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 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 101
Dating guys in the military...Page 5 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Waterl

FWIW what is a "no no" for me to date is the self centered type which can be easily detected by the use of terms such as I or me many more times in three lines than individuals actually capable of caring about someone besides themselves.

 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 102
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Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/31/2012 2:51:53 PM
There are so many variables.

Firstly, one needs to distinguish someone in the military as a temporary phase of life as opposed to a career soldier. I was in the Israeli Defense Force for 2 years and went in for only 2 years. I had completed university and intended to return to the civilian world. On paper, at least. I was a good catch for some gal.

In contrast, resident Israeli recruits were 18 year olds and most had less certain futures... they were probably ok for gals to date but still out there floundering around emotionaslly, etc...'kids' in uniform.

I was definitelyt not cut out for a military career. Much too independent and want to make my own choices in life as to where I live, what I do etc. However, it was the most valuable two years of my life in giving me the structure and discipline to accomplish what I have to date.

Anyways, temporary phase or career...just one variable that might matter. If it's a career soldier than thst's fine as long as one isn't pollyanish in expectation. There's no way I'd want to be apart from my partner for months or a year at time and i definitely wouldn't want children without a father present every week of their childhood.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 103
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Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 10/31/2012 8:00:20 PM
No thanks. Nothing personal, just a preference. I'm not even attracted to a look or style. So, yes, personality, values, and believes are a huge trigger who I'm attracted to. Since I don't believe in killing people, someone serving in the military would be a huge turn off. A hero is not someone who fights for one single nation but for human kind of all nations.
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 104
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 11/1/2012 2:49:10 AM
Your reasoning behind all of that is severely flawed.


Since I don't believe in killing people, someone serving in the military would be a huge turn off.


I know a great number of military veterans who served a complete 20 year career who have never fired a weapon at anyone. Also consider how many disaster relief and other aid missions we go on. Then of course the US military ALONG with our allies putting a stop to genocidal mad men from Adolf to the more recent Milosovich.


A hero is not someone who fights for one single nation but for human kind of all nations.


Oh my.. That IS what we are doing these days. I don't know if you heard of it before and it went over your head or not but there are these things called the United Nations and NATO.

We don't roll into a country alone stick a US flag in the ground, do a touchdown dance, pack up the spoils of war and run home. We step in as coalitions in an attempt to solve some serious human rights violations, help them build a more just nation and hand it all back to them.

I have a US flag on one shoulder and a ISAF patch on the other. ISAF= International Security Assistance Force. I see troops daily from MANY other countries here on deployment along with us.

P.S. Just in case you did not comprehend the above... At least I know when a sentence calls for the word beliefs as opposed to the word believes.
 Greg19899
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 105
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 11/1/2012 8:58:47 AM
Your definition of hero is flawed, a man must be true to his family, friends, and country first. How does one "serve" multiple" nations? It's probably difficult for those looking in from the outside to understand the sacrifices made by military families and the serving members unless they have experienced it themselves. I have even grown weary of the military wives preaching about how they do as much as their ex-husbands, or current husbands do. Until you strap on the body armor, jump from that plane, truck, or kick that down down, you have no idea. It also goes for humanitarian efforts, ensuring the safety and welfare of others in a foreign country, and risking your life to make sure someone elses child gets fed is a pretty big burden.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 106
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Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 11/1/2012 11:12:19 AM
When the nationalistic flag waving rhetoric takes over, I can understand why gals would avoid guys in the military. Soldiers start to sound like propaganda spewing automatons. They are inculcated daily in a brain bath of how civilization depends on them. Shiver. As someone who was in the military, it's scary how some turn off the brain and so gullible to believe in the 'rah rah '.

Sure, members of the miltary 'sacrifice'...but I sure the heck would never put anything above the needs of my family. Going off to Iraq for a year is a higher priority than a year with one's son or daughter? Bizarre priorities in life. Ya really, getting yourself killed in Iraq or Vietnam does wonders for your wife or children back home.

Strapping the body armor on in Iraq does zip to help your own child. Best to put on the sneakers and be there at the ballpark with one's son. ...and be there for his birthday, first day of school. graduation, etc.
 AquaLinda
Joined: 5/8/2012
Msg: 107
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 11/1/2012 11:44:28 AM
Sciencetreker - totally agree.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 108
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Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 11/1/2012 3:01:16 PM
I’m attracted to human rights activists, people who are not patriotic, who don’t believe in the death penalty or wars. I don’t see how someone in the military could represent those values.

