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 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 22
I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I always respect people when they admit this.

Having kids is NOT for everyone...and Id rather someone knows themself well enough to not do it, then to cave to pressure and have a kid and then resent that kid.

You are being smart OP....there are many others who dont want kids as well, you just gotta find them.

Society has trouble accepting when a woman says this because it isnt considered 'normal'...I say normal is boring. Stay true to yourself.
 UglyFroggieCritter
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 23
I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/12/2011 2:35:58 PM
Stick to your guns, girlie, but perhaps don't wait three years to tell the next man you fall for. It might be a third or fourth date conversation. Try not to appear bitter, i.e. saying how much your friends and family are bothering you about this. I think it could easily affect how others see you.

There are plenty of men out there who share your feelings in this, it just might be a little more difficult to find them.

Follow your life path, the one you plod through, not the one someone else thinks might be better for you.

Good luck
 808md
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 24
I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/12/2011 2:52:11 PM
Many of these posts show how selfish our society has become. Nobody would compromise for a partner they truly love?
 egowitch
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 25
I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/12/2011 2:54:38 PM
I've got a bunch of years on you, and when I was even younger than you , I knew deep down in my heart that I didn't want kids. Enough so, that I had a tubal ligation (not without a struggle, I might add, everyone along the way tried to talk me out of it).
No regrets , never looked back !

I've always felt that if I were to change my mind , there's thousands of kids , all ages, sizes and backgrounds, out there , that need homes. I don't need to reproduce myself. IF I want kids - there's kids !

So - unless you do something permanent ( not saying you need to at all), the only way people will be convinced , is with the passage of time - and you remaining childless !

I consider myself fortunate to have known early on. I've spoken to numerous parents over the years , that admitted if they had it to do all over again - they would NOT have had kids. Not that they don't love their kids now that they're here , but ...

A pretty powerful admission, I thought.

There ARE definitely men out there that will agree with you - don't give up !
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 26
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I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/12/2011 2:58:32 PM
"Try not to appear bitter, i.e. saying how much your friends and family are bothering you about this. I think it could easily affect how others see you."

Too funny! If the person she is going to share this with doesn't get it/think she is bitter (bitter, again...............too funny), it doesn't matter in the least. She won't want to be involved with this person in the future anyway.

A person who thinks that people must comply with their thinking is bitter if they don't.......................sigh!

"I think it could easily affect how others see you."

Do you really think that people who know what they want care about this? What they think (ie.bitter) is their problem.

I salute all people who have the courage not to have children, just because a certain amount of society think it is your duty...............

Comply, comply, comply, or we will do our best to stress you out. Tedious!
 UglyFroggieCritter
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 27
I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/12/2011 5:00:09 PM
Moraima, I think you took my post the wrong way.

By being bitter, I mean, c'mon, the OP herself said that she has family and friends harping at her, telling her she'd change her mind once she aged a bit. Wouldn't you think that would make her a bit "bitter", and if so, she'd be more than likely act out in a manner not suitable for making her point?

I was simply advising her on not taking such negative things to heart. She has her own mind made up and I'd hate to see her not wanting children to become something she needs to continually go on about. Say it and deal with it.

If her date/s cannot handle the "no -kids clause", then it's best they find out sooner rather than later. And without the OP thinking she needs a chip on her shoulder to get through the "oh you might change you ways" or "wait til you hold Bitsy Little's baby".
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 28
I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/12/2011 5:27:18 PM
Never Settle
Especially in a Down ward direction

Repeat after me.... I have upped my standards, now up yours
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 29
I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/12/2011 5:34:26 PM
Snipped and cut courtesy of the US Navy.
I hated being a kid
I hate being around kids
I dont want kids in my life
mine, or anyone else's
problem solved.
Children are a condition that are totally, completely and fully avoidable.

top of my class in everything I have ever done, or taken, just picked up another degree, and headed over seas with foreign language skills. and on the intelligence jab.... um funny, that is exactly what I did in the military for over 15 years. and another 5 as contract employee.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 30
I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/12/2011 8:00:20 PM
There are a lot of people who mindlessly breed for no good reason, then think to themselves: "What the f--k was I thinking? This isn't turning out like the Disney movies where kids instantly turn into mature, wise, all-knowing adults by age five. How long are they going to be a pain in the arse?" Another thing a lot of breeders don't think about is that there is no return policy on kids. You can't get a refund when you pop out kids and change your mind about the whole child raising thing. If somehow you could, most people would be tempted to do it.

So if someone was to be totally rude by questioning me about my breeding status, I would ask them about there reasoning for having kids. I have yet to hear any good reasons for the need to add more people to an over-populated planet. Over population is killing the planet. Most people are just sheeple who mindlessly follow the herd and do as their told by their elders and don't question any decisions.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 31
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I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/12/2011 8:03:58 PM
"Wouldn't you think that would make her a bit "bitter", and if so, she'd be more than likely act out in a manner not suitable for making her point?

