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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.      Home login  
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 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 52
I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.Page 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
"What would a relationship be like for you if you just threw the illusion of equality out the window and did whatever you wanted to do with/for and yes! TO the person? "

ha...if i wrote what i wanted to here i'd probably be banned... but i agree with you, i do NOT want a relationships between equals. i like the guy to be the boss...lol!
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 53
I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.
Posted: 10/9/2011 8:15:57 PM

Let me ask you this (speaking of nitty-gritty male-female dynamics): Would you like your man to hold the door open for you? Because this man wants to hold the door open for his lady. Heck, I might even knock the door down for you if it's locked. That's how "old school" I am. Just don't try to get me to talk about my feelings.


I like for ANY man to hold the door open for me. At school, I have young men sprint ahead of me to get the door, and I have had men my age let it close in my face. It is a matter of politeness--or rudeness. I remember walking across campus once with a male friend of mine and I opened a door. He said, "I know that you can open a door perfectly well by yourself, but I wish you would let me do it because I want to." Whenever we walked together after that, he opened the door for me--it cost me nothing and it made him happy.

I open doors for men, too, when the occasion calls for it.


I think what you're saying is something like while men's "manilness" as exemplified in strength and size is no longer strictly needed, you still find it attractive in a kind of vestigial way


Fair enough! And if we are walking in the woods and a rabid wolverine attacks, I will me MORE than happy to let you deal with it!


Or maybe this is a better analogy: though my sons no longer need me financially or as their caretaker they still value my "fatherness." Though they no longer truly "need" me as a father, they still feel the strong bond to me as a father.


Yes, but my sons always saw me as the strong parent in the family, yet even now, they are also protective of me--but that is because they love me, not because of a manly prerogative or because they think that I am incompetent.


So when you say you don't need my protection, I think you still want someone who has that ability. Am I wrong about that?


It it isn't so much that I want you to have the ability to "protect" me, but more than I just love the feel of hard muscles covered with smooth skin--but that is another topic altogether.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 54
I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.
Posted: 10/9/2011 8:22:24 PM

Let me ask you this (speaking of nitty-gritty male-female dynamics): Would you like your man to hold the door open for you? Because this man wants to hold the door open for his lady. Heck, I might even knock the door down for you if it's locked. That's how "old school" I am. Just don't try to get me to talk about my feelings.


I like for ANY man to hold the door open for me. At school, I have young men sprint ahead of me to get the door, and I have had men my age let it close in my face. It is a matter of politeness--or rudeness. I remember walking across campus once with a male friend of mine and I opened a door. He said, "I know that you can open a door perfectly well by yourself, but I wish you would let me do it because I want to." Whenever we walked together after that, he opened the door for me--it cost me nothing and it made him happy.

I open doors for men, too, when the occasion calls for it.


I think what you're saying is something like while men's "manilness" as exemplified in strength and size is no longer strictly needed, you still find it attractive in a kind of vestigial way


Fair enough! And if we are walking in the woods and a rabid wolverine attacks, I will me MORE than happy to let you deal with it!


Or maybe this is a better analogy: though my sons no longer need me financially or as their caretaker they still value my "fatherness." Though they no longer truly "need" me as a father, they still feel the strong bond to me as a father.


Yes, but my sons always saw me as the strong parent in the family, yet even now, they are also protective of me--but that is because they love me, not because of a manly prerogative or because they think that I am incompetent.


So when you say you don't need my protection, I think you still want someone who has that ability. Am I wrong about that?


It it isn't so much that I want you to have the ability to "protect" me, but more than I just love the feel of hard muscles covered with smooth skin--but that is another topic altogether.

I also like soldiers--and usually career soldiers. It isn't the uniform, but something about the warrior spirit. I once met a guy from POF who said that he had been in the Air Force, but when we met and found out that he had cleaned toilets while in the military, my interest fell to zero--hmm . . . I wonder what THAT says about me?
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 55
I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.
Posted: 10/10/2011 2:07:46 AM
Shelly~

"but more than that, I DO wish for a man in my life who I trust to be smarter and stronger than I am. I have no idea why. I'm smart enough and strong enough to make almost anything I need to happen, happen. Along with the smarter and stronger, I'll need to know that he has my best interest at heart, as I would his. "

