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 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 60
Guys and their mixed messagesPage 5 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
"homosexuals that were *MADE* that way"

Well gee, Arlo, I guess from what you said, if the woman you are on here seeking, turned out to not be interested in more with you, and gave you a wishy washy excuse for that thought. The first thing you would want to do is become a homosexual. That about right?
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 61
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 8/22/2011 5:01:20 PM

(AT) "homosexuals that were *MADE* that way"



(OyVay...) Well gee, Arlo, I guess from what you said, if the woman you are on here seeking, turned out to not be interested in more with you, and gave you a wishy washy excuse for that thought. The first thing you would want to do is become a homosexual. That about right?


Well... yeah. What's your point?

Arlo...
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 62
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 8/22/2011 5:26:02 PM



(AT) "homosexuals that were *MADE* that way"


(OyVay...) Well gee, Arlo, I guess from what you said, if the woman you are on here seeking, turned out to not be interested in more with you, and gave you a wishy washy excuse for that thought. The first thing you would want to do is become a homosexual. That about right?



Arlo:Well... yeah. What's your point?


Ah, don't bother....

... I made myself gay for a while in my profile and didn't get hit on ONCE, fer fvck sakes. Not ONCE, I tell you!...

... even though it was done it jest, originally, it was pretty disappointing that gay guys weren't interested in a pirate with a 37' mast. Sheesh.

What I DID get was only gay guy's profiles as My Matches every week....

... even after I'd become hetero again...



 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 63
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 8/22/2011 5:30:30 PM

(CB) Ah, don't bother....

... I made myself gay for a while in my profile and didn't get hit on ONCE, fer fvck sakes. Not ONCE, I tell you!...

... even though it was done it jest, originally, it was pretty disappointing that gay guys weren't interested in a pirate with a 37' mast. Sheesh.

What I DID get was only gay guy's profiles as My Matches every week....

... even after I'd become hetero again...





Ah, but were you *BORN* wishy-washy, or were you *MADE* wishy-washy?

Arlo...
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 64
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 8/22/2011 5:52:46 PM
To get to the bottom of this,
let's run this thru the guy translation software.

"You're so beautiful, cool, I like spending time with you... I'm just not sure if I can give you all that I should right now."

whirr, whirrr

translation:

"I just found another chick who is hotter."

sorry.
Another shallow guy I guess.

Look Aloha Girl, You are very pretty from when
you had a picture posted. You are also smart
in the real world. It must just be bad luck in
the guys you bump into.

cus you CAN be choosier.
and should be.
Early on spell out how you expect to be treated.
and the guy best step up.
If he doesn't,
hit the bail button sooner and find a new guy.
You will always have that option.
Don't get wrapped up in knuckleheads and try to make it work.

good Luck!
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 69
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 8/24/2011 4:21:00 PM

(wishfulltoo) I would rather have a guy tell me the truth....even if it is that I'm not good enough, or pretty enough........if they met someone they think is better......just tell me........


I love how some people think that they can tell others *HOW* to break up with 'em. Lissen, people are gonna dump you the way they dump you. End of story. You can whine-n-b!tch about how they do it, or you can take people as they are, and actually deal with reality (one facet of which is that people often do things in ways you may not like. This falls under the heading of, "Sh!t happens!")

Arlo...
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 71
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 8/24/2011 11:58:07 PM
It always cracks me up. Women won't communicate with the guy they are with. They won't look at the guys actions.

BUT they WILL ask a forum of perfect strangers to read their minds and decipher the codes of their actions. lol; come on. ASK THEM.

Say what is this relationship about. Are we exclusive, are we just FWB, what's the deal.

It's not maddening at all. The way you are handling it makes it maddening.

Obviously they are not that much into you and they dont' want much of a relationship. You let them have what they want, when they want and ask for hardly anything in return. They are obliging.

