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 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 192
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Physically abused for the first timePage 8 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I so agree with bucsgirl!!............

People do what they want to do, need to do, and must do, and using any outside influence is nothing more than an excuse. I remember the days when young and the girls would drink and then do all types of things and claim it was the alcohol that did it....lmao

Most do what they want, and it does not matter if drinking or doing most drugs, it is a part of your personality and style............and those of us that are not abusers, will not abuse no matter what other outside influences are there or not.

cd..............
 tigerspawn
Joined: 8/9/2011
Msg: 193
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/27/2011 2:36:39 PM
Please listen to me carefully. Dont believe him. My mom dated a man that was wonderful and kind. The family fast fell in love with him. My dad was never around and he filled that spot. At the time He was the best thing that ever happened to me and my family. He became the biggest demon that my mother ever allowed to step through the doors of our home.I was only 4 years old when he came into our lives. At first it was awesome i dont think we had ever been that happy. He would get drunk and anything and everything would set him off. Later he would claim that he didnt remember. He would cry, beg, and plead until he was forgiven. My mother would always forgive him. It just allowed the monster to grow and fell safe. Eventually you become numb to the abuse and accept it as part of the routine. Years later you may even convince yourself ,like my mother, that it never happened. Your child on the other hand wont forget. They will live in constant fear that the monster will get out of its cage. They will lose sleep with worry that it will eventually kill someone. Your child is affected by every choice you make. They are shaped by your decisions. Dont allow this man to damage your child. Sometimes the deepest scars are the ones you cant see. May God give you the strength in whatever you decide to do.
 develdude
Joined: 4/6/2011
Msg: 194
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/28/2011 10:52:58 AM
time to go people who assult women dont stop at one
 cleoishere
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 195
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/28/2011 5:12:41 PM
Are you crazy? Forget him!
You feel betrayed and numb now, tomorow you will miss him. In a year you'll be married, he WILL do it again, and you're stuck. I have felt and thought what you have...if you need an ear, you can message me.
 misterbrown1
Joined: 8/4/2010
Msg: 196
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/29/2011 11:12:24 PM
If, you actually have feelings for him, then wait to see if he can actually quit drinking and seek counselling, if not, there really wont be much hope, he most likely will get drunk again, and repeat what just happened, you and your son don't deserve that kind of treatment
 pirateheaven
Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 197
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/30/2011 10:55:20 AM
Message 11 nailed it

"The cemetery is full of forgiving partners, so are prisons full of women who had enough."
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 198
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/30/2011 11:34:37 AM
I think he needs to see a doctor. My guess is he had a psychotic episode, and he should never drink again. Could very well be alcohol induced on top of brain damage, even a childhood accident of falling on his head. Ask him about head injuries.

Add lots of intoxicants to brain damage and you can get a very spooky character who may not even remember what happened. Or he has a borderline psychosis brought on with alcohol intoxication without an injury. That one i would definitely walk away from.

Good Luck!
 kfpns2011
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 199
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/30/2011 1:20:36 PM
Girl where is your self esteem and self respect? You have a child to protect. GET RID OF HIM NOW! Not only can he hit you when he's drunk, but he can hit you when he is sober as well. It doesn't matter if it was only once. ONCE IS ALL IT TAKES! If you don't get rid of this LOSER your child will grow to resent you.

I was in an abusive relationship myself. I tossed him to the trash! My son is # 1 and yours should be too!
 hawkeye_g1rl
Joined: 9/19/2011
Msg: 200
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/31/2011 12:09:19 AM
i was in a abusive relationship, and it always seemed to happen when he was drunk...he threw things at me (while i was pregnant with his child) called me every name in the book. took away my phone and even junked my car...he was controlling and a monster. he lied about EVERYTHING!!!! It always seemed that after the fight was over and we cooled down he was back to his "loving self" . what im trying to say is...if he can do it once, he can and prolly will do it again.
 Vegebond
Joined: 10/8/2011
Msg: 201
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/31/2011 11:53:30 AM
This man obviously has some serious problems. The fact that he was shocked by his own behavior only makes it more serious, as he has little insight into the workings of his own mind.

My guess is that the closer you get to this man, the more dangerous he will become. If you marry him, you will be endangering, not only yourself, but your son as well. However difficult it might be to leave him at this point, it will not get any easier with time.