I agree with you 100% here. I need to be with someone that is stronger and smarter than I am. I don't know why either, but I have finally accepted this about myself. I am sure it is some evolutionary left over from the cave man era or something, when men used to bonk us on the head then drag us off to the cave. Lol! I like it when men open doors for me, and I like it when a man can pick me up and throw me down on the bed, couch, floor, whatever, lol! I also like it when I lose a debate with a man, and I love it when a man knows more about something than I do. That to me is very sexy in every way.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 56
view profile
History
I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.
Posted: 10/10/2011 3:31:10 AM
@larissan04: Lots of passion in your post! At the end of the day, men and women are different. We each have our strengths and our weaknesses. Hopefully, we can mesh those together like ying and yang and compliment one another. Isn't that what an equal relationship and true love is about?
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 57
I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.
Posted: 10/10/2011 7:02:36 AM
I agree with you 100% here. I need to be with someone that is stronger and smarter than I am. I don't know why either, but I have finally accepted this about myself. I am sure it is some evolutionary left over from the cave man era or something...


...or could it be that it's more a hold over from being a daughter who had a father that was protective, stronger, smarter and his decisions in the household were law, such as the qualities sought in men in your adult relationships or if you didn't have a father growing up that it's what was believed a male's role should be? That it's a matter of the feeling of comfort and love that's brought forward into adult relationships with men? I've heard that often women seek men who are like their fathers which is often good, bad or indifferent. It could possibly be a matter of the type of nurture you're used to, rather than nature a la cave man genetics.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 58
I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.
Posted: 10/10/2011 1:33:26 PM

but more than that, I DO wish for a man in my life who I trust to be smarter and stronger than I am.


Gwen beats her head on the desk, wondering where several decades of advancements for women have gone.

I will admit that I can understand why a woman would prefer a physically strong man over a 98 pound weakling, but for the life of me, I simply cannot understand why a woman would deliberately seek a man smarter than she is--not that I can understand any reason why a woman would seek a man less intelligent than she is, but why should a man seek a less intelligent woman?

There's only one reason why I can think he would: it would flatter his ego and make him the dominant partner. Conversely, I can only surmise that women who seek smarter men want someone to tell them what to do and to give them guidance.

I cannot say this without it sounding like bragging, but I am going to say it anyway: outside of where I teach, I rarely meet men who have an IQ higher than mine or with my educational level. The education doesn't matter because many smart people do not have college degrees. However, I do like to surround myself with smart people, and a man whom I would date more than once or twice has to be intelligent. Intelligence takes many forms (there are nine types, at least), but his area needs to coincide with mine enough for us to be able to converse on SOME topics.

For centuries, women have been told that we aren't as smart as men; smart women have been told to hide their intelligence in order to get a man. We have been told to "play dumb," and we did it well. In recent years, however, the number of women receiving college degrees has surpassed that of men receiving them. It makes me sad to know that some women still seek men smarter than they are--why? Why not men who are equal in intelligence?


I think it might say that you find a man who can kill a saber-toothed tiger or a marauding dude from another tribe attractive, Gwen.


Perhaps! In the meantime, I will clean out the sprayers in my septic tank by myself, fix the loose cabinet door, mow the lawn, and clean out the gutters--and look for a man who is smart (though not necessarily smarter than I am) with bulging biceps.

Hey, VirtuallyLove, are you good at fighting off marauding squirrels?
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 59
I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.
Posted: 10/10/2011 4:55:06 PM
chameleonf~

"...or could it be that it's more a hold over from being a daughter who had a father that was protective, stronger, smarter and his decisions in the household were law, such as the qualities sought in men in your adult relationships or if you didn't have a father growing up that it's what was believed a male's role should be? That it's a matter of the feeling of comfort and love that's brought forward into adult relationships with men? I've heard that often women seek men who are like their fathers which is often good, bad or indifferent. It could possibly be a matter of the type of nurture you're used to, rather than nature a la cave man genetics."

there could be many factors that contribute to a person's attraction. i am definitely more attracted to older men, and nothing is more sexy then a man in suit. anyway, i find masculine men far more appealing, whatever the reason.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 60
I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.
Posted: 10/10/2011 5:10:39 PM
gwen~

"I will admit that I can understand why a woman would prefer a physically strong man over a 98 pound weakling, but for the life of me, I simply cannot understand why a woman would deliberately seek a man smarter than she is"

i like to be around people that are smarter then myself in general. it challenges me, and i learn much from them. a witty, smart, intelligent man is very sexy.