They are hooking up with other people for sure and spending time with others. If that is ok for you then talk to them and tell them that. If it's not then define your relationship.

with them! not with strangers through a forum.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 72
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 8/25/2011 12:00:35 AM
no they dont'. I wish I had a nickel for every time a woman will NOT take a hint.

I saw on one forum, a guy LITERALLY told the woman,"I don't want to see you anymore as a girlfriend. We can sleep together once in a while, but I'm going to mess around.

The woman's question? What does he mean? LOL

Women LOVE to blame all men for all their problems and that women are so great and men are terrible.

I've never had problems communicating things with men or women. That's because I'm up front and I am good at it. I dont' decipher or play games.

And I don't blame others for my shortcomings.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 77
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 8/26/2011 10:52:42 AM
guys do not send mixed messages.

You want to know what a guy is thinking? 1. ask him directly; 2. look at his actions.

Women don't do either and then say they are confused and messages are mixed.

Do you ever think a guy is going to tell a woman,"I don't think you are that beautiful but you are ok. I want to hang out once in a while but I'm attracted to other women more". I mean what do you think they are going to say.

Their actions show they are not that much into you. If they were they'd want to spend time with you. You also aren't exactly a ball of fire saying you are content to see eachother a couple times of week, in a pretty much friends with benefits situation.

They are hanging with other women and doing other thing. Both of you dont' have much of a commitment or passion in the relationship. It's more a convenience.

Again, I see this very clearly. Guys that lie will use words like a blanket to cover over their actions. If you want more of a commitment then ask for it. You aren't wanting much of one so you are getting it. good luck.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 78
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 8/26/2011 10:58:24 AM

I saw on one forum, a guy LITERALLY told the woman,"I don't want to see you anymore as a girlfriend. We can sleep together once in a while, but I'm going to mess around.

The woman's question? What does he mean? LOL

I don't think that's a mixed message. Do not assume all women are exactly the same, please. I wasn't assuming all men were the same when I wrote the OP. As I said in a later post, I was actually wanting to see the diversity of answers to my original questions.

please; this isn't 6th grade and no one said all women are the same. Ridiculous. I just read about 6 forums all with women wondering about a man's thoughts when it's very easily to see what they are.

Many women are easily fooled. Guys actions don't lie. If they give very little into a relationship, then it doesn't matter if they tell you they dream and think about you every second of the day and they can't live without you. Their actions show they are not into it. It may not be what the woman wants to hear, but that doesn't mean it's not the truth.

I know many female friends that go into worship mode with a guy and they will not face the truth about them until it's too late.

Many people dont' choose to WANT to believe the actions, because they don't like the answer. No one likes to be hurt or played or not wanted in the way we would like to, but I'd rather know the truth, then to deny the truth and attack those that try to get me to see it.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 79
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 8/26/2011 12:25:05 PM

You want to know what a guy is thinking? ... look at his actions.


Not to say that there aren't situations where a guy is "putting on an act"-but I don't think that's as common.

But mostly what you need to do is live your freakin' life. If you are seeing a guy or screwing a guy or some combination thereof, and he starts giving off "mixed" or "confusing" messages-via word or deed or some combination thereof, just figure he's losing interest, for whatever reason. If you are OK with an occasional date, a FwB, casual relationship with the guy, it's all good.
If you are looking for something more along the lines of commitment/long-term, get over a guy who is giving a "mixed message".
Cindy O
 SiRCaSaNoVa
Joined: 8/7/2011
Msg: 80
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 8/26/2011 1:43:12 PM
This should be called "Women & their Mixed Messages"...
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 82
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 8/26/2011 7:18:31 PM
mixed messages are really easy to decipher. all mixed messages mean the same thing. how much more simple can it get? mixed message = not interested.

oh, and guys, we women hate the fact that you dont have the guts to be up front with us and tell us you aren't interested. all the stupid "let her down easy" compliments are annoying. man up, be upfront, and stop wasting our time - and yours!
 KAT4EVR
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 83
view profile
History
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 8/28/2011 6:40:14 AM
Some guys do send mixed messages. For what ever reasons. Not one person fits a perfect spot or can be pigeonholed as to one type or other.
Men want us to be direct, they are not always direct with women. Just a perception on my part.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 85
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 8/28/2011 12:41:48 PM
The main reason guys take the edge off is to spare women's feelings....as much as women tell men to man-up and make a move, don't fear rejection...yada yada...I've found women have a really tough time accepting rejection!

For the Generality Police....Not ALL women...but enough to make it a thing!


Anecdotal story;

Once I did a first date with a woman...she obviously lied on her profile...so we talked awhile and at one point she asked what I thought about "US"... I said I don't see anything coming out of all this. She burst into tears and cried; "What's wrong with me?'

Okay, psycho alert!

My ignorance was checked that night...I made a LOT of mistakes;
1. Didn't have a time-limited first meet...went right for the date...dinner and drinks.
2. I let HER pick the place....turned out to be a steak house/bar...no problem right? WRONG! It might as well have been named CHEERS....'cuz we walked in and everybody knew her name! (She didn't work there either!)
3. I bought her drinks....she drank a LOT!

Now, everyone was staring because I made her cry... YIKES!

So, I said nothing was wrong with her... Her; Aren't I PRETTY? Me; um, gulp, well ye_ah...(maybe when your picture was taken...) Her; Aren't I NICE? ...Um, ye_ah...(Yeah, nice and psycho!). Her; Aren't we getting along? ...Um, ye_ah (Yeah, 'cuz I'm just being polite...and the bathroom didn't have a window!).

So...I tell her.... I j..u..s..t don't feel the chemistry!...I get her calmed down...we chat for a bit...I tell her I gotta be up early the next day. She STILL asks if I want to come to her house...I decline and ask about her profile comment about no first date hookups...she rolls her eyes and said that was for "other" guys....(yeah, thanks...I'll pass..... I don't need my cat's boiled (I don't have bunnies...)).

So, I learned;
1. 20 minute DAYTIME first meet.
2. Public place, MY choosing.
3. Show up first.
4. Park away from the place.
5. Walk her to her car after.
6. go back to the place or hopefully another nearby store until she drives off.
7. THEN go to your car.

Women....These seven items are even better for YOU to use... for your own safety.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 86
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 9/2/2011 5:46:17 PM
jco415~

You said, "The main reason guys take the edge off is to spare women's feelings....as much as women tell men to man-up and make a move, don't fear rejection...yada yada...I've found women have a really tough time accepting rejection!"

women have a tough time with BS, and the mixed messages, the hedging, the blow off, does not take the edge off. it messes with a person's head.

if a guy looked me in the eye and said, "look, you are great, but i am just not feeling any chemistry between us...," or, "I am not interested," or, "i met someone else," i think that would be pretty easy to get over. you can't argue with that.

i have told guys upfront that i am not interested, and that seems to work very well. it is not mean to tell someone the truth. it hurts initially, but it goes away quickly, allowing the person to move on without lingering questions as to what went wrong. this is the kindest thing you can do for a person. just tell them the truth. period. i do it, and i appreciate it when men extend me the same courtesy.
 cjcgirl
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 87
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 9/2/2011 5:53:32 PM
I didn't look but I'm guessing you are young.. that is the nice way of saying I'm just not into you. :)
 cjcgirl
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 88
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 9/2/2011 6:00:58 PM
hahahah sounds like a date from hell.. I will take into consideration your great advise...since you seem to know from first hand experience... lol .... great story!!! my first date from POF wasnt that much better and only lasted about 30 minutes before I just walked out!! lol live and learn :)
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 89
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 9/2/2011 6:02:56 PM

women have a tough time with BS, and the mixed messages, the hedging, the blow off, does not take the edge off. it messes with a person's head.


You only have a tough time with mixed messages because you WANT them to be mixed messages...people (some) want to read something into everything.

