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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Should i be insulted? Would you be?      Home login  
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 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 51
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Should i be insulted? Would you be?Page 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
In my relationship experiences I have seen the reverse. They expected me to help out right away but also complained about past broke or cheap boyfriends. One of my exes quoted "what good is he if he can't help me out?" Double standard? I really know how to pick them. I learned and am more careful now.
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 52
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 6:32:34 AM
To answer your original question... NO you should not be insulted, you should be thankful.
I see both sides of the fence here.
I can see the womans concern about your financial situation.
Did she know what that was when you started dating? My GUESS is probably not and it makes perfect sense to put some serious thought to it.
I can also see why so many people don't have lasting relationships if all they do is RUN at the first sign of rough times instead of working TOGETHER.
Your profile is active... looking for long term... SHE should be insulted to be honest.
The header on your profile also says "communication is the key".
Well guess what.... You got it and now your bytching about it. WTF?
Be careful what you ask for.
I think it took a real woman to take the time to think things through, make a decision, follow through on it AND then to be able to HONESTLY tell you her feelings about the situation. YOU are lucky. I don't think she is quite as lucky, as you are throwing things back at her (paying for dates, putting shyt together, doing the brakes). As another poster pointed out... you do those kind of things because you WANT to, not because you want pay back.
 meowsaidthetigress
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 53
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 6:40:20 AM
Quit eating out, pack a lunch for work, turn off your air when not home, dont go to yard sales, take shorter showers, use generic products, turn off your TV, and there's your $100. Your financial problems should never become the responsibilty of someone you date.

I would have dumped you for having the nerve to ask at your age.
If I can make it on what I earn I dont see how others cant.
I have no sympathy for people who cant budget in todays economy.
 Hudsonview10960
Joined: 8/10/2011
Msg: 54
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 6:52:50 AM
I would say that if you have to borrow a $100 to pay the rent, the last thing you should be doing is dating. You should be focused on increasing your income and/or decreasing your expenses. Personally I think she is the one that should feel insulted.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 55
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 6:56:59 AM

Quit eating out, pack a lunch for work, turn off your air when not home, dont go to yard sales, take shorter showers, use generic products, turn off your TV, and there's your $100. Your financial problems should never become the responsibilty of someone you date.
I know we've had our difference of opinions on some subjects in the past but this one I agree with you 100% ....dead on balls.

The problem with guys like him is he thinks it is other or who ever he is dating responsibility to lean on during financial rough patches, I'm not in his situation nor will I ever be but I'm curious on why he couldn't ask one of his buddies to borrow the money or siblings/parents ( assuming they are still around) but he definitely has friends one would assume.
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 56
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 7:02:50 AM
^^^ That is kind of assuming don't you think?
I mean after all at my age, I still have problems that come up.

Maybe it's just my shytty job... yeah I know.. find a new one. Easier said then done, I've been looking for well over a year and a half. I'm thankful to even have one at the moment.
(sorry.. done rambling)

I pack my lunch, I don't use the air or heat much, I don't go to yard sales, I take shorter showers, I use generic products, I don't even have a TV..... where's my 100$ extra a month? LOL

So while all these people are hollerin about putting aside money for emergencies and what not, sometimes shyt happens and sometimes you just can't.
So apparently those that have emergencies that come up or are not financial stable aren't supposed to date?.........yeah right, almost all of us would be single forever.
To bad life is not that simple.
I would NOT have asked for money from someone I was only dating for 5-6 months though! That was kind of silly really. OP you could have easily just had a conversation with your landlord and worked it all out.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 57
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Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 7:03:15 AM
"My match would be as good communicator as i am."

