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 1ukn4u
Joined: 10/30/2010
Msg: 62
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!Page 3 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)

Ok, you're the expert, you win.


Sarcasm. I LIKE IT!! :)




If you fear him that much, seek a restraining order if the psychologist you dealt with recommends it.


If I'm right this is unessesary The restraining order and the fear.


I'm going to lay out some more assumptions. It's going to be Hannible Lector Style.lol Ready? If he has what I think he has he is viewed as a mamas boy. Very close to his mother and she's close to him if she is still alive. If not he use to be. He probably works and has worked somewhere for an extended period of time. Hes very ritualistic. Yet he's kinda messy. Terrible handwritting. Shows up to pick his children up almost exactly on time or early to make sure he is on time. Has weird hobbies and keeps those same hobbies for years and years.

Yalls children are great. They are on the verge of perfection. You have far less problems in any way shape or form than the other parents you know. Behavior or otherwise. If you have boys they are mamas boys too and always will be.

Tell me how close I am.


 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 63
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/7/2011 7:09:43 PM
Online diagnostics, who knew?

The irony is thick..
 1ukn4u
Joined: 10/30/2010
Msg: 64
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/7/2011 8:51:55 PM

Online diagnostics, who knew?

The irony is thick..


Isn't it though? Guess you don't have anything intelligent, positive or informitive to say. So pretend to be smart and put a sly comment in here and there. Good job!! Your really helpping!!

Ok redfish heres a relationship lowdown of 2 different disorders. Of the two what disorder sounds most like your ex?

Option 1

Who are these people? In romantic relationships, they are controlling, abusive, manipulative partners who can ruin not only the relationship, but our self-esteem, finances, and reputation. As a parent, they can put the “D” in Dysfunctional Family and be the parent that abuses, neglects, ignores, or psychologically damages their children. As a friend they may be irresponsible, selfish, unreliable, dishonest, and often create significant problems in our life. As a neighbor, they spread rumors, create disharmony in the neighborhood, and steal our lawnmower. As a family member, they maintain themselves as the center of attention and keep the family in an uproar, or they may be the 45 year old brother who has never worked and remains dependent on the family for his support. They may be the brother or sister who verbally bullies and intimidates others with their temper tantrums. As a coworker they are manipulative, unethical, dishonest, and willing to damage co-workers to achieve their employment goals. On the street they are the criminals, con artists, and people-users who purposefully damage others, then quickly move on to avoid detection.



Option 2


We examine the nature and predictors of social and romantic functioning in adolescents and adults with disorder x. Parental reports were obtained for 25 disorder x adolescents and adults (13–36 years), and 38 typical adolescents and adults (13–30 years). The disorder x group relied less upon peers and friends for social (OR = 52.16, p < .01) and romantic learning (OR = 38.25, p < .01). Individuals with disorder x were more likely to engage in inappropriate courting behaviours (χ2 df = 19 = 3168.74, p < .001) and were more likely to focus their attention upon celebrities, strangers, colleagues, and ex-partners (χ2 df = 5 = 2335.40, p < .001), and to pursue their target longer than controls (t = −2.23, df = 18.79, p < .05). These results show that the diagnosis of disorder x is pertinent when individuals are prosecuted under stalking legislation in various jurisdictions.


So one thing I've heard a lot of women in bad relationships say is that their partner "has or might have x disorder" and that their partner's neglect of the relationship or their emotionally or physically abusive behaviours towards their significant other might be a manifestation of it.
 YeahImBlond
Joined: 6/7/2010
Msg: 65
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Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/7/2011 8:52:39 PM
If you have never had to deal with this disorder......please stop making your comments. This is very real and the nightmare many of have had to go through and continue to go through even though we have tossed the nutcase out is unreal. The experiences most of us have had would make your head spin. Little did we know that the day we got involved with that awesome mate that we would never again be able to live a normal live. Because a person who has NPD is forever trying to make you pay for taking control back of your life and leaving them.

