Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 86
First Date Men buying my meal or drinksPage 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
*Cowboy*, Stubidoo, and Walts...very good insights and I generally concur.
ProcolHarem has a good point and that is precisely where Karma will then bite her in the future.
In the recent experience, the woman was ACTING to the best of her ability to score drinks and snacks.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 88
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/3/2013 9:15:59 AM

Ok just wondering all my first dates have paid my meal or drinks! I usually offer to split. IS that offensive?


It's not offensive as long as it is a genuine offer and not a "test". Some women will think a man is cheap if he accepted her offer and not see him again. In that case, good riddance.
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 89
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/3/2013 9:23:58 AM
Im hungry....big burger dripping with juicy-ness ...yum!
Who's buyin?

Im with the boys. I think someone has to be quite desperate to sponge free food and drinks off someone she/he isn't interested in. I can't imagine spending time with someone I have to fake interest in for any reason. Not even an option, Im not that good an actress, he'd see through me for sure.
Reeks of desperation and decption if you ask me.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 91
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/3/2013 11:26:23 AM
If I dismissed every man I didn’t fly over the moon for immediately I never would have dated in my life. Not everyone operates the same way. Thinking that every woman knows half a second after meeting you whether or not she’s into you, and determining that her not sharing or offering to split the bill if she subsequently chooses not to see you again means she’s lied and was whoring for free drinks and/or dinners….unbelievable.

IMO only massively delusional egos could possibly consider that women would deliberately choose to bother pretending to give half a crap about a guy just for a lousy drink or a meal. I can’t imagine anything that would compel me to indulge in something so degrading and stupid.

However I will say I’ve seen some seriously skewed ideas from some women on here lately that makes me feel deeply sorry for decent men so who knows what you guys have to put up with.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 92
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/3/2013 11:35:21 AM

^^stupidoo
Well then, all women looking for free drinks and a nice meal should contact you immediately.

They would most likely be disappointed. You make the mistake of thinking I am so desperate that I would go out with just anyone or that I will instantly like them in person. I can assure you that isn't the case.
 orange_hill
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 93
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/3/2013 12:05:40 PM
I always offer to pay for at least some of the cost on a first date. If a man insisted on paying, I would let him. But I wouldn't think any less of a man because he accepted my offer.
 FrzLawyer
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 94
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/3/2013 12:14:18 PM
I've never let a woman pay - its just etiquette - ignore the bill, until it comes time to pay, then forget that you ever paid it.

Money changing hands is a required, albeit unpleasant, aspect of social life. (Even if it is a very fun part of professional life.)

Same as if you ever have to "lend" money to a friend - forget it, as soon as it changes hands.

Think of dates as entertainment expenses - its rare for a first date to cost the same as a round of golf, etc.
 THEMEPACK
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 95
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/4/2013 3:29:56 AM
Its only after the fact, that men will come on here and complain....you know that no sex thingy tends to get under their skin.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 96
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/5/2013 10:37:05 PM
So in this scam that seems to be widely accepted, "if you ask a girl out, then you should foot the bill" but "if a girl asks you out then offer to go dutch ... I think the woman would expect at least that." Double standard aside, let's think a little about the bigger picture and who generally ends up paying. What percentage of women will actually initiate contact with men? Even in this day and age, that is a pretty small percentage. So, the vast majority of at least the very first meets/dates are initiated by the men who are expected to pay (and may also be tested to see if they will live up to that obligation). Of the small percentage of meets/dates initiated by women, the man is still expected to offer to pay a share. Hmmmm, nothing lopsided in all of this.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 97
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 8/25/2014 7:15:08 AM

Ok just wondering all my first dates have paid my meal or drinks! I usually offer to split. IS that offensive? Is that normal for men to always pay for first date. I like it because I feel special. Just thoughts from how men feel about the first or second date even.


Some women use this as a game. They offer to pay, but the moment the man accepts and lets her pay half, she then either then or later tells him that HE should have not let her pay. It's a ridiculous game, but Many many women play it. I've had women play that game as well. So eventually I told them, "look, do you seriously want to split the tab, or are you playing that cute game women like to play to test a guy?"

I found them so annoying that from then on, if they offered, I let them.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 98
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 8/25/2014 9:26:57 PM
If someone wants to pay for the date, that's fine. But I don't think someone should be expected to pay for the entire date because they asked or traditional gender roles. Most women I had dates with offered to pay for a portion of the bill. Even if it was just the tip or they bought me a drink after I had paid for a mini-golf.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 99
view profile
History
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 8/26/2014 9:42:58 AM
I've never paid for a drink or meal on a first date. I can't remember doing it on a second or third while courting.