I don’t need to be flawless or for people to agree with me.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 109
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 11/1/2012 3:24:35 PM
It's not the soldiers fault they are sent to meaningless wars and forced to shoot people. You want to blame someone? Blame their leaders. The soldiers don't *want* to do it, but if they don't they will be either shot themselves or imprisoned by our own government for insubordination. Which is better? Would you rather have no military? So then when other nations do come here and invade us we are defenseless? What if someone is trying to hurt you .. would you let him? or would you fight back and risk killing him?

It's fine if you don't like the idea of people killing people, but get your sight straight on who is actually at fault and to blame. Our soldiers do not want to kill people. They want to come home alive without the stories.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 110
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Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 11/1/2012 3:50:45 PM
No way I wasted 3 long years in my early 20's because of a guy in the air force. I refused to wait around any longer during my best years for 'for my man'. I'm not bridesmaid to some politician's latest blunder. As for the cause please get off the drugs. . Nothing noble about being overseas killing people based on lies and. . In fact, do the moral thing and don't participate in the killing.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 111
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Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 11/1/2012 4:24:39 PM
I haven't blamed anyone. LOL. Just answered OP's question. I can have a preference, can I not? I'm sure they are nice people. I don't have to be attracted to every person or agree with everyone. My sight is fine. :)
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 112
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 11/1/2012 4:33:32 PM
Ahh but you did! You said people who join the military can't possibly hold he same values as you. That's simply not true! They *have* to fight once they join the military. How many wish they hadn't joined because they ended up killing someone? If they don't they are put in military prison. Many of my friends are military, military spouses or ex military. Most of them have never even shot a gun. It's a good career, with a very bad possibility. If the president or congress say go.. they have no choice, go they must. I don't like the idea of having to move every 3 or 4 years. So I don't seek out active military. But ex military men are awesome. Of course you can have a preference. Your reasoning is flawed.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 113
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Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 11/1/2012 5:42:33 PM
Most western countries have a volunteer military. One makes the decision to kill people when one joins up. One makes the decison to be a sheeple in exchange for other benefits. As for being a good career...yes for some.

Fortunately most people recognize that a positive relationship and family life is based on more than career choices. It's based on the day to day participation in each other's life, especially when there are children. Leaving the children for a year is negligent and gets a big fat 'F' in child rearing regardless of how it is fudged over with flag waving and patriotic euphenisms.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 114
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Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 11/1/2012 7:19:03 PM
@confusedforever
Nope, I don't blame anyone. Not sure why you are assuming I was talking about men joining the military involuntarily. I am saying anyone who is pro military cannot possibly hold my values since my values don't hold the values of someone joining the military. If someone I already love is forced to go to military or war I would keep loving him. If he refused and went rather to jail I would not be surprised and continue loving him. So, I don't blame anyone. But you do. You blame me for disagreeing with you and that's the difference between you and me.
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 115
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 11/1/2012 7:32:27 PM

One makes the decision to kill people when one joins up


No you do not. One can make the decision to be a medic, nurse, aircraft technician, pilot or doctor. The odds of those with highly technical occupations actually participating in combat are very very slim.

Stop trying to paint everyone with the same brush. Also there are guardsmen and reservists. No moving to different bases you just keep drilling at a facility close to where your civilian life is. One weekend drill a month and one two week annual training. Plenty of day to day participation. Once every two or three years you may have to deploy as I am now.
 Space_Weaver
Joined: 10/8/2012
Msg: 116
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 11/1/2012 7:34:15 PM
I met someone, and when they found out that I was in the military, they said something like, "Oh! So you are a walking STD, who cheats on and beats their wife." When another found out that I had been to Iraq and Afghanistan, they said "so you are F'ed up in the head." NEXT!!!! I've been out now for a couple of years, and me being in the military, especially a combat veteran has been a major hurdle for me in the dating scene. I don't like to hide things, yet I have learned to keep it under wraps until you have established a comfortable repoir. It sucks for you because you are still in and can't really evade it. We are revered when the country needs us, and for some, **stardized when we come home.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 117
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 11/1/2012 7:39:35 PM
I'm sorry you run into that space weaver.. :~( I think military men are great. Prefer a veteran over active, simply because I don't want to move every 4 years, but I wouldn't discount them based off it..