So please....those of you who have only negitive comments....there are many other forums out there for you to join. And let those of us who need the assistance of a support group chat and assist each other!
 cntbylv
Joined: 5/8/2011
Msg: 66
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/8/2011 8:18:15 AM
To add a little of my experience:

It has been very educational to learn one really has no protection from DESTRUCTIVE abusive individuals; other than educating and learning the signs.

This is not about vengeance this is about JUSTICE! Research was done by calling the police and researching online to see if there are others avenues to report PREDATORS, and other offenders. Which I'm happy to inform - there are!!!

Cyber paths and NARCISSISTS are not easy to spot! Be VERY cautious because they will run HAVOC on your Heart! Soul! Mind! & Spirit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Psychopaths, sociopaths and even NARCISSISTIC come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category. They are doctors, attorneys, ministers, students, ATHLETES, and truck drivers. They are realtors, construction workers and professors. They are your boss, your neighbor, your family member, and your lover or husband. You might even be with one now and not know it!

Perfect example, the predator (MASTER MANIPULATOR, control FREAK who uses guilt & blame VERY well) I crossed paths with was a PRO BASKETBALL PLAYER who upholds this highly religious FACADE. Don't be lured or baited by their pristine image that they falsely project to the world; it's a FRONT! Behind this façade is an INSECURE little boy missing HUMAN components.

NARCISSISTS & predators are nothing more than the "TIN MAN" – minus a heart, and the capability to feel unless it serves them! REMEMBER whatever they say or do; is ALWAYS about THEM – no matter how nice they may APPEAR!! Watch what they do NOT what they say!!! Listen & watch for inconsistencies.

Predators will TWIST & spin situations to ALWAYS be in their favor. Even to the point that they're the victim and being harassed! One NEVER truly knows the truth with these PREDATORS. Similar to TIGER WOODS....we ALL believed he was this upstanding citizen until he was caught & held ACCOUNTABLE for his destructive behavior!!

"EMOTIONAL RAPE IS A STATIC EVENT. IT IS FROZEN IN YOUR PSYCHE."
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 68
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/8/2011 9:02:18 AM
~OT~ I was married to a classic narcissist. It was indeed, a wild ride (or something like that.) Unfortunately, what we find endearing at some point (his social skills, his humor, his out-going persona, etc., etc.) are/were not enough to keep his secret more protected nasty traits hidden for too long. It was absolute HELL living in his world, and when you are with someone narcissistic? You do live in their world. I don't know how to tell early on if someone has this disorder of these traits, because like ALL people, the best-foot-forward can last for a long while. I didn't see his true nature for years. And by then? We were married. Getting out of bad situations early is a novel idea ~ I just don't think it's possible to "read" someone loud and clear at all times, instantaneously (after having been proven that wasn't possible for me.) The best we can hope for is that the person/people we allow/welcome into our private lives are "who" "what" they present/represent. If we find out later they are not these things? Buh-bye! Hug-hug. Kiss-kiss. Wish you well. Don't bother calling. JMO
 1ukn4u
Joined: 10/30/2010
Msg: 69
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/9/2011 12:05:11 AM
http://www.google.com/search?q=casey+anthony&hl=en&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-SearchBox&prmd=ivnsulo&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=bNFATrroMOqJsgKW9YGiCQ&ved=0CDwQsAQ&biw=1440&bih=698

If we put all these EXes in the clinical NPD catagory where do the casey anthonies go?


http://claudiamilesmft.blogspot.com/2011/06/casey-anthony-borderline-personality-or.html

Here they talk about a lot of Narcissists are pedifiles.

http://ijo.sagepub.com/content/45/1/102.abstract

Let's all remember Dr. Phil.lol He has a bit to say about an accused NPD.

http://drphil.com/shows/show/693/?preview=&versionID=
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 70
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Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/9/2011 1:11:36 AM
Velma ^^^^ I see the issue you have with armchair psychology.... and yes when misapplied can be dangerous or unproductive.....

but keep in mind a TRUE Narcissist or BPD refuse to engage in ANY diagnostic intervention/evaluation..... and the victim must resort to externally manage the situation or flee from it......

