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 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 113
First Date Men buying my meal or drinksPage 5 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

I do want a chivalrous man who will pay for me though.


Big surprise, You've had someone else paying for You, your whole life...... You went from Daddy paying to Big Daddy Government paying......
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 114
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/22/2015 4:49:17 AM

Big surprise, You've had someone else paying for You, your whole life...... You went from Daddy paying to Big Daddy Government paying...


Awwh Problem?!!?

Seriously though, myob. I am by no means 'exploiting' the government. My parents had to pay taxes for a long time and I may benefit now (since I was 22, only got money once I hit 22) but then later (after I finish my honors degree) I will end up paying back 20x more than I even receive now while I get payments.
Thanks grampa for your snide comment.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 115
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First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/22/2015 1:58:29 PM

Ah jeez...I gotta chime in on this one.

I could rent sex, legally, with a 10 once a week (including gas) instead of 3-4 dinners followed by sex with a 5.

Give it a rest ladies.

And to all the sex pots that like sex after 3-4 dinners but don't want to be exclusive? Escorts sounds appropriate.

Next...


Exactly.

When it comes to my wallet vs sex, wallet wins out everytime. I personally wouldn't spend money in order to impress a girl and to get into her pants and when it comes to sex, I can accomplish that legally for free just by calling a bootycall and not spending a damn dime.

If I'm paying a girls way it's because I want to it's not to impress or get into her pants, I see it the same way as paying for my friends to get into a movie, buying them rounds or paying for dinner, it's because I have the money and don't mind paying for it because I'm enjoying the time spent with them. I feel the same way about dates, I don't care about paying, paying is secondary to having a good time and enjoying myself. When I was in college I had more creative ways to have fun because I was broke so I would suggest different ideas for dates, an arcade, walking downtown and listening to street bands, playing pool in the game room on campus, going to a museum, this coffee shop would have cheap movie nights and board game nights it's all about being creative and gauging her interests which is why patience is important, take time to know someone, get an idea of what they're into and then suggest a first date based on what they like.

I'm only 29 but I sound old saying this but it feels like we skip a step nowadays or we lack the patience to have a proper date. We may message each other back and forth but after a few days we lose interest or the meet-up is lame because it's in a coffee shop and neither one of us actually like coffee but it's customary to go to Starbucks and drink coffee.l It feels like as we get older the less creative we become and the more jaded we are, there's always gotta be an ulterior motive, instead of treating it as face value. In reality it's not that serious.

At the end of the day is it that serious? If you don't want to pay then don't pay, if your funds are low then don't go somewhere expensive and offer an chearper alternative or hold off on dating until your funds are right, if you feel the need to impress with your wallet then maybe that girl isn't the right person for you. If a girl thinks you're less of a man because you can't pay for expensive dinners then what will she do when shit goes haywire and you lose your job?
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 116
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/23/2015 2:16:55 AM
^^^ +1 Super. :-)))
 pofuser768
Joined: 2/7/2015
Msg: 118
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/26/2015 5:33:02 PM
Always a touchy subject, for some reason.

My whole thing is I don't like double standards. I feel like all friendships/ relationships should be 50/50, and anything less makes the entire relationship a joke.

That being said, I understand how it would make a woman feel special.

The best thing I could think of would be dates where you avoid paying, so you could determine whether or not at a future date you feel like making that gesture. Though the kind of dates that don't involve any money tend to be pretty cheesy.

Can be tough to navigate this one, though I stand by the fact that I think it's wrong to judge a guy by whether or not he pays for the woman on a first date.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 120
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/26/2015 7:20:50 PM
^^^
Lmao!

The very rare time that a gal has absolutely insisted on pay her share?

I took the hint.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 122
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/27/2015 7:57:01 AM

Can be tough to navigate this one, though I stand by the fact that I think it's wrong to judge a guy by whether or not he pays for the woman on a first date.


It's a double whammy for the guy if he has to pay for her meal and drinks too.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 123
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/27/2015 11:27:34 AM
*High Five* Iconoclast

Same here, If I pay, I want to get the f*ck out faster

If I pay half, he's got half a chance, thought likely not

On my first (and likely last date of this year) I didn't offer to pay, I just placed $20 next to the bill, the bill was $26. I just wanted to get the f*ck out. He insisted "I got this", so I let him pay, whatever. I went straight home to work on a paper due by midnight.

I never offer to pay, but if I see any sort of struggle or hesitation, I ask if they need help with the bill. If they can't pay for it, I'll pay for it, but if they can, they will pay. It's not about the money, it's about the principle. You ask someone out, so you pay for it. I wouldn't invite someone out to then have them pay their way, I don't even do that with friends (what if they can't afford it?). If I want to go somewhere and want company, and a friend agrees, I am paying for WHOLE thing, because I am asking for their time, when they could have chosen to do whatever else during that time.

Often people say "I have a lot of bills this month, so I can't afford it", to which I say "I didn't ask if you could afford it, I asked if you were free that day and time, so we can do ____________".

So if you can't afford it, don't want to pay, don't want to even think about it, don't ask people for their time, let them do whatever they want with their time with someone else. Very simple. It's a way to show respect and appreciation for someone's time.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 124
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First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/28/2015 2:13:43 AM
Who asks who out is irrelevant in my opinion as women very rarely ask men out. A first date should be very cheap anyway as its the first meeting and you have no idea if you are going to like each other. Ironically on the few dates I have been on she has insisted that she pay which I appreciated as its not the conventional thing. I would have no hesitation on paying myself as long as it isn't just expected. Surely both people need to show respect for each others time. The principle of one gender having to offer more than the other doesn't make sense in my opinion.


He insisted "I got this", so I let him pay, whatever.


Hope you said thank you afterwards.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 125
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/28/2015 2:27:09 AM
Now Aradia

You will be labelled a meal whore if you keep on meeting strangers for meals. Why do it??? Most of the time there will be no connection, the guy has paid out for a meal and you have to sit through it, mostly boring, right???

Just meet for a drink for heavens sake. Plenty of time to eat with them once you are actually dating. That you are a student is not a good reason to expect men to pay for your meals. If they insist then okay fair enough.

Chivalry has nothing to do with it. WOmen expect equality and we cannot have it all ways.
Courtesy and manners yes, but being paid for on meets, no.
 pacino233
Joined: 10/10/2014
Msg: 126
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First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/28/2015 3:41:38 AM
I think this question get's over analysed. Provided we aren't out somewhere that is going to kill my wallet, I'm quite happy to foot the bill. I don't mind offering (most of the time I will) and if she insists on paying her way that's fine too, I've learned not be stubborn on that one (some women get pissed off if they feel their independence is being undermined). I only have an issue when I am when I am expected to pay for everything. Nobody likes to be taken for granted and a relationship works two ways. If I arrange a date and she turns up with no money and hasn't said anything before hand, I'll give her the taxi fare to get home and that's it. Saying "But you asked me out!" isn't the point either; It takes two people to agree to a date and let's be honest here, most of the time it's men who are doing the asking. But as has been said, you can't have it both ways.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 127
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/28/2015 5:55:05 AM

Hope you said thank you afterwards.


I don't remember if I did, but I usually do at some point.

I would have rather he let me pay, so I can say "well, I have a paper due at at midnight so I have jet home and get it done, thanks for everything, have a great night" and just leave.

But since he paid, I have to stay there till the end, walk out together and have the awkward thought of "please don't say you want to see me again or offer to take me home or walk me to the train station, please don't aim for a kiss or hug, etc."

Next time, if I'm being bored to death again, I'm gonna drop the money and leave, not giving him the chance to give the money back to me or insist on paying,
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 128
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/28/2015 6:08:35 AM

For myself, if I'm picking up the tab, that means you'll probably be looking at my taillights.


You're right that this can vary. A woman paying for the entire bill on my first dates / meetings has been relatively rare. But when it did happen, sometimes we did go out on another date. On the other hand, a few women didn't offer to pay anything when it was obvious that there wasn't going to be another date.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 129
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/28/2015 8:44:43 AM
You learn something new everyday about female secret codes. So if a woman wants to pay the bill, it means she has no interest in the guy and doesn't want to see him again. Whereas if the guy pays the bill, there's no secret messages and it's up in the air as to whether he's interested or not.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 130
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/28/2015 8:53:14 AM
It's an http://static.bbc.co.uk/history/img/ic/640/images/resources/topics/enigma.jpg
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 131
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First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/28/2015 9:49:15 AM

You're right that this can vary. A woman paying for the entire bill on my first dates / meetings has been relatively rare. But when it did happen, sometimes we did go out on another date. On the other hand, a few women didn't offer to pay anything when it was obvious that there wasn't going to be another date.


For a coffee it doesn't matter, which all first dates should be anyway. I think for a meal I would only offer to pay if there was a realistic chance of a second date. If it is obvious there isn't going to be another date there is no reason for to pay the whole bill.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 132
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First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/28/2015 9:50:17 AM

You're right that this can vary. A woman paying for the entire bill on my first dates / meetings has been relatively rare. But when it did happen, sometimes we did go out on another date. On the other hand, a few women didn't offer to pay anything when it was obvious that there wasn't going to be another date.


For a coffee it doesn't matter, which all first dates should be anyway. I think for a meal I would only offer to pay if there was a realistic chance of a second date. If it is obvious there isn't going to be another date there is no reason to pay the whole bill.
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 133
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/28/2015 10:29:07 AM


Now Aradia

You will be labelled a meal whore if you keep on meeting strangers for meals. Why do it??? Most of the time there will be no connection, the guy has paid out for a meal and you have to sit through it, mostly boring, right???

Just meet for a drink for heavens sake. Plenty of time to eat with them once you are actually dating. That you are a student is not a good reason to expect men to pay for your meals. If they insist then okay fair enough.

Chivalry has nothing to do with it. WOmen expect equality and we cannot have it all ways.
Courtesy and manners yes, but being paid for on meets, no.


Well I want chivalrous men!!!

I don't even want to go out for meals on a first date, the last guy I dated was obsessed with getting take away - his call not mine.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 134
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/28/2015 10:45:01 AM

Hi there might be some truth in that though, in my 20s I met up with a guy who seemed very nice in fact he had such a nice personality I paid the full bill & drinks
I didn't fancy him though, so reading this has prompted me to think of why I did pay and not split


Yes some women would pay for a date because of lack of interest. However I don't think it's a general indicator though. I know women that have paid for a date because of other reasons. Such as a man going to a venue that was much closer to / more convenient for a woman. Thus he had spent more time and money ( on gas ) just getting there.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 135
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/28/2015 1:16:39 PM

Who asks who out is irrelevant in my opinion as women very rarely ask men out. A first date should be very cheap ..


Not necessarily.

My boyfriend spent a small fortune on our first date. Of course, we had been friendly and established a rapport, beforehand: we had a coffee date and some periods of online video chat before our first date. Then, he expressed his generosity -- and he's somebody in whom I was genuinely interested and I felt it was a proper move, on his part.

He ensured I was well-fed, warm, safe, and comfortable. He presented me with flowers, a gift, champagne, chocolates, and paid for a nice dinner for me. I felt tremendously appreciated and desired. (And yes, I cooked and cook for him at least a couple of times or so, a week -- he pays for the groceries for most of the date. Other times, I do. No problems.)

I'm not here to criticize a young woman's decisions to go out on dates. If her dates happily insist on paying for the dates, I don't see why she should put up a fight about it. It seems the men are interested in her and appreciate the time she's taken out for them. She maybe returning the kindness with her appreciation and an occasional home-cooked meal, too -- that is, if she's interested. So why is being labeled as a meal whore? (I've not checked her posting history, at great length.)

I don't think it's necessarily wise to go out with people in whom you're disinterested, in the first place. It'd be a great deal of a waste of time for all people involved.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 136
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First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/28/2015 1:36:45 PM

My boyfriend spent a small fortune on our first date. Of course, we had been friendly and established a rapport, beforehand: we had a coffee date and some periods of online video chat before our first date. Then, he expressed his generosity -- and he's somebody in whom I was genuinely interested and I felt it was a proper move, on his part.


The coffee date you mention IS the first date, you are talking about the second date. Sure later on if you feel the relationship is going somewhere more expensive meals are a good idea but not when you have only just met someone. At the end of the day on the first date you are talking to a stranger.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 137
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/28/2015 2:37:47 PM
I had just a simple coffee dare/first meet a while ago. The guy was nice enough, I was thinking about seeing him again, but boy did he mess up big time afterwards. He texted me CONSTANTLY afterwards, like every hour on the hour. WHen I didn't respond right away because I was busy, he was like "have you given up on me already". Instant turn off. So I just avoided his text message and figured he'd get the hint. Then he kept messaging me on POF. His behavior was so clingy and stalker like that I had to block him. And he STILL texts me, the last one last night at midnight. He was like "are you there". Take a clue buddy, I'm NOT interested.

So even a simple coffee date can go terribly wrong.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 138
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/28/2015 2:59:48 PM

And he STILL texts me, the last one last night at midnight. He was like "are you there". Take a clue buddy, I'm NOT interested.


Ok, I gotta ask. Was it HawkingJr?

If so, we can call him "StawkingHawking".

Ha. I f*cking kill me.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 139
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 2/28/2015 5:27:14 PM

I had just a simple coffee dare/first meet a while ago. The guy was nice enough, I was thinking about seeing him again, but boy did he mess up big time afterwards.


Was it a DARE or a first meet? Big difference!
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 140
First Date Men buying my meal or drinks
Posted: 3/1/2015 9:51:08 AM
Was it a DARE or a first meet? Big difference

---

Haha, honest typo, but in retrospect, yes it was more like a coffee DARE, not a DATE, lol.
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