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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Should I take her back?      Home login  
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 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 26
Should I take her back?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Is the 9 year old child yours? Or hers from another relationship? You said you have been w/her for 4 years. Her behavior isn't going to change. If you take her back you will get more of the same. If you get out of this hell, request a paternity test before you start paying any child support. The cheating was probably going on from the very beginning. She wants your wallet back so her bills will be paid. This way she can have her cake & eat it too. This situation is going to age you in ways you never imagined. It's hard to leave w/kids, but this is not a good environment for the kids to be in. You are a nice guy trying to do the right thing. You deserve a woman who will not humiliate you, lie, manipulate & use you as a door mat.
 Easygoin68a
Joined: 5/17/2011
Msg: 27
Should I take her back?
Posted: 8/28/2011 1:33:59 PM
Hey Bud - A broken heart, along with familiar territory, makes for an easy path to go back. However, every time you do, and it does not work out, you have to begin the "it is over" process. Sounds like you are pretty good dude, so if I were you - don't think I would be going back.

Sorry to hear yer going thru this, but hang in there
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 28
Should I take her back?
Posted: 8/28/2011 1:35:34 PM
I don't read other posts until after I have written mine, so now I see the younger child is yours. Since you have raised her/him as your own that says a lot about you! I have the utmost respect for men like you. She is an idiot. Her loss. With the way she is acting, she may not end up w/custody, she may not want custody. Good for you, she would probably spend the child support money at the bar or on these other guys anyway. The kids will be a nusance to her, & in the way of her partying lifestyle. She is nothing but trouble, move on.
 miss pisces
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 29
Should I take her back?
Posted: 8/28/2011 3:08:31 PM
I have always believed that couples with children should try their best to work things out. However, in this case, she doesn't want to work things out; she lies, goes out with other guys, has an FB, bad mouths you. She may say she wants to get back together, but she's putting absolutely no effort into it. Things are not going to change. If you take her back, she may be fine for a few weeks but then as soon as another chump comes into view, she'll be after him.
 SweetofSerendipity
Joined: 8/1/2011
Msg: 30
Should I take her back?
Posted: 8/28/2011 3:34:40 PM
Yes there will be more heartache in taking her back. And yes you should move on. Many of us have had to come to terms with divorce, it's not easy when kids are involved. But why would you want to be with someone who has a wandering eye that is clear you cannot make her happy? Find someone who thinks you are the best guy around. No one deserves to be with someone 'just because'. Good luck to you.
 kevinlovett1976
Joined: 9/15/2010
Msg: 31
Should I take her back?
Posted: 8/28/2011 4:42:09 PM
Ask yourself, would she have really done this if she loved me? Hard as it may be, I would move on.
 Tim0066
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 32
Should I take her back?
Posted: 8/28/2011 8:27:51 PM

Why would you want to take someone back who has no respect for you or your feelings? Do you enjoy laying down like a doormat to be walked over?


Men do some really stupid stuff for girls

Incase you never noticed...

Anyways, OP... you should move on. Take some time for yourself and your kids, AWAY from the mom... take them for long weekends, Friday thru Monday... get used to that and start the cycle early so you can keep it... or even get full custody and let her take them every other weekend.

Go seek legal advice... go get drunk, go get laid, go get a gf... then man up and go be a dad not a doormat for a woman who doesn't love you.

I'm just amazed when people think they should "work it out" because of the kids... they're NOT thinking about their kids... they are thinking about themselves and the other parent so they still get sex from them... the kids are just a bargaining chip and its disgusting.

Grow up. Go be a real dad and stop using your kids as an excuse to stay in a relationship that is obviously doomed. The kids would be WORSE if you stayed together, they would be better if you seperated and they didn't have to see first hand how to treat people like crap. They will only grow into adults and do in their own relationships as they saw their parents do.
 pasmal
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 33
Should I take her back?
Posted: 8/28/2011 9:46:17 PM
Her behavior is unacceptable. Just because you have kids does not mean you should stay with this selfish, immature user. Get a lawyer and protect your rights. Kids do not want this drama. Ugh. I'm sorry, you are young and the kids will be hurt but try to help them by being civil to her, not bad mouthing her. I guess you need to understand love does not mean all this pain. This woman has major issues.
 unclezeus
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 34
Should I take her back?
Posted: 8/28/2011 9:52:54 PM

Should I take her back?


No.

You wasted too much time with her already. Make appropriate child support payments for 216 months and go find a better woman.
 jambrivt
Joined: 5/23/2011
Msg: 35
Should I take her back?
Posted: 8/29/2011 10:05:22 AM
Goddamn, she did all that to you and you need perfect strangers to tell you to turn around and run away from her as fast as you can? This woman is an absolute train wreck
 AlreadyTakenBootboy
Joined: 11/5/2009
Msg: 36
Should I take her back?
Posted: 8/29/2011 10:21:10 AM
she sounds pritty dodgy from the sounds of yer post. Leave her!
 mariacba
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 37
Should I take her back?
Posted: 8/29/2011 10:27:26 AM
Hard to give advice ,everyone makes her own path in life with trial an errors.
Nevermind,I'll try to give you some ideas just for you to think about:

She seems very manipulative ,selfish and inmature .What may change if you take her back??.Will you give her a chance ?? Why??.Could you forget and forgive all the damage that it has been done to the couple??. Do you really deserve to be with a person like this???.
And most important of all.Don't fear any results. Just chooses what is best for you.

