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 114M3
Joined: 4/19/2011
Msg: 45
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young menPage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
OP this probably shouldn't come as a surprise for you but I guess I'll state the obvious. .. anytime anything is "out of the norm" of what you'd normally see, its always gonna raise eyebrows and be the target of scrutiny... take for example:

- Interracial couples
- Gay couples
- Polyandry
- Polygamy
- Taller girl with shorter guy
- GQ guy with homely girl
- Supermodel chick with nerdy guy
.. and the list goes on ...


You get my gist .....
obviously not everyone is going to have the same fuzzy feelings about these situations. Passing judgement has been part of human nature sine the dawn of time. .... If you're gonna step out of the "normal" boundaries, be prepared to raise eyebrows & hear judgement .....

I dont think ppl's attitudes on this is going to change anytime soon ..This is where that saying applies: the only part of the world you can change is YOU.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 47
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/4/2011 9:37:37 AM

It's like a 40yr old guy chasing 18yr old high school girls.. Just because it's legal, doesn't mean it's right.
Amen
 114M3
Joined: 4/19/2011
Msg: 50
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/4/2011 10:08:59 AM
OP for someone of your age I'm surprised at the naivete of your approach to things. .... The thing is, what may be deemed "normal" or acceptable in some western europe countries may not necessarily be seen in the same light as in north america.

I've been in countries where crossdressing could get you fined & thrown into jail and then I've also been in countries where crossdressing openly in public was considered as normal as schoolkids in uniform on a monday afternoon ... Not every place or every culture is going to see nor treat these things in the same light. .....


Is exepting other people so hard??


Yes for some, no for others.

There's always gonna be a variant of what ppl think is or should be normal & acceptable and what shouldn't be. ...... Again, for your own peace of mind I suggest you try to make peace with the idea that it will never be possible for everyone, let alone the majority of the human race to agree and not pass judgement on these sorts of things. ........ And for the record YES, 50-something-yr old men who chase after 18 yr old girlies get scrutinized too. ....... It seems to me that those sort of men already know what they're in for yet they obviously don't give a hoot -- thus you don't see them crying a river. ...... Thus that is the only difference I see here.


 SunDevil_in_SC
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 51
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/4/2011 10:30:06 AM

It's like a 40yr old guy chasing 18yr old high school girls.. Just because it's legal, doesn't mean it's right.


Amen


May I join the chorus? Amen.

Look, OP, what that guy did was pretty lame. Of course he should not be the morality police for PoF. People do have the freedom to do as they please.

However, with that said, I do agree with Igor in the sense that just because one has a belief then others throughout the site must have the same belief as well, and will react accordingly.

Also, I do agree with Janet and SmilingEyes in the sense that although I would never belittle someone for dating extremely younger, in my mind I just don't comprehend it. For example, I was in the airport last Friday waiting for a connecting flight. While I was waiting there a young attractive women in her early 20's passed by, and then an attractive woman in her 40's/50's passed by. I found myself having my eyes following the latter and not the former, and deep down inside I just found her more attractive. With the younger, I kept thinking to myself, "Well, I hope she's able to get to her destination safely." Furthermore, I'm finding myself being attracted to women who have gray or white in their hair as well ... to me it shows a sign that they are comfortable with their age, which is a huge turn-on for me. I hope that didn't come across as a digression ... I just wanted to give some insight to why someone would not see eye to eye for dating younger people.

Finally, just out of my curiosity ... let me ask, OP: what "magnitude" to younger guys are you asking? Are you meaning for someone like yourself to date a guy in their 20's? Or are you meaning (and just to put out there a yardstick) someone like yourself to date someone my age - there is a 9 year difference between us? To me, dating someone in their 20's would turn me the wrong way, but I would have no reservation dating someone at 53 if I thought that they were a good match. However that is just my opinion, and your mileage may vary.
 114M3
Joined: 4/19/2011
Msg: 52
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/4/2011 10:32:59 AM

And there's absolutely no comparison to same sex couples or mixed race couples... as long as they are on the same maturity level -- on equal footing, so to speak -- love is love.


