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 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 26
On POF under false pretence Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Well, he didn't ask you for a profile review, did he?
So why dispense unsolicited advise then?

He does have LT R with all of these women. They bang one another every time they fell like it, like you said. I bet you they all know what's going down with him.
Just up you antibiotic intake if you enjoy this risky business...


 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 27
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 12:41:08 PM
Just because he has a few lady friends to keep him company, and he slept with you, does not mean he isnt looking for long term, it just means he hasnt met a woman he would settle down with and until he does, he is going to have fun.

You cannot hold someone to what they clicked on a profile after you meet in real life. From the moment you meet them, you judge them on thier actions, not what they clicked on some old profile they set up a long time ago.

If he ASKS you your opinion on his profile, then tell him, otherwise, none of your business. As you say yourself, it doesnt matter to you anyways so let him handle his profile as he sees fit.

I am looking for long term too, doesnt mean everyone I meet is going to be long term with me.
 freethink77
Joined: 12/27/2009
Msg: 28
why all the negative judgements over her question?
Posted: 8/31/2011 8:28:34 PM
_____________________________
OP:
It is clear than on the US dominated forums users will try to pick and
have a go at the OP whatever they post about.
***
I didn't ask for judgement on me or gloating because you think I got screwed over or I'm not good enough.
***
...it could be a honest error ... I asked WOULD YOU MENTION HIS PROFILE IN CASE IT IS A MISTAKE ON HIS PART?
***
The problem here is, most of you read what you want to read to have a go at the OP, now it is not just this post I have noticed it is the same people who do it on almost every post yet don't start topics themselves.
________________________________

MESSAGE 9 "if it's that almighty important for you to point out to him what you think is a discrepancy on his fricken PoF profile, then please, by all means do so.
Permission granted. Happy now???"

MESSAGE 10-Maybe you're tied in the false pretense department since you're not being upfront about it.So he admitted he's not looking for anything serious. Maybe he was just talking about you.
_____________________________
MESSAGE 11- OP: Besides who cares as *I just spoke to him and he said he didn't realise it still said long term, ***he thought he was looking for long term originally but isn't ready and has now changed it as it wasn't his intention to lead anyone on, and it is a shame that I have decided I don't want to see him again but understands why.

***op was right...it could be an honest error _________________________________
MESSAGE12 - "why are you making a federal case out of mentioning his "mistake"??...
MESSAGE 13 "I'd suggest that the only reason you're mildly hung up on "correcting" him, is that you resent not being able to get him to commit to you long term, on your conditions."
MESSAGE 17: "Sex on a second date...wow. How impressive"
MESSAGE21: "Sorry I meant its NOT your job to tell him about his profile..."
MESSAGE 22 "Honestly there is no need to feel altruistic and play good samaritan to help him re-write his profile, because he does not care."
MESSAGE 25 "you're being pretty judgmental considering you had sex with a total stranger"
MESSAGE 26 "Well, he didn't ask you for a profile review, did he?
So why dispense unsolicited advise then?"
MESSAGE 27 "You cannot hold someone to what they clicked on a profile after you meet in real life.... If he ASKS you your opinion on his profile, then tell him, otherwise, none of your business."
------------------------------------------

----->to AngelCakes85: ....Wow ... yeah... you definitely got a lot of judgements and assumptions thrown at you-and the guy you speak of.... a lot of people don't read thoroughly enough? or just like to throw out their opinions on stuff you definitely were not asking about...so to answer your actual question, which was :
"So would you mention it or just ignore it as its not your problem?"
I personally would mention it to the person... (you already did what I would have done by message 11 !)

I have told several people about errors or contradictions on their profile
(in emails/IMs )
Example of an obvious contradiction I helped someone with:
He was 'looking for IE' on his profile, yet had a mail restriction saying 'do not contact me if you are looking for an IE'
...he was surprised when i pointed it out (-after he had IMed me)
he said: 'But i'm NOT looking for an intimate encounter! How do I change it?!?'
so I talked him through it.(-he was new to the site and new to the internet as well i think)

Wether it's a contradiction, or an obvious(to me) spelling error in a headline, ... 75% percent of the people I have pointed out errors/contradictions to, have expressed appreciation and made appropriate changes/corrections
(the other 25% either there was no concern for the error or i received no feedback)

------> to all the people I quoted above that were giving the OP unnecessary flack... why not be helpful? why not answer the actual question she asked? why make judgements and insulting remarks? jussayin... think before posting will ya?

I could see the frustration AngelCakes85 went through!!!

Anyhoo... that was my 2cents after reading the ENTIRE thread and responding to the ACTUAL question asked !!
 twelfth_dimension
Joined: 7/23/2011
Msg: 29
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 9:02:22 PM
I quite agree kitten, having seen some of his conquests but at 48 he doesn't have much choice. I think he is after a toy he can have 3 somes with etc but that's just from what he was saying to me.


Let's see ...

You're 26 and in a FWB situation with a man nearly twice your age -- yet stating that he doesn't have many options. Doesn't that reflect rather poorly on you, considering you were one of those options? Might his other "conquests" have looked at you and thought the same thing? I'd say he's doing far better than you -- 6 women on the line at least one of whom is about half his age and gives him regular sex whenever he wants it. You, on the other hand, resort to casual sex with a much older man who "doesn't have much choice" -- claiming that you didn't want anything more, yet now you find yourself obsessing over his status on a dating site.

I'd worry more about that raging case of HPV that necessitated Lletz treatment -- and maybe lay off the casual sex for a while. It doesn't seem to be doing you any favors.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 30
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 11:57:11 PM
well there are tons of people in real life and online that are liars. I dont think this is a huge revelation.
 meowsaidthetigress
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 31
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 9/1/2011 1:45:28 AM
poster #28- you are correct but so are many of the other perspectives.
There can be many facets to every cut stone when placed in the light.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 32
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 9/1/2011 5:43:17 AM

He admitted he doesn't want anything serious, which neither do I but my profile states that and I am open minded to more long term if it happens.


Right! He admitted he didn't want anything serious....with YOU!


I also want to find my soul mate...however If I find a woman attractive but just don't see a future with her, I'll tell her. If she still wants to have sex, and I don't detect any hopefulness of more on her part, I'll probably have sex with her.

That doesn't mean I don't ultimately want a LTR...just not with HER!

Now, too many people take that to mean she wasn't good enough...that's BS! It just means that there's something about us that just isn't going to work.

I dated one woman who wanted to ski every weekend during snow season and bike every non-snow weekend...I don't want to do that...I want to do different things on different weekends...It doesn't mean she was less of a person. I just didn't want her life and she didn't want mine....but we had some great sex...until we moved on.
 voschi
Joined: 8/24/2011
Msg: 33
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 9/1/2011 8:27:40 PM
it was a genuine manipulation of language translation...thats how he sees it as well as many others.

the other side is you have these people that write profiles of the person they wish they were rather than the person they are..so when the meeting happens theres a stark dis-jointment between the person standing in front you and the person described in the profile.

question here is why do you even want to help someone who most likely doesnt want your help for a profile that in essence amounts to a pile of crap under the guise of "dating"
 dliveli
Joined: 5/26/2011
Msg: 34
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 9/2/2011 6:07:27 PM
I think this is what everyone here is pretty much trying to tell this person. U said a mouthful.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 35
view profile
History
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 9/2/2011 11:08:08 PM

It is clear than on the US dominated forums users will try to pick and have a ago at the OP whatever they post about.

and here you are, starting a thread and battling it out. anyone would think you're an american!

question here is why do you even want to help someone who most likely doesnt want your help for a profile that in essence amounts to a pile of crap under the guise of "dating"

sour grapes because he rejected her terms, of course.

I decided all it would be is FWB as long as I wasn't going to be one of many and wouldn't be used every 2 months.

gotta give the girl credit for having the chutzpah to demand that he give up six for the sake of one, but that calls for a stratospheric bedroom standard that she didn't meet (and admittedly, few do), so he turned her down. that stings, so here she is trashing her 'good friend' behind his back.
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 36
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 9/3/2011 1:09:17 AM
He is getting exactly what he wants. Long term may be what he wants but not with you or the other women on the string if indeed that is the case that he has all these women just waiting for his call.

....... If he stated he wants friends with benefits or casual sex he may not get as much response, especially at his age. Talking about his ex is way of keeping his distance
as it is very offputting to any real prospective partner and he would surely know that.

Chemistry is an elusive thing and not being good enough or whatever is not really what it is all about.

As you say you had sex with him knowing the rules and it is not up to you to try to change the way he operates.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 37
view profile
History
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 9/3/2011 3:49:32 AM
OP...

I hope everything works out well on the CIN issue.

Now..you're posting this because you were initially drawn to the guy because of how his profile is, and you once you found out that his profile was not the "truth", you want to do...what? Expose him?

Let's take out the sex..I understand that you fancied him, and you decided to carry on with him, and have sex..completely your decision after you found out he was not who he portrayed himself to be on POF, correct?

I would suggest that you carry on, attempt to meet other men for what you'd like/want, and let this all work as an experience that what you read is not always the truth, and the persons actions, statements..mean more in real life, than what you read.

Does that mean that all men are the same? No.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 38
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 9/3/2011 4:30:54 AM
Let's not forget that the OP knew of this guys promiscuity and intentions BEFORE sleeping with him...


So we had a second date and had sex because I wanted to and after 3 months I needed to (basically I had Lletz treatment so needed to get back in the saddle as it was worrying me)


Now, after doing exactly what he did...she wants to expose HIM?


I also want a LTR...but not with 99% of the women I'm likely to meet...does that mean I don't really want one?

 combicritter
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 39
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 9/4/2011 12:43:45 AM
I say let it go. I kinda was in the same situation with the first person I met from here. He just got out of a 4 year thing earlier this year and wasn't looking for anything serious but acted like he did while we were together. He even asked me to tell him 'i love you' while we lay in bed after sex (which I didn't do) this was last night actually. We were exclusive and hw told me he's falling for me (in more or less words) then today he sees his recent ex and tells me after that they are gonna work it out. I cut ties, you should too. Looks dont matter especially with him poking around in other people. Its fine if its exclusive, but if multiple fwb is the desired outcome, i think a bar would suffice compared to a website. Keep yourself safe, i dont think a man who brags about multiple sex partners is the way to go, even if you aren't looking for anything serious. Good luck ^.^
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 40
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 9/4/2011 10:13:26 AM
....so....the OP dates a guy -- he tells her a lot of red flag issues right away, but she decides to have sex with him for her own satisfaction and then decides to use him for a few months, and after all is said and done --- she blows a fuse because he won't dump the rest of his harem....???

This is more than having a screw loose, this is "some assembly required" on the OP's brain. A lot of working parts are missing.

To top it off, she did the exact same thing as the guy she's slamming. She says she wants LTR, but has this habit of sleeping with every guy she fancies on a routine basis --- even after discovering the guy is not the kind she wants.

OP - do you have an OFF button?

Re: Criticism of the OP --- When you post any question or comment, responders must consider the source. When posing a scenario, many OP's will reveal a strong prejudice in their actions or words which others can see clearly as the cause for the turmoil. IF the OP reveals a complete misunderstanding of what they're asking about, it falls on the responders to correct that misunderstanding.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 41
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 9/4/2011 6:52:21 PM
people lie about their intentions all the time. i know men do it since i've talked to men on here who have told me one thing yet have something else posted on their profiles. i found that once i made it clear that i was looking for true love, and that i did NOT want married men contacting me, i received fewer messages. thank god! it just means less b.s. to wade through.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 42
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 9/4/2011 6:59:09 PM
~OP~ "Long term" on a profile doesn't mean "long term with just anyone." He may not be lying. He may just not wish to venture that "long term" direction with you. Nothing wrong with that ~ he made you no promises. No harm, no foul. If you want long term and aren't happy with how things are working for you ~ change YOU, don't expect to change someone else. JMO
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 43
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 9/4/2011 9:00:07 PM
Egad, the profile pic has changed, but the m.o. is very much the same!!! The OP has a long history of falling head over heals for some guy who barely knows she exists.

How many times are we gonna get this story?! OP -- until you learn to hold back, this horror story is going to play again and again and again.....unfortunately.

Step Away From The Drama
 r90sboxer
Joined: 9/18/2005
Msg: 44
view profile
History
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 9/5/2011 3:50:52 PM
Funny how that one key on the keyboard can make so many things so much easier to understand.......
"Shift"......it puts letters in upper case.........starts sentences.....gives "I" a completely clear definition compared to "i".....
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 45
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 9/5/2011 6:00:28 PM
so this is "I met a bad guy who I know was a bad guy but I f**ked the bad guy anyway and now I'm pissed because he's a bad guy who f**cked me." rant?
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