 Space_Weaver
Joined: 10/8/2012
Msg: 118
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 11/1/2012 7:43:51 PM
So HappySingleSpirit, you may be saying that 3 of my Marine colleagues that gave their lives in Afghanistan trying to save a 6 year old girl and a 10 year old boy from a suicide bomber, or 2 Marines in Ramadi Iraq that gave their lives to save over 100 Iraqi civilians was not fighting for humankind of all nations?? Instead of assuming, why don't you actually get to know a soldier, sailor, airman, or Marine to find out what freedoms we have provided you, and what sacrifices we have made? Keep your preferences, but have in mind they are very narrow in your prosecution.
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 119
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 11/1/2012 7:53:05 PM

It sucks for you because you are still in and can't really evade it. We are revered when the country needs us, and for some, **stardized when we come home


I have no desire to evade it. I am absolutely 100% proud of what I have accomplished. Army aircrews sure are popular when some mountain climber gets in an emergency and we send a CH-47 up to rescue, or pulling Katrina survivors off of roof tops.

I can't believe many don't understand just how multifaceted it is. They also need to realize what dangers really are in this world. For me this IS the moral thing to do when faced with terrorist religious cults that are willing to intentionally crash not just one but four jumbo jets and also feel that a 14 yr old girl should be shot in the face for supporting women's rights to education.

I make fat stacks in my civilian career and they are still paying me while I am here. When I am back in So-Cal on civilian easy street in the Maserati or on the Ducati there is no shortage of interested women. If being upfront about serving in the military weeds out the superficial or hipster flakes naive about the world then it is a plus for me.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 120
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 11/1/2012 8:07:08 PM
Why hide it??? That's silly! It's like me not talking about the last 12 years of my because I'm a single mother and you may not like that. It's a HUGE part of life to leave out and a HUGE part of who you are! Plus the woman has the right to know if you've got something going on.. like PTS or TBI or other injuries. Many come back from the war zones with these things. That doesn't make them a bad person. And if a woman can't see past it, then *uck her! She's not worth your time. How can you downplay what you did? I think veterans are great. War heroes, wonderful men. Not selfish, not afraid, not wimpy, very manly and they want to take care of you.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 121
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Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 11/1/2012 10:34:28 PM
@Space Weaver:
No I don’t know your colleagues and I’m not talking about them or anybody that concerns you for that matter. I’m saying that that every person that dies has a father, mother, sister, brother, or children. They may not be yours or your colleagues but they are human beings just like your family and friends.
I would suggest you relax and stop internalizing MY preference. My preference is mine and only directed to the OP who asked for our thoughts. You can keep your opinion directed to the OP.



Instead of assuming, why don't you actually get to know a soldier,
I was married to a soldier for seven years. LOL. Maybe you should practice what you preach. I can have thoughts and experiences of my own that differ from other people. Instead of telling people what to do, how to think or what to feel, mind your own business. I don’t tell you what you ought to think, do I?
 patrick28t
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 122
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 11/1/2012 10:35:01 PM
No point in hiding anything, the only women you'll piss off are the hipsters you wouldn't want to date anyway...
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 123
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 11/3/2012 4:50:56 PM
I would absolutely date a guy in the military. If he got deployed I would miss him but deal with it. I've gone for long periods of time without sex, & it never bothered me, & I would have no problem remaining faithful to him while he was away.
As far as you re enlisting, at least in this bad economy with high unemployment, you have a job, health insurance & a roof over your head. I think a guy in a uniform is hot, I don't think guys in the military are jerks, I think they've made a great sacrifice in their personal lives to serve their country.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 124
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Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 11/3/2012 5:40:47 PM
Space Weaver...you are obsessed with providing the accomplishments of American military and their noble cause in Iraq and Afghanistan...wave the flag...

How exactly does this make an individual a good partner or father? How does getting killed in Iraq help be a good father stateside? Sacrificing one's lfe in Iraq does squat for one's own child.
 AquaLinda
Joined: 5/8/2012
Msg: 125
Dating guys in the military...
Posted: 11/3/2012 5:55:34 PM
After my most recent dating disappointment with someone in the military, I'm ready to not date any other military guys in the future. LIke sciencetreker said, they might be heroes or whatever you want to call them, but in my experience as far as relationship material, not so much......
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