I was using these as examples of couples being judged. I will make a bet that you probably don't see the examples I listed as often as same race, hetereosexual couples of similar socio-ecomic background. Thus the very reason why these examples tend to receive judgement.

... Just because you don't pass any judgement on the examples I listed doesn't mean that there aren't others who will. ... And those who judge these unions as "unacceptable" .. "intolerable" .. or otherwise fall into the same variant as you judging that an older woman + younger man union = "icky".

I am not arguing whether or not an older woman +younger men union is wrong, icky or unacceptable here. ... My entire point being is: If you go against the grain so to speak, just be prepared to get some flak .
 114M3
Joined: 4/19/2011
Msg: 53
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/4/2011 11:05:09 AM
OP, perhaps this example may be easier for you to understand what I mean by "normal" as per todays mainstream society.

Generally speaking, in most modern societies we live in nowadays, its nothing out of the ordinary that men can wear their hair short, long or bald (shaved or otherwise). ...... Now women too can wear their hair short, long or bald right? ....... *Oh wait!* ........ a BALD WOMAN?? ....... Did I just see stares here???? .............
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 55
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/4/2011 11:19:24 AM

It's like a 40yr old guy chasing 18yr old high school girls.. Just because it's legal, doesn't mean it's right.


Describe in detail the "wrong" part of it, other than what "others" will have to say about it????? Each individual society has little bits and pieces that other societies will question. Me, I question em all. Though I personally, wouldn't chase the 18 year old skirts around, and would have nothing at in common with em, I know quite a few 40 year olds that have the mentality and intelligence that a 18 year old would love.

It may not be "right" for one, but, it easily could be "perfect" for another. Again,not in my world, but most people don't live thru my eyes or in even close to the world I live in.
 SunDevil_in_SC
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 57
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/4/2011 11:30:07 AM

Describe in detail the "wrong" part of it, other than what "others" will have to say about it?????


Through discussion with ceromino in the past, I think his mindset is similar to mine. It isn't like there is a belief that "persecution of the violators" needs to happen for what they are doing is legal. At the same time comprehension of such a relationship is just not there. It goes beyond needing to have the same mentality - both individuals are at different stages of their life.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 59
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/4/2011 11:34:38 AM

It goes beyond needing to have the same mentality - both individuals are at different stages of their life.


And I ask,,,,so what???? Who is being hurt here???? That is the one question I always will ask when dealing with things before I do them. It's why I laugh when some people tell me that don't do this or don't do that,because of,,,,,,, "a law". It takes more than a "law" to determine if I will do something. It also takes more than the majority telling me that I shouldn't do something. Just because OUR society looks down on something, is definitely NOT the reason to do or not to do.

In fact, I might add,,,,ESPECIALLY our North American society.
 SunDevil_in_SC
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 60
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/4/2011 11:45:10 AM

And I ask,,,,so what???? Who is being hurt here????


Usually in the long run it is the 18 year old - unless she's using him as a sugar daddy.

The 40 year old has been a productive member of society and dating *for years.*

The same can't be said for the 18 year old. They're just starting out.

Look, we all react to our own convictions. (Personally, I usually like obeying the law.) We're not going to run up to then like some morality police and say that they're wrong to their face. But at the same time, we're not going to stick the "thumbs up" signal as well - we as individuals are allowed our beliefs as well. And as Janet has just now noted, why do you care if you really don't care what society thinks in the first place? Where's the fire?
 SunDevil_in_SC
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 63
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/4/2011 4:09:46 PM

Why could a older woman not to be attracted to a younger man. Every person is a individual, so I would never even think about sons.
Why should a woman, dating a younger man think about her own son. I am sure
older men don`t think about their daughter when they date girls younger than their daughter. What is "icky" to be with a younger men?


Well, some of us guys think it is "icky" for older men to date younger women.


The reason why is that, yeah, though each person is different, we do reflect on how are relations are doing at that age. For example, I have a 25 year old niece, and I know that she's just trying to start off life even at that age. It just gives me the creeps thinking of dating a woman that young knowing that they're probably going through the same experience. We're just at different stages of our lives.


Anything outside the box is immoral to many people . BUT, there is so much done in secrecy by the most judgemental people, it is unbelievable.


So basically if someone who is addressing a wrong act is caught doing another wrong act, that makes the act that he was originally addressing right? WTF?

Look, the guy that sent you the e-mail was completely wrong. No one should be the morality police to others, and no laws were broken. However, that doesn't mean that we are in agreement with the act of dating those significantly younger than us either. It just means that we wouldn't do the act ourselves.

My father used to always say that he was not a moral person, but that he was a scrupulous man. The reason why is that morals are acts that we do because they are acts that we expect others to condone. However, scruples are acts that we do because deep down inside we just know that they are the right thing to do.

I hope that whatever you are doing it is in alignment with the prior paragraph. If you like doing what you are doing, then it doesn't matter what we think - you shouldn't let your life be enslaved by the views of others. However, we just don't like doing the act because it is against our scruples, and thus it is from something deep down inside of us. Does that make sense?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 64
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/4/2011 5:09:34 PM
That`s why a lot of people are getting defensive when others bring tabu
subjects and actions out in the open, and are not afraid to be called immoral , or icky
for their openness.

You seem to be the only one getting defensive about anything. For the most part, the other people in this thread have said they didn't really see anything wrong with women dating younger guys, yet you seem to be charging on as if people were arguing with you. Instead of preaching to the choir and acting as though there is someone disagreeing with you, figure out why you need to convince yourself of whatever it is you are on a crusade about. If you want to date a younger guy, just do it. You seem to be the only person in this thread who is making it out to be a big deal.
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 67
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/4/2011 9:58:08 PM

It does give the impression you are open to dating someone within those ages, and I have to admit when I see similar restrictions set on mens' profiles my age it makes me cringe.

I have no restrictions set whatsoever. It's not that big of a deal to manually filter out those you're not interested in.


This confused me so a guy that has similar restrictions make you cringe but its alright for you to have no restrictions?

Unless I'm miss read it...what if the guy likes to manually filter out like you? But you'd never know because if he does the same it makes you cringe?

It was a long day at work so I could be misinterpreting this statement of a obvious double standard...

On to the actual OP, the double standard society saying its "alright" for men to go younger and "wrong" for women to do the same thing is long dead. With the fad of Milf's, cougars, whatever you wanna call em is what's "in".

So one douche decided to "let you have it" for something that happened to him...that's just his problem...don't be labeling ALL the guys on this site because of one douche though...that is a VERY COMMON thing....stereotypes and labels and its not just on this site but all over. We love labeling a whole gender or type of person because of one "bad apple".

Best of luck to everyone
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 69
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/4/2011 10:24:57 PM
OP may I ask a question...if you have/had a son what would you say to him if he was in his early 20's and brought home his new g/f that is close to 40? 50? 60?

Not saying its immoral or wrong but what would you say to him?

I think its wrong for either gender to date past a age range. For me its anything above 15 years either way. I see it as someone trying to be someone they aren't. My mom is 16 years older than my step dad...now its no big deal that I'm used to it and matured, but do you know how hard it was for me to accept that a guy 11 years older than me was trying to give advice and tell me what to do? Since all your children are above 18 you don't have to worry about that one. But still its another example of this. I lived through it and know what its like.
 pasmal
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 73
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/5/2011 10:38:58 AM
The reason it's "wrong" to date an 18 yr old when you are 40, it's not a fair fight.
The 18 year old has no perspective. The older one has lived twice as long, knows more about human nature and everything else, and can easily manipulate.
It's predatory.
It's an unfair power balance.
Pick someone your own size, experienced enough in life to consciously make decisions, vs a naive innocent of 18.
At 18, they are all naive.
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 77
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/5/2011 1:48:31 PM

If my son would bring home a girlfriend 25 years older than him, I would say.
"I am happy, as long as she makes you happy, you are an adult , and it`s your
life, not mine". That`s how my kids are raised. Very liberal.


So you wouldn't judge the g/f for dating your son who is 25 years her junior?

Same question what would you say to your daughter who might want to date someone 40? 50? 60? or even older?