This forum is then a good stepping stone to explore ideas and then mobilize proper actions to save one's own mental health by establishing a deeper understanding of the trap they are in and releasing the shame and guilt artificially imposed on them...
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 71
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Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/9/2011 3:19:30 AM
Okay, those of you who are naysayers on this subject, here is what I gave to both of my daughters from Abigail Van Buren-Dear Abby : List of warning signs gives 15 reasons to leave your lover:
1. A PUSH FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT-An abuser pressures the other person for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
2. JEALOUSY excessively possessive: calls constantly or visits unexpectedly;checks the mileage on your car; doesn't want you to work - you might meet someone
3. CONTROLLING-Interrogates you intensely ( especially if you are late) about whom you talked to, and where you were;keeps all the money;insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.
4.UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS-Expects you to be the perfect person and meet his/her every need
5.ISOLATION-Tries to cut you off from family and friends;accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble"; the abuser may deprive you of a phone or car or try to prevent you from holding a job.
6.BLAMES OTHERS FRO PROBLEMS AND MISTAKES-The boss, you- it is always someone else's fault if anything goes wrong.
7.MAKES EVERYONE ELSE RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS/HER FEELINGS-"You make me angry" instead of " I am angry".
8. HYPERSENSITIVITY-Is easily insulted, claiming that his/her feelings are hurt when he is really mad. Ranting about the injustice of things that are just part of life.
9.CRUELTY TO ANIMALS AND CHILDREN- Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability or may tease them until they cry.
10."PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX- Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex, says he/she finds the idea of rape exciting.
11. VERBAL ABUSE-Constantly criticizes you, or says blatantly cruel , hurtful things;degrades, curses, calls you ugly names.
12.RIGID SEX ROLES-Expects you to serve, obey and remain at home.
13.SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS- Switches from sweetly loving to explosively violent in a matter of minutes
14.PAST BATTERING- Admits to hitting others in the past, but says they made him/her do it.
15.THREATS OF VIOLENCE-Makes statements like "I'll break your neck" or "I'll kill you" and then dismisses them with "Everybody talks that way" or " I really didn't mean it". If it has come this far, it is time for you to leave and get help.

This comes from the Project for Victims of Family Violence , Fayetteville ,Arkansas.
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 72
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Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/9/2011 6:21:50 AM
Velma.... Let me ask this.....

1. Why does the babble of all of us dolts and idiots bother you sooooo much??? Just let us flap our stupid lips just because we like it.... besides it helps to ventilate the fermenting BS that we are just soooo full of

2. Have you ever been in a relationship where this condition is present???

3. "Me thinks thou doest protesteth to much" ... Shakespeare... does this whole situation in some way touch too close to your emotional home??

4. What do you think rancor and venom add to help anyone??? Including yourself..

Anger, vitriol and meanness are emotional toxins that will rot our core being and maybe even contaminate our soul..... is all this worth the personal price you could be already paying??
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 73
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Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/9/2011 7:14:56 AM
Velma the misunderstanding is on your part..... these were probing questions .... not accusations....

Mental illness is often expressed as a spectrum within any one etiology.... a mental disorder does not need to be profoundly expressed or cause life altering dysfunction to be true....

A narcissist without aberrant social behaviors will live undetected but will torment their significant other into a miserable or even their own psychotic state.....

Velma.... mental rigidness and lack of broader understanding is its own condemnation/psychosis ..... any condemnation is within you not from my statements.... there are no witches to hunt just people and situations to avoid and flee from.....

When is the advice given here to flee and remove yourself from a toxic relationship a witch hunt????? Your assumption of attack is entirely false and may relate to deeper transference issues you have not yet disclosed....

Your ongoing vitriol still confirms a basic thesis of the deeper wounding you maybe harboring..... I am sure by now you see me as a malefactor and are totally closed to further personal awareness.....
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 74
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/9/2011 8:02:27 AM
well, imagine that..a country singer ( Jo Dee Messina) had a clear message about it..who cares what it's called/labeled./diagnosed as? My Give-a-damn's busted..

"Well you filled up my head,
With so many lies.
Twisted my heart
Til something snapped inside.
I'd like to give it one more try
but my give a damn's busted.

