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Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 51
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Dating guys in the military...Page 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

Actually, being in the military is one of my dealbreakers. Has been all throughout my dating life.

Don't blame you one bit. I am the offspring of two air force officers, he blew my mom off before I was born and I have never met him. I had 9 great years of childhood until the day my mom married a retired army officer. I told her he was mean to me but this was a time when parents never really listened to what a kid had to say. Their marriage started that nightmare of the rest of my young adult hood. I still remember getting my ass beaten for crying at my grandfathers funeral for not being a "man." The physical and mental abuse was horrible and it is a wonder I am a decent person and not a psycho. I am 100% the opposite direction of him. I am everything he never was or will ever be, I am the real man, he is a monster. He did not make me the man I am, I made me the man I am. If I was the man he wanted me to be I would be a monster just like him. Had to put a knife to his throat at 12 to keep him from choking my mom to death. I finally had the strength and power at 15 to stop his abuse by kicking his ass. This is no life for a child. I am friends with many people who grew up with a military man like I did and we all have similar stories of abuse.

He is such a wonderful man I now am stuck with my mother for the rest of her life taking care of her while he goes and has a good time.
Joined: 9/20/2010
Msg: 52
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Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 9/12/2011 1:05:26 PM
Dating someone in the military has also been a deal breaker for me, however, I recently started seeing a guy who served.
My problem is... He's always serving, gone and unreachable for weeks on end.

But I can't help think that he has another life, maybe a family.
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 53
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 9/13/2011 8:14:16 AM
I am writing this from my husband's profile. He is military. I was in the forces myself so I understand the life and frankly, think very highly of most military men. It is however, a very scary proposition for a woman (or man if he is civilian) contemplating a relationship. Even if you are not in a war zone and your life is not at constantly at risk, military people are frequently gone for long periods of time due to training, excercises, teaching assignments, etc. If the person is career military, like my husband is, you can count on years where there will be long absences and that gets even more complicated once you factor in a family.

Add in the fact that MANY military men (and their female counterparts) cheat when they are away from home and it is a big risk for someone to get involved with someone in the military. The divorce rate is very high for military couples, more so than civilian couples. Domestic abuse due to issues of drug use, alcoholism, and PTSD is another problem in more than a few military relationships. You may have none of these issues and may never have them but, you cannot negate the reality of them and the fact that people are going to perceive the military lifestyle negatively by times.

It is a lot to take on. It can, and does work for those mature enough to handle it but, it requires a lot of communication, trust and compromise and lets face it, in today's dating world convenience and expediency seem to be the order of the day. Things that have the word "work" attached to them don't seem like a whole lot of fun. You will need a strong, independent partner that you can trust not to run your life into the ditch when you are off defending your country. That might take a while to find but, don't settle for a bimbo with air for brains just so you don't have to be alone or you too will end up being one of those statistics where the gf/wife cleaned out the bank accounts, emptied the house and boggied off into the sunset with another man while you were off on a deployment.
Joined: 6/16/2011
Msg: 54
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 9/13/2011 6:32:46 PM
I have never heard the term "Open Marriage".. sounds like polygamy lmao.
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 55
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:00:02 PM
I just wanted to see what the ladies on this site think about this topic. I am in the army and am currently deployed. I am going to re-enlist for 5 more years and see what happens. So far, I've gotten the cold shoulder on this site, but I'm guessing it's more because I'm deployed, or gals think that military guys are jerks, or for whatever reasons. Ladies, what is your take on this subject?

First, a pic of you holding a SAW isn't a turn on for women. Too often men forget that women are not turned on by the same things we are.

It's always funny to me when women like "faith" categorize we military men as this or that. Funny thing is you'll not hear a peep out of her about college frat boys who are just as bad (if not worse).

That's the way it goes when you stand out though. Kid dies at a frat party during hazing and it might make the national news for a day (MAYBE). Kid dies during military initiation hazing and it's on the news for months.

Anyway, to the point at hand...

1. Change your profile pics. The women are not impressed with pictures of SAW's and blackhawks. Sorry - WE dig it - they don't.

2. Take that comment of how "you're not looking for a super model or a hawt girl" out of your profile. This statement is a killer. First, it conveys the message that you don't have the confidence to "score a hot girl" if you wanted one. And, secondly, every woman wants to be hot in the eyes of her man... you're already, in a way, telling her she isn't necessarily hot before she even finishes reading your profile.

3. Talk more about what your plans are for the future. Not just OCS... but FUTURE. Talk about your education, talk about your goals...

4. Talk more about YOU. I get that you love your MOS (military occupational skill) - but most women (again as I said above) couldn't care less about that sort of thing.

and finally.... "staying in a cuddling..." cuddling... really? Dude.... in the famous of Chris Carter... Com'on Man.
Joined: 6/7/2010
Msg: 56
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:13:36 PM
I like military men because most are in shape and dont have facial hair which are both big things for me in a guy so. I live in a town full of them so
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 57
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:29:29 PM
I think it would be hard for both men and women in the military to find an SO especially if they are currently overseas or leaving shortly for deployment. Most people need to be physically close to their partner which is probably cause for many young people to stray. I personally would find it difficult to enter into a relationship not because of commitment or fidelity issues but because I would want more than a pen pal. The distance would defintely be the only issue for me.

If I was currently in an exclusive relationship and my partner was looking at being deployed that would be a different story....I hope I never find myself having to deal with that and my heart goes out to those who are in that very situation...
Joined: 3/14/2010
Msg: 58
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 9/14/2011 3:28:38 PM

Thanks for the advice. I haven't even bothered with changing pics or my profile, but thanks anyway. I'm busy with work and haven't gotten time to be on here sometimes.
Joined: 6/7/2011
Msg: 59
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 9/16/2011 1:20:59 PM
I'm a military brat, so I have no problem dating anyone in the armed forces.... As my mom said about her and my dad,"We wouldn't be married this long, if he hadn't been gone away so much!" It takes a certain someone to be able to handle the distances that arise with this career, but as with anything, look hard enough and you'll find them!
Joined: 9/9/2011
Msg: 60
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 9/17/2011 12:01:46 AM
I actually would like to date someone with a military background. Most who have been in service learn respect and responsibility, along with maturity. Those are characteristics that not everyone has, and something that is much needed from guys now a days. I typically am a little worried about dating someone from the military because they are physically fit and I figure they would want someone the same. Another fear would be that a relationship with someone who is deployed would be lonely, and would be close to having nobody. I'm sure not all guys have the same opinions just because they serve in the military, but I just have never had many have interest in me, I figure its because I'm not skinny.... Who knows. lol But I do like a man in uniform. LOL ;)
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 61
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 9/18/2011 6:46:06 AM
I don't think I would have a problem dating a former military man, but I couldn't date man that is currently in the military. I would be constantly worried that he would be deployed to some dangerous place like Iraq.
Joined: 9/4/2011
Msg: 62
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 9/18/2011 7:25:37 AM

And it's thinking like that which is the reason I've been dateless for a very long time. No love for military men.
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 63
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 9/18/2011 7:41:50 AM
I have great love for military men and all that they do for this country.:o) You guys are very brave. It's just scary for me to think of the possiblity of anyone close to me getting hurt or worse. I'm a nervous wreck around things like that. But, I'm sure other people may be strong enough to deal with it.
Joined: 5/14/2011
Msg: 64
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 9/18/2011 10:43:45 AM
Apart from you being in the military there are several things wrong with your profile. ALL of your photos are military pictures so girls may think that you have no life outside of your job. You have a GIGANTIC gun in your main profile pic. That is going to turn off many people.

Also, do not assume that they are rejecting you because you are in the military. They may not like something else about you.

As far as the question at hand, I think it takes a certain kind of woman to date a man in the military. I know quite a few army wives and they are the type of women who are content to:
-not have their own identity (I mean they are always "wife of" and seldom have their own career because of the demands of yours)
-spend large amounts of time alone
-move often and live in unusual places far away from their friends and family

Furthermore, some women believe that being around all those other men for long periods of time may lead to the "prison effect" with a tendency to homosexual contact. The other stereotype is that men in the military exploit the poor loose women of the countries they visit. There are so many (now adult) children of vietnam vets in asia that were orphaned or abandoned or became second-class citizens. Women know that certain types of women (in certain countries) will sleep with a man simply because he is American and that many men in the service have children that they don't acknowledge. Some women don't care- others do.

Anyway, like I said, don't assume that the reason women don't respond is your career. There could be other reasons.

Good luck
Joined: 9/4/2011
Msg: 66
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 9/18/2011 1:21:49 PM
Sweet, you sound like you're talking out of your ass. Exactly like a civilian who has no first hand knowledge and is going by here-say. Here are some things wrong with your post:

- That is not a "gigantic" gun by any measure. Just because you know nothing about military weapons does not mean you are correct.

- You know "quite a few" Army wives? So what...2? 3? I bet I know a hell of a lot more than you. And Army wives are very different than other military wives. They ARE the ones who wear their husbands rank because they lack their own identity. You should see Army wives when they get together. They try to one-up each other and even try to order each other around using their husbands' rank. It's freaking hilarious.

- Unusual places? Far away? It comes with the territory. If they didn't want it, they would have married a civilan.

- I would love to know what facts you base this "prison effect" on? You watch too many Navy movies apparently.

- Vietnam was a long time ago. Guys don't "hook up" with "loose" Arab women. You've never been deployed so you know not what you speak of.