Agree to go Dutch....this is discussed?

The men I have dated tend to be professionals. They have asked me out and I doubt if $20 or $100 meant anything to them. It would be different if we were both struggling students or working a summer job....then I'd be more than happy to pay for the next drink, etc.

What I will do is make them a meal...give them something I've baked. Perhaps get tickets for an event. Put together a picnic lunch. The men I have dated are way more appreciative of a gesture that took a bit if effort than helping to pay for a tab.

My boyfriend of 3 years has always paid for everything. I have picked up a morning coffee to take our room ...but that is it. He has no children and tells me to keep my money and buy something for my daughters or granddaughters.
 gingham7
Joined: 7/26/2014
Msg: 100
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 8/26/2014 7:38:53 PM

I always offer to pay for at least some of the cost on a first date. If a man insisted on paying, I would let him. But I wouldn't think any less of a man because he accepted my offer.


Agreed. Sometimes I would offer to pay for entire date. Such as when we went to a place that was closer or more convenient for me compared to him.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 101
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 8/30/2014 6:51:23 AM

Maybe its semantics but the first one on here is a MEETING not a date.


I think it comes down to intent. If the purpose is determining any possible romantic interest, then it can be considered as a ( blind ) date. Regardless of the time, cost, or activity. From what I have seen, it's mostly on the forums where some people insist it's a just a "meet". Having said that, I don't think it really matters what you call it. I also agree the first date / meeting / whatever you want to call it should be a relatively casual and inexpensive activity.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 102
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 9/1/2014 11:29:16 AM
It's all a delicate balance.

Men also play little games, like waiting for you to look at the bill when it comes. A date once babysat the bill for over 30 mins, and paid when he realize I was not interested in anything to do with the bill. I feel no awkwardness or shame around the fact I don't even look at it when it comes, it's not my problem unless he says I'm responsible for my share. Then and only then would I look and add up my portion to then pay it, the person I'd be speaking to from then on would be the server and as soon they pick up the last piece of paper, would be the last time that guy would ever see me or talk to me. I don't like the absence of choices, if your intention is that I pay my share, then say so, I can go anywhere and enjoy a meal without listening to someone hoping to get into my pants, it's as simple as that.

Some men will see how many dates it takes for her to offer to pay, that's fine. Go ahead and observe that perhaps you needed to start the way you hope it ends (by making her responsible for something small from a very beginning). While you do that, I'll observe how long it will take to grow some balls and say something, as lack communication is the reason most relationships come to an end. If you don't say anything from a very beginning, tough!! I had a date clearly tell me I was getting the tickets and he was covering dinner, very simple, we became friends after that.

There are so many ways to spend money, time, and people you already know, that if I'm choosing to give a stranger my time (to hopefully span into something), he better make sure to treat me like a lady if he wants to be treated like a man. What someone is not willing to do, someone else will be happy to do it. Too many people out there.

Since I don't need a date, a man, a relationship, it adds a challenge, because you now have to make me want something I don't need. Like companies trying to sell a luxury, not a need. When you need something, you're willing to compromise, but when you don't, it doesn't matter which way it goes. Alex & Ani have better luck convincing me to buy their bracelets, than a man can convince me to want his stick, funny how that works as one of those two items costs me money while the other one if free.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 103
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 9/1/2014 11:49:43 AM
BelleTresor, that was awesome. I'm realizing that I've been way to "nice" to men when it comes to the dinner who pays stuff. It's true, why should I pay for my meal when the guy has probably a lot more interest getting into my pants than the other way around. I can get laid any day of the week with a different hot guy if I wanted, so if you want a date with me, you'd better impress me.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 104
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 9/1/2014 12:40:00 PM

BelleTresor, that was awesome. I'm realizing that I've been way to "nice" to men when it comes to the dinner who pays stuff. It's true, why should I pay for my meal when the guy has probably a lot more interest getting into my pants than the other way around. I can get laid any day of the week with a different hot guy if I wanted, so if you want a date with me, you'd better impress me.


You can be nice, that's not a problem. You can go ahead and split or cover the whole bill if you want to. In my case, I'm not interested in them from a very beginning, I become interested over time, so his job is to make me want him, make me want to see him again. As I'm not interested, I feel no obligation to pay. I invested my time in meeting someone who likely wants to play hide the salami because "it's all pink inside", while I'm not one bit curious. He bears the responsibility of paying until I'm vested in him. When I'm vested, when I feel like I've actually spent time with someone I'm looking forward to a future with, then I can begin to offer limitless aspects of myself.