You can crawl back home
say you were wrong,
stand out in the yard
cry all night long.
Well go ahead and water my lawn.
My give a damn's busted.


I really wanna care,
I wanna feel somethin'
Let me dig a little deeper...
Nope...
Sorry...
Nothin'



You can say you've got issues.
You can say you're a victim.
It's all your parents fault,
After all you didn't pick 'em
Well maybe Oprah's got time to listen.
My give a damn's busted.

(*Well let me get this straight now)
Your therapist said
It was all just a phase
A product of the Prozac
And your co-dependent ways
So uhh ... who's your enabler these days?
My give a damn's busted.

I really wanna care,
I wanna feel somethin'
Let me dig a little deeper...
Eeh-Eeh


(*Oh you're tellin' me)
It's a desperate situation,
No tellin' what you'll do.
If I don't forgive you,
You say your life is through.
Well honey... give me somethin' I can use.
(My give a damn's busted.)
(*Ahh you knew I was gonna say that, didn't ya.)

My give a damn's busted (*ha ha)
My give a damn's busted
Honey trust me
My give a damn's busted yeahhh ...
OOOH
My give a damn's busted yeahhh
(*You wanna do what?)(*ha ha ha ha ha)
My give a damn's busted
(*Get the party started thats what we'll do)
My give a damn's busted
(*I'm not done honey, trust me)
My give a damn's busted
(*Been there, done that)
My give a damn's busted
My give a damn's busted"
 sensualseekerns
Joined: 6/1/2010
Msg: 76
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/9/2011 12:01:11 PM


If you fear him that much, seek a restraining order if the psychologist you dealt with recommends it.

If I'm right this is unnecessary. The restraining order and the fear


A restraining order will not really do much to stop fear, nor is it meant to. Fear is a side issue that if you have it, you must find other ways to deal with it. A restraining order is about safety, and using the law to grant extra powers in keeping someone from trying to do harm to you in physical or social form.


I'm going to lay out some more assumptions. It's going to be Hannible Lector Style.lol Ready? If he has what I think he has he is viewed as a mamas boy. Very close to his mother and she's close to him if she is still alive. If not he use to be. He probably works and has worked somewhere for an extended period of time. Hes very ritualistic. Yet he's kinda messy. Terrible handwritting. Shows up to pick his children up almost exactly on time or early to make sure he is on time. Has weird hobbies and keeps those same hobbies for years and years.


Sorry what you are describing is not diagnosis material. Symptoms are clues at best to digging deeper.

So he has some OCD tendencies and likes structure in his life as defined by his own rules, not societies. That means little, and at best is an indicator of a dozen personal beliefs or at worse behavioral problems.

Terrible handwriting can be an indicator of something very different, even a possible nerve/physical condition or other learning disorder, although yes it does often reflect people with more serious mental conditions.

I have to agree with one other poster who states that women who come out of bad relationships seem to spend a lot of time trying to over-diagnose the reasons for the breakup, whether the other person rejected her or as in your case it seems he was just a general as*hole with psychiatric issues.

It sounds like you felt out of control while in this relationship, and now you are over compensating by trying to be in control of everything since, including forum conversations.

You need to let it go. You have a new life now. Start living it.

You did not make him the way he is. Do not let your experiences with him make you the way you are.

 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 77
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/9/2011 1:07:26 PM
Of course- we NEVER read any posts by men about their "bi-polar" ex- or even more "specific"(lol)- their "psycho" ex. Or their "frigid" ex, or their ex with "borderline personality disorder".
Cindy O
 thiswoman54
Joined: 8/4/2009
Msg: 78
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Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/9/2011 1:32:04 PM
You are so right.I'm sorry you had to experience this.Recently widowed,I was introduced to a wonderful guy by mutual friends.This guy was very quiet,polite, an extremely talented musician,very intelligent and then----WHAM. I always felt slightly detached and could not put my finger on"it". After about 8 mos. or so I made a decision that has financially bankrupted me but, now from a distance I know it was for the best. I did not suffer physically,however the constant "after all I've done for you" lectures I was emotionally exhausted. We still talk and he still has no clue that he's lost. He has apologized and admitted he caused the break up but he doesn't fully understand how. I'm convinced I'm just another worthless person{female} that didn't appreciate him and all his wisdom. Thanx for posting, gave me an opportunity to vent. It has only been a few weeks and my life is greatly improved. I will always be his friend but am so glad to have wised up and moved on. Thanx again. BELIEVE THIS PEOPLE ------IT IS THE TRUTH!!!
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 79
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/9/2011 6:15:16 PM
I've had a teensie bit of experience with this.

