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 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 251
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Confused about You're too old for me responses from womenPage 11 of 24    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)

It is almost never a desire to link up with a man. Few have anything but complaints about them. Every once in a while, one will come along who likes men and had a decent association with one or more in her past and is game for another try. Not very often though and certainly not enough to justify a man concentrating on this age grouping. Big problem even with the ones who display some openness and flexibility is there is no telling just what kind of message she will accept.

It's all about compatibility. I'm not compatible with abusers, anyone who doesn't like animals, or is married and looking to chippy around on his SO. See how easy that is?

I don't think of any of those as disliking men, and neither do any of my long time friends - both male and female.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 252
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 9/7/2011 9:03:09 AM

I understand that to mean you have been down the road of believing something may work out when there are nagging doubts from the start too many times. When we are younger we may overlook the possible negatives or simply not see all the red flags waving. Does experience in life necessarily equate to being more cautious and avoiding anything that looks like a pitfall that we have previously experienced or does it just sometime boil down to the fact that we sometimes feel the reward is just not work the risk or the effort.


It's simply an awareness that the large things matter and will lend to a better relationship if we have mutual chemistry.
Forgive me, but let's put it this way. I want a guy who I'm crazy about- sexually, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. I want fierce chemistry- the kind where you can barely get in the door and you're all over each other lol.
But, I'm old enough and evolved enough to know that without being compatible on the big things, or having the maturity to communicate about it and being able to agree and compromise on these things, that it won't allow me the total freedom that I want in a relationship. That simple.

In response to the rest- life experience doesn't make me more cautious. It makes me more aware. I have zero problems with taking risk or putting good effort into a relationship.
I don't see the two linked together---seeing obvious things that show me that we're not compatible---and taking risk.
The main thing is communication with me. If a guy is open and wants to communicate well and wants to share things together that are important to me/ us, I can see good possibilities there, and would likely have interest.

I'll go so far as to say that I would literally love to find a guy I'm interested in who, if and when it got to that point, would hammer out agreements on the large things, then simply live by them and enjoy life. Take us at our word with no need to revisit those things unless necessary. THAT's how simple I am in regard to the compatibilities.
Have a good understanding on it all and enjoy the heck out of life.


There are no guarantees in relationships for happily ever after and we all go through periods where we just don't want to be bothered with something that looks like it could only be short term. Is this a possible case for dating younger "less jaded" individuals - I think some would think so... the problem is for someone over 50 they would have to date well below thier age if that is what they are seeking. Could it be that is what is at the heart of the OP's original complaint?


I think the OP is just frustrated and/ or perplexed that turning a certain age could cause a change in attitude so to speak. What it is is that everyone has their own dating 'criteria' and age is often a part of that criteria. IMO.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 253
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 9/7/2011 6:11:53 PM
I don't think of any of those as disliking men, and neither do any of my long time friends - both male and female.
I don't think of it as dislike either. It is vile hatred and the reason that you should be avoided at all hazards.

It's simply an awareness that the large things matter and will lend to a better relationship if we have mutual chemistry. Nowhere near as openly hostile. This poster is already aware that she is incompatible with anyone who would contact her and will behave as such. She is representative of a large body of older women and many men of all ages who can pay lip service to the concept of relationships just so long as she doesn't have to get her hands dirty and can cite incompatibility rather than sloth or negativity.

Both quoted posters are typical of the 35-65 y/o mob. Though one betrays a bare toothed rage and the other a mere lack of motivation, they are functionally identical in that one cannot gain their participation. Neither is likely to react to contact positively. I would be the last person in the world to say they must. What I do say is that "selective", "red flag", "broken picker", "mature", "wise", "compatible" and "experienced" all amount to "get lost". A poor percentage shot. Dribble a bit closer to the hoop. Go younger.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 254
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 9/7/2011 7:22:35 PM

She is representative of a large body of older women and many men of all ages who can pay lip service to the concept of relationships just so long as she doesn't have to get her hands dirty and can cite incompatibility rather than sloth or negativity.


That's unfounded and untrue.

Everyone has the ability to choose who they want to date, just as I do.

I would choose not to date someone with your attitude and mindset of boxing people into sterotypical age-containers no matter what their age.

Experience and knowing what kind of person(ality) appeals to me is a good thing.


