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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?      Home login  
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 KIWI3nme
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 151
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?Page 7 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
sex is a need pure and simple. Unless you have deep religious beleifs then why on earth would you abstain?? Man digs woman, woman digs man, you are in love.. so GET IT ON! have fun, keep up the neighbors, but for heavens sake are you afraid it wont work so you want to lock into a marriage first so you shes stuck with a YUGO instead of a ferrari??

sorry.. I test drive before i buy.
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 152
bif the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/23/2011 1:29:22 AM

I can't help but wonder why you place so much importance in it. After all, looking at it from a purely biological standpoint it's just inserting a fleshy protrusion into a cavity to deposit cells. How can it be so bad that it could end a relationship?
I'm another who wouldn't wait if the man wanted to abstain... I guess it would be an option for those who weren't really into having a good sex life, but to take the risk of ending up with someone who thinks like this ^^^^ really isn't worth it........

I can't even imagine being with a man who thought of sex as inserting his fleshy protrusion into my cavity so he could deposit cells... I shudder to think about the kind of sex life one would have with that attitude...

Yep test drive for sure.. I wouldn't want to be stuck married to a man for whom sex was JUST a biological need, and i was simply a means to an end...Pass
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 153
bif the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/23/2011 6:20:03 AM
If a man could give me valid (in my mind) reason outside of a religious reason to wait for marriage Id be open minded to at least discuss it if I found he had the qualities I was seeking for a marriage. To date, I have never met a man who wanted to wait so this has not been an issue for me.

But if I sniffed that it had any basis in religion, I would not proceed in dating him.

I dont hate on people for being religious, I simply am not and cant even pretend to believe in any organised religion. I would not be compatible with someone who does.

I do wait longer than alot of people in the dating process already...I have 'lost out' on many a date # 4 because I wasnt willing to spread my legs yet. Im picky about what I put into my body. lol...and like myself, a man can choose when he is ready. I know I only have sex when Im ready and I have nothing against someone else making that choice for thier body.

I have dated plenty of christian men in my time as I was raised catholic....and my personal experience has been that none of them wanted to wait, but only pretend to thier elders and respected clergy that they were waiting. I dont play games, religious or otherwise. They all lied to thier elders saying they had a 'roomate' when they were actually 'living in sin' etc...On the other hand I know alot of atheists that actually do live by the ten commandments a whole lot better than my' jesus following freinds. They dont refer to them as commandments, but they are good, law abiding, contributing members of society who actually posses more character and volunteer for thier communities way more than many of my religious aquantances. They dont talk the talk, they walk the walk...which is where I place myself as well.

In saying that, I have seen some posts in here by religious people and the attacks on them are pretty sad. I would think in todays age when we have seen the results of non tolerant people we would have learned a lesson or two by now...to tolerate others beliefs. I did not see anyone religious in here being nasty, in fact they all came back with grace while the non religious were being the zealots. It is not attractive if you are not religious or if you are religious to tear apart people for what they believe in. Just because you aint carrying the cross when you are doing it doesnt mean you are not being a zealout.
 DumbeBlonde
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 154
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bif the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/23/2011 8:44:12 PM
^^^ I don't believe it's so much that non-religious people are attacking the beliefs of the religious, but rather the hipocracy and the judgemental, moral high-ground tone that some employ.

@UMIE (msg 12): I can't tell whether your story is real or a fictional example, but I would suggest the couple's waiting till marriage was not the problem. Seems to me the problem was that SHE was not ready / sufficiently stimulated for sex and that HE was too eager and/or inexperienced to understand how to approach the consummation. The vagina is a muscle and can stretch to accommodate a very large man; that's a fact. But the female needs to be excited, lubricated and relaxed for that to occur.

@dwmitch (44): Huh? So you're holding out because you KNOW you suck in bed? Not even prepared to make the effort to learn how to overcome your problem or work around it? "How can it be so bad that it could end a relationship?" Because it is NOT ... from a purely biological standpoint ... just inserting a fleshy protrusion into a cavity to deposit cells.! It's more, so much more. And if you haven't FELT that, you need medical help - sooner rather than later, I'd suggest. But a marriage based on deliberate deception??? Oh - you're a nice one alright. Don't expect too many rays of sunshine in your life with that attitude.

@Cdn_Iceman (66): As always, clarity & the voice of reason.

@twosparrows (67): With all due respect, but it's easy for you NOW to take that decision on no sex before marriage because you believe you've already established that you can deliver "a toe curling, leg cramping, sphincter contacting, can't breathe, orgasm". But this thread is addressing women - and there are many issues beyond the most obvious physical dilemmas of "floppy, ineffectual gherkin" (funny phrase, sweetness-one), teeny weeny et al that could ruin it for a woman; issues such as a selfish lover, or one who harbours weird fetishes that remain concealed prior to the nuptual bedroom. Your prerogative to withhold your *gifts* - but don't use God's words to justify your sense of superiority. And your "celibacy" (I put that in quotes as you clearly don't mind bending the rules to engage in non-coital sex) makes your conviction to your tenets somewhat pathetic. And no, I'm not shallow nor do I harbour deep rooted feelings of guilt. But being deeply rooted ... oh yeah.

@Joggingcontradiction (84): LMAO - good one!

@Mo: (128):
*rub* *rub* *rub* *rub* *rub* *rub* *rub* *rub* *rub* *rub* *rub* *rub* *rub*
SQUIRT, ahhhhhh
Stop it woman - my bladder just ain't what it used to be! Hysterical woman.

OP: To answer your question, No, nada, never. A decision based on the experiences I've had along the way.

But I reserve the right to question decisions based on religious tenets because of man's interpretations (or misinterpretations):
He also goes on to talk about cutting your hand off if it causes you to sin. I understand that as Him telling us to take radical measures to eradicate the evil that tries to take over our lives. But anyway...
Sex is evil / sinful then? My faith is more simple these days. I try to live by the 10 Commandments - not because I'm particularly religious but because they are positive, good rules to live by - and they make no reference to sex before marriage. To each his own.
 DSMTraveler
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 155
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/24/2011 8:08:12 AM
I've read this thread to here and ... just... simply... WOW!

*big, eye-glazed, OMG! stare*

If on the first date (or early in knowing him) a man told me he was 'saving himself for marriage', I'd consider that a wonderful foundation for fascinating conversation.

Nothing more, nothing less.
 theviziturboguru
Joined: 8/17/2011
Msg: 156
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/24/2011 8:15:29 AM
It depends on their morals and how they were raised.
 _zebra
Joined: 4/3/2011
Msg: 157
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/24/2011 11:25:38 AM

...Sex is evil / sinful then? My faith is more simple these days. I try to live by the 10 Commandments - not because I'm particularly religious but because they are positive, good rules to live by - and they make no reference to sex before marriage. To each his own.

That passage I referenced about cutting off your hand wasn't necessarily talking about sex. It was Jesus just telling us that we shouldn't take sinful things lightly. We need to do whatever we can to find out what's causing us to fall astray & remove it from our lives.
 JONITA
Joined: 8/24/2009
Msg: 158
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let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/24/2011 11:35:56 AM
I wouldn't mind waiting for a bit. I think most people engage in sex way to early in a relationship. I would definitely wait and take the time to get to know that person. I would want to do the deed before getting married though. I truly believe in test driving a car before buying it.
 Becoming_Me
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 159
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/24/2011 12:14:36 PM
I am honestly on the fence about this issue. I would respect him for standing up for his beliefs and would not want him to do anything to compromise what he feels is right for him. However, I am not sure that I would stay with him. Because I think as much as it might sound romantic that anyone would want to wait to have sex till marriage that its not practical. I would wait to have sex for even up to a year or more if that was what would make my partner comfortable, but I don’t think I would marry someone without having had sex with them. Though many people seem embarrassed to talk about it sex is very much a part of a good romantic relationship. I would want to know before I married someone if we were sexually compatible if we work together well that way, because I don‘t with a long term romantic relationship can work well without a good sexual relationship.
 OneShotRising
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 160
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/24/2011 8:02:22 PM
It's just too bad that in a divorce if the sex was good the woman gets the house.:
 Twicebakedtaters
Joined: 6/16/2010
Msg: 161
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let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/24/2011 11:07:30 PM
I think of a relationship like baking a cake. Trust, respect, love, intimacy, romance make the cake. Sex is the frosting. build an amazing cake first, one that stands on it's own without the frosting. The frosting will only accent it. not define it.
Personally it astounds me the the number of people that seem to define a relationship by sex.
I say this because of the very defined and curt responses as such.
I am of the understanding, by what I have read of most people posting here, that no matter how much they might be in love with someone.... how otherwise amazing they might be...it is of no consequence...... if they did not get you off....your outta there.