No I don't think it would make her a bit bitter. Therefore, she wouldn't be acting out because of it.

OP has her own way of thinking when it comes to not wanting children, just as others don't want children. Many people have relatives who think that they know what is best for us/what makes them more comfortable because they think that a family member who decides not to have children reflect on them. Like I said, it is the problem of the person who is pushing to get them to change their mind.

Saying you have decided not to have children isn't in anyway acting out. The person who is saying "oh you might change you ways" or "wait til you hold Bitsy Little's baby" is the one who is acting out that they aren't comfortable with someone who doesn't have the same live goals as they have.


90% of my female close long term friends don't have/want children. We have heard every line in the book from people who think we have made the wrong decision. Honestly, when the initial surprise that people want to change you, it just becomes so funny. My best friend once said that people just can't understand how we can live without having children,
while we can't understand how they can be happy with their decision to have children.


"we who have had children know things you have not experienced yet."

And we that have not had children know a lifestyle that people with children haven't experienced. Obviously, if we didn't enjoy being child free, we would have changed our minds.

Best everyone knows their own mind as far as whether they want children or not. It is the people who make the wrong decision for themselves that run into problems, not the people who stick to their personal choice.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 32
I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/12/2011 8:09:08 PM
OP- as has been said...

the reason WHY people have imparted wisdom on you, is because they have lived it...they are older than you. so they have experienced a lot more life than you.

as or just before a woman's clock begins to wind down..it begins to TICK and TICK and TICK...


lets just call it nature's way of prodding you to procreate while you still can.


you may or may NOT wish to have children.

yet there have been a lot more people in this world in your shoes who didn't want children and when they ""accidentally did"" had a great change of tune...a lot more of these than the ones who still did not wish to have children.


we who have had children know things you have not experienced yet.


that being said- you still may wish to not have children...and if so, great- so do yourself a favor and ensure your ovial protection...
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 33
I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/12/2011 8:59:07 PM
we who have had children know things you have not experienced yet.


Oh give me a friggin break! There's nothing magical or mysterious about it. A lot of people who want to remain childfree do so because of experiences with kids and know more about kids than a lot of parents (a lot of mindless parents out there). It seems like breeding has killed the parent's brain cells in some cases. Many of the CF women have babysat in their teen years, had sibling who are a lot younger and watched them grow up, and have friends who breed and observe the trials and tribulations first hand by watching these friends struggle with their decision to spawn. Many CF people have babysat their friend's kids when the parents needed a well deserved break from the drudgery of raising kids. My ex and I used to do that all the time. We were always very glad when it was time to give the kids back to the parents. I couldn't imagine going through that 24/7. So don't give me your BS about not experiencing kids and knowing what's involved. A lot of people decide to remain childfree because they know about the experiences that you imply nobody else knows about.

I know quite a few people are child free, and out of those people, I have never met one who was strongly opposed to breeding, then change their mind later and decided to have kids. BUT I met a lot of people who regretted having kids. Most of them don't admit it openly, but let it slip or told us in confidence. Many of them said having kids was a major factor in their marriage break up.
 Jerilyn
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 34
I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/12/2011 10:49:51 PM
I don`t have children and I somehow knew I wasn`t cut out to be a mother from the time I was very young. I can`t explain that.. but the idea NEVER appealed to me. Even when I was a little girl playing with dolls, pretending to be a mother was never a game I played... I thought it was boring. And truthfully I still see the whole idea of being married with children very boring.. or very stressful. Not the kind of life I want.

And I think people who know that they aren`t cut out for parenthood should be commended for admitting it and choosing not to have any. Too many people have children who aren`t cut out to own a dog let alone a child, and yet had them anyway for reasons that were completely selfish ... YES, believe it or not it can be selfish to have children and completely selfless not to have them.. even though its generally thought of as being the other way around.
 gardenias2
Joined: 1/13/2011
Msg: 36
I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/13/2011 2:20:31 AM
according to buddhist beliefs, people who choose not to have children do not need the lessons of parenting, they have already acquired selflessness. it is those compelled to reproduce who need to learn to put others before themselves and eventually let go of their selfishness thru the trials and tribulations of having children. because for the next 20 years it's not about you anymore. shucks!
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 37
I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/13/2011 3:40:47 AM

as or just before a woman's clock begins to wind down..it begins to TICK and TICK and TICK...


Its a drive that comes and goes for most people at some point in life...like the drive to have sex. If everyone reacted to those drives everytime it was felt we would be in bad shape.

Even at my age and after being fixed, when I hold a newborn, that drive does kick in. I go home feeling it..and then it goes away and I cant even believe I felt it. Thank goodness I didnt act on it because when it fades Id be stuck with a baby I dont really want.

Telling people they will change thier mind because of this drive is like saying it's ok to want a married man because your loins said you needed him that night. Using this drive to make life long lasting choices is pretty unintelligent in my opinion. We are supposed to be intelligent enough to use logic and reason...not our primal urges to guide our lives.