When we establish there is more to it than getting laid, then my pockets are as equally generous as my body. In the meanwhile, while we don't know where it's going even after sex, he carries the cross with no help or consideration. Because if all he is after is sex, all I'll be after is money.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 105
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 9/1/2014 1:22:43 PM

^^^Because if all he is after is sex, all I'll be after is money.


That's called prostitution. Is that what you would consider it?
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 106
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 9/1/2014 1:46:01 PM

That's called prostitution. Is that what you would consider it?


You can call it what you want.

What do you call a thing you invest 40 hours a week in, in exchange for a salary that will allow you secure a shelter and transportation. I call that work/job, you exchange your time for money so you can do other things of value with the money. You're not gonna invest 40 hours a week and not get paid, and they wouldn't offer you a salary if your 40 hours a week doesn't make them money or save them money. If all you cared about was making money for yourself with no regard for what your employer needs, your selfishness will likely cause them not to trust you or see a reason why you're not worth giving more money too, if the company only cares about making/saving money while overlooking the needs of the employees, the employees will likely not feel valued and will have no loyalty to the company.

So put that into your definition of prostitution, if ALL a man is after is sex (with no regard for my feelings, no desire for my well being, or intention to want the best for me even if it's not him) THEN ALL I'm after is money (as there is nothing of me but my body that's keeping him there). Everything is an exchange. If you will waste my time, I will waste your money.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 107
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 9/1/2014 2:36:38 PM
BelleTresor, that was awesome. I'm realizing that I've been way to "nice" to men when it comes to the dinner who pays stuff. It's true, why should I pay for my meal when the guy has probably a lot more interest getting into my pants than the other way around. I can get laid any day of the week with a different hot guy if I wanted, so if you want a date with me, you'd better impress me.


If my primary goal was just sex, I can find other legal ways to accomplish that. Without having to impress a woman by spending a lot of money on dates.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 108
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 9/1/2014 5:04:45 PM
Ah jeez...I gotta chime in on this one.

I could rent sex, legally, with a 10 once a week (including gas) instead of 3-4 dinners followed by sex with a 5.

Give it a rest ladies.

And to all the sex pots that like sex after 3-4 dinners but don't want to be exclusive? Escorts sounds appropriate.

Next...
 pacino233
Joined: 10/10/2014
Msg: 109
view profile
History
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/21/2015 12:25:17 PM
Splitting the bill tends to be the better option in my experience. If you offer to pay she might feel insulted or patronised and obviously you'll most likely look like a sponge if you let her foot the bill.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 110
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/21/2015 5:09:12 PM
A first meet should only be for drinks and that avoids any awkwardness. If he asks you out again, i.e. a first date then he should pay for whatever he has arranged. If you offer to split and he insists on paying the whole bill, then let him. Some men are gentlemen and do not feel right allowing a woman to pay and some moan about the outlay when they get nothing in return. The second date you could offer tickets for some entertainment or whatever if you want to reciprocate. Bake him some muffins whatever. I would never get out my wallet and pay outright for a guy. That is going too far even in this day and age.

A first meet where he pays for you is no indication that you are special. You are virtual strangers.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 111
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/21/2015 5:20:30 PM
clooneys

Why would you be buying 3-4 dinners for a 5 anyhow if you feel that she is not so hot?
3-4 dinners and the sex pots do not want to be exclusive with you, so what?? That is about 4 weeks duration right?

Some men feel that paying for sex with a prostitute is somehow demeaning to them and do not relish the idea that hundreds of johns have been there before. At least with the dinners you pay for, hopefully there is some personal interaction and conversation? The guy can at least tell himself that the gal is there because she likes him and not just being paid.
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 112
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/22/2015 2:41:30 AM
Food has become a bit of an issue because the men I have dated so far eat very unhealthy and seem to think I should have to as well. I have a medical condition that makes it really hard to lose weight so I have to watch my consumption. I've started to want to avoid eating out with men because it's just an issue. I suppose I need one who will respect me and be supportive of my healthy eating and not encourage food that will do harm to me - basically.
I see it as coming off drugs, I don't want someone who is going to be telling me to do drugs with them and I should just enjoy the drugs. I don't have an issue if they eat a little bit bad - just not really unhealthy, as long as they are supportive and respectful of my needs and health.

I do want a chivalrous man who will pay for me though.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >