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 VirtuallyLove
Joined: 9/8/2011
Msg: 167
Physically abused for the first timePage 6 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
If you wanted to play the odds, leaving would be the best bet, I'm sure.

However, you have been together for three years, and are (I'm assuming) in love. That's worth something.

I'm thinking of a passage by a psychologist/therapist I read not long ago. She said the counseling is absolutely required, and that you should make it clear that if there's a repeat offense that will mark the end. And follow through with that ultimatum if it does occur again.
 trinity818
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 168
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/14/2011 4:06:42 PM

Folks I left him and havnt returned. I have moved on. I am dating and happy.


That's great news. Smart girl. Glad to hear you have plenty of self respect.

Sadly, more often than not, we see threads about how great the abuser is (aside from the violent behavior) and hear all the "reasons" the victim can't end the relationship, or prosecute the offender.

I hope your first time will be your last time.
 RotationAxle
Joined: 7/20/2011
Msg: 169
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/14/2011 4:24:11 PM
As I like to say...in this situation, the first time should be the last time. You and your son don't deserve this.
 brownie360
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 170
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/23/2011 1:54:00 PM
Lemme get this straight; this dude KICKED YOU IN YOUR RIBS and you're asking what should you do? Like my father always told his daughters this: "if he do it to you once...he'll do it to you again" No way would I allow a man to get a SECOND opportunity to batter me. Ask yourself this, will you ask this question again after he say...CRACK YOUR HEAD IN THE NEXT TIME?!?!? OMG there is no way I would stick around for that. A LOVING, LOYAL MAN does NOT get drunk and then KICK THE WOMAN HE LOVES IN HER ****ING RIBS! A man like that is NOT violent! GET OUT while you still can...and with your ribs intact!
 brownie360
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 171
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/23/2011 2:25:22 PM
Otherwise she will be carried out by six instead of walking or running out on two...
 brownie360
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 172
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/23/2011 2:48:18 PM
Wow! I have ZERO tolerance for violence and cheating, that is why I am no longer married. My husband was a ****ing spaz! no respect and abusive. When I found out about his cheating I was DONE! I had to call the police when he went to attack me when I found out; I was in the kitchen and grabbed CAST IRON SKILLET and went to swinging at him when he took off onto the patio, I called the police! HE WAS TRYING TO BITE ME while he was attacking me in the kitchen and that's when I grabbed the skillet! I will not deal with a man that has a short temper and use violence to resolve issues. Unprovoked attacks makes it WORSE!

I know women that are DEAD because they STAYED with a violent man...no; not me. Thank goodness your sister got rid of him! Damn...threw her child across the room...my god...glad you mom rid herself of her loser too...
 Nancy54534
Joined: 1/30/2008
Msg: 173
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/23/2011 2:49:21 PM
Hope you keep up the resolve to get this pile of trash out of your life. Do consider a restraining/protection order if he fails to stay out of your life at your request. Talk to the local women's shelter on how to further deal if he insists on reappearing. As for the bird who blames the victim for actions, what the hell does a person do to deserve a kick or any physical abuse other than possibly being subjected to it also?
Your thoughts and ideas are way out of logical approach. Actually you are advocating a retaliation for possibly imagined actions or statements. That is what separates adults from the strained thru a bedsheet moron. I have scars, bullet holes in a house and chopped down doors from imagined actions by a drunken maniac who is probably in an eternal barbeque. Some of us take a bit longer than others to smarten up after being knocked down so much. Kids bear the brunt of the whole situation, they take it in and never forget. How the adult deals with it will show that child the path that they will grow up in. Counseling is needed though, once you start take the kids, they need to be reinforced and helped to
work thru this type of horrific life. If you feel hitting someone is so correct OP
wonder if you cried so copiously when Quadaffi, Saddam Hussein, Tojo and Goering were dealt justice.
 brownie360
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 175
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/23/2011 3:13:23 PM
Now get a RESTRAINING ORDER for him not to come to your home, child's school or your place of employment. Also include the places of employment and or residences of family members and friends. You can file this under the domestic violence act and it will cost you nothing. Alert all of your family members and close friends of what's going on. Be clear, careful and aware of what is going on and be on alert of your surroundings and carry MACE or PEPPER SPRAY!
 cin____dy
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 176
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/23/2011 5:29:47 PM
End it! Just because it took him 3 years does not mean he isn't capable of more. The first time someone gets violent with you reguardless of how long you have been together should be the last time.
If he gets violent when drinking that is not unusual, that is when a lot of people's anger and personalities they hide come out.
Once a person crosses the line and becomes violent it gets eaier and easier for them to do it, sure they boo hoo hoo and apologize, but I promise you 99% of the time it will happen again, might be a long time but might not.
 musical_turtle
Joined: 3/11/2011
Msg: 177
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/24/2011 11:25:09 AM
Don't try to understand why he did it...
Don't try to 'help him' out with his issues...
Don't look for the pros in the relationship so you can stay together...
The fact is this guy, an adult, could NOT control his alcohol consumption.
He also kicked you in the ribs, NEXT time it could be your head...and you could be in a coma. If he hit you once....he'll do it again. Besides, is this the type of male example you want for your son? That if he argues with a woman and is drunk...it's an excuse that it's okay to hit her?You should leave this relationship A.S.A.P, and find someone else.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 178
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/24/2011 4:25:59 PM
I agree with Peppermint, LEAVE! You've gotta lookout for yourself OP. Any partner that doesn't look out for you is not right for you, period.
 ModernTLC
Joined: 10/2/2011
Msg: 179
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/24/2011 4:46:35 PM
Once is one time too many and the fear and uncertainty you will live with will eventually get to you. The trust has been shattered so move forward and take some time to heal.

