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 Tervis
Joined: 5/18/2009
Msg: 59
First Date Men buying my meal or drinksPage 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Wow everyone is really getting on BJ girl. I almost think she made that comment as a joke, but then again the world is full of surprises. If it is not a joke then I hope she has more to offer than just BJ's.
 buckeye1332
Joined: 5/19/2011
Msg: 60
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 9/3/2011 1:04:39 PM
I am an "old school" kind of guy. If I have a date or "meet up", I go into it ready to pay.
 pinkoleander
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 61
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 9/3/2011 3:33:29 PM
I'll never forget when I was 16 years old and a boy picked me up for my first date. He gave me a huge heart box of Valentine's candy. He was adamant that I OWED HIM for his gift and became quite aggressive and even angry when I refused his attempts. Needless to say the candy stayed in his car, and I didn't.


Don't stress hon, no doubt he's in the state pen doing 45 to life for his string of violent rapes. At least you have the sense to spot this in the beginning and not get hurt.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 62
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 9/5/2011 1:37:29 PM
Yet another money thread. Gawd.

Last night, I was telling a woman how I now approach men first. She kept saying that it was a bad idea for me to ask men out because it takes the control away from them. She also said that she thinks the man should always pay.

Not a single man at the table spoke up to disagree with her on the asking out part, one spoke up about the money. In general, men just want their generosity to be appreciated and not expected - that's how most men are.

So all this crap that men and women are spouting about equality and how they want women to step up to the plate? I believe it is a small minority.

People keep forgetting to add biology into our dating equation - feminism or not.

Men or women who complain too much on a date about this annoy me. If a man goes into a date with the notion that women are always taking him for granted, this is not a man I'm interested in getting to know.


If it's a pass/fail moment, it's not a very difficult tes. I have never been offended, nor had the slightest bit of difficulty at tab time. If someone takes offense, it's that person's choice to be offended, which to me would just be an indication of lacking social graces. I mean really, if a person takes offense to something so trivial, I wouldn't hold out much hope for dealing with that person in a relationship


Bingo.

It's been my observation that even women who pay in the beginning will stop paying once a relationship is started.


it just sets the tone...

that's all I am saying...

I ask you out. I am paying.

that's how men do it.


And this is just fine. However, there are a few men and women who will argue with you until they are blue in the face about this. That's what ticks me off. The minority who keep causing a ruckus. And frankly, this minority tend to be people who are NOT dating.

I should know, I listened to the facking minority and I'm starting to think it was a BAD IDEA.


Well I say F that, nothing worse than a girl that expects everything while offering nothing


See I've found the problem is that women interpret what you said to be about money for sex and then everyone gets their panties in a twist. The reality is, this IS happening and some people are just frigging fine with it.

Also, women with half a brain know that not all men mean offering sex when saying that. The argument has become tiresome.
 geoffonpof1
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 63
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 9/5/2011 2:44:03 PM
I'm a gentlemen, and gentlemen pay for taking a woman out on a date.
 TheWonderingGuy
Joined: 4/30/2011
Msg: 64
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 9/5/2011 3:10:25 PM
I usually pay for the first couple dates but I'll drop hints about her contributing. A girl who is interested in you (or at least giving you the benefit of a doubt) will contribute; one that isn't will not. That, coupled with some sort of physical contact will give you a good idea of where you stand.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 65
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 1/31/2013 7:57:49 PM
This is something with which I have been getting burned badly lately.
Meeting for drinks and a few appetizers/snacks is leading to consistent $70+ checks at the end of the night.
A recent date was laughing, patting my arm, flowing conversation...the whole bit.

Paid the check at the end of the evening and she continued laughing as we walked to our cars.
She shared that "she would like to meet again soon" and drove away with a wave. Nice, huh!
Within an hour I get the "we are in different places, good luck with your romantic search" text message. Grrr...

I am going to now phucking INSIST on meeting for ONLY coffee and a walk.
No transforming it into a longer date. Coffee and that's it. Second date can be taking her pet to the dog park.
Third date will be a free concert. This man has been phucking burned one-time-too-many. [/rant]
 aussiesealady
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 66
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 1/31/2013 9:42:45 PM
Sorry to hear that Eric and all you other men who feel you have been ripped off.

I always insist on paying my half and prefer a date that does not cost a lot of money anyway.
Generally at the first meet the man will buy the first coffee or drink especially if he is there first and I will buy the second etc.