In order to better explain my experience; just look up and chat with any girls from Kitchener/Waterloo/Guelph.



Glad I could help!
 errant71
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 80
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/9/2011 6:58:02 PM
Well said ... and I totally agree. Thanks, sweetness!
 YeahImBlond
Joined: 6/7/2010
Msg: 81
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Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/10/2011 4:57:35 AM
Velma-
Obviously you have not had to deal with a peson with NPD. I deal with it evey day....and I left the jerk 8 years ago. When I first left him I thouhgt I was the only one going through these things and was afaird to share what had happened to me. I kept asking myself...how could I be so stupid. Then I can across forums such as this and read through MANY different posting of others who were dealind with exactly what I went through. As a newbie it helped me get throught it and I got lots of ideas, tips, and tricks on how to get through the difficult times.

So to you..it may seem like the same story over and over. But to someone who is going throught it and needs assistance...they need to see and her this.

And really...it can bug you too much cuz you keep on coming back and reading so I am thinking your enjoying this. But do us all a favor and keep your negative comments to youself. The people on this link and trying to heal and get through something and they don't need to be reading your comments.
 inthroughtheoutdoor
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 83
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/10/2011 5:45:17 AM

So please....those of you who have only negitive comments....there are many other forums out there for you to join. And let those of us who need the assistance of a support group chat and assist each other!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
... keep your negative comments to youself. The people on this link and trying to heal and get through something and they don't need to be reading your comments.


This is a discussion forum, it is NOT a support group. All opinions are welcomed. For example, just because an atheist, a christian or a muslim starts a thread "in support" of their views does NOT mean that ALL people of ALL faiths are not allowed to express their opinions and challenge/debate those expressed on the thread. If one wants a "support group chat", then one goes to a support group chat room/blog - again, this is a discussion forum and people are allowed to discuss and YES, challenge, debate and disagree with your or any opinions expressed here or anywhere on these boards.

Regarding the topic of this thread, for which everyone including myself, is allowed as per forum rules to express their opinions, I along with others also happen to disagree with the premise of this thread - not only do I feel in MY opinion that it serves no purposes but it makes my skin crawl to see people attempt to slap a diagnosis on anyone when they are NOT qualified to do so.

I've seen people on this thread hint or suggest that people were suffering from a psychosis or unresolved issues simply for disagreeing with them/their opinions yet I'm to believe that their diagnosis of NDP on their ex (because as we all know everybody's ex on POF is either an NDP, bipolar or some kind of psycho) is somehow valid??

Additionally, for those who have pictures posted - if it was MY ex saying these things about me where people could identify me through his pics/profile, there would be a lawsuit happening. At best, this is PRIVATE medical information he or she is sharing all over the net - at worse, they are lies and/or nothing but his or her own interpretation of the truth.

In my opinion.
 CoolBreezez
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 84
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Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/10/2011 7:28:00 PM
As others have stated, you really need to temper the rush to judge someone and put a diagnosis on them. It would seem even the professionals struggle with classifying someone as narcissistic to the point where it is an illness.

From the article I mentioned earlier


Odious as these qualities may be, we've all got a narcissistic streak within. Narcissism is a stable trait that varies in degree from person to person. Some aspects, including confidence and self-sufficiency, are healthy and adaptive. It is only at the extreme end of the spectrum that narcissism becomes a disorder, often because toxic levels of vanity, entitlement, and exploitativeness are on display. The idea that narcissism is a constellation of traits that exists on a continuum, rather than a single, dichotomous label (you are or are not narcissistic), is reflected in plans to jettison the diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder in the forthcoming DSM-V, the diagnostic manual for clinicians.


http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201106/how-spot-narcissist

Just because people don't behave the way we want them to doesn't make them crazy and the only one that can control how they affect you is YOU.
 forum_moderator
Joined: 1/24/2003
Msg: 85
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Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/10/2011 7:36:18 PM


Thread particpants - A Reminder to Read THIS prior to replying!



