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 sensualscorpion
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 36
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Bed Jumpers over Girls with MoralsPage 2 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
Thats it baby!
keep it real!
she knows....
 TazzTeezy
Joined: 8/1/2011
Msg: 37
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Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/4/2011 2:57:34 PM
it's not that no man is willing to wait just the men that you given a chance to weren't willing and that fact is simply proven by me, i'm a nice guy who loves to take it slow and get to know a woman before i take it to that level but then again i don't date much because i can never find a woman that likes me and willing to give me a chance.
 twelfth_dimension
Joined: 7/23/2011
Msg: 38
Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/4/2011 3:22:37 PM
If anything has changed, its that women are now more willing to have sex with men almost immediately. Men have always wanted to do this. However, it does not mean that the man will value the woman any more if she has sex with him right away, in fact he will probably value her less. Your instincts are correct -- do not sleep with anyone until you feel ready and have some sense that he is interested in more than just sex. Unless of course, sex is all that you want.

In the future, if a man says to you that he prefers women who sleep with him right away, tell him that you prefer men that aren't shameless man-whores. These men aren't dating/relationship material, and have basically weeded themselves out for you. Thank them for this and move on.
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 41
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Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/4/2011 4:31:12 PM
I agree with barefootkitten and others here. The women from the 14th, 16th, 17th, 18th century had the same problem showing the girls a top of those ball gowns...got them in a lot of trouble too! lol... Cover them up, get no attention, expose them.... well, you get what you expose, so to speak, lol..
It just goes to show ya, how something so showing, can excite mankind. I just wonder if men will ever evolve and come out of those ways! lol..
 smokincigars
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 42
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Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/4/2011 5:46:09 PM
For most men, dating is partly about the prospect of sex sooner or later.

For some men, it's entirely about sex, immediately if possible.

(Women are much the same as men on this, although the average woman is probably more love-driven than sex-driven and prefer to wait a little longer.)

Don't be pressured into following someone else's timetable. If he's there for the right reasons, he will respect your wishes and feelings. That doesn't necessarily mean he won't "nudge" you to move a little faster, but he won't press too hard and will wait until you are ready.
 1776or1984
Joined: 12/25/2009
Msg: 43
Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/4/2011 8:39:35 PM
Quote:

(I take issue with the characterization of women who are ready for sex more quickly than you are as not having morals. )

This isn't about morals, it is about self respect. Another lady framed this as knowing what is right for you, another said that some people look at sex different than others. But in the end (no pun intended) it boils down to what a woman thinks she is worth and what kind of image she wishes to portray to her date.

That said, the comment of one dinner girls being lorded over by five dinner girls is pretty pithy. I suppose if a woman didn't spend those five dinners figuring out what the man was about and what he was after, strike that, what he was willing to trade in return for sex, then she indeed is no better than the one dinner girl.

Still, I'd rather not get "five dinners" into dating someone to find out if they were physically attracted. Why not go out on a couple of dates, then start spending some serious time with the person to get to know them?
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 44
Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/4/2011 10:44:02 PM
i've run into this as well. a few years ago i went out on a date with this guy who was incredulous when i told him that i was not going to have sex with him on the first date. he then told me that in his experience, women typically had sex with him on the first date. needless to say, that was our last date. the thing that was so galling about it was his sense of entitlement and expectation. ugh! so arrogant!
 goodkindacrazy
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 46
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Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/4/2011 11:35:48 PM
When I was young I had the belief that you should be in love in order to have sex. I also believed that if you didn't make a guy wait at least 6 weeks well then you were a slut. When I wanted sex I convinced myself I was in love. The result of that was two bad long term relationships. The second was with someone that I wasn't even sexually compatible with.

When I look back now I can't help but think how silly it was. These days I don't have a set time to wait, its just how long it takes me to figure out that I am attracted, both physically and mentally. I'm not saying I have never had sex on the first date but it usually takes me a little longer than 1 date. However, if by the third date I am not feeling it, then its just not gonna happen.

I still have morals. I believe in being honest about what I want from a relationship. I don't go out with someone that I have not had some small attraction to just to get a free meal or drinks. I don't have sex with someone I don't like as a person just because he is hot and I am horny. These are just a few of the personal values that I follow. Just because your morals are not my morals, doesn't mean that I have none.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 47
Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/4/2011 11:41:16 PM

I've met two men thus far who prefer women who sleeps with them right away,



you clearly haven't met 3 men in your life...