Leave now.
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 202
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/31/2011 12:09:23 PM
Alcohol turns the nicest people into morons....
Son beats mother, Man hits police, etc.....
People who never raises a hand at someone will do it with alcohol...
People make mistakes, but responsible people will try their very best not to make the same mistake again. If he is really that great in the last 3 years and willing to go see a counsellor, quit drinking, etc...I'd say give him a chance,
if he starts drinking again, whether he hits you or not, it's over because it's obvious he isn't trying hard enough...make sure he knows that..
 Sports_Nut2011
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 203
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 11/1/2011 7:13:18 AM
No Matter how upset I have been at my wife I would never ever think of laying a hand on her,let alone any woman. Get away from him right away,he will never change. He will beg plead for forgivness,he will promise he will change but never will !!!!!!! There are lots of good guys out there that would never lay a finger on a woman, it may take some time but you will find one of those guys !!
 Kariann71
Joined: 4/26/2011
Msg: 204
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 11/1/2011 7:24:28 AM
The violent tendencies are already there. Alcohol may not be his only trigger. Don't be around to find out what the other triggers may be. There are plenty more fish in the sea who know how to treat a woman.
 playfulpete
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 205
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 4/26/2012 11:32:32 AM
Get out of town now.You let him back it will happen again.
 deleting_this_soon_18
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 206
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 4/26/2012 4:45:58 PM
honestly you have to think of it this way. everyone can can say oh im going to change but ACTIONS ARE BETTER THAN WORDS! my ex boyfriend abused me so much i almost committed suicide it starts as that believe me. it starts all of a sudden nand you begin to blame youself like maybe i did something wrong or maybe it was me. ITS NEVER YOU!!!! you have to think about it this way he did it once hes going to do it again maybe more times and whats going to happen is hes going to feel power and control and when he beats you hes going to find something else to get it on and it might be your child you never know. so i say you should wait let him prove himself to you put a guard up but not to big. let him in but not too much. dont give yourself away i honestly think you should give in as much as you would for a ne friend then if does it again then call it off you are not too much emotionally tied to him you wont feel as much pain and it will let you see that i dont need that in my life
 onlydateIF
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 207
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 4/26/2012 4:59:06 PM
I'm sorry to hear that OP!
here are some numbers for you or anyone else who finds themself in a similar situation:

National Domestic Violence Hotline: (800)799-SAFE (1800-799-7233)

National Dating Abuse Hotline: (866)331-9474

National Sexual Assault Hotline: (800)656-HOPE (800-656-4673)
I Hope one of these free hotlines might help you figure out next steps.
Best wishes of comfort :)
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 208
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 4/26/2012 6:26:42 PM
Leave..before it becomes a cycle... this is what abusers do.. they abuse you... then they get all nice and gooey and beg you back and promise you anything you want. Even more scary that he doesn't remember it.. or won't admit to remembering it.. like that somehow makes it ok? Of course he will do anything to save the relationship, you could have him put in jail! He wants to stop you from pursuing this. If you take him back, you have given him the green light to repeat his actions, afterall all he has to do is make some empty promises and act all sorry he did it..
 Meems919
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 209
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 4/26/2012 6:31:51 PM
This is from months ago, and the OP stated she left him. Read the date on these resurrected threads.
 1womanman33
Joined: 3/25/2012
Msg: 210
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 4/26/2012 7:28:31 PM
I think he might be sincere, but you shouldn't be the one to find out. If he's truly honest about addressing his issues, I think he can do it without you. That's something he'll have to deal with alone or committed moving forward.
 Aura1shine
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 211
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 4/26/2012 8:00:12 PM
Thank God that she left the abusive relationship! If there is a first, it almost garanteed will the second and third....till the reciving end leave, dead or in jail for self defend. The guy has an anger issue and has not been resolved and will blow out when someone pull the emotional trigger.
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 212
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 12/7/2013 5:27:19 PM
good advice. living apart is different than living together. This side of him is REAL and the snake will show itself again.

A friend was slapped early in her marriage---he begged...did the honeymoon thing and promised NEVER to slap her again. She PROMISED to leave if it happened again. EIGHT yrs later---he slapped her again. SHE LEFT. why wait for his repeat performance? it will come.
 usmale6
Joined: 9/14/2013
Msg: 213
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 12/8/2013 7:37:28 AM
Some people don't handle alcohol very well (ya think?!). They can screw up their entire lives... and apparently, in as little as one day.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 214
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 12/8/2013 12:12:08 PM

goldpot wrote:

Need some advise.I have been seeing someone for nearly three years. In a nutshell he is a great guy. He is loving, loyal and a wonderful sorrogate dad to my son. We dont live together but had been talking about doing so this year.

Besides the odd arguements and ocassional bickering, he has never been mentally nor physically abusive.

Three weeks ago he got drunk for the first time and turned into a monster. He became disorientated, he pushed me about, spoke to me very aggressively and he kicked me in the ribs.
We are both shocked at his reaction. Me particularly because he couldnt remember the dreadful incident!

So now we are on a break and I am thinking of ending our relationpship. He is beside himself. Says he will stop drinking, see a councillor, do anything to save our relatioship. I just feel really betrayed, empty, numb. I never thought he would do that to me . I have been drunk sometimes and I would never hit anyone

I dont know what to do


HOLY CRAP!!!! My mother could have written this post about the man she was seeing when I was 12 years old!!! I know diddly about relationships, but having lived through the hell this guy put us through, I can speak with authority on this one.

Lady - DROP THIS BASTART LIKE A SACK OF ROCKS!!!! IMMEDIATELY!!!

NUFF SAID!
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 216
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 12/12/2013 4:43:01 PM

Hi there OPĀ 


News flash...OP's been gone over 2 years.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 217
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 12/12/2013 8:39:52 PM
No matter if OPs gone. Others in same situation...

I give them 2 chances. the first time I tell them, I'm gonna give yo the benefit of a doubt this time. If there is a next time, one of us will go out of here on a stretcher and it won't be me. One guy did try to force himself on me after we broke up. I told him, if I ever saw him again, I'd call the police on hm. Problem solved


My sis's ex abused her. I didn't know till way later. She finally told him the next time someone asked about the bruises she was not gonna lie for him. He never did it again.

Not all stop so easily
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