" not that I can understand any reason why a woman would seek a man less intelligent than she is, but why should a man seek a less intelligent woman?"

i think men are very visual. that's just the way they are built, and of course, attractiveness is very subjective. a smart man is going to need more then a barbie doll; he's going to need someone with whom he can have a conversation.

"There's only one reason why I can think he would: it would flatter his ego and make him the dominant partner. Conversely, I can only surmise that women who seek smarter men want someone to tell them what to do and to give them guidance."

i do prefer more dominant men, and prefer the man to be the dominant partner inside and outside the bedroom. i think you may be over thinking this a bit, but i would hope both partners in a relationship would be able to share ideas and offer guidance to each other. if one person is better at handling investments, then that person should probably handle that. if another person knows a lot about cooking, well, then maybe he or she should be receptive to their partners advice about cooking, etc.. just saying...
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 61
view profile
History
I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.
Posted: 10/10/2011 5:33:20 PM

i do prefer more dominant men, and prefer the man to be the dominant partner inside and outside the bedroom. i think you may be over thinking this a bit, but i would hope both partners in a relationship would be able to share ideas and offer guidance to each other. if one person is better at handling investments, then that person should probably handle that. if another person knows a lot about cooking, well, then maybe he or she should be receptive to their partners advice about cooking, etc.. just saying...


Well said!!!

Relationship is certainly a delicate balance and being co-equal with the understanding that each person can be gifted in different ways.... A healthy balance allows each to contribute to relationship fully with a core of leadership and purpose that creates a sense of comfortable structure and balance.... Leadership is easy when both persons agree to the course of action or there is a non preference by the other person.... The real test of leadership and followership is when there is a core division/ disagreement of a particular course of action to take....
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 62
I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.
Posted: 10/10/2011 5:54:04 PM

Are marriages/long-term relationships happier and more stable now than they were in the fifties? I look at my relatives, who mostly subscribe to traditional husband-wife roles, and they seem on the whole to be much happier and stable than many more enlightened relationships I've observed. I think there is something about traditional relationships between men and women that has merit. I think there is merit in questioning those traditions as well.


This is the problem of using personal experience! As I grew up, I was surrounded by people in unhappy marriages, including that of my parents. I was married for 25 years and it was a quite traditional marriage, and I was desperately unhappy--though I wouldn't admit it to myself. Today, the difference between a happy "traditional" marriage and the "real" traditional families of the past is choice: in the good ol' days, people stayed married for religious and cultural reasons: women would choose to stay in unhappy marriages for financial reasons. With the loss of most stigma associated with divorce, a traditional marriage today is the choice of the couple in the marriage.

As for wanting someone who is mechanically inclined or has better skills that I do not possess, those would serve a specific purpose--I can hire someone to fix my car, but as an intelligent functioning adult, I don't need someone to think for me or guide me. My intelligence does not lie in the field of math, but I wouldn't choose partner based on his math skills.


Let me ask you this, Gwen. Let's say you had a choice between two dudes whose attributes were identical save one: one of the dudes was brighter (in your opinion) than you are, while the other was equally intelligent. Which dude would you choose?


Gwennie don't [sic] play that game. It is an unrealistic scenario, eh?



Heck no. Those things scare the bejesus out me!


My one HUGE fear and you are useless!


i like to be around people that are smarter then myself in general. it challenges me, and i learn much from them. a witty, smart, intelligent man is very sexy.


If we went by the supposition that people seek out those who are smarter, then smart people would have nothing to do with those less intelligent--they would be seeking the super-geniuses!


i think men are very visual. that's just the way they are built, and of course, attractiveness is very subjective. a smart man is going to need more then a barbie doll; he's going to need someone with whom he can have a conversation.


I am very visual! But I don't know what that has to do with a man deliberately seeking a partner who is less intelligent than he is: is this the old cliche about smart woman = ugly woman?


i think you may be over thinking this a bit, but i would hope both partners in a relationship would be able to share ideas and offer guidance to each other. if one person is better at handling investments, then that person should probably handle that. if another person knows a lot about cooking, well, then maybe he or she should be receptive to their partners advice about cooking, etc.. just saying...


A person can be better at investments, but that doesn't mean that person is "smarter," eh? If we are going to qualify specific intelligences, then that needs to be specified instead of a general statement of "a man who is smarter." I could be partnered with a man who is my "superior" in physics, but my knowledge and ability to understand literature could top his--it is all subjective. Are we talking raw IQ or areas of intelligences?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 63
I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.
Posted: 10/10/2011 6:24:03 PM
I like a smart man - agreed that I don't like them less intelligent than me, or more closed minded, and agreed that it's a bonus that if he's smarter (if not condescending) it's a turn on to learn from him. Hopefully though, we're both able to learn a lot from each other, and we both appreciate that aspect of the interaction.

