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 AUTHOR
 MsWinter
Joined: 9/18/2010
Msg: 94
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Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!Page 4 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
I almost lost my life to a narcissistic person. I consider myself pretty intelligent person but let me tell ,these people with these illnesses are very satanistic people. Very intellectual indeviduals. As soon as I married him,he changed 360 and the real games started such as his seeing a counselor every week. I asked him why he needed to seek for professional help and he just "wanted to chat with a guy".Soon I realized that a day before he seeked for counseling he always had scratches on his arms etc,,,,,,he was trying to work on his aliby for my murder. A week after we got married he had gone to sos sec office to fill out paper work in the event of my death!!!!!!!!!!!
Grazzyyyy!Also trying to poison me with diet pills and zoloft!
Thank for some self defence classes I got away from him on the night he wanted to murder me.
The first sign is lies and trying to cover up ,,,,,,,,,,,run Forrest run!!!
 TheMainVine
Joined: 8/7/2011
Msg: 96
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/12/2011 9:33:19 AM
B, I'm in the same boat. In fact, this thread has been a real eye-opener and given me some insight into what's going on in my life, and in hers. Unfortunately, that leaves with a dilemma and I I would like to throw a question to the group.

The person I was seeing is about my age, she is a college graduate, holding a master's degree. She's a woman I have known, and dated off and on, for the better part of 12 years. She wasn't always like this... previous encounters terminated for a variety of reasons, mostly circumstantial. I went into the military, she moved to another state to pursue her education, etc. Long-story-short, I think this is a learned behavior based on my experiences.

Above and beyond being a partner who (narcissism aside) I would be happy to spend the rest of my life with, she has been a friend and confidant over the years. She has by now ruined entirely any chance there may have been of making something meaningful, but she is still a friend and I am very concerned for her. Her behavior is, ultimately, self-destructive. She lies to me, she lies to her friends, she manipulates everyone around her to get the attention she feels she needs. She destroys her relationships to fuel her desire for empathy and pity from men. She deliberately chooses occupations and work that leave her near destitute to create an artificial dependency on intimate partners whom she then uses as whipping-boys to create the illusion of being burdened.... It's a mess.

As a concerned friend I am already seeing this cycle starting again with her new beau. Not only is she lying to him (and painting me as a Hollywood horror villain in the process), she is starting to pick apart the things about him that make her happy and unloading her problems on him. Furthermore, she continues to try to draw me into her delusion - offering sex, physical contact, or emotional support coupled with threats, irrational anger, and blame/guilt games. I don't like the guy, but I love my friend dearly.

Whatever her problems, whatever she's done in the past, she's still my friend and I want to help her. She's got a disease and I am looking for a cure here. Is there anything that I can do, any tactic that has worked for someone else to help draw her out of this destructive behavior?

PS - No, I'm not participating in her games, I'm not feeding her what she wants, and I am definitely not sleeping with her. I'm not looking to fix a broken relationship. I'm pretty in-tune with what's going on and I don't want any part of it.
 TheMainVine
Joined: 8/7/2011
Msg: 97
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/12/2011 9:36:56 AM
Sorry, first time on the forums, wasn't sure how posting tracked here. I was responding to someone on page 1, beenambedie. I'll try to be more specific in the future.
 TheMainVine
Joined: 8/7/2011
Msg: 98
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/12/2011 9:45:13 AM
Kytten, if there's one thing I know about it's 'having nothing left'. There's no such thing. I felt that way just last week. I felt tired, broken, empty... Then I happened to get it into my head to join this awesome website called PlentyofFish.com. I got on the forums and saw other people who had had issues, some of them strikingly similar to my own. I saw people looking for genuine relationships and looking to meet other like-minded people. And I read an incredible profile that put a smile on my face for a week. I still think about it and smile. Girl won't respond to me, but w/e. I felt energized, I felt happy, and I felt like there was really some hope that somewhere out there was a person who could be a constructive part of my life. If I can find one that fast, the odds are pretty well in my favor. Sometimes I come on a little strong though, so I can understand if someone is put off or not responding to the good vibes I'm puttin' out. I just like to share when I'm feeling good.