I see the problem. Your idea of being a good communicator is "I will send you numerous texts with a number of grammatical and spelling errors and expect you to think I know what I am talking about because I say so. Oh, also, I have a really crappy attitude that I will expect you to understand and accept because I am so good at telling you about it. And when you actually have a meaningful communication with me and express your feelings after some thoughtful reflections over the fact I hit you up for money and it isn’t what I expect then I will post a grammatically incorrect, misspelled rant on forums to explain how outraged I am that you think differently than I do."
I can tell you right now if any man I met that “fell on hard times” so that he had to borrow $100 to pay rent at your age (aka not 22 years old) then I would be out of there ASAP. It isn’t about whether or not you paid your fair share on dates (duh……you should) or helped with little chores (I am sure she has done the same) but whether or not you have your shit together as a mature, self-sufficient, grown up adult who can provide for himself. I would give serious second thought to someone who couldn’t because it will only get worse going forward.
So no, you should not be insulted. You should grow a pair of nads, buck up and learn to support yourself and NEVER ask to borrow money again from a woman friend.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 58
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 7:11:19 AM

ill start charging for all the little things i do for a woman.


Well, let the woman know up front before you take on a task, that you want to be paid for it as an employee. If you do someone a favor, do it from your heart, not because you want to be renumerated. I understand people hitting rough patches, but if she helped you out of a hole i wouldnt feel insulted. However if i were to ever be in a position to need to borrow for whatever reason, i seriously would just ask family or a very very close friend over a significant other, to avoid all that kind of stuff you are going through.


to be very honest, you need to move on and drop her like the shallow cheap B!!!! she is! If you EVER have financial problems in the future, and this is the way she is being NOW, she will leave you anyway, sooner or later.. Complete and utter pettiness and shallowness is what you have a "relationship" with! 100$ is NOT 1000$, I could kinda see her being hesitant for 1000$ or more, but a mere 100$? Find yourself another girl, who is not petty, otherwise, in the future, you'll get screwed


Funny how you renounce the sytem and everyone who works for a living or cashes in on capitalism, but someone would be a shallow cheap B if they did not want to give someone else the money they earned by working for "the system".
Dont wanna put anything at all into the world but more than happy to demand.
Let me guess, you are the type that will bash and degrade anyone who earns money by working for the evil system, but in the next breath will hold out your hand and expect someone to break you off a piece.
For some people in this economy, 100 bucks is a LOT. That might be a week worth of food for someone, or a water bill, or money for their kids clothes and shoes.

Could/would YOU hand over to 100 bucks to anyone who asks it of you?
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 59
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 7:12:13 AM

I would NOT have asked for money from someone I was only dating for 5-6 months though! That was kind of silly really. OP you could have easily just had a conversation with your landlord and worked it all out.
but that was my point Majyk...there are many ways of skinning a cat so to speak.

I know people can get down and out, that I get and my only beef with this dude was his post saying he done all this for his girlfriend, fixing her brakes , setting up things from IKEA, paid for dates so he guess he had a right to ask for money? to me that says he places values on every little thing and values the wrong thing in a relationship.

 meowsaidthetigress
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 60
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 7:16:49 AM
Poster #64- I hear what your saying but even I have sold my furniture, appliances,
and jewelry to make past house payments because they were mine to make.
I am disabled and refuse to sit on my azz for a check. If I can do it
I dont want to hear the whining when others who are able cant.
 Orgulloso
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 61
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 7:19:20 AM
OP and all,

This is an interested thread as it hits on something that is probably more common than not. That's WE men who want to date but have limited discretionary income. Yes, WE as I'm in the watch my budget situation. Thankfully, I can manage my regular bills okay and have money to treat my children to pizza, arcade, etc. However, there are a few dynamics at play in the Dating Game.

OP - you should have told your landlord you'd be late a week brother, and never asked your SO for the loan. If as others have posted she was having second thoughts about your financial situation you added fuel to the fire brother.

My experience is during the initial dating phase, the "wining and dining", entertainment aspect is where my discretionary income could be an issue (and has been). I began dating a lady, and started out with a meet and greet at a coffee shop (no biggie). Our second date was at a very nice restaurant and since I'd asked her out I paid for everything. The next morning she texted me asking if I'd take her to a Sox - Yankees game that night. I replied that the costs would be prohibitive under normal circumstances but Sox-Yankees would be exorbitant. Well...that wasn't what she wanted to hear and two days later after no communication I get a text saying we should be friends.