Yep, I like a strong man, because I like a well sculpted body. It has nothing to do with me being protected however, as that's my job - I appreciate the effort, but mostly I like a nice body on a guy. I also like a pair of strong arms wrapped around me (briefly anyway, I tend to feel smothered quickly) - not because it makes me feel safe but because I like a nice pair or arms and if I'm with a guy I like to feel him next to me.

The automatic protective vibe from a guy is insulting to me unless/until I try and deal with something myself and it's not working and I need someone to back me up. Then I'll appreciate him supporting me in dealing with my own stuff. Same goes in reverse. I'll step in when I feel he can't deal with something and he needs me to back him up.

I like a guy who's taller than me, for no other reason than I just like it. Unless he's shorter than me, though I won't really be a stickler about that.

Most of what I like in a guy isn't about me so much as what I prefer him to have cause they just do it for me.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 64
I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.
Posted: 10/10/2011 7:38:47 PM
Sireel:
without some measure of equality, there cannot be true emotional intimacy. the more significant the inequality, the less likely the chances of relating. relating as from the root of the word - relate, ..... as in a relationship?

relate being the verb!

can u relate ?
Nice
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 65
view profile
History
I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.
Posted: 10/11/2011 5:21:21 AM

Isn't it sad to come this far and realize that all the equality talk between the sexes is pure horseshyt?

Thanks to the feminist movement, we exchanged our femininity for equality that doesn't exist, and independence that makes us too demanding for a man to love. Yippee, I get to sit on my porch and die alone because I can't open the damn jar of peanut butter.


Well at least you get to actually have a porch instead of living with your parents still because you are a spinster...

Speak for yourself about being too demanding and being unable to be loved. If the only reason a man cant love me is because I have the ability to make my own decisions and will not automatically defer to his "manliness" then I dont want that man any where near me. It is frankly amazing that an intelligent woman would even try to make this sort of a connection to her inablity to have a relationship and feminism. Nice try though....
 ForumFlashLight
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 66
I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.
Posted: 10/11/2011 7:54:17 AM
[irishgirl524 "I want him to be able to make me feel safe when I curl up in his arms at night" ]

Yep, Irishgirl, start talking like that, bluntly say what you really want and the culture police will come after you. LOL!

Don't you know you don't have a right to think for yourself as a woman? That wasn't what all this advancement of women was about!

You have been advanced as a woman so you could be taught by other women to think what they want you to think. Otherwise you are dangerous to the machine.

Yep, you're a radical. Sigh.

Never mind the evidence that women are so comforted by holding their man's hand during painful medical procedures that they are able to actually feel less pain and need less anesthetic.

I guess that's radical, to suggest that men have incredible power with women, that they affect us, and that they really can do things for us in loving ways that we can't do for ourselves, not because we are unable but because the power is in the gift.

Doesn't mean we want to wear burkas or give up our education or go back to the forest and chew buckskin til our teeth fall out.

Frankly, I AM attracted to very intelligent men, they are rare birds. I happen to appreciate all their different kinds of intelligence....if they are doing quantum physics, hell yeah that's sexy. If they are a better shot than me, yep, that's sexy. If they can fix my bleeping car with all its chips and indicators, yep, that's sexy. I can fix a heads-up display on an F-18, but that doesn't mean I want to work on my car. Carpenters are sexy. I am terrified of power saws, though I zipped in front of jet engines back and forth quite a few times.

I can do lots of things that would scare most men silly, but there is attraction to men who can do things that scare me silly. I'm not sure that the reverse is true.

As for men intentionally seeking less intelligent women...I don't think they do. I think they seek women who are highly capable emotionally, and it's not a knock against intelligent women.

It's about what they need from women. They are just looking to get what they really, deeply, truly need, and it probably isn't a geeky long-winded lecture from us on the nature of orthodontia, ecthymology, or obscure academia.

