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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?      Home login  
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 DoubleParked
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 26
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?Page 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

The question I pose to y'all is this: what do you women think if you were dating a man and when the topic came around, he told you he wants to abstain from sex until he's married?


I'm a bit uncertain by what you mean when you say 'abstain from sex'. Are you referring to sexual intercourse as in penetration? Or does the man want to abstain from ALL forms of sexual interaction, ie. making out, heavy petting, etc.

If the guy wants to avoid ALL sexual touching until marriage, I would consider him to be a rather 'odd duck' and wonder what the heck was wrong with him.
 inthroughtheoutdoor
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 27
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 9:03:42 AM

I'm curious as to how women would react to this situation...

My first reaction would be that we are obviously not compatible, on many levels, and I'd be wondering how we managed to miss such a major difference in the way we view things.

It's not the abstinence per se that would give me the greatest cause for concern - it's the "until marriage" part which would suggest to me that this might be tied to some religious, cultural, societal or moral judgement that I want no part of.

And even if none of those reasons applied, the simple fact that we don't have the same views about something as important as the role that sex/intimacy plays in a relationship makes us not a match.

Not to mention that I don't even believe in the institution of marriage and that our religious views are probably sitting at the opposite end of the spectrum.

No thanks, I'll happily stay on my shallow end of the pool where at least the water is warm and inviting and you can see exactly what you're stepping into before I dive into what to some may look like the deeper end, but to me just look like dark and troubled waters.
 UkSammie
Joined: 11/6/2008
Msg: 28
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let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 9:10:42 AM
This is a tricky one, one onw side you could say that sex isnt important in a relationship, and if u like/love them then it dont matter, but on the other hand, sex in a relationship is kinda important
 Possessions
Joined: 10/3/2009
Msg: 29
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 9:24:14 AM

The question I pose to y'all is this: what do you women think if you were dating a man and when the topic came around, he told you he wants to abstain from sex until he's married? I already know a lot of shallow guys who (upon hearing this from the woman) would just drop her like a hot tamale. I'm curious as to how women would react to this situation...



I'd be curious as to why he wanted to wait. I mean there's a number of reasons why people choose to wait to have sex until marriage. I'd really question it and then depending on their answers I'd probably bail. I hate saying that but it's the truth. I can't see waiting for marriage at my age.
 Butterfly~Effect
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 30
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 10:10:13 AM

Well! i'm a Christian,looking for a Christian too.!!!!. ..i look at your profile ..u Christian tooo..i think, we know our rules like Christians ...God bless!!!


F**k...I'm so sick of this moral superior holy than thou attitude!!

Sex is a personal choice!! If you don't wish to have it....don't! But claiming abstinence due to some moral holy fiber makes me ill.

I know more atheists that live within a higher moral lifestyle than most of the "Christians" I have met.

Anyhow.......would I agree with the abstinence? NO. Would I support my daughters choice to marry a man than wanted to sustain...sure. But only if it was her choice also.

To buy a car without a few test drives would be stupid. But cars are easy to sell. If you marry and don't like what you are driving....it's harder to trade up.
 714mia
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 31
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 10:20:20 AM
Yep!a divorced Christian!!...Was ;Not by choice..........
 714mia
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 32
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 10:32:08 AM
We Christian who practice our believes .We have rules ..i believe in ! i'm practice in ..
BTW ...Marriage ? the foundation is? not sex!!!....is a strong trust ,respect,morals .communication and commitment !!.. ...
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 33
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 10:35:21 AM
If I hear the phrase 'equally yoked', I'm liable to
 JD4Real29
Joined: 3/28/2011
Msg: 34
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 10:36:51 AM

let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?


I'd throw that fishy back into the big pond.

 xhjasbk
Joined: 3/30/2011
Msg: 35
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 10:39:42 AM
I'd be fine with that its his body and his choice. i think sex should be between two people who care for each other. i personally aint interested in anyone who is obsessed with sex its not a healthy way to start a meaningful relationship. well thats just my opinion and every1s opinions are different x
 JD4Real29
Joined: 3/28/2011
Msg: 36
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 10:45:11 AM

We Christian who practice our believes .We have rules ..i believe in ! i'm practice in ..
BTW ...Marriage ? the foundation is? not sex!!!....is a strong trust ,respect,morals .communication and commitment !!..


