PM
I can only say from my multiple experiences, I had to focus on my part in this dynamic. There was a toxic relationship pattern. Focusing on what they did kept me at that stage of repeating the cycle. Knowledge and learning are so important in changing my toxic pattern to a healthy pattern. @soco: we do make conscious choices, but at the same time we can be influenced by subconscious factors as well.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 353
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 9/11/2011 6:09:27 AM
<<<----- stupid girl here.

I had no idea what he was. Actually like verygreneyes
when I met him I knew something was a little"off".
I didn't think it was to any extent other than he
was a bit eccentric. That was it. A little different.
Interesting. Nothing I had ever encountered. Smart.
Almost genius but impulsive like a teenager. Really strange
but intriguing. I was hooked.


Actually the two most significant relationships
in my life were with distorted men.
I won't call them narcs as to not upset the doctors
here.

Bad boys??? No. Fccking assholes.

Did I recognize something was wrong?
At the very end I did with the one - with
the first it took me 15 Years to sort out
all the crap. I blamed me but it was him.

My mistake in both relationships was hanging on
to them for too long. I didn't know how to walk. I
was paralized by fear.

My part in these relationships- just being me.
I was who I was all along- a compassionate,
giving woman.

I did not "do" anything to provoke the bad
behavior nor did I recognize any of it as
part of a personality disorder.

I'm a pretty savy girl and I got fooled.

Anyone can.

Until I actually sought help because my world
was falling apart these last few months was I
informed there was a difference between "bad
behavior" and "personality disordered".

I'm not going to share my gruesome details here
but let's just say that I'm swimming in the
pool with verygreeneyes.

She nailed my life for the past four years.

I don't care if he has a diagnosis.

"I" know what I lived with and "I" know it
almost destroyed me.

I have been avoiding this thread because I knew
that most posters would just write it off as
wanting the bad boy- getting what you deserved-
or some fccking psycho babble about making better
choices blah blah blah.

Sorry but I will say this- unless you have " lived"
this and are on copious amounts of meds just to
stop the shaking inside your body and the rumination
in your mind- you should go jump off a fccking cliff
for kicks. That's how it feels. Crashing.

Have a nice day.
 1ukn4u
Joined: 10/30/2010
Msg: 354
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 9/11/2011 6:20:12 AM
verygreeneyez

Thank you so much for seeing the whole picture for what it truly is. All I can say is bravo my dear you are a very intelligent well grounded individual and I way way underestimated that. I'm so very sorry for that.


You ask questions that no one has answers to like I have and your a NARCISSIST. Or you disagree with the determination of others and your a NARCISSIST. You state the facts and your a NARCISSIST. All I can say verygreeneyez is your not alone and the only one who sees this.



DSM-IV. All the personality disorders show up as deviations from normal in one or more of the following:
(1) cognition -- i.e., perception, thinking, and interpretation of oneself, other people, and events;
(2) affectivity -- i.e., emotional responses (range, intensity, lability, appropriateness);
(3) interpersonal functions;
(4) impulsivity.



Where are the lines of what is considered normal was asked by me. Now this is about being clinically NPD. Just so I'm clear. Well the percentage of people diagnosed with a personality disorder gives us an indication of where professionals draw those lines. Approximately 1.5% of men have a personality disorder of some kind and 1.5% of women have a personality disorder of some kind. So that's 1.5% chance to anyone meeting someone with a personality disorder if they emptied all the jails and asylums right now. What does this mean? That 98.5% of the population will agree that their behavior is the 4 things listed above on a regular basses.

So is it a safe bet to say the experts were right about my ex when she kills a cat and uses it's little limbs to write on the bedroom wall like she did? I think thats a safe bet to say 98.5% of the population is going to say this person has the issues listed above. No offense to gentle. I like you and I think your a cool guy. I'm just using it as an example again. Is it a safe bet to say 98.5% of the population is going to say the same thing about burnt corn? I personally don't think so. Who knows maybe I'm wrong.


As I've stated loud and clear throughout the entire thread you must take into account everything and not just what you want to see. When we talk about personality disordered people we are talking about the top 1.5% of the most screwed up people. It's like being a genius of crazy. No matter what I can't urge anyone willing enough to seek professional help especially if you believe you have come into contact with one of these people.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 355
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Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 9/11/2011 7:24:25 AM
@curlygrl: Thank you for sharing your experience. No judgments from me, just support. My main reason for sticking around in mine was I felt the need to fix it. Some run away quickly, I believe in problem solving. Also, your esteem takes a beating over a long period of time with somebody who drains your life force out bit by bit. Hang in there.
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