Have times changed this fast?


times changed ??

OP you're 21....

YOUR times have changed as that you've only been dateable for a short period...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 48
Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/5/2011 5:46:09 AM
So if someone enjoys their date and has chemistry, but denies sex, that means she's playing a game?

If you enjoy the date and there is chemistry, why would you not want to have sex?

So from now on, i should be disapointed, uninterested in order to show my date that i don't want to have sex with him that night?

No, you should do whatever you want to do and let the chips fall where they may. If that works for you, then your strategy is successful. If not, you might want to rethink the whole thing.

I've met two men thus far who prefer women who sleeps with them right away,

The funniest thing about that comment is that the women who worked the hardest to get into my pants were the ones to whom I've said I thought it would be best to wait. I once thought there was some virtue in waiting and was rather surprised to find out that telling a woman that made her more interested in getting undressed on the next date. I'm quite sure there was game playing going on. Had I wanted sex right away, I'm sure it wouldn't have happened nearly as fast.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 49
Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/5/2011 8:20:51 AM
jco415~

well said. as long as no one is misleading the other person then no one is going to get hurt, feel used, or be played a fool.
 carelesswhisper00
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 50
Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/5/2011 8:42:40 AM
I agree, jc0415 hit the nail with his post
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 54
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Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/5/2011 12:18:22 PM

Please show me where i said i am better than anyone else.


it's right there in the subject line.

basically, you have insinuated throughout this thread that women who have sex on a timetable other than the one that YOU have set for YOURSELF have no "morals".

what you wanted was to come here with your porn star screen name attached to a profile where your boobs are hanging out while you loll about on your bed and proclaim that you have "morals" while all those other bad, evil, loose with women with "no morals" ruin things for girls like you and that's why men expect sex so quickly. completely disingenuous on your part and definitely falling on the side of "attention-whore".

morals are highly personal things beyond those that have been codified into laws in order for society to function.

someone's moral standards when it comes to sex may be vastly different from yours. that doesn't mean they don't have them.

and it obviously doesn't stop you from judging them either...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 58
Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/5/2011 1:29:04 PM

I feel like i'm worth more than just to sleep witha guy fast.

That's precisely what so many people have a problem with. The fact is that you're only worth more to a person who values your timetable. For example, your timetable doesn't make you worth more to me. If anything, I wouldn't be interested in you at all for that reason.

I don't at all think i'm any better.

But that contradicts what you said above.
 PAC-MAN28
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 61
Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/5/2011 7:43:32 PM
That just proves the there not a true gentleman ,a true gentleman well treat a lady honor respect and intergity and compassion
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 63
Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/5/2011 8:07:45 PM
Off topic (slightly), but I'd like to mention that the new profile picture looks both sexy & sophisticated! You'll still get plenty of offers since you're a beautiful girl. Stick to your guns on what you will & won't do & when you're comfortable doing it. I think everyone went wild simply because the way the thread subject was worded.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 64
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Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/6/2011 4:03:41 AM

The kid is saying what is wrong waiting a few dates


and then saying that people who don't have no morals.

and THAT is why she's getting condemned.

and please don't give me the "she's 21" thing, ice. you KNOW that 21 for her is VASTLY different than 21 was when we were that age. at that age, even a relic like me would have known better than to advertise my wares like that in the "personals" section of The Toronto Star. she knew exactly what she was doing from the start and i can't believe that you fell for it.

it's perfectly fine to have standards for yourself that are different from the people around you. assigning negative value judgement to those other people is what's wrong. and just because she used "bed jumpers" instead of that old standby pejorative of "slut" doesn't make it any better.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 65
Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/6/2011 2:51:25 PM

People are jumping all over your post because you won't sleep with someone after 5 dates?

No, people are jumping all over her for making negative judgments about what others do.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 67
Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/6/2011 3:40:28 PM
If some people aren't better than others (To us as individuals. Not on some philosophical level.), then why do we not just latch onto the first one that comes along?

You're playing with semantics here. I think it's obvious that a person will have preferences, but using ``better'' without qualification does refer to being ``better'' on ``some philosophical level.''

