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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?      Home login  
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 theviziturboguru
Joined: 8/17/2011
Msg: 151
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?Page 7 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
It depends on their morals and how they were raised.
 _zebra
Joined: 4/3/2011
Msg: 152
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/24/2011 11:25:38 AM

...Sex is evil / sinful then? My faith is more simple these days. I try to live by the 10 Commandments - not because I'm particularly religious but because they are positive, good rules to live by - and they make no reference to sex before marriage. To each his own.

That passage I referenced about cutting off your hand wasn't necessarily talking about sex. It was Jesus just telling us that we shouldn't take sinful things lightly. We need to do whatever we can to find out what's causing us to fall astray & remove it from our lives.
 JONITA
Joined: 8/24/2009
Msg: 153
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let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/24/2011 11:35:56 AM
I wouldn't mind waiting for a bit. I think most people engage in sex way to early in a relationship. I would definitely wait and take the time to get to know that person. I would want to do the deed before getting married though. I truly believe in test driving a car before buying it.
 Becoming_Me
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 154
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/24/2011 12:14:36 PM
I am honestly on the fence about this issue. I would respect him for standing up for his beliefs and would not want him to do anything to compromise what he feels is right for him. However, I am not sure that I would stay with him. Because I think as much as it might sound romantic that anyone would want to wait to have sex till marriage that its not practical. I would wait to have sex for even up to a year or more if that was what would make my partner comfortable, but I don’t think I would marry someone without having had sex with them. Though many people seem embarrassed to talk about it sex is very much a part of a good romantic relationship. I would want to know before I married someone if we were sexually compatible if we work together well that way, because I don‘t with a long term romantic relationship can work well without a good sexual relationship.
 OneShotRising
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 155
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/24/2011 8:02:22 PM
It's just too bad that in a divorce if the sex was good the woman gets the house.:
 Twicebakedtaters
Joined: 6/16/2010
Msg: 156
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let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/24/2011 11:07:30 PM
I think of a relationship like baking a cake. Trust, respect, love, intimacy, romance make the cake. Sex is the frosting. build an amazing cake first, one that stands on it's own without the frosting. The frosting will only accent it. not define it.
Personally it astounds me the the number of people that seem to define a relationship by sex.
I say this because of the very defined and curt responses as such.
I am of the understanding, by what I have read of most people posting here, that no matter how much they might be in love with someone.... how otherwise amazing they might be...it is of no consequence...... if they did not get you off....your outta there.

I guess I am in the minority. Sex is nothing much without meaning to me. Then it's just getting off. I can do that alone. Reducing it to a test drive.... sigh....that entire idea is a turn off from the get go. I am a helpless romantic. I may not wait till marriage but I do wait. Personally I would wait for the right person. The right person will wait for me.
I am more about intimacy and romance.
But that is what works for me. :)
 cin____dy
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 157
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 8/26/2011 8:43:55 PM
I think that either person has their right to follow their own moral compass. The right TWO people will find each other.
 faith_____
Joined: 8/19/2011
Msg: 158
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 9/4/2011 5:58:14 PM
wait... are most people saying here that they would drop someone if they wanted to hold out sex until there was dating or relationship established. Or if the guy is holding off until marriage.

If the guy told me he was waiting till marriage for sex. I would hold off and look for someones else yes. I mean I have been with a guy who I really really really liked and I always thought about that if he had said the same thing to me. I never say until marriage but because of past experience with douchebags I say can we wait until were dating or something established first Cause for me, I do not feel comfortable sleeping with someone with them potential ****ing others on the side to. That;s not what I'm about. But I mean when I think about the last guy I really liked I think I would, but I wouldn't be happy so I'll say no to the marriage part.

Relationship or dating if were like dating and they say they want to hold off I would ask how long they were thinking they wanted to wait. Cause I kind of know where their coming from. IF they were like I'll hold off until were exclusive or more serious into dating I would be able to handle that.

But I guess that maybe why I'm single if like the mass majority of guys just drop girls who won't put out on a whim. Yes I have had guys leave me within 24hours of saying can we wait until were dating. LIKE TAKE ME ON A DATE OR SHOW ME YOU ACTUALLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME AT LEAST BEFORE THROWING ME ON YOUR BED. But I guess that to much to ask here lol.
 concertlover3
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 159
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 9/10/2011 1:02:32 PM
what would Jesus do? being a "rockstar" of sorts 2000 yrs ago i'm sure women were very attracted to him.

i wonder if Jesus ever got propositioned by a sexy woman? did he say No Thanks?

i wonder if the man in Jesus ever masterbated?

when Jesus stubbed his toe walking to the water closet
at night if he yelled out "OH ME!"

did Jesus have wet dreams, erotic thoughts?

