Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 cin____dy
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 32
First Date Men buying my meal or drinksPage 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Lil Booker In my opinion paying has nothing to do with power. It has to do with many differences between the sexes. No matter how hard people try to make women and men the same, we are not. Women have power always, no one can take it from you, only you can give up your power.

Courting-a little old fashion word but it is a great thing. Women should not diminish their feminity in order to prove they are equal. We are different and should enjoy our differences and women should stop trying to be more like a man and be who we are. Men are still genetically hunters, women caretakers. We still bear the children and even though many men have stepped up to help and some even raising them it is not close to equally shared.

A woman can do anything she sets her mind to in the business world without having to believe she has to do it the same way as a man does things. But she still does not make the same pay. She also spends much more on keeping up her looks than men do, hair, makeup, and all those things men seek to keep them interested.

When we have equal pay, equal Senators, equal Congressmen, equal law makers, equal distribution of wealth and power in the market place, with the same standards of looking young, and so forth, then I will be glad to split the check.
 Tervis
Joined: 5/18/2009
Msg: 33
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 8/27/2011 11:53:59 AM
Wow cowboy you have obviously been on a few dates on this site as well. I am going for two out of fifteen for people that actually looked like they do in their pictures and have the same interests. People on here ridicule my pictures sometime, but I know they are bad pictures I actually look better in real life so I never have to worry when meeting up. I never dates those two girls we never seemed to be a pair, but we are friends and that is just fine with me too. I have had hard times finding people on here even when they are sitting right in front of me. I also totally agree splitting seems fair for first dates on here. I would also offer to pay If I liked them. However, many people on here are liars and I am just trying to play nice for 30 minutes.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 34
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 8/27/2011 2:41:37 PM

2. We have much more expense to keep our selves dressed and dateable.


That is so incredibly offensive to me.

I want a man who’s gonna care about ME, not what clothes I’m wearing, or my gobs of makeup, collagen injections, blah blah blah.

Sorry, but I don’t see why some idiotically vain choices made by an insecure woman is somehow a man’s responsibility. Because you chose to waste your money trying to feel good about yourself…that’s why he should fork out the dough for your meal??

Honestly, Cindy, quit reading stupid dating books and use some common sense. You don’t want a man who sees you as some walking mannequin. Lose the adversarial attitude. Your date should not be your enemy.

There. Now pay me $29.95 for my dating advice.

On second thought, save it, and pay your share of your next date.
 Tervis
Joined: 5/18/2009
Msg: 36
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 8/27/2011 4:24:30 PM
Wow lislandmermaid you must be a nice person I would not have even made it to the end of that date ok well actually I would, but I think most would not. There are cool people on here too though not many, but some. I have met a few sure we did not click like that, but more or less decent people to be around. Here is my worst one from this site and no it is not this site that is bad it is this whole online thing all together.

We met up I am going to skip all the little parts. We were on the date she kept talking about marriage and children the whole time. Asking if I was someone who could see her that way. How do you answer this I just told her I'd rather not talk about that. She kept walking of and talking on the phone a lot too. We ended up going somewhere else her city right. Guess what mom and dad are at the next place. So I get to meet ma and pa. We go somewhere else and I see some more family members. Later it turns out my date told some of her family we were going out for months and we were getting married. I am too nice to tell her off in front of her friends and family. It took me hours and hours to escape this whole situation. This girl called me back everyday for weeks. That date was a nightmare obviously did not see her again thank goodness she did not know where I lived.

Like you I have met some fun people too though two of which I am friends with. One is actually a very good friend. I honestly do not think your guy was a professor. I have made over 60,000 a year before and when I did I did not give care if I paid, I used to take my friends out to expensive places all the time and paid for it all.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 37
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 8/27/2011 8:00:09 PM
And the tripe above ^^^^^ about all the money for makeup and crap tells you a lot. LOL My dates are welcome to pull on some tight jeans, a t-shirt and flip flops. Brush their hair and I am good. If they are clean I am pretty much OK for 90 percent of our dates... I want the cute gal that doesnt have to apply makeup with a spatula for 2 hours to go grab dinner. She looks on my date pretty much like she will look when she wakes up in my bed in the morning. So no screaming in horror at dawn usually.


I agree with cowboy. What man wants to "hunt" for a woman who expects him to pay for her company just because she has to shell out a fortune for thick, light-diffusing makeup to fill in her acne scars or hide her wrinkles? The low-maintenance women are, coincidentally, the best-looking ones. An additional tip for men: Be wary of women with blurry photos.
 MsMuscleChick
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 38
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 8/28/2011 5:10:50 AM
This is why I enforce first meets, NOT setting up these * dates*. First of all, we do not even know who we are meeting. Will they match photos? Will they be of the good character they portrayed in a few emails and on the phone? Most likely, not. I do not go into the meeting with a negative thought process, just a REALISTIC one.

