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Joined: 10/11/2010
Msg: 180
Physically abused for the first timePage 7 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Leave asap! Domestic violence starts off with a push or shove accidentally and progresses to something worse. There is NEVER an excuse for violence and he probably remembers but the point is he showed you his real side.

There are many other men out there and would love to be in a relationship with you. However, they will not be violent. Again leave for the sake of your child and yourself.
Joined: 9/27/2011
Msg: 181
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/24/2011 7:56:32 PM
No chance. They always promise to "reform". If he hit you once, it is likely he will do it again. No one deserves that. Male or female. I mention this because some women are just as guilty. First the "I didn't know what I was doing" excuses. Then more frequent beatings. Then in front of your son. Then the son. Stop it before it escalates. That's it in a nutshell

Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 182
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/24/2011 8:11:40 PM
Not the first time... and certainly not the last.
Nor are you unique.
there's many others.
We never seem to learn.
Doomed to make the same mistakes over and over.
What is particularly sad is the next guy/s will end up paying for this boyfriend's abuse towards you.
I guarantee it.
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 183
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/24/2011 8:21:01 PM
I HAVE to respond to this.

A great guy I was involved with turned psycho one night. I don't have time (or desire) to go into the details. I was crying to my brother about it all and he was as baffled by the behavior as I. Then my brother - the doctor - recalled that my guy had recently started some new medication. Yep. It was the meds. He switched prescriptions and we've never had a repeat. That was several years ago. Just check to be sure before you throw away your relationship.
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 184
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/24/2011 8:42:54 PM
perhaps i got it all wrong here, but coming from someone who has escaped a violent marriage, once it happens it only gets easier each passing time and more frequent. ive heard it all, ill stop drinking, go to church , get help, etc... each time it just got worse... sweetie, you gotta do what you gotta do. i left my ex and he was the absolute love of my life and i didnt think i would live thru it, i coiuldnt breathe... but i had to love myself more. ill keep you in my thoughts and prayers! ( sorry for typing im 1/2 asleep lol) hugs....
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 185
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/25/2011 9:30:50 AM
Alcoholics are sick people, it is a treatable disease
and abuse is never ok, ever
Joined: 8/7/2009
Msg: 186
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/26/2011 5:31:57 PM
Well let him try the counceling, if he backs out then dump him. give him may be one try to get better
Joined: 10/20/2011
Msg: 187
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/26/2011 6:53:17 PM
My father was a terrible drunk and always claimed to never remember what happened. It's a terrible thing. I've been quite drunk before and never, ever pushed anyone around whatsoever. I don't understand how men can do that stuff. I would never utter a harsh word to my daughter or any woman I was in a relationship with.

If a man does that sort of thing, I would hold off on the relationship and get him some help. If he doesn't take the help or if he continues with his behavior, then leave him or it will never change. It will ruin your life.
Joined: 9/16/2011
Msg: 188
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/26/2011 7:03:18 PM
Follow your mind and end that relationship. He just giving you a taste of what to expect once you both move in together. So far he has hid his true self or maybe you have ignored so of the those red flags. (Be safe for you and you child)
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 189
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/27/2011 7:23:03 AM
Leave now,He did it once , He could do it again. Nip it in the butt while you can,no women needs to put up with it,not even once.I have heard women say that they love them or care for them but love should hurt physically.There are men out there who can be a surrogate dad to your son with out getting drunk and hitting you.Being drunk is not an excuse.
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 190
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/27/2011 9:59:31 AM
I wouldn't put a lot of value on the drinking. It's an easy out, an excuse for his behavior. Any person who drinks is just as responsible for whatever they do while drunk, as a sober person is. The alcohol is not a behavioral factor, it just lowered his ability to control his reaction.

Your physical safety is the primary concern. However, contrite he may be, if there is no accountability, there will be no change in behavior. At least temporarily, you should not see him, until and unless he has some intervention. I would talk to whoever he goes to, before you start to see him again and get their assurance that he is "safe". Even then, I wouldn't be alone with him for a period of time until he proves to your satisfaction that he truly has changed.
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 192
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/27/2011 10:58:17 AM
I so agree with bucsgirl!!............

People do what they want to do, need to do, and must do, and using any outside influence is nothing more than an excuse. I remember the days when young and the girls would drink and then do all types of things and claim it was the alcohol that did it....lmao

Most do what they want, and it does not matter if drinking or doing most drugs, it is a part of your personality and style............and those of us that are not abusers, will not abuse no matter what other outside influences are there or not.