My point is this, and it is two-fold;

There ARE people out there that are exactly what you're looking for.
When you meet that person, they will give you, free of charge, all the energy you need.

Keep your chin up and just do what you do, the right thing will come along. The hardest part is putting one foot in front of the other.
 cntbylv
Joined: 5/8/2011
Msg: 99
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/12/2011 8:40:34 PM
A friend introduced me to this book which has supported me in understanding NPD plus my role in the relationship:

"When you love a man who loves himself..." W.Keith Campbell
 unclezeus
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 100
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/12/2011 11:50:25 PM
subject of controlling, manipulative, emotionally and physically abusive partners


So, you got boned by one, did ya? LOL... you fell for them. Maybe you should seek a Therapist. And stop refering to the person you bed down with as your "Partner".


They will shine with confidence
....No, thats a real man.


and charm, they will shower you with affection and gifts,
...Thats a wussy.


and will convince you they are your soulmate.
....No , thats a person with thier head in lala land. Geez , just how gullible are you?
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 103
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/13/2011 1:22:02 PM
^^^^its really hard to get away from them.

You think - this time maybe he will be that great guy
he was at the beginning. That was a mask to
suck you in.

He was never that guy. He mirrored all your
good qualities back at you. Became the man
you so desperately wanted.

When you leave they play silent which is more
abuse.

Then they come back like no time has passed
invading your life and taking up where they left
off.

This leaves you confused and giving it another try.

I'm glad you finally cut the cord. No contact ever.
You are just an object. A very shiny toaster who has
expired your usefullness.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 104
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/13/2011 2:09:19 PM
Hey miss beautiful soul, just noticing this now..

I understand what you are saying shakti and maybe I came on a little strong up there...but wouldn't it be more beneficial to work on ourselves and try to understand why we were attracted to those people in the first place and why once we saw their "evil" side we put up with the crap for as long as we did?
Of course that is important, I just don't think that looking at only one side of the equation is necessarily the best way to learn and heal. Whether that be looking at only them- as you point out, then you miss your role in things and get stuck playing the victim, which only invites more of the same. OR looking at only you- then you tend to blame yourself (classic for those who allow themselves to be abused) and are apt to miss similar signs in the future. I think the key is to take a balanced approached.

Healing takes time. I find that for myself I spent most of the time in the beginning beating myself up for why I ever allowed it in the first place, I should have known better, blah, blah, blah.. but when I actually looked at his role, threw off what was not my responsibility.. it was then that I was able to say that I had healed and let it go.

Anyway... you know I respect your opinions both on a personal and professional level and as I said earlier, I understand what you're saying. But I still think that the main focus should be on ourselves and that our energy is much better spent trying to find out what is "wrong" with us so that we can fix it or at least do our best to contain and maintain the damage to a reasonable level:).
I respect you tons and understand what you mean as well. But many times looking at what is wrong with you, only perpetuates the cycle even further. There is imo a limit to that, to where it is not actually healthy anymore. I think that people have different ways of healing, and those who are at a stage where they feel the need to explore and understand the psyche of those who abused them, should be able to do so. But I agree that there is a limit to that as well.

It's a tricky balance this healing business.
 CoolBreezez
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 105
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Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/13/2011 3:27:42 PM
I just don't think that looking at only one side of the equation is necessarily the best way to learn and heal. Whether that be looking at only them- as you point out, then you miss your role in things and get stuck playing the victim, which only invites more of the same. OR looking at only you- then you tend to blame yourself (classic for those who allow themselves to be abused) and are apt to miss similar signs in the future. I think the key is to take a balanced approached.


This is the way I see these things too. Both you and the other person had a role to play in your relationship. Something drew you together, whether it was for healthy or bad reasons. Its hard to figure out your part and separate that from what the other person did when it fails, since you only have the benefit of one point of reference.

Also, most people are not simply one way or another. Most we are all different shades of many aspects- some dominant and others less so. A simple definition of someone such as a label or a caricature is usually not very accurate most times.