I always offer to pay for my own. It is how I was raised, and I do not feel a man needs to always be paying for all these meet ups. It can get expensive and I know there are a lot of serial daters on here who meet people just to get out. And what is the real harm of splitting a small bill?

I have also met men who showed up with no wallet, and had NO money. Started making remarks that were so obvious the guy really did not have a job or a pot to pee in. Another reason, first meets need to be done somewhere simple and cheap. Not that I am cheap, I simply do not want to be sitting with someone, spending money and time, that I am SO not into.

I do not let men kiss or touch me if there is ZERO or even little attraction. People seem to feel so obligated these days to let that happen. Even when I was new at it, people touching me or expecting anything was just NOT going to happen.

First meets can be 50/50. Even dates. I do not like to be one of these people who adds up who spends money on what.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 39
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 8/28/2011 8:58:09 AM
You should NOT pay! Sorry, but I have read many books and studies on this issue. Don't pay, don't do it. Don't feel guilty.

That's interesting. The only women I'd never feel guilty about playing are women with that attitude. When playing games, winning is everything.

We have much more expense to keep our selves dressed and dateable.

There's nothing attractive about being high maintenence and in any case, that's a choice you make, not men.

Get some books men write, they will tell you (if honest), if they really like a woman, they will pull out all stops to pay for dates. It is as it is.

What, the Desperate Man's Guide to High Maintenence Women? Paying for dates was never an issue, but women who expected that, were.

Not the first time I've encountered cheap men. Out of the men I've met online, only one so far has had the common courtesy and decency to pay. And I will stay friends with him.

So basically, it didn't make much difference that he paid. I'm sure he was thrilled with the offer of friendship.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 40
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 8/28/2011 9:42:20 PM
I pay on all dates for a number of reasons..


but first and foremost is because I feel that I am the man- I set the tone for what I want and am looking for.

If I am looking for a more old fashioned type of relationship/girl- then what kind of signal am I sending if I expect her to pay ?? even if our first meet cost less than $10 ?

I am by NO means a guy who throws money around, just because I feel like I am paying...nor do I set the tone that I am ""entitled"" to anything cuz I paid for a couple of drinks or a dinner...


I am confident enough in myself and who I am/how I am with women to KNOW when a girl is just in it for a free ride. so I am not even worried about gold diggers...

it just sets the tone...

that's all I am saying...

I ask you out. I am paying.

that's how men do it.
 Jersey125
Joined: 1/23/2011
Msg: 41
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 8/29/2011 1:28:42 PM

You should NOT pay! Sorry, but I have read many books and studies on this issue. Don't pay, don't do it. Don't feel guilty. I could get into the "man gene" hormone reasons but I will say what I tell men that complain about this when I say I won't pay. .

1. We still do not make equal money nor equally judged in looks.
We are expected to keep our looks, be up to date, in style, not age, they don't have to worry about it. They can get wrinkles, big bellies, wear their college shirts and jeans of years gone by and think they are "all that". But women can't.
2. We have much more expense to keep our selves dressed and dateable.
Hair, makeup, underthings, clothing, clothing, clothing, and on and on. They don't. They throw on a pair of jeans, a shirt and are ready to go. We have tons to do and makeup and keeping up to date and all that other stuff is darn expensive. Let him take you to buy some makeup Once and see how expensive it is.
3. Get some books men write, they will tell you (if honest), if they really like a woman, they will pull out all stops to pay for dates. It is as it is.

As the millionair matchmaker will say--The man is the hunter-let him do what he does best. Be a man. YOU pay!


The millionaire matchmaker is single and so are the majority of the women who write those books as well as the millions of woemn who buy them.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 43
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 8/29/2011 2:47:56 PM

men should always pay, no matter what. Guys are getting cheap & lazy. They want to show off their cars and huge TVs and they want endless BJs but then expect us to offer to split the bill? F that.


Why should men always be expected to pay? Aren't you getting just as much enjoyment from being in his company as he is in yours? Don't you like to ride around with him in that nice car? Don't you like to watch that huge TV with him? Do you not receive the same benefits of a rewarding sex life as he does?

If you don't, it's because you're with the wrong man. And if you do, just know this: Men of quality have options---and they're not going to put up with that self-entitled princess attitude for very long, because they don't have to.
 SuzyAoX
Joined: 1/9/2011
Msg: 44
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 8/29/2011 2:48:30 PM
I don't mind paying my half, but i don't know how to go about doing it.

If I ask to split bill -I'm scared he will be unimpressed by the fact that I even asked, And assume that I expected him to pay.