Being Christian or not makes no difference on the foundation of a long lasting, loving relationship. Get off your high and mighty holier than thou horse.
 Butterfly~Effect
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 37
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 10:47:51 AM

Being Christian or not makes no difference on the foundation of a long lasting, loving relationship. Get off your high and mighty holier than thou horse.


 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 38
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 10:57:46 AM

We Christian who practice our believes .We have rules ..i believe in ! i'm practice in ..
BTW ...Marriage ? the foundation is? not sex!!!....is a strong trust ,respect,morals .communication and commitment !!.. ...


Well ... good luck with that!

You could always join a Christian Dating Site.

Do they all believe in abstinence?
Or is it just the zealots?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 39
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 11:11:16 AM

We Christian who practice our believes .We have rules ..i believe in ! i'm practice in ..
BTW ...Marriage ? the foundation is? not sex!!!....is a strong trust ,respect,morals .communication and commitment !!.. ...

That's interesting. I once dated a woman who was very devout. She hadn't had sex before, but once she discovered sex, she spent a lot of time in the confessional. I haven't met too many women who were that into it. I think mainly, christians like to make other people feel guilty for having sex and enjoying it without the guilt.
 Flatt
Joined: 7/18/2011
Msg: 40
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 11:43:41 AM
Often such a decision has religious reasons behind (not in the same way that waiting to get to know each other for a bit first does), so it would be that religiousness that would make me wary. I am not even slightly religious so I imagine I would get through about a third of the first date before saying something highly offensive without meaning to.
 714mia
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 41
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 11:59:07 AM
I'M not judging nobody!!...is my opinion ...and is my preference!! ..that's why is call,,Dating..and have your preference in your profile...

I know where i was ,,, and i know what i'm looking for!! ..... YES! sex is good..God made-it and he say..IS GOOD '' Between husband and wife ONLY!!!!..
 Butterfly~Effect
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 42
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 12:43:58 PM
^^^^^

Well...what if one of them is NOT good?? Then what do you do? Live with it? Get a divorce? Have a miserable sex life forever? No thanks....Ill continue with my immoral little life thanks!
 714mia
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 43
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 1:41:06 PM
Ill continue with my immoral little life thanks!...


Do whatever u want to do ..IS your life!!....we have different opinion ..u don't have to agree with me!!! ..i don't have to agree with you tooo..!!!..........
 dwmitch
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 44
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let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 2:10:37 PM
I must admit I'm surprised at the replies from some of the ladies here. Everything I've heard my entire adult life has led me to believe that women in general are concerned that men are obsessed with sex and that the general interest is only in three body parts.

Imagine my shock when I read a bunch of women saying they'd dump a man who won't put out.

My first sexual relationship has led me to decide against premarital sex in the future. Sex is great, but if it's a make or break deal in a relationship then said relationship has more problems than just bad sex.

What if you meet a man, "kick the tires a few times," as someone else said, ultimately get married, and he has an accident that leaves him impotent? Or even without his penis? You married him so you obviously wanted to make a commitment to him, but what do you do now? Divorce him? If you'd toss a man aside just because he lost the ability to perform then perhaps a visit to the local adult shop would suit you better than marriage.

I, personally, will not have sex again until my wedding night. Forget the "sexual compatibility." That's not important. While I have nothing to compare her to, I can tell that the sex I had with that one woman wasn't good. It was like using an inflatable doll and I probably could have gotten the same results by buying an inflatable doll.

That's not why we broke up, though. She knew the first month we were together that I was the worst she ever had and even though she was my only I could tell that things could be better in bed. Even though we found this early on, the relationship lasted for nearly five years and ended for reasons not even remotely related to sex. Our sexual incompatibility didn't finish us off. Our emotional and spiritual incompatibilities did.