This poster is already aware that she is incompatible with anyone who would contact her and will behave as such.


Again untrue.

I had a date last night from a guy I met on here and I have another date this Saturday.

I choose not to think with any barriers. I don't stereotype. And I'm out having a great time.

To each their own,,,js that by stereotyping you are adopting exactly the behavior that you are writing about ;)
 Kevjohns
Joined: 8/9/2011
Msg: 255
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 9/7/2011 7:49:26 PM
sowrite, I do not agree with Magic here in many of the things he says, but there is no question that there are many guys who think the way he does. I do not think women fully appreciate the level of contempt a percentage of guys have developed for them over the years, just as I am sure a certain percentage of women have developed contempt for guys. One thing is clear on these boards, there is a certain amount of deeply ingrained enmity between the sexes as reflected by many of the posts here. Magic is just saying the way he sees things. These are his truths, probably born by experience.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 256
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Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 9/7/2011 8:09:51 PM
Contempt is contempt, plain and simple. In any age. I choose not to visit those who hold those beliefs. Only a path to ruin in my thinking. If we are not able to move on at our age and be open to new experiences, then why bother even being here? jmho
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 257
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 9/7/2011 8:24:23 PM

sowrite, I do not agree with Magic here in many of the things he says, but there is no question that there are many guys who think the way he does. I do not think women fully appreciate the level of contempt a percentage of guys have developed for them over the years, just as I am sure a certain percentage of women have developed contempt for guys. One thing is clear on these boards, there is a certain amount of deeply ingrained enmity between the sexes as reflected by many of the posts here. Magic is just saying the way he sees things. These are his truths, probably born by experience.


I fully understand what you are sharing. And, yes, there are many guys who have contempt of certain age groups and types and vice versa.

I was just sharing that that's a dangerous mindset to fall into at any age.

I don't have contempt for anyone, and it allows me to have an open mind about who comes my way. ;)

You're right about the the ingrained enmity on the boards. It's unfortunate.
I embrace all there is in the difference and samenesses of men and it would be great if we could all do this. To simply embrace the differences.
I like a man who's all man, and that generally leads to a lot of men who aren't open to the way that I think - or simply don't grasp it- but I still admire and respect those differences. If people took the time to really hear the other persons viewpoint and share, we would all learn a lot more and the general climate would be positive.


I do not think women fully appreciate the level of contempt a percentage of guys have developed for them over the years


I've observed it, and I can appreciate it. He/ they are most definitely entitled to their choices and opinions, as we all are.

It separates those who are not like-minded and enables me to give focus where I choose to as well . ;)

It's all about choice, but there's no reason why people can't get along and be accepting of others and their choices.

Enmity. It's the right word all right. By adopting that attitude, it's only infusing all ages with a bitterness, and that won't exactly propagate positive feelings, will it??
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 258
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 9/7/2011 8:41:10 PM
Kev, I just glanced at his profile. It's extremely negative and masogonistic. And he's our age
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 259
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Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 9/7/2011 8:56:54 PM

I do not think women fully appreciate the level of contempt a percentage of guys have developed for them over the years, just as I am sure a certain percentage of women have developed contempt for guys.

What really boggles me isn't the contempt on either side, I've seen it on both sides in real life. What I find incomprehensible is that people with those attitudes are on dating sites in the first place. What's the point?
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 260
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 9/7/2011 10:00:58 PM
Everyone has the ability to choose who they want to date, just as I do.
Yes. That is the very floor of my observation. They do choose as you do. They choose "no" in numerically greater proportion than younger ones. That rates a big so what They are entitled to do that. I am assuming ( and I think with some justification) that the OP would like a few "yes"s mixed in with the FU's. To get them, I suggest that he go to those that are more inclined to give out a "yes".

I would choose not to date someone with your attitude and mindset of boxing people into sterotypical age-containers no matter what their age.

That is the whole point in its entirety -- YOU CHOOSE NOT TO. I knew it before. I know it now and expect it not to change much in the future. As I suspected, I might as well not bother. I also know that there are some younger women who don't have an automatic "no" prepared for me. I say it is only prudent that I direct the bulk of my message traffic toward them.(Provided I was interested in gaining a "yes". I can induce a "no" from practically anyone.)

You don't want to hear from me and my ilk. I would normally expect that my steering them away would be seen as a favor. Perhaps you do see it that way in most instances but this time feel the need to hold a rhetorical position. No matter. I can understand how a person can hold to something on paper but be forced to deviate from it in practical application.

js that by stereotyping you are adopting exactly the behavior that you are writing about ;)

And that would matter to me if I held that internal consistency was important. It isn't, however, very persuasive in the realm of dating. I prefer an eclectic and empirical approach based upon odds self consistent theory notwithstanding.

What's the fuss? The more guys who listen to me, the fewer unwanted junk messages everyone gets. One would think that would be a net improvement of conditions on the site.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 261
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 9/7/2011 11:50:09 PM
If you think being a man and being 60 makes you a pariah, try being a woman and 60 or older. I've known people who every year change their profile name just so they can make themselves a couple years 'younger' and stay in the preferred demographic category.

Every decade causes people to be deleted from searches. When you hit 40, the 20 & 30 somethings don't want to know you. When you hit 50, there goes the 30's & 40's group. At 60, you are ready for the nursing home crowd in many cases. Silly that people stereotype people over an arbitrary number but it happens all the time.

For me, turning 60 really caused a huge drop off in receiving emails but, fortunately, just 3 weeks before my 60th birthday, I was introduced to a man on here and we have since become engaged.

If a man or woman is going to be so rigid that they aren't going to give someone a chance, especially when their are so close in age, then they are not worth getting to know. Who wants to be with someone who is so close-minded? Not me!

And my guy is 7 years younger than I am! So it can and does happen. Keep looking for the right lady for you.
 Betterthanblond1331
Joined: 5/29/2011
Msg: 262
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 9/8/2011 6:24:45 AM
Although I find his profile to be sad and distasteful, I hate to say that SOME ..not all...of what Magic has to say is true. It's really sad what the dating world has come to. I wonder how it got this far? I really try hard not to be " one of those women" and avoid that type of man. It makes me wonder why they attempt to date. Why bother? Maybe i'm naive (sp) ..but I still think there are good people of all ages in this world.
 Kitten189
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 263
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 9/8/2011 6:30:52 AM

I just glanced at his profile. It's extremely negative and masogonistic. And he's our age


I just did same,sowrite.
Gawd almighty.........Seriously,magic.....what's with your shocking profile?
And,i see you're 'only' 52 and you sound like you absolutely despise women and i can imagine you spitting on them :(
Are you hoping to attract anyone with your profile......i guess not.
Oh,well................
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 264
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 9/8/2011 7:37:13 AM
I think bitterness, anger, and rigid expectations keep a lot of people from finding someone.


For whatever past experiences have led someone to this st/age of life, the above outcome represents such a tragic waste of the human potential to give and receive love. Life is all too fragile and fleeting, and for those of us "over 45's," each day is a gift from the gods.
 Betterthanblond1331
Joined: 5/29/2011
Msg: 265
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 9/8/2011 7:38:54 AM
Velma, very well said. It is like a self fulfilling prophecy...if that is how you think...that is what will happen. I have had good and bad experiences with men. I still try to think positive..I love men! Bitterness will only attract more bitterness.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 266
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 9/8/2011 8:44:45 AM
A smidge off topic buy there seems to be much interest in my profile.

Are you hoping to attract anyone with your profile......i guess not.

Correct. It is designed specifically to extinguish any potential interest and give a few of the guys a chuckle who are thinking the same stuff but think they have too much to lose. I have a fiancee who would be uncomfortable with even a sorry "Honest Guy Seeks Soulmate" piece of vomit. First and foremost is to provide the only girl who counts less anxiety than she would have otherwise. That you girls hate it, pleases her very much.

You wouldn't want me to put up the profile I used to snag my fiancee. She wouldn't want me to and said so. If I did then there would be some luckless females who would actually email it. Many did. It was a masterpiece of harnessing the female psyche. A perfect blend of erzatz confidence, aggression (go-getter type not thug type) and soothing persuasion. Not a single dirty word. Imposing yet disarming. I stuck out from the rest of the guys like a sore thumb. (Most guys are terrible at profiles. They all beachwalk, are just as comfortable in a tux as they are jeans, couch cuddle, prize honesty above all else -- blech! No wonder I got so many emails from girls who were not interested yet felt compelled to write and tell me how refreshing my profile was compared to the others.)

