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Joined: 5/8/2012
Msg: 76
Dating guys in the military...Page 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
My personal experience with dating military guys has been HORRIFICALLY BAD. Yes, I'm glad and grateful they are protecting this nation, but sadly 100% of those I have dated are liars and/or cheaters. I am attracted to men in uniform, and there are lots of them around where I live, it's almost impossible not to run into them, but I'm now extremely wary about dating them.
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 77
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/16/2012 5:59:48 PM

Actually, being in the military is one of my dealbreakers. Has been all throughout my dating life.

this is my stance as well. you're going to get a lot of different answers here because people think differently on the subject. It's not because I think guys in the military are jerks. for me it's primarily because we think SO differently. our thought processes are so dissimilar... I think anyone in the military is prone to black and white thinking, following orders, etc., whereas I am the complete opposite, grey everything and have authority issues. now I could probably have a nice conversation with guys in the army, but that doesn't mean that I want to date them - our differences would crop up very quickly when it comes to philosophies and beliefs about life.

If we're being completely honest, and I am sorry if this offends you, it does scare me a little bit that a guy who is supposed to be loving to me could have anger issues or have killed someone. (this is less about character and more about the job). also after issues... I mean, who doesn't get affected by what some army people have to see? there are lots of women out there ready to take on that responsibility and level of acceptance and I'm just not one of them

When you "join" a group of people(whatever group it is) YOU will be judged by THEIR behaviour.

unfortunately this is true. and not very fair. I get it because every time I say I'm a vegan a lot of ppl react negatively and think I'm some kind of peta hippie freak. It's annoying. but you seem like a super nice, respectful guy. you'll find a great girl! :)
Joined: 5/8/2012
Msg: 78
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/16/2012 6:29:20 PM
Ha redsox, I could write a book about the crap I have experienced with military guys. My ex to whom I was married for 20 years was military and NG, so I've been around that stuff for a long, long time. Even when our marriage was still good, I saw things that happened to others in the military - NOT pretty. I'm sometimes amazed about the hero and honor image that they project, when in reality the vast majority are a bunch of horn dogs who will cheat any chance they get. Just a few months ago, I met a 46 year old SGM who pursued me very strongly and tried to convince me that it wasn't "just sex" he was after. Sadly, I was attracted to him and he was sooooo sweet, gentle, polite, soft spoken, well mannered - and then extremely rudely and cowardly dumped me via text message while he was deployed. Soon after I found out that he was hooking up with another lady who also thought she was in a relationship with him. I mean really? At that age you would think they are past this BS, but I guess not.

A few weeks ago I went on a date with a 45 year old soldier who took me on an amazing 8 hour date - again, he totally had me believe that he was interested in a LTR, he made plans for us, he was a perfect gentleman - and then he poofed. Turns out he only had a few days left in my area and is now stationed somewhere else. Again - WTF???

You would think that these guys have enough groupies who are willing to be FWBs with them. It makes me sick to my stomach to be persistently lied to and disposed off like that. I should really not ever date anybody in the military again, but where I live, they are all over the place. Heck, sometimes they even hide the fact that they are in the military just so they can "score". I'm at the point where I'll have to do a complete background check before I even accept a date anymore, ha!
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 79
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Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/16/2012 6:44:49 PM
I'm sorry that some of you have had bad experiences but it's wrong to judge 100s of thousands by the actions of a few.
I know very many mature stable people in the military. Many that have stable happy healthy marriages.
It is more challenging to be involved with someone serving? absolutely But the reward can be worth the risk.

Sure there are those who behave as horn dogs/cheaters. And there's just as many that are NOT serving that act that way.
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 80
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/16/2012 6:57:32 PM
I don't think any of that behavior is unique to the military. Many men are lying deceitful ass clowns in every walk of life stop blaming the uniform blame the individual in it.

I am so god dam* fu*king sick of being discriminated against for behavior of others that I have NEVER participated in.

You know what. I once had a great date with someone in an area I was only going to be in a couple weeks. I was up front from the start about how long I was there and I did not even try to hook up on the first date.. Just had good clean fun. Later I flew back just to see her on another date.