I'm not engaging in premarital sex anymore for one simple reason. Even though I was the worst she had, if you strap a polymer phallus to an ATM and install it in her apartment you'll have a full replacement for me. I wasn't good, but she still managed to use me for sex.

The next time around I want to make sure that a woman wants me around for the entire package, not just a specific body part. If she kicks me to the curb just because of her libido then I'll have my answer. She doesn't care about me on the same level as I care about her. I'm just a polymer phallus who's good for conversation to her.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 45
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 3:16:58 PM

I know where i was ,,, and i know what i'm looking for!! ..... YES! sex is good..God made-it and he say..IS GOOD '' Between husband and wife ONLY!!!!..


I really can't imagine what a middle-aged person would be saving it for. Old cherries don't get any sweeter---they just get wrinkled.
 inthroughtheoutdoor
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 46
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 3:23:09 PM

The next time around I want to make sure that a woman wants me around for the entire package, not just a specific body part.


Are you seriously trying to reduce the intimacy that a couple share in a loving relationship down to a body part? While I think I get the general idea of what you're trying to say in your post, I am shocked by some of the stuff that's in there - no one here has even remotely come close to suggesting "tossing a man aside" should they be in a committed loving relationship and he should become impotent or unable to perform or gawd forbid, lose his penis.

Jaysus, must someone always use extreme examples (lose a penis? polymer phallus strapped to an ATM? really?) and/or twist and turn the original question until it's no longer even recognisable?

The original post is about a man telling a woman EARLY in the dating stage that he has decided to abstain from sex until marriage...this is NOT about what happens if a person already IN a long term relationship/marriage becomes incapacitated AFTER the relationship/marriage is already well established.

Dating, specially in the early stage, is to find out if the two of you are compatible for the long run - abstinence (until marriage) is a personal choice and while I will respect YOUR choice to do with your life and your body as you wish, don't even think of attaching words like noble, deeper connection or any such crap to what amounts to a personal choice only - you not having sex until your wedding night ONLY makes you a person who's not going to have sex until your wedding night - nothing more, nothing less.

And me or anyone deciding that such a person is NOT for us after they reveal this information *in the early dating stage* does NOT make us shallow, it only makes us different, again, nothing more nothing less.
 dwmitch
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 47
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let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 3:44:23 PM

don't even think of attaching words like noble, deeper connection or any such crap to what amounts to a personal choice only - you not having sex until your wedding night night ONLY makes you a person who's not going to have sex until your wedding night - nothing more, nothing less.


With all of the vitriol in your reply I'm probably doing myself a disservice by bothering to respond, but I did not say it was any more noble. I just have to question the motives of a person, regardless of gender, who places so much importance in sex that it alone could end an otherwise good relationship.

Come to think of it, after reading your profile and noticing that not only you disregard the metaphysical, you actually seem hostile toward it, I can't help but wonder why you place so much importance in it. After all, looking at it from a purely biological standpoint it's just inserting a fleshy protrusion into a cavity to deposit cells. How can it be so bad that it could end a relationship?
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 48
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 4:28:24 PM

To buy a car without a few test drives would be stupid. But cars are easy to sell. If you marry and don't like what you are driving....it's harder to trade up.


AMEN ......

I definitely have to test drive and be test driven
 inthroughtheoutdoor
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 49
bif the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 5:20:29 PM
There was no vitriol in my post but you're right, you never used the word noble and for that I apologise. But what does my profile or my so called hostility towards the metaphysical have do with this thread?

As for this?


...it's just inserting a fleshy protrusion into a cavity to deposit cells


That's totally hot. And ohhhh so romantic I can barely breathe. Meow.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 50
bif the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/18/2011 6:03:21 PM

...it's just inserting a fleshy protrusion into a cavity to deposit cells


Anyone who would think about sex in those cold, clinical terms probably doesn't enjoy it because they have body issues and are too self-conscious to relax and get into it. Such bitterness is also a good indicator that their celibacy is in all likelihood, not by choice.
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