when he turned women down for sex did he say it was for religious reasons?
 maryjay51
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 160
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 9/10/2011 1:17:37 PM
i would have to drop him because im never getting married again.if he is saving himself then i would be dying a dusty old maid. i wont be marrying him or anyone else for that matter. i would just wish him well and run like hell
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 161
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 9/10/2011 4:59:32 PM
If that is the case then they need to be w/like minded ppl who have the same values & views. Most likely they are religious, so they should be dating w/in their religion. I know a couple who didn't have any sexual relations before marriage. They are both born again Christians, her friends & his assisted them in keeping a strict curfew, basically they set up rules to make it easier to not give into temptation. It worked for them , they believe they were joined together by God, & they have been happily married for years.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 162
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 9/10/2011 5:07:47 PM
If I was told that,I would have to drop him, Sex is a big part of a relationship, what if you wait all that time, & it turns out he can't do it, or you aren't sexually compatable? I had a disasterous short relationship like that. He couldn't perfrom in his marriage either, then he got upset when she wasn't satisfied & strayed outside of the marriage to get her needs fulfilled. He spent a lot of money on a fancy hotel suite, knowing he wouldn't be able to do anything. He had Viagra but left it at home. It was like he set himself up. There are doctors & procedures that can assist w/those kinds of problems, he had excellant medical insurance & was well off, he just didn't care to fix the problem, I guess. No way would I marry that misery.
 singleuseful
Joined: 5/23/2011
Msg: 163
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let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 9/10/2011 5:13:07 PM
Then his choice should be respected just as a woman's should be in the same situation well >>>>said ,lol ,whats sex again ,smirk
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 164
bif the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 9/10/2011 6:29:03 PM
You are absolutely correct, Halcyon Skies. I watch Millionsire Matchmaker, on occasion, & Oxytocin is mentioned often. That is why 1 of her rules is, no sex until monogamy. The reason is, b/c this hormone is released, it can cause us to "fall in love" or to think we are in love, feel attachment, closeness, etc., even if he is a loser.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 165
bif the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 9/10/2011 7:04:21 PM
^^ As I had pointed out earlier, oxytocin flows when kissing, hugging, cuddling.. not just sex.

And I think the rule you speak of is in place because she wants her clients to get married, not to use her services to 'hit and split'.


what would Jesus do? being a "rockstar" of sorts 2000 yrs ago i'm sure women were very attracted to him.

i wonder if Jesus ever got propositioned by a sexy woman? did he say No Thanks?
Too bad we can't ask Mary Magdalene..

i wonder if the man in Jesus ever masterbated?
Only God knows.. Oh wait, that was him too!

 infinestforum
Joined: 7/21/2011
Msg: 166
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 9/10/2011 11:37:38 PM
You make it... Wow that sounds like my ex bro and sis inlaw..They did have a child only because he came while being against her vaginal opening. She spent years trying to use dialators (sp) to get her opened enough to accept him. The doc said after the baby comes you wont have to worry about it. Cruel quirk of fate.. it was a C sec.

Anyways.. The only man that tried to pull the no sex till we are married crap ended up as I suspected being a micro mini. Thank goodness my inner Hussy prevailed and got him into an intimate situation before it went as far as marriage.

So there ya got it.. if they say wait.. Im thinking teeny, tiny and run iffy run!

Iffy
 Rain587
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 167
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 9/10/2011 11:47:29 PM
I would be relieved. Takes the pressure off and I respect him even more. I'm celibate now and finding more and more men are too. Refreshing actually.
 ClintGZ
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 168
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 9/10/2011 11:53:23 PM
In reading this thread I came to the conclusion that some people are really shallow...It may just be me but I have had women use sex as a weapon against me only to have it backfire on them...When I decided to abstain from sex I dealt with a barrage of unnecessary insults, there are some men that might want to get to know you outside of the bedroom w/o the guarantee of marriage...

But these are just my past experiences and a now formed opinion and reason not to have sex
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 169
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 12/13/2011 4:28:29 AM
It may just be me but I have had women use sex as a weapon against me only to have it backfire on them...
Can't say that all women are like that but generally it's apparent. It is amusing to take away the only tramp card they've got.

Waiting till marriage? What a silly thought! Who wants to get married now days?
 Ratsrule
Joined: 9/22/2011
Msg: 170
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let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 12/13/2011 4:42:49 AM
I'd be happy to wait a few weeks/maybe months for a guy to feel comfortable with me if I really liked them and if they felt that was needed. But since I firmly believe in testing all aspects of compatibility BEFORE marriage I'd have to say no I wouldn't wait til after I was married.

Sex is important to me, and I don't want to risk being stuck forever with someone I'm not sexually compatible with. I'd rather find someone i could do all the necessary research with before committing to them.

And I have never used sex as a weapon against my partner. If it feels right do it, if not then why are you with them in the first place.
 LyamB
Joined: 7/25/2010
Msg: 171
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let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 12/13/2011 5:36:32 AM
Girls want sex just as much as guys do.
 Texan_Gal
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 172
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 12/13/2011 1:22:32 PM
I would respect and comply with a man's wish to wait until marriage.
 Sparkledustpajamas
Joined: 12/3/2011
Msg: 173
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 12/13/2011 1:39:18 PM
I would break up with him. It goes a little deeper than abstinence. Clearly, our basic needs are so vastly different, that it would be best to part ways. I don't see why any blame or labels (shallow) need to be assigned in a situation like this. Sometimes, it doesn't work out. I don't have conditional sex (i.e., no sex before marriage). I need my partner to feel the same way.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 174
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 12/13/2011 1:43:53 PM
I'd sure have to question his reasoning behind it. If it's for religious reasons, he wouldn't be the man for me. If it was because he thought it would be somehow more "special" to wait, he wouldn't be the man for me - time lines for sex don't make it any more or less special - it's specail all the time...unless it isn't at all. There's no way I'd wait to find out if it was the latter. It's moot for me at any rate, being that marriage itself doesn't interest me.
 SeaCatcher
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 175
let's turn the tables: what if the man wants to abstain from sex?
Posted: 12/13/2011 1:50:12 PM
I actually think both men and women who say they want to abstain from sex for whatever reason and use that to control the behaviour of the other person, a control freak and I wouldn't bother continuing my relationship with them. I have no problem with those who try to practice chastity if they are not in a relationship, but when in a relationship abstaining from sex is like cutting out an essential ingredient from the whole mix of getting to know each other. You wont magically be more compatible if you hold back from sex now - save yourself for marriage - and then have sex. Instead, you might find the little you have in common now will just be appalling later when you hit the sack.
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