I guess I am in the minority. Sex is nothing much without meaning to me. Then it's just getting off. I can do that alone. Reducing it to a test drive.... sigh....that entire idea is a turn off from the get go. I am a helpless romantic. I may not wait till marriage but I do wait. Personally I would wait for the right person. The right person will wait for me.
I am more about intimacy and romance.
But that is what works for me. :)
 cin____dy
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 162
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/26/2011 8:43:55 PM
I think that either person has their right to follow their own moral compass. The right TWO people will find each other.
 annasthasia
Joined: 5/4/2005
Msg: 163
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 9/4/2011 12:27:00 PM
OP, for some reason your topic has been pulling at the strings of my heart instead of the party animal living down south of me...

Ok... I will write like I would be talking to my son, (If I had one...).

You are a very good looking 25 years old male, you have ambitions, you are career oriented and by reading your profile you practice your religion and you are most likely for many young women out there a really good prospect for someone to be married to.

The idea of waiting for marriage before sex is quite noble. Coming from a very somewhat strict mother mostly with a stern catholic background, I understand.

The idea of not wanting to be left over meat once you marry is noble. I too wanted to wait until marriage before sex. I was quite a late bloomer.

If anything I can give you some common sense advice.

The woman that you are looking for has to be someone you will respect and cherish.
Please do not make the mistake of looking for a devout Christian who will be a good breeder but will most likely not be the sharpest tool in the shed.

As you get older, you will mature and at the risk of sounding harsh, you will most likely get bored with the virginal breeder you married.

The most intelligent young women that I have had the pleasure of teaching to have with a lot of discernment, CHOSE the men that they will have sex with. Now, this means that many if not all of them were not virgins before they married. It does not mean that they were harlots with the IQ of a retarded c o c k roach either. (I'm thinking of the Snooky character... What a joke! As far as I'm concerned she should be neuteured... Anyway...)

I hate to state the obvious but I am not a relgious person. Science and math has kept me on the good side of life instead of this brainwashing by manipulative pastors.

I have no idea just how brainwashed you are when it comes to religion but I hope that somehow you will not be duped.

Basically here is how I see it.

Being promiscuous is unhealthy. (STD's , self esteem isues, alcohol, etc. etc... Women and men that have random sex with random strangers on a regular basis is to me unhealthy to the psyche.)

In your age group. Investing, if you will in a potential lifetime mate with the idea of love ever after while raising healthy children is a noble idea and also a good thing. If THAT is what you truly want.

In that context, go for it. Please try to find someone who has as much education as you and a level of intelligence that is close to yours. With time, sex may or may not become less important but you NEED a partner that has some kind of intellectual capacity.

(This is a huge mistake I made. I married someone with barely a high school diploma. I was naive in thinking that love could conquer all. He was not a bright fellow. I got bored... I had ambitions he was content with beer and football ... You know the whole bubba type of guy...)

Anyway... Give a chance to a young bright young woman who may not be a virgin but has her head, heart and soul in the right place.

Once you are seriously courting, without going all the way, I am sure you both can find ways to ensure the compatibility issue. In this context, the courting should not take years and years either... In my experience, after a year or so, the marriage should occur.

If I go back to when I was 25 years old, honestly, I do not know if I could have waited until marriage.

At my age now... Basically, I'm at the stage of use it or lose it... But, my mind won't allow promiscuity... Go figure...

All this to say that, you are the master of your own destiny. I just hope that many moons later you do not end up with the concept of could of, would of, should of...

 faith_____
Joined: 8/19/2011
Msg: 164
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 9/4/2011 5:58:14 PM
wait... are most people saying here that they would drop someone if they wanted to hold out sex until there was dating or relationship established. Or if the guy is holding off until marriage.

If the guy told me he was waiting till marriage for sex. I would hold off and look for someones else yes. I mean I have been with a guy who I really really really liked and I always thought about that if he had said the same thing to me. I never say until marriage but because of past experience with douchebags I say can we wait until were dating or something established first Cause for me, I do not feel comfortable sleeping with someone with them potential ****ing others on the side to. That;s not what I'm about. But I mean when I think about the last guy I really liked I think I would, but I wouldn't be happy so I'll say no to the marriage part.

Relationship or dating if were like dating and they say they want to hold off I would ask how long they were thinking they wanted to wait. Cause I kind of know where their coming from. IF they were like I'll hold off until were exclusive or more serious into dating I would be able to handle that.