Yes, as a previous poster 4 seasons mentioned, equilibrium is the goal for me. But still, not the kind of analytical, ledger-book tit for tat....a natural, adjusting, flowing equilibrium...like the kind you get from your sea legs responding to the ocean. You're not standing there calculating your balance consciously. You're just moving with the flow. Both partners need to be responsive to each other's tides and waves.
 ForumFlashLight
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 67
I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.
Posted: 10/11/2011 8:01:22 AM
Karma, the research is pretty good on this...it's during the week leading up to ovulation. Clearly they are aroused, but not just by anybody, they want familiar, or they want an alpha, and they feel an anxiety seeing strange men. Doesn't stop them from having sex at a party with someone they just met and CHOSE; the anxiety is about strangers. Can't post the actual research here due to copyrights. I'll try to find a link. It's something I studied years ago in evolutionary psych.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 71
I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.
Posted: 10/11/2011 8:46:18 PM
I think because two people aren't the same there would never be a real equal...

I am not sure I can word this correctly but while I do love dominant men for a good reason; the truth is a woman should always know how to make that work for her. When you show your abilities (whatever they might be) and a man appreciates it or a woman then you build up each others esteem so while a man might be bigger, stronger, more intelligent about some matters...the way it is suppose to work is his deep feelings for YOU make YOU his primary concern. I am not talking about manipulation, just that I feel in the right relationship most men are going to be more concerned about their lady and making her happy in a completely different way than a woman shows a man she cares...it is how it is suppose to be...but it is never equal...because each is giving more than half.

Now some people are in one sided relationships and I was not saying this based on those.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 72
I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.
Posted: 10/11/2011 8:56:31 PM
Yes there should be differences in the partners. Everyone has their preferences of what they want in a partner. I want to be with someone that is different from me and challenges me to be a better person. If I'm not motivated, I'm not challenging her and in my mind it's not worth it.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 73
I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.
Posted: 10/11/2011 10:07:16 PM
sireel11~

yes, i can relate. and as a matter of fact i like the submissive alpha female tagline that one of our very smart and witty ladies posted. as long as a man can relate to that, wear the pants, challenge me, and pull my hair every once in a while then i'd say yes, i can relate. i don't want to plan the date, and i don't want the man to cook me dinner. while i don't want a door mat, i am not looking for someone to "take care of me." i don't want someone that is emotionally, or physically abusive, as i am not. i also don't need to be rescued, and i am not in distress...i would, however, be willing to pretend that i was if that would make my man happy...

it's the simple things in life...
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 74
I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.
Posted: 10/11/2011 10:51:14 PM
Larissan:
i am not in distress...i would, however, be willing to pretend that i was if that would make my man happy...
To each their own, but I have to admit that that makes me shudder!

It reminds me of when my 'ex' told me that my strength made him feel emasculated..

Seriously, if I have to act like some weakling for a man to feel strong?

 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 75
view profile
History
I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.
Posted: 10/12/2011 6:48:47 AM

If we went by the supposition that people seek out those who are smarter, then smart people would have nothing to do with those less intelligent--they would be seeking the super-geniuses!


That is not exactly true.... let me try to explain it this way.... as a man we seem to have an energy to create, conquer, invent, lead, etc.... part of that energy is the desire to propagate ourselves in others... one way is to sire children.... but another and equally validating to a man is to sire intellectual children or engage a mentoring process...

My entire life I have been part of a mentoring where I was receiving input from a wiser (not always older) male (sometimes female) who I respected for observed success in life.... I also sought out a student to receive my mentoring usually younger (not always)

The process of mentoring is not some great wise intellect imposing ideas and beliefs on another but a dynamic of giving information and the validation and challenge by another intellect that refines and improves the original message content to a greater purpose for both.... so that the teacher actually becomes the greater student...


yes, i can relate. and as a matter of fact i like the submissive alpha female tagline that one of our very smart and witty ladies posted. as long as a man can relate to that, wear the pants, challenge me, and pull my hair every once in a while then i'd say yes, i can relate. i don't want to plan the date, and i don't want the man to cook me dinner. while i don't want a door mat, i am not looking for someone to "take care of me." i don't want someone that is emotionally, or physically abusive, as i am not. i also don't need to be rescued, and i am not in distress...i would, however, be willing to pretend that i was if that would make my man happy...

it's the simple things in life...


This perfectly states the balanced mentoring between the genders in a healthy respectful dynamic !!!!
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 76
I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.
Posted: 10/12/2011 7:56:30 AM

The only thing observing my family/relatives does prove to me is that it *can* work, and work well. It can also fail freaking spectacularly.


Ah, but mon ami, even abusive relationships work, don't they? A sadistic person who bullies a masochist have the perfect relationship, do they not?


Well, think of all the things someone brighter overall could help you accomplish?