More relationships don't work out than go someplace for any length of time. Many of these relationships are just two imperfect people just trying to find the best way in this life for themselves. The harder part is being a good partner to the other person and having them acknowledge it too.
 marrash
Joined: 6/16/2008
Msg: 106
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/13/2011 3:59:33 PM
response to bubbletee...

I have read over 100 articles on the subject as I am a victim of narcissistic abuse over a six year period. I'm almost ashamed on how long it took me to figure things out, but the first two years were so amazing, I had the girl of my dreams. Kudos on your article as it aptly depicts what a narcissist is and the devastating effect she had on my life. I'm 2 1/2 months out, and although I'm doing better, I am still suffering the effects of missing the person I thought she was. But as you pointed out so well, the personality I had initially met was not the person that she really is. The personality that she is today, is the real person. In other words, a fraud. Probably the hardest thing to come to grips with is that the love I thought I had was a fraud, and not real. As difficult and lonely as it is right now, I'm only to aware of how lucky I am to have gotten away. And it was articles like yours that got me thru it. Thanks for the insight.

Alone with someone is worst than being alone with no one.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 107
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/13/2011 4:26:01 PM
I don't think people "play" victim with
a narc. They ARE victims.

There are no "two sides" to these relationships-
only one and that is what the narc is after with
you.

I get it about playing armchair psycho doc.
I get that- what I don't get is how some people
can continue the abuse and discount someones
story here.

Regardless of a diagnosis- to them, the relationship
was toxic and they got out whether the narc
dumped them or they did the dumping.

I have studied and been part of groups regarding
this - I can say I am no expert but if someone feels
abused in a relationship I will not discount thier feelings
behind the " two sides to every story".

Some relationships have one side.
 garvey14
Joined: 6/6/2011
Msg: 108
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/13/2011 5:43:35 PM
I regretfully can say I divorced a women who possessed all those traits. To the point that once caught in a affair she actually threatened the wife of the man. Right up to the end I was the problem all along, then I came across emails to friends and family members describing all the things I was doing wrong because we where having issues related to her affair. After separating I discovered that she cheated on her first husband.
I would say I truly regret the time spent with this women but as I sit here watching the Bears play a preseason game the bi product of our marriage is playing next in the same room. I will just do what I can to ensure that he does not turn out the same way.
They do have an uncanny ability to make you believe. They suck you in with an incredibly loving nature, until one day you see the real person and it is a shock to the system. I think I received a world class education at the hands of a true narcissist and there are things that have become absalute deal breakers as a result.
 CoolBreezez
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 109
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Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/13/2011 7:15:36 PM

I get that- what I don't get is how some people
can continue the abuse and discount someones
story here.


Ah- Now I'm having a light bulb moment. It's funny when you read a large original post and you take away certain thoughts from it and others see other things. It seemed to be timely with some of the reading I was doing early as well. I posted some of the thoughts I took away from this, but probably not completely. Looking at this comment and rereading the OP, I can see now where some of it can be seen as dismissive. I apologize for that or any offense it may cause- some thoughts were going down different tangents. It's hard to read other peoples thoughts and feels through the computer as well.

Back more on topic-

In my reading, narcissism is a broad term and we each get different pictures of what one is like. At the really bad end it gets into what is referred to as a "black triad" cluster of narcissism, psychopathy and Machiavellianism. To me this is basically a psychopath. But now I see this is possible what some are saying when they say Narcissist. Definitely something to get away from quickly, if you can identify it before you get hurt.

If you can get away from this, grieving is a process that takes time to get through. Once there, then maybe self examination would be useful.

They say that certain types are drawn to the narcissist-Empathic types who are "caretakers" for one. It's not a bad characteristic to have but it can have its downfalls. This is the kind of thing that I refer as your "role" in the relationship. If you self examine, you can be better prepared and not fall into the same situation again.