If it becomes dinner or lunch I will pull out my money to pay my half.
Sometimes the man will accept this as normal, others will say thank you.
The only times that I do not pay my half is if he starts to get offended. And some men certainly do.
Even to the extent of getting the waiter involved to tell me to put my money away.
Or going to the toilet and settling the bill whilst I am not looking or waiting till I go and paying in my abscence.
Then I pull back and suggest coffee or dessert somewhere else and will pay for that.

For my dating history I would say
90% 50:50 split
8% man insists so he pays
2% I pay for everything

And yes I have had men who have insisted on paying then expect sex as payment for the meal. One begged and begged saying he deserved at least a boob grope. Ugh

Sadly for me I have had relationships which have turned into me paying for everything and making loans to help him out which of course never get repaid.

Like you Eric - not going there again.
I would love your 1, 2, 3 date suggestions.

Now when can we have that first coffee - meet at the park bench - you bring the coffee I will bring the cake.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 67
view profile
History
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 1/31/2013 9:50:24 PM
Do what you are comfortable with.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 68
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 1/31/2013 10:06:22 PM
aussiesealady...I will have to check my airline frequent flyer status for our first dat...errrr...um, meeting!
You are just too kind. LOL. Single men of the world wish all single women could be as gracious as you.
Fresh coffee and enjoyable cake at the park bench indeed, I say!

All kidding aside, this turn of events is growing to be pervasive and it is not a pleasant feeling.
Have met another well-matched single. We live reasonably close. She works in my same town. Attractive.
We have been out twice. We parked our cars at a restaurant for our third date, and she says, "Hey, can we get a bottle of wine to bring inside? You drive, it'll be fun." So off we go to the liquor store five minutes away. It is a $25.00 bottle and then we return for a $55.00 dinner. She is all laughs. There isn't even a moment of silence.

Upon arriving home sent a quick text to ensure she similarly arrived safely...which I'm sure she did. No reply.
Telephone call a day or two later for quick hello and thanks-for-a-great-time voicemail. Zippo in return.
It is leading me to believe a handful of zero-to-low-cost interactions must occur to learn genuine interest?
My fingers are crossed in sincere hopes this is just a brief comedy of sorts. Dating is tough business!
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 69
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/1/2013 10:24:58 AM
i love it when a girl picks up the 'whole' tab...it makes me feel very special.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 70
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/1/2013 10:46:40 AM

A recent date was laughing, patting my arm, flowing conversation...the whole bit.

So you went out and had a really nice evening with an attractive woman. That's called a date.

So what are you "REALLY" upset about?
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 71
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/1/2013 11:51:52 AM
Back when I was dating, I had many many times the lady offer to pay half. At first, I would take care of the whole thing, then I decided to let them pay for half. Some of these women, never responded again, some of them did and had no issues. A female friend of mine told me that I was being a cheap skate. I said, then why offer? To test you, she said. If I have to pass such test, I am not interested in that woman. I told her.

So from then on, if she offered, she paid.
 Surrebral
Joined: 5/28/2012
Msg: 72
view profile
History
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/1/2013 12:09:19 PM
Guh.

This thread really hasn't really solved a thing for me.

Deacon - I have come to learn that offering to leave a tip on the first date is a rather antiquated notion, ergo, I don't always offer to, based on how I feel the guy might take it.

It really is a touchy, awkward situation. Guys get offended if you ask or if you don't.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 73
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/1/2013 12:18:29 PM

It really is a touchy, awkward situation. Guys get offended if you ask or if you don't.

I understand that we have a lot of different age groups here from a lot of different places .... however .... I do not personally know a single guy that does not expect to pay for a first date and it is always appreciated when the woman makes the offer to pay her part of the check rather than simply expect it ...
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 74
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/1/2013 12:31:55 PM
Posted by Stubidooo:
"...So what are you "REALLY" upset about?...

Please read the balance of my posted Message# 76 above.
She said she was having a good time, said she wanted to go out again, smiling, waving, being allegedly genuine.
Received completely different text within sixty minutes of the date. That's what.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 75
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/1/2013 12:41:43 PM

Received completely different text within sixty minutes of the date.

So, if she had shown you a miserable time, it would have been better for you? As I read your narrative, is not that you paid for a meal.. but that she dumped you after the date. Clearly, you were fine with it before that. So, what kind of return on your investment do you require to remain happy? I'm being rather facetious in an effort to make a point. I understand where you are coming from...
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 76
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/1/2013 1:30:30 PM
Stubidoo, you've been on the forums and I know you are gently teasing and poking fun. No worries.
Had she discarded the phony over-the-top behavior, it would have created greater respect.