I also had a gift for writing emails. I got about a 90 percent reply rate. Imagine slick emailing and a killer profile in the hands of a barbarian like myself... I never, ever talked smut even at their behest so as a result 4 or 5 would force themselves on me sexually every week. Can't have that stuff going on. There were a whole bunch who wanted something permanent . Just think... there are girls sick and twisted enough to be kind and appealing to Magic. What is this world coming to?
[rant]
For the record. THERE ARE GOOD WOMEN. More of them than this world deserves. You can quote me on it. Is there any kind of socio-political posturing they can do? No there is not. If they say anything, anything at all, that reeks of posturing, i.e. "I am selective" then they identify themselves as an object fit for derision. I can't count the number of "selective" women who I have put into on the first date. It is not the sex I object to. It is the idea that they allied themselves with a negative ideological grouping then turn around and stab them all in the back. (A self identified slut who goes down like an anchor is to be praised.) A girl who values cute and helpful over powerful and combative deserves to win out %100 percent of the time. I aim to see that she does.

The meek shall inherit the Earth. The bombastic Cosmo subscriber is the good girl's enemy. I've chosen my side. Anyone who talks self empowerment has chosen theirs. With that kind of divide would you really, really want me to put my chick trap profile that is so pleasing and enables me to sport bang as many of the enemy as I choose, just so a few forumites can point to it and say "What a nice non threatening little pusxx begging mangina lapdog. Isn't he so respectful?" Better for all if it stays as it is.[/rant]
 Kitten189
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 267
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 9/8/2011 8:55:01 AM

THERE ARE GOOD WOMEN. More of them than this world deserves. You can quote me on it.


Your wish is my command.
Just doin' as im told

Thanks for your follow-up Post
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 268
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 9/8/2011 8:56:43 AM

People need to seek out those with whom they can grow.

It really IS that simple.
And that complicated.

When it comes to the 45+ crowd, we have been more shaped by life experiences than the 20somethings-there may be some limitations in the directions and/or speed we are able to grow in-so it can seem like there is a lot more "no" going on-with both genders-but it really just is more self-awareness,IMO.
Cindy O
 Kevjohns
Joined: 8/9/2011
Msg: 269
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 9/8/2011 9:00:03 AM
Magic, one thing I learned long ago is that any good looking, intelligent guy can have his fill of women if he wants to, just not necessarily with the women he wants. Its not really all that hard to play the game successfully. The only question is if you want to play that game, and how long you want to play it. After a while, I found playing the field not all that fullfilling. Part of the problem is it was simply too easy to do so and meaningless relationships are, well, in the end meaningless.. And there was always the nagging possibility that feelings could be hurt. I mean, good looking, intelligent guys I guess are not a dime a dozen because women go after them whenever they can. At any rate, I must admit surprise that you are taking the plunge. Seems to me that there is an expiration date on the forehead of any woman you might become entangled with. Does she know this?

And by the way, with regard to the older woman crowd. I have absolutely no doubt that I would have an easier time of it now then I would have when I was young, and it was pretty easy when I was young. So I completely reject your premise that older women are not as available as younger women. I personally think they are likely to be more available then when we were younger. Again, it comes down to whether, as an older guy, you are intelligent, fit and successful at what you do. There are fewer of us available to the older crown relatively then when we were younger. Actually, I'm not available, but if I was, I would expect easy pickings as the saying goes. Its pretty obvious that many women here are very frustrated at their lack of prospects.
 weathervanes
Joined: 3/31/2010
Msg: 270
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Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 9/8/2011 9:01:38 AM
Although I find his profile to be sad and distasteful, I hate to say that SOME ..not all...of what Magic has to say is true. It's really sad what the dating world has come to. I wonder how it got this far? I really try hard not to be " one of those women" and avoid that type of man. It makes me wonder why they attempt to date. Why bother? Maybe i'm naive (sp) ..but I still think there are good people of all ages in this world
Nice comment
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 271
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 9/8/2011 11:52:24 AM
@kevjohns
It looks like that since we are both off the market anything we could discuss would be purely academic. Still, I get the idea that it might be fun anyway.

Magic, one thing I learned long ago is that any good looking, intelligent guy can have his fill of women if he wants to, just not necessarily with the women he wants. Its not really all that hard to play the game successfully.