Joined: 8/9/2011
Msg: 193
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/27/2011 2:36:39 PM
Please listen to me carefully. Dont believe him. My mom dated a man that was wonderful and kind. The family fast fell in love with him. My dad was never around and he filled that spot. At the time He was the best thing that ever happened to me and my family. He became the biggest demon that my mother ever allowed to step through the doors of our home.I was only 4 years old when he came into our lives. At first it was awesome i dont think we had ever been that happy. He would get drunk and anything and everything would set him off. Later he would claim that he didnt remember. He would cry, beg, and plead until he was forgiven. My mother would always forgive him. It just allowed the monster to grow and fell safe. Eventually you become numb to the abuse and accept it as part of the routine. Years later you may even convince yourself ,like my mother, that it never happened. Your child on the other hand wont forget. They will live in constant fear that the monster will get out of its cage. They will lose sleep with worry that it will eventually kill someone. Your child is affected by every choice you make. They are shaped by your decisions. Dont allow this man to damage your child. Sometimes the deepest scars are the ones you cant see. May God give you the strength in whatever you decide to do.
Joined: 4/6/2011
Msg: 194
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/28/2011 10:52:58 AM
time to go people who assult women dont stop at one
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 195
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/28/2011 5:12:41 PM
Are you crazy? Forget him!
You feel betrayed and numb now, tomorow you will miss him. In a year you'll be married, he WILL do it again, and you're stuck. I have felt and thought what you have...if you need an ear, you can message me.
Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 197
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/30/2011 10:55:20 AM
Message 11 nailed it

"The cemetery is full of forgiving partners, so are prisons full of women who had enough."
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 198
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/30/2011 11:34:37 AM
I think he needs to see a doctor. My guess is he had a psychotic episode, and he should never drink again. Could very well be alcohol induced on top of brain damage, even a childhood accident of falling on his head. Ask him about head injuries.

Add lots of intoxicants to brain damage and you can get a very spooky character who may not even remember what happened. Or he has a borderline psychosis brought on with alcohol intoxication without an injury. That one i would definitely walk away from.

Good Luck!
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 199
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/30/2011 1:20:36 PM
Girl where is your self esteem and self respect? You have a child to protect. GET RID OF HIM NOW! Not only can he hit you when he's drunk, but he can hit you when he is sober as well. It doesn't matter if it was only once. ONCE IS ALL IT TAKES! If you don't get rid of this LOSER your child will grow to resent you.

I was in an abusive relationship myself. I tossed him to the trash! My son is # 1 and yours should be too!
Joined: 9/19/2011
Msg: 200
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/31/2011 12:09:19 AM
i was in a abusive relationship, and it always seemed to happen when he was drunk...he threw things at me (while i was pregnant with his child) called me every name in the book. took away my phone and even junked my car...he was controlling and a monster. he lied about EVERYTHING!!!! It always seemed that after the fight was over and we cooled down he was back to his "loving self" . what im trying to say is...if he can do it once, he can and prolly will do it again.
Joined: 10/8/2011
Msg: 201
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/31/2011 11:53:30 AM
This man obviously has some serious problems. The fact that he was shocked by his own behavior only makes it more serious, as he has little insight into the workings of his own mind.

My guess is that the closer you get to this man, the more dangerous he will become. If you marry him, you will be endangering, not only yourself, but your son as well. However difficult it might be to leave him at this point, it will not get any easier with time.

Leave now.
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 202
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/31/2011 12:09:23 PM
Alcohol turns the nicest people into morons....
Son beats mother, Man hits police, etc.....
People who never raises a hand at someone will do it with alcohol...
People make mistakes, but responsible people will try their very best not to make the same mistake again. If he is really that great in the last 3 years and willing to go see a counsellor, quit drinking, etc...I'd say give him a chance,
if he starts drinking again, whether he hits you or not, it's over because it's obvious he isn't trying hard enough...make sure he knows that..
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 203
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 11/1/2011 7:13:18 AM
No Matter how upset I have been at my wife I would never ever think of laying a hand on her,let alone any woman. Get away from him right away,he will never change. He will beg plead for forgivness,he will promise he will change but never will !!!!!!! There are lots of good guys out there that would never lay a finger on a woman, it may take some time but you will find one of those guys !!
Joined: 4/26/2011
Msg: 204
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 11/1/2011 7:24:28 AM
The violent tendencies are already there. Alcohol may not be his only trigger. Don't be around to find out what the other triggers may be. There are plenty more fish in the sea who know how to treat a woman.
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 205
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 4/26/2012 11:32:32 AM
Get out of town now.You let him back it will happen again.
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 206
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 4/26/2012 4:45:58 PM
honestly you have to think of it this way. everyone can can say oh im going to change but ACTIONS ARE BETTER THAN WORDS! my ex boyfriend abused me so much i almost committed suicide it starts as that believe me. it starts all of a sudden nand you begin to blame youself like maybe i did something wrong or maybe it was me. ITS NEVER YOU!!!! you have to think about it this way he did it once hes going to do it again maybe more times and whats going to happen is hes going to feel power and control and when he beats you hes going to find something else to get it on and it might be your child you never know. so i say you should wait let him prove himself to you put a guard up but not to big. let him in but not too much. dont give yourself away i honestly think you should give in as much as you would for a ne friend then if does it again then call it off you are not too much emotionally tied to him you wont feel as much pain and it will let you see that i dont need that in my life
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