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 domo30
Joined: 6/7/2010
Msg: 76
Multiple MarriagesPage 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
What is a clicker? What are you talking about oyvay
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 77
Multiple Marriages
Posted: 8/25/2011 8:22:53 PM
TYPO "n" not "c" get it clinkers!
 djf9850
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 78
Multiple Marriages
Posted: 8/26/2011 11:52:25 AM
I was married at 18 to a control person who in the next 6 yrs beat me & tried to stangle me so I left with the kids. Second marriage for over 20 yrs was great but the stress of life & raising a family caused him to end up an alcohlic. I ended that one. I married my best friend the last time & we had over 20 yrs also but he got lung cancer & died. I was devastated. At my age I would not marry again but really would love to find a great man out there to share this part of my life. You should really find out why the marriages didn't work before jumping in again.
 cin____dy
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 79
Multiple Marriages
Posted: 8/26/2011 8:42:15 PM
It depends on the whole situation, some people like to be "in Love", but get unhappy easily, some need someone all the time around. THERE are many reasons, I would not make a judgement until I knew all the facts of her life or his. Then in time you will find out if you believe in her.
 Something007
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 80
view profile
History
Multiple Marriages
Posted: 8/26/2011 9:34:42 PM
Being married is wonderful when you can respect it for what it stands for. Marriage is a business between to people. This is why I tell people take out the time to get to know someone before sleeping with them so that decisions can be made with a clear head
 ClaireChristine
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 81
Multiple Marriages
Posted: 8/26/2011 11:26:16 PM
Americans are very good at the multiple marriages I find..
For me, it would give me pause if a guy had been married twice or more before.
Okay one partner may have died, another cheated or whatever but I wonder why people do it over and over?? I would prefer just to live together or have a part time live in situation.

Surely by the second or third marriage all the children that you may have wanted to have, have been born.
 ClaireChristine
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 82
Multiple Marriages
Posted: 8/26/2011 11:31:24 PM
Okay when you are young you dont have the wisdom to find the right one often. I can understand that you may not have found it easy to leave, with kids.
Alcoholism is a physical genetic disease, stress or not and we all have stress so that was not really the cause.

You had two long term marriages and I can see how you would have three marriages in your situation but hopefully you wont want a fourth one surely!! In our country at your mature age it is a disadvantage financially to marry in many cases.

I believe marriage is for the security of children otherwise why bother, but that is my opinion.
 smokincigars
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 83
view profile
History
Multiple Marriages
Posted: 8/27/2011 3:48:28 AM
A lot depends on the reason(s) why the marriages didn't last. Did he cheat on her/did she cheat on him? Was either party abusive? Did the marriage grow stale and one party or the other just lose interest? Just what did break the marriages up, and is there a recurring pattern?

Many times couples marry young, and don't really know what to expect once the honeymoon is over. In that case, a divorce from the first marriage is somewhat understandable. But that applies only to the first marriage; after that, they should be more aware of the pitfalls.

Multiple marriages are, if not a red flag, at least a yellow one advising caution. You need to find out what happened each time before you become too involved with a much-married person. If the story is much the same each time, beware. Maybe you are the same "type" as his/her previous spouses, in which case you can expect the same problems ... and the same result, sooner or later.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 84
Multiple Marriages
Posted: 8/27/2011 11:02:46 AM
I went out with his man a few times some years back, I just wasnt physically attracted to him. I tried to get to know him, & look at the inside, he had some good qualities, a home, a job, he was a single Dad raising his 2 sons. There were some serious some red flags as well. The biggest red flag was that I would have been wife number 5. He said he didn't count 2 of the marriages for some reason. Wife number 4 moved in with her child, & moved out in less than a year. I felt that he was pushing me to make a commitment to him after we had only been on 2 dates. He suggested how wonderful it would be for me to move into his house, but we didn't even know each other yet! How can you talk about moving in together after 2 dates! I had not even kissed him yet! I just couldn't get past the fact that he had 4 previous wives, there is something really wrong there.
 WhiteKnight91360
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 85
Multiple Marriages
Posted: 8/27/2011 3:10:39 PM
Divorced 3x myself. It's very embarrassing to admit. I would not judge anyone over that. That being said, it's only fair to inquire about why each marriage failed. If the chemistry is there, she shouldn't mind freely discussing it.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 86
Multiple Marriages
Posted: 8/27/2011 3:30:03 PM
We have all had multiple relationships that have ended, I'm curious as to why multiple marriages should hold a different connotation?

Because they are supposed to be forever?

How often does that happen? Look at the stats..