Good or bad...they will read as deep as needed to back up their foregone conclusion. Think I'm exaggerating? Read through the forums...There are tons of threads with women asking what HE really meant....and all the guys saying it's pretty clear.


if a guy looked me in the eye and said, "look, you are great, but i am just not feeling any chemistry between us...," or, "I am not interested," or, "i met someone else," i think that would be pretty easy to get over. you can't argue with that.


REALLY?

Here's two links to not threads, but thread searches...of people asking what the other sex meant/means...

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/search.aspx
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/search.aspx
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 91
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 9/3/2011 8:00:55 AM
(larissan04) if a guy looked me in the eye and said, "look, you are great, but i am just not feeling any chemistry between us...," or, "I am not interested," or, "i met someone else," i think that would be pretty easy to get over. you can't argue with that.


And, if a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his ass every time he jumped. So?

Look, guys will break up with you the way they break up with you. As a previous poster said, if the actions don't jibe with the words, FFS, look at the actions. "Mixed message" disappears.

Stop making drama over nothing.

Arlo...
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 92
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 9/3/2011 8:09:54 AM

The more I date the more I realize that I am the one that makes them "mixed messages." I don't want to admit to the truth which is "He's just not that into you"


Thank you....that is pretty accurate....and don't feel bad, we ALL do it at some point.... the trick is to learn and realize the mix is in US.

The only way we truly know someones intent is if their actions match their words.
 mysterywoman999
Joined: 3/13/2011
Msg: 93
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 9/3/2011 9:24:25 AM

Usually the conversation goes something like this: "You're so beautiful, cool, I like spending time with you... I'm just not sure if I can give you all that I should right now."


Well, I am not a guy, but I have said words along those lines when ending relationships. Most of the time, I just tell the guy, that he is a good guy, but I am just not feeling it. That is the real truth. Some guys, though, just seem a little more fragile, and in those cases, I have tried to make it seem like it's "not him, it's me." There is NO mixed message in the sense that the relationship is over. As long as that part is crystal clear, I don't see the harm in not telling the guy all the reasons why I don't want to continue. After, all those reasons are specific to me, most likely. It makes no sense to tell they guy he is boring, when someone else might find him really interesting.
 unclezeus
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 94
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 9/3/2011 9:40:42 AM
Okay, so guys have mixed signals, so do women.
The fact is you're in your 20's. Most people are not ready to settle down with one yet, if ever, today, in their early to mid 20's, and honestly really should not.
Many waste these years trying to be committed to someone, cling and hold on to whom they think is the best they can ever do in their life, but really most of the time these people are not prepared to be committed to any one because they barely have their own life squared up.

Life now , at your age, is so hormonal and on top of that, everyone is trying to find a purpose for living, and there seems to be a prevalent angst about being alone or being alone forever. LOL..life is just beginning in your 20's.

Give your self some stretching room. If someone shows up, have some some fun, but keep in the back of your mind, "This isn't necessarily the one and only". Its more of a "Bump and hi, have a good life".

Okay so back to mixed signals.
Forget about it. Just ride it out and expect the worst. Its going to be awhile before you find calm seas.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 96
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 9/3/2011 9:50:12 PM
jco415

of course there are tons of threads out there of people trying to figure out what the other person is really saying. maybe if people just said what they really meant then there wouldn't be all those confused people out there posting threads like this.

i think it's best just to tell someone you are not interested and leave it at that. it's pretty clear.
 PureSentiment
Joined: 1/28/2012
Msg: 98
Guys and their mixed messages
Posted: 2/5/2012 5:33:10 AM
Maybe your asking too much of them, way too soon. Relationships have give and take and maybe they think you take too much into it way too soon.

Patience is a virtue. A guy will let you know when he is ready for more, in every way without any doubts or excuses.

It takes men longer to commit emotionally and logically than women. Although you are with them and they seem committed they may not be sold all the way and need the time to commit 100%.

This doesn't mean your not the only one in their life, this means they need time to decide that. If you push too hard they will be literally pushed away by your own actions. So take it easy on them!
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