Geez - I'm starting to sound like a internet psychiatrist-lol- best learn to be quiet and tell others to seek professional help.
 akakakes
Joined: 3/27/2009
Msg: 110
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/13/2011 7:19:54 PM
Yeppers, married one and had 2 of his children.. another survivor...
 mrnova66
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 111
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/13/2011 7:47:40 PM
You will get flame for telling the truth^^^^The reason alot of women that pick these winners is because these men have no shortage of drama in their sorry miserable lives.I have just learned just recently that alot are happy to be UNHAPPY!!!They would not have it any other way.Most the time(90%) if a person is unhappy they do not attract happy people.REMEMBER!!!Opposites do not attract.Misery loves company.At my age i learned to stay well clear of women that have been with every nut case in town.I got better things to with my time to repair women that have been with nut cases year after year after year.But it is all good.After the nut blew a fuse the same women are after the next nut case.They would not have it any other way.
 inthroughtheoutdoor
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 112
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/14/2011 5:45:36 AM
sometimes a horse is too stupid to lead to water.


Are those horses that are as you say "too stupid" only female horses? Because here on this thread I see both female AND male horses.

Do you get some kind of kick out of singling out only the female horses or is your OBVIOUS biased agenda blinding you to the fact that MALE horses have spoken on this thread also????

Speaking of horses that are "too stupid"... do you think stupid horses act, look and sound stupid because of the blinders they wear and thus are not able or simply refuse to see what's obvious to the rest of the horses that don't have blinders on?
 inthroughtheoutdoor
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 113
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/14/2011 6:38:23 AM

nuclear physics is hard.....investment trading is hard......engineering is hard.......doctorate programs are hard. but when it comes to relationships, that's kindergarten level easy.


I disagree. As do most people, including many if not most experts who are in the field - nothing in life even comes close to being as complex and as difficult to understand as human beings and why they do the things they do.


you either pick a man who treats you well, or you pick one that treats you like crap. and if you pick a man that treats you like crap, then it's your own fault.


The point I was trying to make and that you obviously fail to see is that it's not JUST women who pick wrong - BOTH women AND men in equal numbers are capable of "picking wrong".

This (thread) is NOT about who is more to blame or more at fault...it's about trying to UNDERSTAND why PEOPLE do the things they do. Get it? And no, I wasn't raised on a horse farm, were you? Not that there's anything wrong with that mind you but a stupid horse is a stupid horse no matter where he or she was raised don't you agree?
 sensualseekerns
Joined: 6/1/2010
Msg: 114
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/14/2011 9:16:25 AM
People forget that narcissists are like sociopaths and psychopaths in how they believe the world should work. They are master manipulators all, and they know how to use a woman with emotional needs to manipulate her thoughts completely. They hone their skills on an endless line of victims. One of the best things that women could do is teach their daughters over and over again to be free of the anchor chain that is emotional based reasoning.


You will get flame for telling the truth^^^^The reason alot of women that pick these winners is because these men have no shortage of drama in their sorry miserable lives.I have just learned just recently that alot are happy to be UNHAPPY!!!


Unfortunately women in our society are conditioned and brainwashed through the media and peers to be more emotionally dependent. Young women in particular are deluged with this crap message, and of course many of them take that message into their adult years and have to take a long time (usually with a lot of pain) to unlearn these behaviors.

Women need to realize men are not saying this to be kneejerk. The source of the problem can seem rather obvious at time, and just because that truth comes from a male voice does not mean it is either bad intentioned or "wrong".

Break the chain of emotional drama dependency and stop letting the addiction to emotional need run your lives like crack runs a junkie.



The point I was trying to make and that you obviously fail to see is that it's not JUST women who pick wrong - BOTH women AND men in equal numbers are capable of "picking wrong".


Sorry but I have to agree with the other poster, despite his bluntness. Women pick far more dysfunctional men then the other way around. The problem is that men can spot another problem male from a mile away. Women are to blind to what are the obvious and simple tells.

No insult is meant in either of the above statements. If what I said offends you then chances are you are probably one of those blind women. The sad part is that there is no need for such emotional turmoil to have a loving and romantic happy life with someone.

 inthroughtheoutdoor
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 115
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/14/2011 10:22:51 AM
If what I said offends you..

Not at all. You are entitled to your opinion as I am entitled to mine, however, I have no respect for and tend to dismiss entirely those opinions from those whose vision is too narrow to see, almost as if they were looking through the eye of a camera. Funny that;)

So if some people choose to see one gender as being (mostly) responsible for the ills of the human race, that is on them. And since I no longer try to reason with people who cannot be reasoned with, their opinions matter not. Except of course to those who are just like them and who buy into their agenda and who can often be seen cheering each other on - again, it makes no difference to me what those people think but I do care what they write and say in public forums such as this one hence why I am taking the time to address (your) comment(s) lest one thinks it's because I care what you/they think or what your/their opinions are specially when it comes to women (as if I/we didn't already know).
 1ukn4u
Joined: 10/30/2010
Msg: 116
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/14/2011 11:45:24 AM

yes i know there are some male horses that are too stupid to lead to water as well. however, women will pick a piece of trash loser ten times more often than a man will pick a piece of trash woman.

nuclear physics is hard.....investment trading is hard......engineering is hard.......doctorate programs are hard. but when it comes to relationships, that's kindergarten level easy. you either pick a man who treats you well, or you pick one that treats you like crap. and if you pick a man that treats you like crap, then it's your own fault.


I'm sorry but this complete ignorance and nonsense. Yes no one is more responsible for you than you but you aren't responsible for your mistreatment except to get away from it. Also NPD is not a gender issue except to say there are 75% male NPDs to 25% females. We get your opinion bro (you hate and blame everything on women).

I have no problem with labels or armchair psychology except when you A. have to continue to deal with this person because of some reason. Especially if that reason is children. Here's why what is recommended for a person with NPD is as little to no contact as possible. When children are involved this may work for them as they probably 99.99% won't bother to come get the children anyway. NPDs and kids don't mix. I've heard all sorts of "my NARC sees himself in the children" "My NARC wants to use the kids to manipulate me". NO NO NO!! NPDs never see anything but themselves. They may use children to manipulate but if your not with them it obviously didn't work. Once they get their foot in the door they will try and ship the kids out to somewhere else.

B. When your in a situation and you make a diagnosis like this and you try no contact type of scenario you can actually make the situation worse if your diagnosis is wrong. This is the reason why I say if it's one at your work or your baby daddy seek professional help. If they can assist you in possibly having a good co-parent relationship with the mentally disturbed person that helps the situation for the better and helps your children stay mentally and emotionally happy whats the harm? I see nothing but possible positives coming from this situation.


Realistically what are the chances that your ex actually has a severe mental disorder? At best 2%. That's counting BPD that is mostly female the same way NPD is mostly male. AsPDs and NPDs aren't all that unsimular. They are responsible for a large percentage of our prison system.

As an example I bring Jeffrey Dalmer. Was arrested many times before the BIGGER crimes. Heres the thing that is special about his case. I want to say mid to late 80s he was arrested for child molestation. His father I believe had a very good idea of what was really going on long before he got caught for the multiple murders. His father asked that he get more time when he came up for parole. His father didn't want this to come directly from him but wanted someone else to do the discipline while not getting jeff in any more MAJOR trouble. From what I have read and understand his father felt large amounts of guilt about jeffs mom. While wrestling with his guilt he actually enabled jeff. It wasn't necessarily intentional but you are starting to see my point.

For people with these two types of personality disorders to stay out of prison for any length of time they have to have huge almost blind enabler. This drastically lowers your chances of running into a NPD or an AsPD from 1% to probably at best .1%.

In closing I'll say this even professionals get it wrong all the time. They misdiagnose bipolar as NPD or BPD as NPD vis versa. If they get it wrong what makes you think any of you can do better? Why is it few of you although you think you have lived with someone like this sometimes YEARS haven't gone to get professional help? Are you able to put yourself in the position or place of a selfish person even? Do you not realize a selfish self centered person is going to view everyone else as the selfish ones because everything isn't all about them? Their view point of you would be exactly your viewpoint of them. So how do you know your the one who is right?
 sensualseekerns
Joined: 6/1/2010
Msg: 117
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/14/2011 2:01:26 PM

Not at all. You are entitled to your opinion as I am entitled to mine, however, I have no respect for and tend to dismiss entirely those opinions from those whose vision is too narrow to see, almost as if they were looking through the eye of a camera. Funny that;)


Pot calling the kettle narrow-minded. Amusing I suppose. Sad that you see only what you want to see. Like many, that makes you blind to a rational discussion.

The camera's lens is completely objective and never lies after all. Not everyone agrees with or likes that kind of truth.

Pity that.

 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 118
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/14/2011 2:42:54 PM

for stupid unintelligent women who pick a piece of trash loser, it's a learning experience and they should not do that again. if they do, then it's intentional. that's just the way it is. sorry but i can't have any sympathy for people who are stupid.

i'll restate my point again for effect since it was obviously overlooked......there are men who treat you well, and men who treat you poorly. if you choose a piece of trash, then that's your own fault and you deserve whatever you get....and yes even if it is physical abuse.
You don't seem to have a lot of knowledge on the topic (as evidenced by your posts), I'm curious why you would bother to respond?

Is it because you have had to stand by and watch while women you would have loved to be with chose said losers.. ?

Your bitterness on the subject is quite apparent, and evidently it is clouding your ability to perceive that the entire point of this thread (see the thread title ) is all about how to recognize signs of abuse early and leave.

That seems to back your point up, no? Or is your point all about calling women who have been in these relationships stupid and that they deserved the abuse? Rather ironic there...

And I agree with you inthroughtheoutdoor, that this scenario affects both genders.

It is true that NPD is more common in men, but that doesn't mean it doesn't occur in women. And believe me, I have encountered enough men who have been taken in by manipulative and emotionally abusive women (regardless of any label) to say this is only a one way street.

I have to say, this thread has been an absolutely fascinating read!
 mrnova66
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 119
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/14/2011 4:05:39 PM
You call someone else bitter because they have a opinion about their experiences in life...WOW!!!!!^^^^^^^
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 120
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/14/2011 6:38:04 PM
I'm sorry- not going to name names or quote posts...
but there do seem to be some pots in here calling the kettles black.
Who the hell knows why people do the things they do? I suppose that is important to people who train people and people who treat people with illnesses, disorders, injuries.

It can be strangely comforting for someone who has been through the collapse of a relationship to have some specific issue, trait, behavior in their former partner that can be defined as malfunctioning or maladaptive, to identify as the cause of the failure.
And people tend to date in their comfort level...women who grew up with a loser/abusr male as a father figure, or men who grew up with a selfish, ****y,high-mantenance woman as a mother figure, tend to feel comfortable in that kind of interaction. Yes, thank Heaven, many DO come to realize what they are doing to themselves and break the pattern.
But it's not ABOUT gender or "stupidity"...children learn what they live and sometimes they've lived and learned with dysfunctional or maladaptive behaviors in their parent figures. Some manage to figure that out, and some don't. Sometimes people who've had a lot of exposure as children to dysfunctionality will never feel at home in a functional relationship-which automatically makes that functional relationship DYSfunctional. If someone is in a relationship that feels like living in someone else's skin-no matter how "good " it appears to be, or actually IS-its' dysfunctional for that person.
So don't call it "stupidity" or assign it all to one gender. I've seen plenty of guys with women who make the Wicked Witch of the West look like Mother Teresa. But I'm not going to put up post after post slamming those men. They are living what they learned. Maybe they can break out of that pattern, maybe they can't. It don't do no good for me to keep ****ing about it,or to become angry and bitter over it.
Cindy O
 CrazyWolf11
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 121
Abuse: Recognizing NARCISSISTIC partners and knowing when to call it quits -- DO IT EARLY!
Posted: 8/14/2011 8:08:58 PM
You might be able to block numbers by downloading a call blocker / blacklist app like Mr. Number to your phone
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