What would have been more realistic would have been for her to be more restrained.
Courteously thank me for the meal. The abundant smiles, playful contact, future dates was all....acting.
 kevin157
Joined: 10/19/2008
Msg: 77
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/3/2013 2:28:53 AM
I've never been on a traditional date but i don't like the notion of being expected to pay just because i have a penis. If I invite you out I definitely expect to pay because you're my guest. If you invite me I will definitely offer to pay half and will be prepared to pay the full amount if you forgot your wallet.
 Perspektiv
Joined: 10/31/2012
Msg: 79
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/3/2013 4:22:44 AM
I usually offer to split. IS that offensive?


I think you *offering*, is a good thing. It showcases independence. Most men would find it attractive.
However, if the guy wants to pay, let him. Fighting with a guy over a tab, is about as tacky as it gets. If he asks you to foot his tab, too. Run. Just run!

 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 80
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/3/2013 7:41:13 AM
I have never paid for a first date, wont offer, I have never asked a guy out, now if Im dating someone I will take him out too, but the first date never..
 Perspektiv
Joined: 10/31/2012
Msg: 81
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/3/2013 8:18:11 AM
My attitude, is if the woman offers to pay, you should turn it down and cover her tab (be grateful she likes you enough, to want to help out with the bill).

Only reason a woman should foot her own tab, is if she made it to the establishment you were going to, and paid for herself from the get-go, or passes you in front of a line, money in hand, determined to pay (I've experienced the latter, and I'm not about to argue/fight with a woman over a tab). I've had women do this to me, trying to impress me with their independence, I guess. Tacky, but whatever. I won't sweat it.

Otherwise, to me, a woman *asking* you, is testing you (otherwise, she wouldn't ask--she'd just pay). Most women I know, wouldn't give you a second date, if you accepted the offer.

Also, avoid dinner dates, if high costs make you cringe. You should always take a first date, to an establishment you'd be comfortable footing the entire bill in.

If she refutes it for something out of your comfort zone, you should see that as a blatant sign you're likely not compatible. End of problem.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 82
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/3/2013 8:49:09 AM
Posted by *Cowboy*:
"I am much pissier after a $50 bar tab with someone that knew she was not interested in dating me in 3 minutes"

*Cowboy* and I are reading from the same page.
His reason is the same reason I was peeved in Posts# 76, 79, and 85 above.
In those situations, the woman KNEW she wasn't into me, LIED about it, yet was happy to run up a bar tab first. Behaving like that is a surefire invitation to have Karma come and bite you on the butt in the future. ;-)
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 83
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/3/2013 8:58:41 AM

In those situations, the woman KNEW she wasn't into me, LIED about it, yet was happy to run up a bar tab first.

The solution for you it seems is to meet for a single drink, no exceptions.

I always meet for a drink with the option to extend the evening ... extending the evening over more drinks, appetizers, or even dinner means that I am having a good time and that's really what dating (to me) is all about and I am not going to feel bad if that's where it ends. Que Sera Sera
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 84
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/3/2013 9:02:43 AM
I am going to now phucking INSIST on meeting for ONLY coffee and a walk.
No transforming it into a longer date. Coffee and that's it. Second date can be taking her pet to the dog park.
Third date will be a free concert. This man has been phucking burned one-time-too-many.


I think maybe ya have to rethink your "goals" Eric when doing the "dating" BS. Why many people suggest the "coffee" meets etc is because the "cost" of a meet is just "time". Not that my "time" (or hers) is not valuable,but, to throw a 50-100 bucks in there too, it does get "costly". Especially when we don't know much about the person we are "meeting" or how it could turn out in the future. Now, if you are actually "hungry" and would like to go out for a meal, and enjoy someone's company while eating the meal, then you shouldn't be complaining(I know that isn't your case here).

Some people use "dating" as a form of their "entertainment". I personally don't but, there are many that do, despite what some of the women here will say. There are people that HAVE to be out and about on a Friday and Saturday night. HAVE to. Usually that means it doesn't matter who they are with for that night, just as long they are "out", and having "fun". Usually requires some booze and some food,which they don't like paying for,especially when "that" guy asked THEM out.

Soooo, what I have figured out with my 50 some years on this earth is that not only do I enjoy drinking alone, I like eating alone too.

OT, I'll pay when I ask you out. Most of the time I won't be. Asking, that is.
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