Keep you and your son safe- LEAVE!
 DarkTallnSweet
Joined: 10/11/2010
Msg: 180
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/24/2011 7:23:58 PM
Leave asap! Domestic violence starts off with a push or shove accidentally and progresses to something worse. There is NEVER an excuse for violence and he probably remembers but the point is he showed you his real side.

There are many other men out there and would love to be in a relationship with you. However, they will not be violent. Again leave for the sake of your child and yourself.
 pretzelman60
Joined: 9/27/2011
Msg: 181
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/24/2011 7:56:32 PM
No chance. They always promise to "reform". If he hit you once, it is likely he will do it again. No one deserves that. Male or female. I mention this because some women are just as guilty. First the "I didn't know what I was doing" excuses. Then more frequent beatings. Then in front of your son. Then the son. Stop it before it escalates. That's it in a nutshell


JMO
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 182
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/24/2011 8:11:40 PM
Not the first time... and certainly not the last.
Nor are you unique.
there's many others.
We never seem to learn.
Doomed to make the same mistakes over and over.
What is particularly sad is the next guy/s will end up paying for this boyfriend's abuse towards you.
I guarantee it.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 185
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/25/2011 9:30:50 AM
Alcoholics are sick people, it is a treatable disease
and abuse is never ok, ever
 kcladyz
Joined: 8/7/2009
Msg: 186
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/26/2011 5:31:57 PM
Well let him try the counceling, if he backs out then dump him. give him may be one try to get better
 GeorgeT13
Joined: 10/20/2011
Msg: 187
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/26/2011 6:53:17 PM
My father was a terrible drunk and always claimed to never remember what happened. It's a terrible thing. I've been quite drunk before and never, ever pushed anyone around whatsoever. I don't understand how men can do that stuff. I would never utter a harsh word to my daughter or any woman I was in a relationship with.

If a man does that sort of thing, I would hold off on the relationship and get him some help. If he doesn't take the help or if he continues with his behavior, then leave him or it will never change. It will ruin your life.
 playfulpete
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 189
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/27/2011 7:23:03 AM
Leave now,He did it once , He could do it again. Nip it in the butt while you can,no women needs to put up with it,not even once.I have heard women say that they love them or care for them but love should hurt physically.There are men out there who can be a surrogate dad to your son with out getting drunk and hitting you.Being drunk is not an excuse.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 190
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/27/2011 9:59:31 AM
I wouldn't put a lot of value on the drinking. It's an easy out, an excuse for his behavior. Any person who drinks is just as responsible for whatever they do while drunk, as a sober person is. The alcohol is not a behavioral factor, it just lowered his ability to control his reaction.

Your physical safety is the primary concern. However, contrite he may be, if there is no accountability, there will be no change in behavior. At least temporarily, you should not see him, until and unless he has some intervention. I would talk to whoever he goes to, before you start to see him again and get their assurance that he is "safe". Even then, I wouldn't be alone with him for a period of time until he proves to your satisfaction that he truly has changed.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 192
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/27/2011 10:58:17 AM
I so agree with bucsgirl!!............

People do what they want to do, need to do, and must do, and using any outside influence is nothing more than an excuse. I remember the days when young and the girls would drink and then do all types of things and claim it was the alcohol that did it....lmao

Most do what they want, and it does not matter if drinking or doing most drugs, it is a part of your personality and style............and those of us that are not abusers, will not abuse no matter what other outside influences are there or not.

cd..............
 tigerspawn
Joined: 8/9/2011
Msg: 193
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/27/2011 2:36:39 PM
Please listen to me carefully. Dont believe him. My mom dated a man that was wonderful and kind. The family fast fell in love with him. My dad was never around and he filled that spot. At the time He was the best thing that ever happened to me and my family. He became the biggest demon that my mother ever allowed to step through the doors of our home.I was only 4 years old when he came into our lives. At first it was awesome i dont think we had ever been that happy. He would get drunk and anything and everything would set him off. Later he would claim that he didnt remember. He would cry, beg, and plead until he was forgiven. My mother would always forgive him. It just allowed the monster to grow and fell safe. Eventually you become numb to the abuse and accept it as part of the routine. Years later you may even convince yourself ,like my mother, that it never happened. Your child on the other hand wont forget. They will live in constant fear that the monster will get out of its cage. They will lose sleep with worry that it will eventually kill someone. Your child is affected by every choice you make. They are shaped by your decisions. Dont allow this man to damage your child. Sometimes the deepest scars are the ones you cant see. May God give you the strength in whatever you decide to do.
 develdude
Joined: 4/6/2011
Msg: 194
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/28/2011 10:52:58 AM
time to go people who assult women dont stop at one
 cleoishere
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 195
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/28/2011 5:12:41 PM
Are you crazy? Forget him!
You feel betrayed and numb now, tomorow you will miss him. In a year you'll be married, he WILL do it again, and you're stuck. I have felt and thought what you have...if you need an ear, you can message me.
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 198
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/30/2011 11:34:37 AM
I think he needs to see a doctor. My guess is he had a psychotic episode, and he should never drink again. Could very well be alcohol induced on top of brain damage, even a childhood accident of falling on his head. Ask him about head injuries.

Add lots of intoxicants to brain damage and you can get a very spooky character who may not even remember what happened. Or he has a borderline psychosis brought on with alcohol intoxication without an injury. That one i would definitely walk away from.

Good Luck!
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