Never have I seen a post on here so riddled with stereotypes and dreamt-up facts as yours.
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 67
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Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 9/18/2011 1:26:54 PM
I think that to dismiss a man because he is in the military is ridiculous. Living in a military area near Pendleton, I come across all sorts. I look at military men the same way as I would any other. Do we have enough in common? Is he intelligent enough for me? Is he capable of loyalty? Is this someone I enjoy being around and talking to?
I think that many women have a very difficult time trusting that a military man can be faithful but I have encountered countless non-military men that are overly willing to be unfaithful to the women they are "committed" to. If nothing else, men in the military have more of a sense of loyalty and commitment and honor than civilians.
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 68
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Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 9/18/2011 1:49:58 PM
You guys are heroes in my books.
One may feel they can't invest in a relationship with military personal for the time spent apart maybe an issue as well as the worry at a loss.
Good luck you will someone with right stuff.
Joined: 3/14/2010
Msg: 69
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 9/19/2011 3:20:38 PM
I'd like to thank everyone who supports us back home and abroad. To the gal who said something about a "gigantic" gun: Well, that pic was put on my profile because that is the only decent pic I could find that was worth putting of me. The blawkhawks and chinooks are there because I work for an aviation unit, and get to fly from post to post. I'll put up a better one once everything settles down and I can take a far better one. Again, thank you for the support guys. :)
 looking4 1 knight
Joined: 9/6/2007
Msg: 70
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Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 9/19/2011 4:03:58 PM
never dated anyone military maybe one day must add that to my to do list
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 71
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 9/19/2011 4:06:31 PM
My son is scheduled to leave November 14th to Paris Island so I am going to count on you military guys here to keep me focused on what a mom should or should not do!

We Love Our Guys and Gals and your sacrifices every and each day is Honored by us here. Remember that. It takes a special person to give up what many here take for granted to do what you each do!

I also think it takes a special partner to be with a military person, and we are proud of you as well for keeping them focused when not at home and when home.

God Bless You All!
Joined: 3/14/2010
Msg: 72
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 9/20/2011 3:21:06 PM
Well, all I have to say is that deployments are hard as it is when it comes to keeping in contact with people back home, especially if you move around too much. I have been doing med-chase for the past 2 months and we sure as hell move around a lot, and see some not so good things happen. I love my job and well, it is what it is. If a gal can't take it for what it's worth and wants to come up with her own conclussions about what I do, then keep on moving. I'm happy that I've had people support the fact that I'm in the service. If I make friends on here, that is enough to keep me going. Anyway, thank you everyone for the support.
Joined: 8/28/2011
Msg: 73
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 9/20/2011 3:43:04 PM

We call them medals.

Thank you for this. Well done.

I think that the problem here is not with military men per se, but with very young men. Most people in their early 20's have no desire to settle down, but the second it's a young man in uniform it's because he's in the military. I just completed my contract, and most of the men and women at my unit who were my age (late 20's, early 30's) were either married, or in long term relationships.

I think this was the result of age, and wanting different things at different times in life, which is totally reasonable. Don't commit the fallacy of false cause just because you see a uniform. Consider other factors first before jumping to conclusions.
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 74
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 9/25/2011 1:59:49 PM
Beginning dating someone who is in the military (as opposed to sustaining an established relationship), or any other job in which the potential partner is gone for long periods of time, is more difficult and the pool of women who are open to it is going to be smaller. In the one recent instance in which I was emailing with an overseas military man, it died on the vine because we couldn’t meet and he stopped writing very much. Our final phone call was just flat; lots of dead air as I ran out of questions to ask. We didn't know each other and there just wasn't much to say. So, it fizzled out before it started. That's not a military issue, just a distance and effort issue, but it is something that many in the military have as an integral part of the job they chose.
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 75
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/16/2012 4:03:08 PM

If you are under 32, have been in the Military, are African American-I am not prejudice, just not attracted to African Americans, are shorter than me or have a body covered in Ink, and don't want or don't love kids then please keep fishing & Good luck in your search.

A typical superficial so-cal outlook on the military I found in a real profile.

In many cases I have had ladies pursue me turned on by my successful private sector career and the trappings thereof.. Once I mentioned part time military service they are gone.

If they are that shallow no loss what so ever. Well no loss for me at least. I may have game but I have never been a player. Many of us have squared off with the Taliban on your behalf. You know the kind of fundamentalists that shoot 14 year old girls because they believe all women should have the same right to education as men?

Oh and you know those student loans you candy a^^es are complaining about? I don't have any. Uncle sam covered it all. Oh and BTW.. To those who balked because they thought I would be taking a financial hit by having to spend this year in Afghanistan. My civilian career is still paying me and with over 12 years in service, rank and in a tax free combat zone my military check I am also getting is plenty fat.

Taking all that into account perhaps some of you have it backwards. In reality it is us guys in uniform that are the ones too good for you.
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