Dating can be expensive, at least in the beginning when you're focused on making a good impression while getting to know each other. Unfortunately, lack of discretionary income can derail the process.

Good luck - G
 meowsaidthetigress
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 62
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 7:30:00 AM
^That is a misconception. I have found many interesting things to do on a date
that are fun and almost free. I love yard picnics all dressed up in pretty clothes,
with candles, music, cheap wine, and healthy munchies over a board game.
I've had Nerf Dart Gun fights with the neighbors all running around.
Ive sat on a bench by the river reading poetry and talking for hours.
A lake in the area is great for a late fishing trip to get a small fire going.
Bowling a game and then having coffee at a local shop costs less than $20.
Shooting a few games of pool and a few sodas do too.

You dont have to break the bank to date.
At our age isnt it about the company?
 home_osorio
Joined: 2/12/2011
Msg: 63
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 7:33:32 AM
naw, man, you should not feel insulted. if i were the girl, i would feel the same way as well. but, hey, she got past it. just make sure that you are going to pay her. because if you didn't, she will really think of you differently. i've experienced this kind of situation where my boyfriend asked for $200. i was really very hesistant. my feelings towards him were really weird when that happened. but i guess love conquers all so i got past it. but he never paid me. and he cheated on me. so i learn not to lend any money to any man again. i know you are just struggling. just make sure to pay her.
 viper1j
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 64
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 7:42:00 AM

Post#51: "Most women don't have "rough patches", because they can always hook or strip when needed."

Ain't we special? Seriously, dude?


Options, are options.. Just sayin'..
 Orgulloso
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 65
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 7:49:11 AM
At Athena,

I hear you, I'm just stating my personal experiences. Yes I agree, there's a lot especially where I live to do that doesn't have to break the bank. In New England we have sea shore, we have great parks / nature, just exploring downtown Boston is a fun day. In addition to some of the ideas mentioned in your post.

But that said, SOME ladies our age are looking to have the type of fun they were missing towards the end of their marriages, they've raised their children and want to breakout. I don't blame them believe me.

G
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 66
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Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 7:53:23 AM
@athenashelmet: I like your style and thinking on this subject. Unfortunately, weymth's experience with the second date (ballgame) probably happens more often than not. Wish it was about the person not the extravagance of the date. Don't raise the bar too high in the beginning. Save the fancy restaurant for special occasion. I would hope current economy would balance out dating between the genders.
 Orgulloso
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 67
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 8:02:03 AM
Cooldog,

It cuts both ways brother; if you're too frugal that could backfire as well. Yeah, it would be nice if there were more Athena's out there where we could just enjoy each other's company regardless. Thanks for the support.

G
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 68
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Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 8:23:15 AM
@weymth: Being frugal is being financially responsible, but in dating it is a contradiction. Can't win, but I'll join you on the frontline in the trenches.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 69
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 8:25:31 AM
I'm just getting out of my rough patch that lasted a few years...after losing everything...I didn't really date during this time.

Well, I can't say that...I wasn't LOOKING to date, somehow dates found me...probably why I was dating much younger women, THEY don't care as much about money or how expensive the date is! They are happy going to a park, riding bicycles or watching movies at home.
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 70
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Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 8:53:18 AM

I guess i guy who has hit a rough patch is a worthless piece of crap despite the faCt he has saved his girlfriend money by doing her brakes for her puting a wall.unit from lkea together for starters. A
you women who are bashing me for being broke are right i should manage my money better, ill start charging for all the little things i do for a woman.


The entire question is the value exchange process between the sexes..... It is simply that her mindset is that she already "paid" you for these tasks by sleeping with you...... until you find a girl that sees value added in a fair and balanced way where sexuality is a mutual shared experience and not an item of barter..... this will surface over and over no matter who you are with.....

Your best approach is cut out the spendy dates and like many have told you... re-balance finances and consider your dating/social activities (whoever you are with...even guy friends) to be focused on the many activities that are creative, heartfelt, personalized and often free or nearly so ..... because the goal of dating is getting to know each other and exploring each other's character, desires, dreams, and future togetherness.... right???