You can bet that when I am back from A-stan soaking up the CA sun while living in an equestrian estate complete with pool, spa and a payed off Maserati in the garage... I will be tearing up about all the shallow women that turned me down because I chose to serve.. NOT!!!!
Joined: 5/8/2012
Msg: 81
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/16/2012 7:04:01 PM
See Patrick, that is the difference - YOU were upfront, the dudes that I dated were not. That one guy even went on and on about he was going to retire in my area soon, how he would love to get to know my kids, made plans for road trips, blablabla, while I was still very cautious and trying to see if he was for real. Well, he and the other guy pulled an Oscar-worthy performance to convince me that I was IT for them - only to be GONE without any warning. POOF, gone, vanished, without a word. From head-over-heels into me to dropped from the face of the earth. That is HARSH, and it makes you question your sanity after a few times. And yes, I have dated non-military guys who NEVER pulled that sort of crap. Can't blame a woman for being a bit gun-shy around uniformed guys, no?
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 82
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/17/2012 12:04:48 AM

You can bet that when I am back from A-stan soaking up the CA sun while living in an equestrian estate complete with pool, spa and a payed off Maserati in the garage... I will be tearing up about all the shallow women that turned me down because I chose to serve.. NOT!!!!

Second post crapping on about how much money and expensive toys you supposedly have.

You're accusing some women of being shallow, yet many would say a preoccupation with material things is the very definition of the word.
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 83
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/17/2012 7:52:02 AM
Hey blunder from down under. Don't apply Australian cultural norms to s0-cal sociology.

In so-cal 9 times out of 10 they give a man in uniform the brush off because they assume we don't make any money. The very thing they despise... the military what got me in the door to a career where I make a lot of that stuff that most ladies out here value above all else. I post that because it is about the Irony.

Accusing SOME women of being shallow is the truth. Accusing ALL women of being shallow is just not called for. Just as making the blanket statement that any man who has worn the uniform is a misogynistic pig is entirely unfair.

I value my friends, family and achievements where I have made a difference much more than anything material. By making a difference I mean up to and including savings lives. Yes lives as in more than one and on more than one occasion.

Unfortunately southern CA is primarily a one dimensional culture to a degree. Your status is deduced by what wear and what you drive first. Then once you pass the visual credit check they finally begin to look into personality and character.

The stereotypes of military men by the haters are of poverty, alcoholism, lying, cheating and abuse. I do not match up with one single part of this misconception.
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 84
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/17/2012 8:10:49 AM
For the ladies who have had some bad experiences: Aholes are everywhere and the sooner you realise this the better off you will be.....Funny thing last time I looked my whole platoon was married.....that was 7 years ago, those that I know personally are still married......there is a reason for the shortage on military housing....
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 85
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/17/2012 9:50:37 AM
The divorce rate is so high because over half of the wives are hooking up while their husband is downrange. Before I wisely switched to aviation I was military LE. From what I saw going out on calls and writing it all up.. Some of the service members do cheat but the prevailing trend was that the dependent non service member at home was the one sleeping around.

or so full of himself it was obnoxious.

You are not exactly exuding modesty on here BTW.
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 86
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/17/2012 10:28:24 AM
In Canada the divorce rate is no higher in the military than on civvy street.....
MSG 102..."just because someone is married doesn't mean they are happy" true...but you can apply that to any marriage....
Joined: 2/2/2012
Msg: 87
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/17/2012 11:32:58 AM
I live in Virginia Beach so EVERYTHING around here has to do with one branch or another of the military. I don't date military guys simply because I like the area that I live in, my family is here and I don't want to leave. If someone was near retirement and staying in this area then I would date him. Otherwise, nope!
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 88
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/20/2012 12:54:32 PM
I'm open to dating guys in the service. Chemistry is chemistry whether living together or thousands of miles apart. If it's meant to be things will fall into place.
Joined: 9/26/2012
Msg: 89
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/20/2012 5:38:04 PM
Hmm. My last two boyfriends were military. One - they are very organized. Two - both of mine were very distant and cold- emotionally. I don't know if it's due to their military training but both were hard to read. Oh, they both liked sex and that part was fabulous. Just really hard reading them. I don't know. Think I'm giving myself a break - my next boyfriend won't be ex-military, ex-coastguard. Also, one of them drinks heavily but doesn't think he has a problem. I drank more to tolerate being around him - not worth it- don't want to ruin my liver for a man!!!!!!!!
Joined: 7/26/2012
Msg: 90
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/20/2012 6:28:13 PM
OP-I would date someone in the army. I actually am talking to a guy in Iraq right now and is a really nice guy. I would just ignore those women. Obviously they don't deserve you if they are like that.
Joined: 9/28/2012
Msg: 91
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/21/2012 2:23:51 PM
My parents are prior military retired and I joined the military when I was 17, became active duty at 18. I am now 29 and still in (can you say loving it!!!!). Anyway, the men I have dated in the military and civilian I haven't seen a difference at all. That's over an 11 year period ranging from Germany, Fort Riley, Kansas, Fort Bragg, NC, Fort Lewis, Washington, Fort Lee, Virginia, Fort Hood, Texas, Fort Drum, NY, Camp Lejeune, NC and the beautiful Fort Jackson, SC. The military is a very very very small portion of the population over all and I haven't met many men that were jerks because they were in the military. They were jerks because that was who they were prior to, during, and probably will be when they get out. The most rowdy behavior I have seen is when a man comes back from a deployment (not even close to all men) he may feel some sort of entitlement. It normally wears off after being back for a couple of months. Other than that, every man in the military is still an individual and should be treated that way as all people find generalizations offensive. A good man is just a good man. In uniform or not. I especially don't attract men who think because of their job they should get laid, that could go for any profession such as doctors, lawyers, pharmacists whatever. That attitude is not attractive on anyone and I can guarentee SOME Soldiers aren't the only ones to have them. Not most. Most or all would mean a person has traveled to every duty station in the world that military men are at and dated them all, every last one of them and came to that logical conclusion. If that experiment hasn't been done, the terms all, some, most I imagine are being used very loosely.
Joined: 9/28/2012
Msg: 92
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/21/2012 3:02:33 PM
Taking all that into account perhaps some of you have it backwards. In reality it is us guys in uniform that are the ones too good for you.