How do i go about offering?
 Tervis
Joined: 5/18/2009
Msg: 45
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 8/29/2011 5:06:56 PM
I have to say I agree with everything Skies says nicely put. However, I almost always pay I do not mind at all it is just nice to know I don't have too. Its nice to know that if we are out biking or something, and end up staying out much later than expected the girl will pay if I do not have any cash on me.

As far as this message goes:

[men should always pay, no matter what. Guys are getting cheap & lazy. They want to show off their cars and huge TVs and they want endless BJs but then expect us to offer to split the bill? F that."]

Well I say F that, nothing worse than a girl that expects everything while offering nothing; that is a little too one sided for me. Sure I have dated a few like that they don't last that long though. Nothing worse than being treated like a guy all the time by someone. I get it guys are supposed to pay which goes along with always cheaters and everything else guys are supposed to do sorry, but I just have to say next on that date.

I even have to let my little manly ego down sometimes, and let a girl buy me dinner every once and a while; honestly, it makes me feel appreciated. I have broke right through this barrier before. Lets just go eat have fun its and have a great without any worrying about someone not doing what they want.

Oh the whole how do I offer to pay for a guy. Just bring him somewhere you like and offer to pay for the whole thing. Even if he refuses and pays anyway he won't be offended, well at least I know I wouldn't be.
 IndianOutlaw115
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 46
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 8/30/2011 2:17:14 AM
I agree with that. If I asked you then yes I pay but only part I have trouble on is if she asked me...do I still pay?
 Ailliss
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 47
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 8/30/2011 3:33:10 AM

Not the first time I've encountered cheap men. Out of the men I've met online, only one so far has had the common courtesy and decency to pay. And I will stay friends with him.~Llslandmermaid~

That’s unbelievable. You are attractive and intelligent, seems like you would not have a problem attracting quality men. Could it be the area you live in?

I cannot imagine putting up with the uncouth slob you encountered at the museum. Cheap persons are not attractive and usually it does not have to do with how much money one has.

99% of the men I’ve met online have been good guys.


just wondering all my first dates have paid my meal or drinks! I usually offer to split. IS that offensive? Is that normal for men to always pay for first date. I like it because I feel special.

I think people on here make too much of this.

Usually on my first dates the men pay. But I have dated where we end up sharing expenses and I’ve had a couple of dates where I paid. In my experience if a man has a great deal of disposable income paying for dates is what they prefer to do. They do not do it because it is a power trip or they expect something in return but merely because that is their lifestyle.

Paying for my dinner on a first date does not make me feel special as I am certain he would do that for any other woman as well. I do appreciate it and do not fail to say so.
I believe some men have been offended by my offer to pay; not in a bad way, just that perhaps they thought I did not think they knew how to behave when they have extended a dinner invitation.

As for the Millionaire match-maker comment; the woman is a disaster. I cannot imagine a man of substance listening to her.

As much as some moneyed men enjoying blowing their cash they also may not like the sense of entitlement that some women here think is appropriate.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 48
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 8/30/2011 1:20:27 PM
Its is always sweet when anyone wants to treat anyone, but I dont expect it and feel much more comfortable going halfsies until I know I am interested in him.

Most men I have dated want to pay, and once I offer, they are pleased that I offered, but they wont take my money. Thats fine, but I cannot just sit there and not offer to pay my way, it goes against how I was raised-to look after my own self!

As for women thinking that because they put soooo much effort into thier appearance that they deserve to have dinner paid? I think that is pathetic. It is YOUR choice to buy makeup, your choice to do all of those things and you cant tell me you would stop doing them if no man ever offered to buy you dinner, so stop using that as an excuse. If you are not doing those things for yourself, then just stop doing them already.

If you need to put on 'dollars' worth of makeup to go on a date then you are being a fake anyways.

Men shower, Men shave...the hairy ones are even expected to get waxed. Expectations on appearance do go both ways...and is not a valid reason for expecting free dinners.
 unclezeus
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 49
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 9/2/2011 2:06:06 AM
Men should not be paying for meals on a first meeting. Nor for drinks.

The immature thought process is , "If I can buy this for her, she might let me see her naked", basically.

Its better for both of you to just go dutch until you both have concluded you are attracted to each other for who each other are, and not what you can get.

Truth is , you're no more special then the goofball throwing away his money on some woman who may be just mooching a free gutfiller off him.

He is taking you out because he is sexually attracted to you.
Thats where you start. Are you attracted to him enough to see him naked, as he is attracted to you? If not, then get lost.

Or is it your plan to see how much grub you can milk out Goofball until he wises up, if ever?
 unclezeus
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 50
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 9/2/2011 2:23:20 AM
msg 54:


men should always pay,


Why should we? You haven't blown him yet or anything? You haven't even shown you care about him. Hell woman, you don't even know the guy!!