A man who has an IQ of 200 but is intelligent in the field of physics is not going to help me accomplish much in finishing my book about the Roman god Mithra. In fact, I have an online friend (whom I have "known" for well over five years) who has a PhD in science--he is a brilliant man, smarter than I am, and I rarely say that. Last night, I sent him the introductory chapter to said book. He gave me some suggestions on editing it, but he couldn't comment on the content because it isn't his field!


There goes my monumental masculinity... It's the tails, Gwen, those nightmarishly twitching fluffy tails...


I will continue to fight the squirrel scourge by myself.


Now that's just plumb unrealistic! And the super-geniuses would be seeking out...superior intelligence on other worlds? There is something of a reductio ad absurdum to the idea, isn't there?


That was my point.

I don't know how many people in this forum have ever attended a "function" for academics. (Yes, I know that I am being elitist, again.) I presented a paper at a convention, but because it was about Virginia Woolf, I was put in the Modernist section--I am not a Modernist critic! The audience understood the points that I was making in my paper, but when it came time for questions, they started asking me about other writers of the genre. I replied, "I am not really a Modernist: I am a mythologist. I analyze Woolf's book for its mythic aspects." They all nodded and knew EXACTLY what I meant. Even within disciplines, there are sections and subsections.


Isn't it sad to come this far and realize that all the equality talk between the sexes is pure horseshyt?

Thanks to the feminist movement, we exchanged our femininity for equality that doesn't exist, and independence that makes us too demanding for a man to love. Yippee, I get to sit on my porch and die alone because I can't open the damn jar of peanut butter.


I am a feminist and I have sacrificed NONE of my femininity for equality. I feel a bit of pity for women who blame their inability to attract men on the women's movement or their independence. If a woman doesn't want to be "independent," she doesn't have to be--the number of men in this forum alone who seek dependent women show that their are mates for everyone.

So, why aren't the men who want dependent women not matching up with those women who want a man to take care of them? I don't get it.


Speak for yourself about being too demanding and being unable to be loved. If the only reason a man cant love me is because I have the ability to make my own decisions and will not automatically defer to his "manliness" then I dont want that man any where near me. It is frankly amazing that an intelligent woman would even try to make this sort of a connection to her inablity to have a relationship and feminism. Nice try though....



i would, however, be willing to pretend that i was if that would make my man happy...


No offense, but do you mean that you would lie in order to satisfy the want of a man?

In response to my post about seeking more intelligent people:
That is not exactly true.... let me try to explain it this way.... as a man we seem to have an energy to create, conquer, invent, lead, etc.... part of that energy is the desire to propagate ourselves in others... one way is to sire children.... but another and equally validating to a man is to sire intellectual children or engage a mentoring process...

My entire life I have been part of a mentoring where I was receiving input from a wiser (not always older) male (sometimes female) who I respected for observed success in life.... I also sought out a student to receive my mentoring usually younger (not always)

The process of mentoring is not some great wise intellect imposing ideas and beliefs on another but a dynamic of giving information and the validation and challenge by another intellect that refines and improves the original message content to a greater purpose for both.... so that the teacher actually becomes the greater student...


You are mistaking the intent of my post and, I think, mistaking the intent of the person who said that she likes to be around people who are smarter than she is.

You said you were receiving input from a "wiser" person, and wisdom does not equate with intelligence. I have known very smart people who didn't seem to have a lick of wisdom, and I have met people with average IQs who were very wise.

As a teacher, I know that some of my students are "smarter" than I am in raw IQ, but they have less experience and less knowledge. When I have sought out a mentor, i.e. my thesis director, it was for what he knew as a result of studying for decades; I also knew that he would push me to produce a quality work. Maybe his IQ was higher than mine, maybe not--it didn't matter because I wanted his expertise in the field.

Perhaps we need to qualify and define "intelligence" and separate it from knowledge.

By the way, most IQ tests do not measure raw IQ but rather, the knowledge of the person. I ace the sections on art, literature, and ancient history, do passably well on science, but bomb the math. When I took the GRE the first time, I also bombed the logic section because it had questions such as "If wibbles are wobbles and wobbles have blue hair, do wibbles have ten toes?" When I took the test again, the logic section had been changed to essay questions solving a problem in a given scenario. Suddenly, I became logical because of the change of venue and received a high score.

My intelligence (my ability to learn and assimilate information) has not truly grown since my mind matured; however, my knowledge base has increased a hundredfold.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.