I think society in general has some magical fantasy about marriage, the proof is everywhere.. and reality rarely matches up. To me the 'institution of marriage' is a dying paradigm and I want no part of it.

I would wonder if they were the type to jump in too fast, with a penchant for fantasy based thinking and a habit of falling in love with love, but the simple fact that there were multiple marriages wouldn't be the deciding factor for me.
 prettyinpink1908
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 87
Multiple Marriages
Posted: 8/27/2011 7:39:55 PM
I agree with forumfishie
 prettyinpink1908
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 88
Multiple Marriages
Posted: 8/27/2011 7:44:49 PM
I say AMEN to this post lol
 prettyinpink1908
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 89
Multiple Marriages
Posted: 8/27/2011 7:49:03 PM
I think people are going to judge you regardless. No one is perfect and a lot of times you may think you have the right one and in the middle of the marriage the other party may show his or her true signs...I dont believe anyone should stay in a relationship/marriage if they are unhappy...u tried it it didnt work get out and move on...You ony have one life to live so live it bc when you die there is nothing else you can come back to do just one more time...I used to love the thought of being married but I also like the fact that I have the guts to jump ship if it aint working
 commonsens_reloaded
Joined: 8/10/2011
Msg: 90
Multiple Marriages
Posted: 8/27/2011 8:04:56 PM
Seams far too hard so some to even THINK BEFORE getting married as they use it as "punchline" or even "placebos" in many cases; hence the high numbers of marriages and divorces.

That one or two don't work, life happens and you shouldn't stay in a bad marriage, but pass that, why even bother to get married at all especially when it is also so normal (and much easier and legal) to simply live together now? Some simply do not learn or even realize that their 4-5-6 failed marriages had only one thing in common: themselves.

because that once serious commitment contract is now as easy to replace as the old Saturday high school dates..with as much value.
 Ms Cheevious
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 91
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History
Multiple Marriages
Posted: 8/28/2011 3:39:37 PM

I wonder why people do it over and over??


Because I was a dumbass!

They were all military...met them overseas. "Courtship" consisted of whatever time we had before one of us returned stateside. Had to marry them in order to qualify for joint domicile.

It seemed like a good idea........................at the time.




Multiple marriages keeps the divorce lawyers and their staff busy, its good for the economy.



They'll get no more "ka- CHING" from me.

My attorney for my last divorce (1998) has my permission to hunt me down and kill me on the spot if he even hears RUMORS of me considering marriage again.



I would not judge anyone over that.


Same here.
 CarpeOmnia
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 92
view profile
History
Multiple Marriages
Posted: 8/28/2011 3:53:28 PM
Ms Cheevious....your story sorta reminds me of mine.
Well...except for the whole military thing.

When I first entered his office to start my last divorce, my lawyer laughed when I asked him if he would honor the 3 for the price of 2 COUPON I had.(in case I am taken wrong....the reason for the divorce was no joking matter, was kind of a nightmare at the time. I do use humor to help me through tough times)

I remember poking my nose back into my lawyers office after the last T was crossed and i was dotted on that divorce. He looked over as I said, "hey Glen...do you wanna come to my next wedding?" I figured, hey...we're almost like family. I am pretty sure I single-handedly put several of his children through college.

He said, "I'll be wanting to speak to your Psychiatrist first!"

Like the gentleman above you(Whiteknight) who had 3 divorces and was embarassed by that number...I can understand how he feels. My three long term relationships were marriages. Others have that many or more common-law relationships intermingled with a marriage or 2.

I wrote on another thread what happened in my world, so I won't write it here. I do look back at my history with some embarassment at my poor choices...but also sadness at the way things went. I did do alot of work with counsellors...to work through my part in these failures.

Part of my marital autopsy efforts.
So I don't repeat my poor choices.
Any more than I already have.

This doesn't mean that my love life will have limitations put on it. That wouldn't be fair to who I am with. For me it's enjoying today...planning for the future...and making the most of what time I have left in this world.
 butterflie_1207
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 93
Multiple Marriages
Posted: 8/28/2011 4:23:08 PM
I got married relatively young (22) and most likely for the wrong reasons. It lasted 15 years, and ended in divorce. My ex-husband got married about a year after our divorce was final.

I know a woman my age (42) who is working on her 5th marriage, the 4 previous ones ended in divorce, and she's been dating her current "fiancee" for under a year.

I take the commitment of marriage very seriously and I really don't understand why people jump in so quickly.
 cgm745
Joined: 7/29/2011
Msg: 94
Multiple Marriages
Posted: 8/28/2011 7:53:29 PM
I know a few people who have been married 3+ times and the number of marriages are all for different reasons. By no means are they representative of all the marriage people I know. It would not scare me, but I would ask the person how come they were married so many times. Some people love being married, but just marry the wrong person several times until they find the right one. One person has been married 5 times and the last one has lasted almost 20 years, so it just took awhile to find a good match.