Also how would you respond to a different family member or a old close friend, trying to judge them?
 pasmal
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 78
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/5/2011 1:49:57 PM
I don't think its advisable for man or woman to objectify youth for ego strokes, to prove they still have "it".
So many age trannies--"I am 18 inside stuck in a 50 yr old shell" "I can pass".
Being a youth junkie isn't necessary. I know people of 50, 60, 70, etc. who redefine their age.
You asked, we answered.
I don't care what others do, but I don't find it healthy in that a lot of people have a problem getting older and deal with it in this way.
A 60s guy trying to date me says "oh, women 20-30 yrs younger are what I draw". I don't buy it at all, BSing.
If age is a number, do you date older? Most people claiming age is just a number won't go older.
Yeah I could date a 20 yr old--they often chat me up at the grocery--maybe they have a mommy complex, but really have little to say to a 20 year old.
I remember myself at 20. There is no point. I don't need to go back there.
 cabanaboy65
Joined: 8/30/2009
Msg: 79
view profile
History
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/5/2011 2:13:04 PM
I date older ladies all time. A woman has the right to choose any man she wants to date. Whether he is older or younger.....
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 80
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/5/2011 5:34:30 PM

So, today I got called immoral for having my age range for men set at 20 to 99. Of course I would not date a 99 year old, neither does it mean I would date a 20 year old.


Well, since the lowest age on here is 18 to join, and probably few people live to be 99 anyways, why have an age limit set at all? I don't have one set, because I'll talk to pretty much anyone (even if they're too old/young for me as far as 'dating'). Either set more realistic limits, or don't have any at all since reality is its up to you to decide to date someone or not if they contact you.


So who is to say it is immoral for a woman to date much younger men?


I dunno, I'm not saying it, who is? Date whoever you want to... doesn't bother me in the slightest how old they are as long as you are happy. Well, unless they're under 18, then its illegal and you could get arrested, and rather creepy.
 pasmal
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 82
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/6/2011 1:42:21 AM
I wasn't commenting on you, but the prevalent phenomenon these days online, and IRL --"I don't look my age, so I can date way younger". Most of the time they do look their age, but the point was, there is nothing wrong with being any age, and its not necessary to prove one is young or desirable by dating decades younger. In most of these cases, I find it hard to believe there aren't attractive people closer in age to those who disavow being or looking their age, but the mentality is to worship youth and by doing, imply getting older has to be denied. One can't deny it, but so many try--they lie about their ages on their dating profiles, and refuse to date anyone their age. Don't assume "envy" is why anyone disagrees.
I don't "envy" you nor do I think a 40 or 50 year old guy dating a 20 yr old is a good idea, but then, what others do doesn't affect me. I was commenting generally on the ideas.
It's called free speech.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 89
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/6/2011 10:25:44 AM

I don`t have to go back in age, externally I never aged to 53.


Don't kid yourself.
 house_full_of_bullets
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 91
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/7/2011 8:40:39 PM

The women that call 'older' women that date younger men ~Immoral~ are merely showing their _Envy_!
I wouldn't let anyones opinion of your question raise your blood pressure...
You're obviously a strong believer in letting people have their own opinions...
And Very Outspoken, too..!!
53..?? I was giong to guess 32..!!


Sure you were. I see cataract surgery in your future.
 domo30
Joined: 6/7/2010
Msg: 94
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/8/2011 9:15:50 AM
lmao gladly will be called a cougar. Im not into men my age because most have a few divorces and kids under their belt and thanks but not for me. Plus I like attractive men so younger is how I roll lol
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 95
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/8/2011 10:05:24 AM
The women that call 'older' women that date younger men ~Immoral~ are merely showing their _Envy_!

OMG, so not true.

The young pups are constantly hitting on we older women - they have to be scraped off our legs most of the time. I have NO desire to date a youngin' and certainly DON'T envy anyone who does. But hey, the next time I'm jonsing for a dinner date at Chuck E. Cheese, maybe I'll reconsider.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 97
Whyis it okay for a man to date young women, but women are being called immoral for dating young men
Posted: 9/9/2011 10:11:06 AM
Msg. 93: Please stop embarrassing yourself.

OP, I agree that this:


87: ...I'm sure your mail is over flowing now with perspective suitor's in your self-adsorbed thread.


is what you’re really about.

Your statistical analysis of this thread:
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