And of course ,you'll always be in contact with her if you are a good father but that doesn't mean that you cannot be happy with a downtoearth lovely woman who knows how to respect her man.
Hope I could help you
regards
maria
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 38
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History
Should I take her back?
Posted: 8/29/2011 10:45:41 AM
From your information my guess is that the relationship ran it's course.

You have done the right thing by stepping back, the most important thing is that you be there for your children, and you do not need the Mom to do that. Unless the two of you go for relationship counseling or she changes her behavior 100% you will not succeed and will only prolong the agony by getting back together.
She sounds very typical of someone that thinks they lost their youth or missed out on some great life by having a kid too young. You are far far easier target for her then looking inward to her own bad mistakes.
 lovefun99
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 39
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History
Should I take her back?
Posted: 8/29/2011 11:26:31 AM
Are you sure that the 3 y.o. is even yours? I would get a paternity test done ASAP but no matter what the outcome, kick that whoore to the curb and get on with your life. Please learn from this and don't fall for the same kind of woman again.
 carmanwilly
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 40
Should I take her back?
Posted: 8/29/2011 8:16:08 PM
If this doesnt return to some fasion of the old format, I will say GOOD BYE!!!!

Billy
 twelfth_dimension
Joined: 7/23/2011
Msg: 41
Should I take her back?
Posted: 8/29/2011 8:18:32 PM
Yes you should take her back, but first you should stencil the word "Welcome" on your forehead and sprawl out in front of the doorway.
 starlightstarbright1
Joined: 7/20/2010
Msg: 42
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History
Should I take her back?
Posted: 8/29/2011 8:21:06 PM
Take a deep breath and give yourself some time. Stop being there for her. And work on you and your kids. She sounds immature and has no idea what she wants or even more what it means to have a deep commited relationship. You sound like a nice guy. Stay away from women for at least 6 months or longer. Your kids need you most!! Be the best Dad you can be. You'll land on your feet and in the arms of a good women.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 43
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History
Should I take her back?
Posted: 8/30/2011 2:06:08 AM
Well said beenambedie. He should check narcissist thread. Sounds like what I have been through. She has poor boundaries and very inappropriate behavior and needs chaos to feel normal. Bad for a committed relationship. Get off the rollercoaster ride!
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 44
view profile
History
Should I take her back?
Posted: 8/30/2011 2:18:40 AM
Iceman: Absolutely on point! Hope he takes all the advice to heart. Can't change somebody who doesn't want to change.
 gothicgirl86
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 45
Should I take her back?
Posted: 9/2/2011 5:57:53 PM
Hell no! tell that trick to go away; you deserve better!
 playfulpete
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 46
Should I take her back?
Posted: 1/19/2012 8:24:53 AM
Can we say pvssy whipped.She doesn,t want you.Move on.She has told you she doesn,t want you.Just be there for the kids and that is it
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 47
Should I take her back?
Posted: 1/19/2012 2:40:37 PM
We can't make that decision for you. It's up to you whether or not you want to keep getting used.
 ThatGuy1082
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 48
Should I take her back?
Posted: 1/19/2012 3:27:03 PM
Damage is done. She's a cheater with low self esteem trying to fulfill something she'll never get from anyone until she finds peace within. YES you are asking for more heartache and more drama by staying with her. She doesn't love you Dude. You are her suggar daddy, someone she has used and played time and time again, and you let her get away with it. There's no respect here and you can't love someone you don't respect, or trust for that matter. Move on...........
 adora71
Joined: 2/8/2010
Msg: 49
Should I take her back?
Posted: 1/19/2012 11:46:28 PM
I am guessing that the OP does not really believe this woman loves him. He is hanging on only to give some normalcy to the children's lives and he may feel a bit lost on the inside.

OP: If my guess is correct, this is my advice

Talk to a lawyer

Collect data. Anything in her lifestyle that affects the kids, write it down and keep evidence.

Be available when she wants you to take the kids, but keep close track.

Arrange at least 50/50 custody. Try for both kids if you are willing--that nine year old girl needs a normal influence. The mother will probably be happy to do this as it will give her time to sow the wild oats.

Seek counseling for yourself. You are worth much more than this. When you are totally free of her, you will feel an incredible lightness in your soul.

I know this sounds cold and calculated, but you are not dealing with a normal person. The kids will benefit from you getting yourself emotionally healthy--they are actually seeing a very unhealthy, abusive pattern at this time.
 qualityl
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 50
Should I take her back?
Posted: 1/20/2012 1:28:58 PM
I really feel sorry for you, and I believe you have a good soul, and warm heart. To stay in an abusive relationship can really wreck your life and others around you. To love oneself is the beginning of a life long romance. Its sounds like you do not love yourself because of her behavior. I would not have given her a ring when a relationship is so bad, and allowing the behavior of cheating.
If you sacrifice your growth and talents for sick love, you will not find happiness. True happiness is obtained only by fully realizing your full potential. Loving someone should be a force that helps you expand your life. Being with a cheater has attracted negative karma. Just remember not all woman are cheaters and you need to seek counseling for yourself as well as the children involved. You next girlfriend in life does not need to be hurt because of your present situation. Good luck to you and your children.
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