If a girl does not accept or appreciate this approach.... then from the get go there is a strong possibility of "golddigger" attitude she may have.....

RUN FORREST RUN !!!!
 viper1j
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 71
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 9:01:59 AM

I'm just getting out of my rough patch that lasted a few years...after losing everything...I didn't really date during this time.


Try fighting cancer, working, and trying to keep a relationship going at the same time.

The experience, was... educational.
 Kitten189
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 72
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 9:05:55 AM
Op.........Question.....

Why did you set up your profile in July this year if you've been dating this lady since March???
Hmm...........

I dont think you should be dating at all if you have child support to pay,etc etc etc (like most people)to the extent that you're $100 short for rent.
Why didn't you approach your Landlord in this instance and secondly,im surprised you didn't have a mate/family to help you out temporarily ?

Yeah............dont help your lady out with anything in the future if that's going to make you feel better
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 73
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 9:08:05 AM

I guess i guy who has hit a rough patch is a worthless piece of crap despite the faCt he has saved his girlfriend money by doing her brakes for her puting a wall.unit from lkea together for starters. A
you women who are bashing me for being broke are right i should manage my money better, ill start charging for all the little things i do for a woman.


OP....you're insulted that we don't agree with you...and wait till 21 posts to add that you consider helping out (with labor) is quid pro quo for asking a woman you're dating for a loan. OP...sometimes it's pretty clear to some of us...that stupid things like asking for money, from a person we'd been dating for a realitively short time, should be obvious...it's just something that isn't done...and any justification is really fluff that we won't understand.

Yanno, I'm handier than most...things like hanging shelves and doing bakes are no big deal for me...I've plowed the snow for my neighbor's for 16 years and never expected a thing-yet, they've reimbursed me 10 fold over the years...and I actually like helping......the thing is...I've never even thought of charging anyone for helping out...I guess that's the difference between some people.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 74
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Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 9:10:18 AM
Asking to borrow money is a deal breaker for many people, not just couples. Knowing someone for 6 months hardly puts you in a position to ask to borrow money. Could you not turn to family or long term friends?
A lot of us are single parents and have run short of cash, had unexpected bills, not gotten child support on time or at all etc. So we all get it.
But if you are $100 between a roof and no roof, then you absolutely should re-evaluate how you are doing things. It does not sound to me like you can afford to be going out or paying for dates. You have to get some savings.
 Hudsonview10960
Joined: 8/10/2011
Msg: 75
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 9:16:27 AM
Life is unfair, life is cruel. It is a fact of life that financial instability is the number one source of stress in life. When I was married, I hit a bad spot: I lost a consulting gig and they weren't going to pay me for the last 2 months which was going to my health insurance. My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer, all on the same day. I had two small kids at home and a house and mortgage to support. My wife was a stay at home mom.

After spending the day thinking my life was over, I got up the next day and started hustling my ass off. I found a new job within a few days and I took care of my family. I had a single minded focus to get out of that situation.

You may not like it but there is no reason why any woman should put herself in the situation of staying with someone who can't make ends meet. It is your problem, not hers. When you are in your 40's you are beyond the stage where love conquers all. By this time in life, you hopefully are a little more mature than to believe that. Not having money will drag both people down. It may be heartless, it may be unfair, but it is a reality of life. The Buddha said: life is stress. No one should knowingly get into a situation in middle age to add new stress to their lives. When you get married, you make a vow for better or worse. You don't make any such vow for dating. You are currently in your peak earning years. in less than 10 years. you will be over 50 when the chances of losing a job is more likely, and finding a new job that much more difficult. If you don't focus on your job, career, and saving money now, you are going to be in much deeper trouble than not having a date, especially with the cut backs in medicare and social security. People in the 40's just will not have the safety net that our parents had. Trust me, as you get older, and you have to start taking medication for high blood preasure, and other medical expenses, you won't believe how costly it is going to be and it is only going to get much much worse. I see the return of the poor farms in this county.
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