But I guess that maybe why I'm single if like the mass majority of guys just drop girls who won't put out on a whim. Yes I have had guys leave me within 24hours of saying can we wait until were dating. LIKE TAKE ME ON A DATE OR SHOW ME YOU ACTUALLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME AT LEAST BEFORE THROWING ME ON YOUR BED. But I guess that to much to ask here lol.
 concertlover3
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 165
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 9/10/2011 1:02:32 PM
what would Jesus do? being a "rockstar" of sorts 2000 yrs ago i'm sure women were very attracted to him.

i wonder if Jesus ever got propositioned by a sexy woman? did he say No Thanks?

i wonder if the man in Jesus ever masterbated?

when Jesus stubbed his toe walking to the water closet
at night if he yelled out "OH ME!"

did Jesus have wet dreams, erotic thoughts?

when he turned women down for sex did he say it was for religious reasons?
 maryjay51
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 166
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 9/10/2011 1:17:37 PM
i would have to drop him because im never getting married again.if he is saving himself then i would be dying a dusty old maid. i wont be marrying him or anyone else for that matter. i would just wish him well and run like hell
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 167
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 9/10/2011 4:59:32 PM
If that is the case then they need to be w/like minded ppl who have the same values & views. Most likely they are religious, so they should be dating w/in their religion. I know a couple who didn't have any sexual relations before marriage. They are both born again Christians, her friends & his assisted them in keeping a strict curfew, basically they set up rules to make it easier to not give into temptation. It worked for them , they believe they were joined together by God, & they have been happily married for years.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 168
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 9/10/2011 5:07:47 PM
If I was told that,I would have to drop him, Sex is a big part of a relationship, what if you wait all that time, & it turns out he can't do it, or you aren't sexually compatable? I had a disasterous short relationship like that. He couldn't perfrom in his marriage either, then he got upset when she wasn't satisfied & strayed outside of the marriage to get her needs fulfilled. He spent a lot of money on a fancy hotel suite, knowing he wouldn't be able to do anything. He had Viagra but left it at home. It was like he set himself up. There are doctors & procedures that can assist w/those kinds of problems, he had excellant medical insurance & was well off, he just didn't care to fix the problem, I guess. No way would I marry that misery.
 singleuseful
Joined: 5/23/2011
Msg: 169
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let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 9/10/2011 5:13:07 PM
Then his choice should be respected just as a woman's should be in the same situation well >>>>said ,lol ,whats sex again ,smirk
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 170
bif the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 9/10/2011 6:29:03 PM
You are absolutely correct, Halcyon Skies. I watch Millionsire Matchmaker, on occasion, & Oxytocin is mentioned often. That is why 1 of her rules is, no sex until monogamy. The reason is, b/c this hormone is released, it can cause us to "fall in love" or to think we are in love, feel attachment, closeness, etc., even if he is a loser.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 171
bif the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 9/10/2011 7:04:21 PM
^^ As I had pointed out earlier, oxytocin flows when kissing, hugging, cuddling.. not just sex.

And I think the rule you speak of is in place because she wants her clients to get married, not to use her services to 'hit and split'.


what would Jesus do? being a "rockstar" of sorts 2000 yrs ago i'm sure women were very attracted to him.

i wonder if Jesus ever got propositioned by a sexy woman? did he say No Thanks?
Too bad we can't ask Mary Magdalene..

i wonder if the man in Jesus ever masterbated?
Only God knows.. Oh wait, that was him too!

 infinestforum
Joined: 7/21/2011
Msg: 172
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 9/10/2011 11:37:38 PM
You make it... Wow that sounds like my ex bro and sis inlaw..They did have a child only because he came while being against her vaginal opening. She spent years trying to use dialators (sp) to get her opened enough to accept him. The doc said after the baby comes you wont have to worry about it. Cruel quirk of fate.. it was a C sec.

Anyways.. The only man that tried to pull the no sex till we are married crap ended up as I suspected being a micro mini. Thank goodness my inner Hussy prevailed and got him into an intimate situation before it went as far as marriage.

So there ya got it.. if they say wait.. Im thinking teeny, tiny and run iffy run!

Iffy
 Rain587
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 173
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 9/10/2011 11:47:29 PM
I would be relieved. Takes the pressure off and I respect him even more. I'm celibate now and finding more and more men are too. Refreshing actually.
 ClintGZ
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 174
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 9/10/2011 11:53:23 PM
In reading this thread I came to the conclusion that some people are really shallow...It may just be me but I have had women use sex as a weapon against me only to have it backfire on them...When I decided to abstain from sex I dealt with a barrage of unnecessary insults, there are some men that might want to get to know you outside of the bedroom w/o the guarantee of marriage...

But these are just my past experiences and a now formed opinion and reason not to have sex
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 175
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 12/13/2011 4:28:29 AM
It may just be me but I have had women use sex as a weapon against me only to have it backfire on them...
Can't say that all women are like that but generally it's apparent. It is amusing to take away the only tramp card they've got.

Waiting till marriage? What a silly thought! Who wants to get married now days?
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