I like a woman who values herself and doesn't think every man who says the right stuff, then buys her a steak and a glass of wine, deserves a piece of ass.

Here you are creating a false dichotomy. Having sex early, even the first date, is not the same thing as trading sex for dinner with anyone who is buying and I really don't think anyone was advocating trading sex for dinner as a dating model. Also, anything that can be applied to a woman regarding sex on a first date, second date, whatever, applies equally to both sexes.

I like a woman who might actually be more interested in making a serious commitment... Not in finding their next Mr. Right Now.

How does that relate to having sex on date number X? I can't see that it does.
 Tryns
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 70
Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/7/2011 10:55:48 AM
I think most people will agree that a healthy sex life is a very important aspect of a great relationship. Wouldn't you want to know sooner rather than later if you were compatible sexually?

No that doesn't mean hop in bed on every first date......but on the flips side I wouldn't want to invest an enormous amount of time/energy/finances/emotion into a relationship only to find out later on that we simply didn't "click" in that area.

I'll edit to add this. It's unfair to project your own version of what is "moral" and what is not onto others. Different people are entitled to live their lives by their own standards (provided of course they are not breaking the law or some other sort of nonsense like that)
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 71
Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/7/2011 12:42:45 PM

I take issue with the characterization of women who are ready for sex more quickly than you are as not having morals.


or, of men who are ready for sex more quickly than OP is, as not having morals ?

"morals" to me, or lack thereof would more strongly revolve around things like lying, cheating, stealing, of course , hurting or killing other people, etc. polluting the world we live in..

whether someone likes to have sex only after a pre-determined time, or number of dates, hardly proves them as being "moral" especially if they also lie, cheat, steal, etc. timing of having sex should be way down on the list, if on it AT ALL
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 72
Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/7/2011 12:45:30 PM

He's just excited!

Thank you all for your help. It's getting frustrating having to explain to a guy i'm not looking to have a quick lay.


in that case, OP, "pinkcherryx" may well have NOT been the BEST username to pick on POF, could you not have thought of another??

'pink', 'cherry', and 'x' all have somewhat sexual allusions to them, there's a triple-play for you!!

why not just pick "hotwetsexybaby" ? (probably already taken, right?) ;)

Then of course complain that guys seem to want to talk about sex or get into bed with you?
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 73
Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/7/2011 1:58:31 PM

since you're very young when you do meet the man you want to spend your life with you won't have been with 100 other guys and it will be special and he'll appreciate it.


"it" may be rare, even unique, for her, and maybe "special", too, like, special ed. Whether "he" will appreciate her paucity of skills, not just in how to handle his dyk, but how to handle sex for the first or nearly first time(s), is probably more of a long shot, and strikes me as an attempt to perpetuate a myth, something a mom might tell her newly pubescent daughter. The partner who has had as man as ten, or twenty or whatever, is not gonna get unhinged by a sexual episode or two.
Sometimes pro sports teams draft a raw talent, knowing their choice will be a "project". I'm sure there are some men out there who'll take on a project, but lots more who want no part of that, as it just amplifies the uncertainties that inhere in a budding relationship. jmho
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 74
Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/7/2011 8:37:08 PM

The lady poster's observation is the key to this practice. In reality, some men would give more money to a prostitute before hand, than afterhand. The value decreases with the real or perceived value of the general satisfaction gained from the encoutner by the man.

That's true anytime one is exchanging things which can't be compared in value in any natural way. You'd also be inclined to pay more for a hamburger before you ate it than afterward. From the client's perspective, he also has the problem of wondering if a prostitute will take the money and run if he pays beforehand. For it to work, there has to be a certain amount of trust, even though it's a purely commercial transaction.

However, sex on equal terms is much different than sex with a prostitute. If two people have sex on equal terms, then both are getting what they expected as it happens. If it doesn't lead to anything, both parties have gotten what they expected and nothing is owed. It's only a problem when one person is having sex for the promise of something else or is expecting something other than sex when having sex. Anytime a person tries to manipulate another person, there's always a chance of being outplayed. If a person decides whether or not to have sex based solely on whether or not he/she wants to have sex, it's not possible to manipulate someone or be manipulated by someone.
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