Having an urge is not a good enough reason to do something.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 38
I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/13/2011 3:48:35 AM

Many of these posts show how selfish our society has become. Nobody would compromise for a partner they truly love?


Compromise on a paint color? Yes.

Compromise on what to make for dinner? Yes

Compromise on an ethical choice that affects the next 18-20 years in every way? Thats nuts.

An intelligent person would seek someone who shared the same ethics, not bend to the will of someone who does not agree. Thats setting yourself up to fail miserably and bring down an innocent child because of it. You can love someone and realise you both do not want the same things. Then it is time to free them, not trap them into a life of misery...thats how I love. My love does not trap.

Its a shame the OP wasnt more adamant in the begginning so she could have freed her mate sooner, but she knows that now and I hope she would be more carefull with peoples hearts in future and not allow too much time to be spent with a man who she knows wants children one day.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 39
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I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/13/2011 7:43:28 AM
OP, from the posts so far in this thread you should now realize that there are plenty of people who wish to remain childfree. And, as someone else mentioned, there are websites out there that even cater to this community. So, you are not the only one, and being single for ever is far from your only option.

However, that said, don't be surprised if you encounter a lot of "push back" from friends, family and others. It seems as if many people still have a hard time understanding or accepting that others choose to remain childfree. I have experienced it myself, and you will find discussions about this on many childfree sites. However, that just means it may take a bit longer to find someone who feels the same way you do; not that you won't find him.
 gardenias2
Joined: 1/13/2011
Msg: 41
I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/13/2011 11:50:22 AM
The fact is, some women are not cut out to be mothers...


in some cases yes but in general i consider this to be a common misconception. geez, if one can endure the societal pressure and not breed, then alas these societal members deem us to be "not the maternal type" and would probably make bad mother/parents so its a good thing we are child free.

bullsh1t. i'm great with kids, once they get to know me i usually can't get rid of them. i, like all of my child free friends are very loving people and would make amazing parents, however we see this world as dangerously over-populated and not needing more energy, resource and oxygen depleting units at present. it's time to bring the population down, way down. and when you don't have a monterous ego thinking your dna must continue on this dying planet, its very easy to choose effective birth control.
 rosie6425
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 43
I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/13/2011 7:09:27 PM
I knew at age 16 that I didn't want children and today I am 48 and have never changed my mind. I like kids - as long as they are someone else's. LOL I knew I didn't want kids because I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it and don't want to have to worry about getting a sitter, worrying about if everything is ok, etc.

So it is good you know now that you don't want them. I was married to a man who didn't want them either, so they are out there, just have to look and be patient.
 Countrymom11
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 45
I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/14/2011 11:22:56 AM
You can't get your tubes tied unless you already have children. I don't know a doctor in the US that would do this. Most won't do it unless you have at least two children. Been there done that. I lost my first son when he was 6 mos old and I did not want anymore children but no dcotor would tie my tubes. I am now 39 and have an 18 year old son and 15 year old twin daughters. I don't regret a single moment. One of my twins says she NEVER wants children and if that's how she feels I'm ok with that.

I think it's sad you two didn't figure out you didn't want the same things in relation to kids for 3 years
 RUsickofkissingfrogs
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 46
I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/14/2011 12:24:10 PM
I knew I did not want them when I was a teenager.....Of course everyone said I was change but never looked back or change my thoughts.

As I tell women, do want kids, don't want to be around kid or meet Billy The Kid.

Stick to what your gut tells ya. I know more than one of my married buddies that has done it three times with three sets of kids......He used to give me sh...now not so much..
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 48
I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/16/2011 3:51:22 PM
you may change your mind. you are very, very, very young to making that kind of decision.
 MDK39
Joined: 5/20/2011
Msg: 49
I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/16/2011 7:24:41 PM
You will find someone like you. I knew at 25 that I didn't want to have kids at all. People told me that I would change my mind. Fourteen years later I am still childless and never once changed my mind.

I like kids but really didn't want my own. Do I have regrets not having kids. Nope.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 50
I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/16/2011 7:44:20 PM
you may change your mind. you are very, very, very young to making that kind of decision.


Do you have the same opinion if someone that age decides they want to have kids? Deciding not to breed is no different than someone who decides to breed. Some people know from a very young age that they never want kids and others know that at some point they want kids. There is no switch to flick that will suddenly change a person's mind on that issue. Too many people breed only because of society pressure and regret it afterwards. There's no return policy if you pop out a kid and decide it was a mistake.
 boredintheboonies
Joined: 7/27/2011
Msg: 52
I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/17/2011 6:45:16 AM
Just stick to your guns and eventually people will realize you meant what you said. In the meantime, get used to the know it alls telling you how you should feel or will feel. I made the same decision you did at a much earlier age than you and I have not deviated from that path and have no regrets about it either. I would rather have root canal without anesthesia than be a mother. If you have no maternal instinct you are doing the right thing not to have children.
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