I agree with this statement. With my own eyes, I have seen tons of good men in uniform single and married walking around. But that is just my 11 year experience at multiple locations. Not going off of what I heard from local gossips or my own experience with less than 5 men.
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 93
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/24/2012 10:00:21 AM
I don't think its the "Military Men" that hop from one girl to the next, I think its men in general dear. A good man doesn't let his job define him, the man defines the job. Part of the problems I have witnessed, are women who chase a certian type of man, and women who focus on military men and alpha males in general. I won't bore you with the "Rangerhettes" or "Tab" chasers I ran into at Fort Bragg and Fort benning, but let's just say if you throw yourself body at a man who's continually deployed or stressed, he will enjoy it and probably not respect it as much as if you had made him earn it. On the other side of the coin, if I am able to see the world and meet different cultures and other women from Europe, Italy, etc.. American women may not be as attractive as before.. Not slamming our beautiful and smart ladies, but women do the same thing..OMG he has an English accent, or he's Italian..whatever the new flavor is.
Joined: 6/8/2012
Msg: 94
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/29/2012 7:35:49 PM
Living in a Navy town, I have dated my fair share of military guys. Some were ***holes, some were nice. I take people as individuals . I notice they're usually very punctual and take initiative in setting up dates. None of this wishy-washy "where would you like to go?" shit.

I notice they were highly organized and neat and the sex was almost always great :P
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 95
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/29/2012 7:54:06 PM
I prefer military men because I was military also.
Joined: 3/15/2011
Msg: 96
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/30/2012 1:06:14 PM
Haha this is hilarious. I used to conceal the fact that I'm a marine, but I've grown tied of it. I don't really care what other women say or think about my job anymore. If I'm stereotyped or deemed unworthy because of my profession, or what I have done then so be it. That person was probably not worth my time or interest in the first place.
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 97
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/30/2012 7:35:28 PM
No problems with military men. You guys are great! I think you will however run into issues over being deployed. It's hard to start a relationship as it is, the complications added by you being deployed, esp if you are front line.. just makes it even harder. Now I like you, but still learning about you and you are deployed in harms way. That's very hard to handle.
Joined: 10/26/2012
Msg: 98
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/30/2012 9:07:09 PM
I dont see anything wrong with it, although my ex husband is in the military. I just sadly got one of the crappy ones. ha!
Joined: 10/15/2012
Msg: 99
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/30/2012 10:00:32 PM
I'm a stay in one place kind of person and since the military sends you different places to live that wouldn't work for me. As far as a military man who's been in action, it's now a no no for me to date. I have a couple of times and they both suffered from PTSD and were really messed up which caused me a lot of pain that I can do without.
Joined: 5/8/2012
Msg: 100
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/30/2012 10:48:41 PM
I was married to a military man for 20 years. There is A LOT of cheating in the military, and no, not just the wives. My ex came back from his first deployment a changed man - didn't care about our family anymore at all, he was checking out of the marriage and engaged in risky and expensive sports. He refused to seek counseling despite my pleas. He told me he never wanted to have kids and felt trapped. After trying my best to deal with his hurtful behavior for almost two years, I finally called it quits. Found out he had been on adult friend finder and in contact with several women. He now lives with one of them whom he met on that site.

The guy I'm currently seeing is also in the military, and I was and still am very weary about it. Already there is some "suspicious" behavior going on, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for now because I really like him a lot and he seems like a really good person. HOpe I won't get burned again, but I'll take that chance one more time.
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