To be sure. I will also add that you don't need looks either. I am an obese cripple and faced little resistance. One thing that needs to be said about women is that is NOT all about superficial qualities. I am often hard on them but in this respect they ARE NOT so shallow as a rule and to their credit. They too often get a bad rap for it.

At any rate, I must admit surprise that you are taking the plunge. Seems to me that there is an expiration date on the forehead of any woman you might become entangled with. Does she know this?

Don't be too surprised. It is well within my personal make-up. Even my friends and family are astonished though. I have said for many years that I am waiting for "the right girl" to come along. That meant to those around me, as is so often the case with most men who say that, I was making lame excuses to avoid settling down. To their amazement, she eventually did come along and I did decide to settle down with her as I had been saying I would all along. They just didn't believe me when I was saying it.

As to the expiration date -- does not exist. The stamp you are referring to is the stamp of history not an arbitrary chronological cut-off. Those who exhibit the stain of the 60's, 70's and 80's in attitude or habit are not on my radar. The big advantage that younger women have with me is not a nubile and young body it is that they didn't burn their bra in 1969, they didn't listen to disco in 1977 and they didn't "suddenly remember" that their parents sacrificed them to the devil as a baby in 1985. Younger women are not tainted by those years and never will be -- a better bet. Women who are the products of the 30's, 40's and 50's are similarly untainted but are alas not very interested in dating anymore.

Its pretty obvious that many women here are very frustrated at their lack of prospects.

Granted but whose fault is that? Now, Kev, be honest. Do you really think in your heart of hearts that you and I are better men, ounce-for-ounce than the ones that these women reject to get to us? I don't. If they can't get a good man it is because this so-called selectivity disposed of them all and still does. The only reason that women are responsive to us is that we know how to pluck a few strings that other good men are unaware of. Not being savvy at manipulating the female imagination is not a crime. Yet they are reviled for it.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 272
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 9/8/2011 3:39:32 PM
Oh, Puh-lease,

If this isn't a a bundle of pooooopycock on a spoon, i don't know what is. For heaven's sake, Man, where are your Sensibilities Engineering? I even wrote you privately (and sincerely assuming that you are in fact an engineer). But i do wonder if you are in fact a satirist or actively engaged in some sort of research related to the psychology of "Single and Searching for Love over 45" or maybe simply meandering through the mire here to have your fun with all of us. Which is perfectly within your perogative (and the result of some ---- not most but some/assuming it is all tongue-in-cheek --- of your verbiage) is downright funny.

Still, methinks the [engineering] gentleman doth protest?? too much. Which may well give persons such as Kevjohn the inclination to pause, ruminate and respond via phrases such as "expiration date."

It certainly seems from what you have shared (that appears sincere and not slathered with sarcasm, hyperbole, and/or a bunch of other things related to your "voice" ) that you are a very very fortunate "over 45" gent. You have found Your Special Someone. Why not be quietly/humbly grateful (or at least ebulliently inspirational) in your sharing this wonderful thing that has happened for you?

"Life is very short. And there's no time
For fussing and fighting, My Friend. . . "

If we can't "work it out," can't we just be sincere?

Congratulations on your finding love. You deserve it. As do we all:)
 CJinND
Joined: 8/1/2011
Msg: 273
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Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 9/8/2011 10:10:49 PM
I'm reminded of a quote from one of my favorite authors, Richard Bach; "Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they are yours."

With that said, my profile says I'm searching for a woman ten years older or younger than myself. I've contacted ladies outside of that range only if our interests were strikingly similar. Too far outside of that range and to me, it would be like dating my daughter or mother.

We're all different though and my sister is happily married to a man much younger than she is. They have a beautiful daughter together.
My parents have been married for 56 years and my mother is a WHOLE two weeks older than my father.

If we're compatible, age isn't an issue. A bus could run over one of us any day. Life is short, too short to miss out on sharing love for any given excuse.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 274
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Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 9/10/2011 8:13:35 PM
Getting back on topic ("you're too old for me").

I just today received a response to an initial message, over on the other free dating site. Woman, 55 years old (I'm 60), says "Don't you think you're a bit too old for me?"

Left me shaking my head. And yes, I do approach women who are my age, and older.
 RubyWaxxx
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 275
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 9/10/2011 8:44:42 PM
^^Did you write back saying "We're around the same age, you drip"?
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