 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 86
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/10/2011 7:44:03 PM
Hey, sometimes the label fits and sometimes it doesn't. I'm not sure why people are getting up in arms over someone thinking an ex may be a narcissist?

It's not as though their discussing it online will somehow impact said ex. And if he is on here, he has the ability to defend himself. So I'm not sure what the problem is?

I have had lots of experience with narcissists, both professionally and otherwise. I have also taken extra training to deal with the cluster B types (NPD, ASPD, BPD) as this particular personality disorder fascinates me to no end.

After the things I have dealt with, I definitely make judgement calls as to a person's mental health. Yes, I am qualified, but it extends beyond my work as well.

I understand what some are saying, that the label doesn't matter.. to just deal with abuse as abuse. And that is true. BUT knowing what you are dealing with and understanding what caused you to accept the abuse for the time that you did, is important information to explore so that you don't repeat the same mistakes in the future.

So I may be on the unpopular end here, but I don't agree with the prevailing view that discussing such things is a bad idea.
 inthroughtheoutdoor
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 87
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/10/2011 9:36:20 PM
I understand what you are saying shakti and maybe I came on a little strong up there...but wouldn't it be more beneficial to work on ourselves and try to understand why we were attracted to those people in the first place and why once we saw their "evil" side we put up with the crap for as long as we did?

Because I know that for me, trying to put a label on him or trying to find out exactly what's wrong with him (because yes I have my own story too) is irrelevant in the end - what is relevant and what I need/ed to know is what is/was wrong with ME that a) I allowed this person into my life and b) I continued to allow this person into my life even AFTER I saw his dark side.

I get that people need to unload and vent, I have done it plenty of times before and I will surely do it again...but there are people here throwing words like psychosis and attempting to make online diagnosis about other posters and this is where the line must be drawn in my opinion.

Anyway... you know I respect your opinions both on a personal and professional level and as I said earlier, I understand what you're saying. But I still think that the main focus should be on ourselves and that our energy is much better spent trying to find out what is "wrong" with us so that we can fix it or at least do our best to contain and maintain the damage to a reasonable level:).
 sensualseekerns
Joined: 6/1/2010
Msg: 88
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/11/2011 8:27:44 AM
Unfortunately we live in a world now rank with a lot of closet psychology. Just look at the women's magazines that have a different fluff article on how to identify mr. right versus mr. wrong every month. It is another reason I have often said women need to stop buying this crap because they are supporting an industry that realizes there is a profit in brainwashing women into being ....frankly...warped and hate filled.

People read this sort of stuff at a very superficial level, and apply the logic in those articles as if some how they have the benefit of years of experience. The misleading nature of fluff psychology is that it sells magazines and promotes judgmental behavior of the kind that is minus facts/ or the big picture. People who think they can use a simple article on the internet or magazine to solve someone else behavioral issues is in for a disappointment. That person must first recognize there is a issue, and want to change themselves, otherwise their attempts at change are more likely to be appeasement to someone they love/want in their lives.

As I said before there is a big difference between narcissistic behaviors and actual narcissists. The latter rarely see and problem with their behavior because they do not want to change. The more that their behavior benefits them, the more the resistance to change seems reinforced in their mind. There are also very different levels of narcissism. Some are anti-social, most are not but are indeed self-serving, and do not like their views on themselves to be challenged.

In the end anyone who realizes they need to change, will try enough times that they usually succeed.

The people on this forum who feel like they are being personally attacked need to realize that people are commenting on general social behaviors that are negative, and not necessarily attacking their personal beliefs.
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 90
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Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/11/2011 6:02:37 PM
Kytten/shakti..... You are spot on......

However I retain the inalienable right to be a shameless "armchair anything I want to be"

Last week I was an international spy..... next week I will be a ghost hunter.... now where is that magic key to my yellow submarine?????.....
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