There is not anything wrong with people wanting to be married and having the strength to keep on doing it. I say keep an open mind.
 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 95
Multiple Marriages
Posted: 8/28/2011 11:05:41 PM
I take the commitment of marriage very seriously and I really don't understand why people jump in so quickly.


I agree. I look on that commitment as a very serious matter too. I don't understand and wouldn't want to be involved with someone who didn't. People think they are being 'judged' for having married serveral times. To me it is not judging them for their morals but that I know, I know to the bottom of my soul, anyone who would keep getting married over and over again does not see marriage or commitment in the same light I do and is, therefore, not someone with whom I'd be compatible.


There is not anything wrong with people wanting to be married and having the strength to keep on doing it.


I disagree with this. I think there is something wrong. I don't think it takes 'strength' to keep repeating the same mistake over and over again. I think if you strike out twice, that's enough. Stop! At least wait another 20 or more years to figure yourself out before you make that commitment to someone else....I see a person who marries someone who has been married more than twice as a potential victim of someone else's inability to make good decisions about marriage and to make a real commitment. I suppose it's up to you if you want to keep trying over and over again, but what about the person you are experimenting on?
 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 96
Multiple Marriages
Posted: 8/28/2011 11:41:44 PM
Actually, I think people should have to put on their profiles how many times they've been married and state specifically if they are divorced. They should not be able to say they are single when they are, in fact, divorced....it doesn't matter how many years it has been since their divorce.
 1in1000000000
Joined: 10/17/2010
Msg: 97
view profile
History
Multiple Marriages
Posted: 8/28/2011 11:49:01 PM

We have all had multiple relationships that have ended, I'm curious as to why multiple marriages should hold a different connotation?

Because they are supposed to be forever?

How often does that happen? Look at the stats..

I think society in general has some magical fantasy about marriage, the proof is everywhere.. and reality rarely matches up. To me the 'institution of marriage' is a dying paradigm and I want no part of it.

I would wonder if they were the type to jump in too fast, with a penchant for fantasy based thinking and a habit of falling in love with love, but the simple fact that there were multiple marriages wouldn't be the deciding factor for me.


As usual, I agree with Shakti's sage wisdom. Not much more to be said.
 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 98
Multiple Marriages
Posted: 8/29/2011 12:34:30 AM

As usual, I agree with Shakti's sage wisdom. Not much more to be said.
I usually agree with you but not here. Relationships and marriage are two very different things---apples and oranges. Making a lifetime commitment to someone and being in a relationship wherein no such commitment has been made are two completely different things. There is no comparison. None.
 1in1000000000
Joined: 10/17/2010
Msg: 99
view profile
History
Multiple Marriages
Posted: 8/29/2011 12:54:34 AM

I usually agree with you but not here. Relationships and marriage are two very different things---apples and oranges. Making a lifetime commitment to someone and being in a relationship wherein no such commitment has been made are two completely different things. There is no comparison. None.


We will have to agree to disagree on this one. While I see what you are saying, I do see things differently, for the most part. Actually formally getting married does *usually* say something more than just living together or maintaining a long term relationship. But not always. There are no absolutes. I know people who have legally married, who have nothing but a sham of a marriage (no commitment to anything but appearances), while I know others who have maintained a decade or more in a committed relationship, yet never signed the papers or paid for the "license". Some folk want to judge the former, but not the latter, when their committal unions are dissolved multiple times? Not fair. As Shakti implied, legal marriage in this society is given some mystical, magical treatment that is really nothing but a figment of a lot of people's imaginations. And things are that way because most people interject some idea of "God" having some part in putting a legal marriage together, when that, again, is nothing but a figment of a lot of people's imaginations. Even the law books state that marriage (as someone else suggested) is nothing more than a corporation--a business. The CEO is the State, and the subordinate partners are the husband and wife. Any property (including children) they amass during the life of the business, technically is under the state's ownership and jurisdiction.

I understand and respect this idea you mention of a lifetime commitment. But the thing is, no government involvement is necessary in order for two people to make a lifetime commitment to one another. Nor are most legal marriages formed as lifetime commitments. If they were, there would be no such thing as divorce, and even if there were, it would be rare.
 maryjay51
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 100
Multiple Marriages
Posted: 8/29/2011 1:24:52 AM
i would never get involved with someone who had multiple marriages. thats a huge red flag to me .. first of all no one needs to be married that many times . there is something wrong with someone who thinks they need to be constantly married to someone
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