There is absolutely no reason a man has to pay for anything for a woman he is attracted to unless she is a hooker.


Guys are getting cheap & lazy.


Yes. We work hard for our money. You work hard for yours.
So we don't have to pretend you're a helpless unemployed female looking for a man to support you. No.
Those days are long gone.
You want a man to pay for your meals and drinks, then you give him evidence why he should.


They want to show off their cars and huge TVs


Yes, these are his toys, he worked hard for, and bought. Don't like it? Go away.

and they want endless BJs but then expect us to offer to split the bill? F that.

If you can give him endless BJs, etc, then you've given him a good reason to treat you .

But if you don't give a damn about him, then there is no reason for him to waste his money on you. F that.
 Kitten189
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 51
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 9/2/2011 6:55:04 AM

men should always pay, no matter what. Guys are getting cheap & lazy. They want to show off their cars and huge TVs and they want endless BJs but then expect us to offer to split the bill? F that.


@ ^^
Jayzus .......what or who has lead you to thinking that?
Surely you jest ilovehowiecarr ?
 pinkoleander
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 52
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 9/2/2011 9:07:26 AM
I don't mind paying my half, but i don't know how to go about doing it.

If I ask to split bill -I'm scared he will be unimpressed by the fact that I even asked, And assume that I expected him to pay.

How do i go about offering?

Pull your wallet out and pick up the check if he's uncomfortable he'll let you know and you can be gracious about it.
I don't believe in splitting unless it's a group of people. Even my girlfriends and I take turns paying for each other. I can't stand splitting a check with someone I'd rather just pay.
 AgnstAllOdz
Joined: 7/19/2011
Msg: 53
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 9/2/2011 6:55:29 PM
I'd much rather go dutch the first few meetings. As someone else said, I don't want to be made to feel obligated for anything further.

I'll never forget when I was 16 years old and a boy picked me up for my first date. He gave me a huge heart box of Valentine's candy. He was adamant that I OWED HIM for his gift and became quite aggressive and even angry when I refused his attempts. Needless to say the candy stayed in his car, and I didn't.

I've also talked a man online who lived 45 minutes away. After a few notes back and forth, he wanted to make the drive and meet. He INSISTED that I promise him, he would "get something" for spending his time and gas to come meet me. I was stunned a grown man would act like that, but some do. I told the guy I wasn't obligating myself to any favors, and if he didn't think that just meeting me and having a fun day was worth his time, he didn't need to come. That was the end of that.

I know there are still some men out there who are just being gentlemen by paying for the date, and you guys are awesome. But in this day and time, it's hard to tell who is expecting and who isn't.
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 54
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 9/2/2011 7:38:22 PM
I agree if it is just a first meeting to suss each other out, then I always pay for my own coffee or drink for the half hour or so that I would spend on that sort of arrangement. Usually a man wants something in return for significant money spent and you are not under any obligation if you foot your own bill. I wouldnt countenance going for a meal but if a guy insists and wants to do it, then okay......However if a guy asks you out on a further date then you can offer to go dutch but most men will decline that offer especially if they are older and traditional. .....You can always buy movie tickets etc for the next date. etc.
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 55
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 9/2/2011 7:45:29 PM
Do you mean first dates or first meetings?

I feel that for the half hour or so that I would spend sussing out a stranger initially that buying my own coffee or drink is the way to go. I usually turn up with the coffee in hand and there is no embarrassment especially if you agree to meet mid morning or mid afternoon. A meal would be more tricky and most men are uncomfortable with going dutch or splitting a bill. .. However what I have done in the past, is pay for dessert or coffee afterwards....... If there is no chemistry or connection he is not at least out of pocket over it. THat is fair and in this age of liberation, the way to go..

If the guys asks me for a further date then he would usually be happy to pay for dinner or whatever I would hope and you can then buy movie tickets for the next date etc.... .
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 56
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 9/2/2011 7:49:05 PM
I agree that if you ask a girl out, then you should foot the bill.
But really on a dating site you are only setting up a meeting initially with someone you have not seen presumably.
I know that older and more traditional men prefer to pay at least on first date or meeting. But women can feel obligated if a lot of money is spent and often give sexual favours for that reason. That is not me but from what I read, many women do it and of course men will take what is offered......
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 57
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 9/2/2011 7:50:56 PM
If a girl asks you out then offer to go dutch especially if it just a first date or meeting.
Or buy dessert or coffee afterwards. MOstly I think the woman would expect at least that.
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 58
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 9/2/2011 7:53:16 PM
My God, if they want endless BJ's, then let them pay the bills for sure!! Seriously,
I dont agree they should always pay. This is the age of liberation and many women earn as much and more than men and you cant have it all ways baby.. Splitting the bill is the way to go or at least paying the bill alternatively......
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >