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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Should i be insulted? Would you be?      Home login  
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 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 166
Should i be insulted? Would you be?Page 8 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I guess you missed my point.. Age has NOTHING to do with it! Why should a so-called "middle aged" man find it easier to scrape up 100$ then someone in their 20's? Its NOT an age issue, its a financial issue.. Some people regardless of age raise 100$ like its a penny, and some people have such a hard time its almost impossible for them to raise it! Why should age be even considered? Thats my point! lets remove the "middle aged" or "young" distinction, and boil it down to what it is, either financial, or personal problem..NOT an age issue..


Ok, Prof, while I agree with you somewhat there, there is a large difference between someone who has to "scrape together" $100 to go on a date (buy that concert ticket, pay for a dinner, etc) or to buy a new lamp or something that they'd like (but don't *need*), vs. someone who has to 'scrape together' cash to keep a roof over their heads.

Most people can understand dating someone who has to live on a budget, and "sh*t happens" and they can't afford to go out that week (or a couple of weeks), etc. And while it may seem like 'semantics', lets say his 'crisis' was he got a flat tire and the starter went on his car, all in the same week - he needs the car to get to/from work, and y'know not having a spare tire could be problematic if the others are almost bald too... , but to pay for those he'd be short on rent - so he asks if he can borrow $100 for the 'unforeseen' crisis, because he won't make rent if he pays for them - its $100 either way, and some might disagree, but borrowing $100 to cover "unforeseen" problems outside your budget 'seems' far more 'responsible' than borrowing later to cover the bill you *know* you have coming up.

I'm willing to bet more people would be willing to cover "I can't cover it right now because I won't make rent next week if I do" (and its a critical one-off event), than "I can't pay my rent because I had these other things to pay for". The first speaks of some form of budgeting, the 2nd shouts "I have no budget".

Not arguing that yes, some people live "paycheck-to-paycheck" and can't save for one-off emergencies, but the act of borrowing to cover normal everyday bills (such as rent) speaks to bigger issues than borrowing to cover a one-off emergency.
 fixitfred
Joined: 11/10/2007
Msg: 167
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Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/10/2011 10:33:18 AM
She told you the truth. She should be insulted that you can't handle the truth.
 viper1j
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 168
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/11/2011 7:10:56 AM

Even twenty-five year olds can scrape that paltry amount together, after all.


Yep, amazing what you can do with a ski mask and a gun these days..
 sweetfunfitgirl
Joined: 5/14/2011
Msg: 169
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/11/2011 3:52:00 PM
Borrow money from your siblings or cousins not from a girl you are dating.
 LatGent
Joined: 7/12/2010
Msg: 170
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/11/2011 3:54:24 PM
Insulted -NO, thinking about losing her maybe, spending more time thinking about why your paying for the dates that leave you needing to borrow from her- YES!!
If the child support thing is a drag, and rent comes due -dating can wait until the money's available. If she understands that, then she may be a keeper, If not then cut the line...
 cedar77
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 171
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Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/11/2011 6:48:50 PM
So it is ok for your date to go to a high interest pay day loan hocker or maybe rack up the credit card just to make rent , but it is not ok to lend or borrow money from someone you know well and supposedly you like them since you are dating .

It's no wonder that the nation is bankrupted and slaves to the bankers .

 Toasty120
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 172
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/11/2011 10:42:48 PM
Sorry, but I would have run like a turkey dinner if I was her. Just my own opinion.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 173
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Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/15/2011 8:35:59 PM

so it's ok for your date to go to a high interest payday loan or maybe rack up the credit card just to make rent,but it is not ok to lend or borrow from someone you know well and supposedly you like since you are dating.


MOST Human beings are really insensitive when it comes to the predicament of others as long as they got their fills.. Have it not ocurr to you maybe that"Someone" needs money too to pay her bills and if she lent her date she is in a hole too... It is not her fault that her date is late of his rent,ect suppost she is not in the picture of his life, sooooooooooooooo he will be kick out and become homeless???


It's no wonder that the nation is bankrupted and slaves to the bankers.


Yeah Right!!!!!!!!!! these wo/men who bailed their dates on their financial problems like rent, mortgage,child support, food ,utility bills ect should not let their dates have to pay high interest of credit cards or go to a loan hocker, they should lent those poor soul their meager hard earned money and then jump from a high building 100 floors so they won't be slaves to the bankers and the nation won't be bankrupted........


 PurpleFusias
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 174
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/15/2011 9:08:29 PM
Wow, I'm surprised at how negative everyone got so quickly. Everyone assumed that it was simply because he does not budget. And at least one person (that I read) even assumed it put her in a hole.
No one asks:
how serious their relationship has become in the six months
if it was an expensive unforseen financial problem or multiple small ones
if he even has family to borrow from (it is possible to not have family)

Obviously it is not a repetative thing if it is the first time he has needed to ask and is able to pay for their dates with no problems. My brother screwed up his bac at work and after it was found out that his back could not be fixed, lost his job. My uncle had a heart attack and could no longer work. One of my uncles had a tree limb fall on his face at work, causing him to not be able to work. My dad has had medical problems causeing hime to miss work. My ex's dad had his job go under and was suddenly left with no job and no benefits. My job has caught on fire and I couldn't work for 3 months. STUFF HAPPENS!!
You have to have somewhere to turn when the chips are down and there's nothing you can do. I'm young and def good with money...I ALMOST always stay one month ahead on bills and keep another month at least in my savings account and even I have had to borrow money to pay rent before (and I borrowed it from a guy I had been dating for two months).
Maybe you feel a LITTLE ashamed for having to borrow the money, but it's not really that big of a deal...just make sure you're in a situation that you feel secure it won't happen again and if you feel this woman is like that even in an LTR and I am making an assumption here; I'm assuming that is what you are possibly headed for since you've already been together half a year.
If she is ALWAYS like that, than she is not a good life partner. STUFF HAPPENS and your SO should be more than willing to help out when it does (if they have the means to).
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 175
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Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/15/2011 9:16:46 PM
@purplefusias: I see your point. I felt the story was missing crucial details. I had to read it several times and think about it several times. Six months is for some people serious and for some people not. Details were too vague and we had to fill in missing pieces which led to assumptions. Lots of postings really turned against him on a couple of his follow up responses.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 176
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Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/15/2011 10:05:37 PM
WHY
can the OP borrow the money from his family instead of his date of 6 months ??? Or if he has no mother,father ,uncles sisters or brothers he has so many other ways to come up with that $100.00. Instead of hustling his date? If my date
of 6 months borrowed money from me I will assumed that I look like a an $$$$$$ not a person who is trying to meet ends met like him... In my mind and feelings> His personal motives sucks.........


<div class="quote"> And at least one person (that I read) even assumed it put her in a hole.

Excuse me!! it is not an assumption it is a FACT, when people pay their bills there is not very much left to squander or to lend to some one , they have to think of their food and car gas,ect .UNTIL THE NEXT PAYDAY ..............unless there are millionaires that mingle with middle class people like us, and those millionaires use the hundred dollars bills for wiping there A SSES instead of toilet paper, I hope , they are kind enough to spare their date of 6 months or 12 months a one bill of $100.00 with no sweat..
 PurpleFusias
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 177
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/15/2011 10:34:54 PM
===Excuse me!! it is not an assumption it is a FACT, when people pay their bills there is not very much left to squander or to lend to some one , they have to think of their food and car gas,ect .UNTIL THE NEXT PAYDAY====

Not everybody lives paycheck to paycheck and not everybody's bills meet what they make every month; therefore, it is an assumption.

===can the OP borrow the money from his family instead of his date of 6 months ===

It is a definite possibility that he cannot---another assumption

===If my date of 6 months borrowed money from me I will assumed that I look like a an $$$$$$ not a person===

Another assumption, and also, why would you assume that a man who has taken you out and paid for you to have meals and whatever else he may have done with you viewed you as a cash cow because he fell on bad luck ONE TIME and resorted to breaking his pride a little to ask you to borrow the money?
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 178
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Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/15/2011 11:14:20 PM
^^^^ Well, if my date of 6 months break his pride and borrow money from me, because He paid for """my meals """and ""what ever he have done for me""". and WANTS me to lend a $100.00 We can play the same game ,I paid for his meals too and I do the same things he done for me,,,,,,,,,,whatever the term is GIVE AND TAKE , RETURNING FAVORS,SHARING" attachment's/relationship's responsibilities" TO PUT ON THE TABLE .... He has to lend me first the $100.00 then I'll lend him the $100.00 and we are fair and even......

So Sorry My violin broked of your feedback ,I can't render the sad music for it >>


<div class="quote"> Another assumption, and also why would you assume that a man who has taken you out and paid for you to have meals and whatever else he may have done with you viewed you as a cash cow because he fell on bad luck ONE TIME and resorted to breaking his pride a little to ask you to borrow the money ?
 BrownInOrange
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 179
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/15/2011 11:36:54 PM
Never Never NEVER borrow money from someone you're dating. That's what family and friends are for.
 PurpleFusias
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 180
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/16/2011 1:06:07 AM
===whatever the term is GIVE AND TAKE , RETURNING FAVORS,SHARING" attachment's/relationship's responsibilities" TO PUT ON THE TABLE .... He has to lend me first the $100.00 then I'll lend him the $100.00 and we are fair and even......===

So, you can share if that person shared with you first?

And you didn't answer my question; why would you assume that a man who has taken you out and paid for you to have meals and whatever else he may have done with you viewed you as a cash cow because he asked to borrow some money?
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 181
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Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/16/2011 8:00:27 AM
My answered to you is never tell your predicament to your date or any man whether you dated him 6 months or 12 months that "your rent is late or your car is going to repossessed or you having nothing to eat ,it is not his responsibility why you are in BAD LUCK or your family.. God gave you 2 brains one on top of your head and one between your legs.. You have 2 choices which one you want to use the logical brain or the orgasm brain when dealing with a man.... When a woman use her logical brain she is in the good side of a man , and man assess her as a keeper, but when she uses her brain between her legs ,pretty soon she'll be singing the blues that men are j erk, bad , b astard %&*()...... tut tut she is on the bad side of the man...


<div class="quote"> So, you can share if that person share with you first ?

YES!! unless he is a CHARITY case I am more than happy to donate money for him and deduct it from my tax...

Yes I will think that he viewed me as a cash cow if he wants to borrow money from me ,unless I told him that I own a bank that I am in a business of loaning money for people for the rate of 25 %...
I would consider that a man who borrows money from his date or girlfriend or nieghbor or co worker is a weak person, you could say a lowly parasite.

Here is a kicker,>>>> When I was your age 22 starving as an actress/ dancer ,I work hard not to be in debt with anyone specially a man,who would phuck you as a sport prey..
And I believe that if a wo/ man save your ass financially they own your soul,even you pay them already... So better borrow from ligit like the Bank or a credit card and your dignity is intact ,people respect you for that..............

Vannili, The Wise Old Woman....
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 182
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Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/16/2011 8:14:38 AM
Why would you be insulted OP???? You asked for the money, from a relationship, and if they need to clear their head about why you would do that.......you have no one to blame but yourself!.......

Let me tell you what usually is the "real" part of this story for far to many. Let me guess, you more than likely drink, smoke, do drugs, or have an addiction in some form that takes some of the money you need for you every day living needs. You more than likely borrowed from relatives and friends before, either not paid them back or was late with that payment, and now they hesitate to loan you any, or will not consider it.

So, now you are hitting on your girlfriend to help, because you have no where to go, and she cares enough about you to do it, BUT she is not feeling good about the whole situation. Maybe that is why she had to step back and think this through and weigh the pro's and con's of being with someone that can not support himself day in and day out, and take care of all his responsibilities. And you are feeling insulted??

For those of us that have been put in that situation of loaning money to others, for many reasons, it is bad enough to be asked, but to not be paid back on time, and see that person drink and smoke their money, or use it for things not necessary, while we go unpaid, is just plain relationship abuse.

Those that have a relationship with another, or are close friends and/or family, will "offer" to help if right and they can, and to be asked should be the last resort and the first on your list to pay back and never do it again.

cd........
 kinley68
Joined: 8/4/2011
Msg: 183
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/16/2011 9:21:26 PM
If you were insulted, I guess you have a right to your feelings. But since you've asked...No, I don't think you should be insulted. She was being honest with you and it could not have been easy for her. If someone I had been dating for 6 months asked me for a loan, I would see this as a huge red flag, and would take a step or two back as well to re-evaluate the relationship. If you think that borrowing money from her is justified because you've paid for several dates, I disagree. You are not married, your finances are not inter-mingled - and they shouldn't be. Paying for dates (dinner, movies...) DOES not suggest that the two of you are now economically joined and financially responsible for each other. You seem like a good guy, I mean no offense. But, perhaps you should think twice before you ask to borrow money from a woman you've only dated for 6 months and are truly interested in.
 carino12
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 184
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/16/2011 11:53:40 PM
ok ppl, really. he borrowed money so what. If she didn't want to she didn't have to loan it. I don't think his questioning has to do with whether or not he loaned her money and was she upset about borrowing it to him. His question was, she waited so long to contact him after borrowing him the money and says thank you for the space. Personally, if it was me and i loaned a guy money, i deffinately wouldn't need space. i would keep contact everyday making sure i would get money back, not nagging him but, keep track. Here is the real issue, she thanked him for the space....really a girl doesn't borrow a guy money then need space. what she really was doing was stepping out..dating someone else and seeing where that went. didn't work so she contacts this guy she loaned money to thanking for space...please. lets be real. no need to harrass a guy cuz he was short for rent. you are all hating on him cuz he borrowed money. shame on you. he was on here explaining and being honest, forgetting his pride in having to ask for help and all you guys can do his badger and hate on him. shame shame
 cedar77
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 185
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Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/17/2011 12:49:50 AM
please. lets be real. no need to harrass a guy cuz he was short for rent. you are all hating on him cuz he borrowed money. shame on you. he was on here explaining and being honest, forgetting his pride in having to ask for help and all you guys can do his badger and hate on him. shame shame


Exactly .

She was dating the guy for 6 MONTHS ! She must have at least liked him a bit . If you are too cheap to help out someone with a loan ( not a gift ! ) for a lousey 100 bucks to someone that you like and who you are seeing then you are one cheap cold b*tch and not good for any sort of relationship .
He had probably spent many times that on their dates !

And here people put on their profiles " friends first " Yeah some friends they would be !

People on the forums just like to play holier than thou , and they just love to get themselves all righteous and riled up for the stupidest things that they like to twist to suit their b.s.
I guarantee that most every woman who said that the poor guy should be jilted would lend a guy in a similar circumstance 100 bucks if he were " a hottie " .

Carry on with the b.s. people ,

ps.
I guess I am sort of one of them too , I just got riled for the stupidest thing . lol
 dwarlord
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 186
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/17/2011 4:09:45 AM
OP, you might want to concider going back to family court and having your child support evaluated again, unless you are living beyond your means.
Most people should know in this time and age child support can be a killer on anyones financial situation.

This is a two people working to pay the bills society for most people who work for minimum wage. Gone are the days when every man use to work and be able to support a family.

She really does care for you OP, hang on to her because she does love and respect you. Tell me where I can find a woman like that.
 Trent12345678
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 187
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/17/2011 4:46:20 AM
OP - this is NINE PAGES of answers....you obviously have a talent for asking questions that drive the other humans to want to answer you.

I'd write a whole book of questions. Sell it. Then never have to ask for a lousy $100 again.
 Beez243
Joined: 2/26/2011
Msg: 188
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/17/2011 2:18:48 PM
Well.he has an attitude about everything. She should do this....that...blah blah....get over yourself.
 Caringheart2011
Joined: 4/28/2011
Msg: 189
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/17/2011 3:29:30 PM
No Kidding?
So let me see ?
You are divorced ," Profile", You are now in a relationship with a chick, you barrow money from her. YET, you are still on POF ?
What for ?
The Forums ?
Again and again, when a man is a man, and get into a relationship, he should at least post : "Not looking, or hide his profile ."
It show respect for the chick you are having sex with. " Dating ?", if that is what you call it ?
Come here, and whine about it ?
Please , give me a break.
And you are wondering why she want to take her distance ?
Bud, if I was a woman, I kick you to the curb faster then a New York minute .
 kensan88
Joined: 9/10/2010
Msg: 190
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/17/2011 8:06:40 PM
nothing wrong with borrowing money,they dont borrow from us they take,hey we all need help sometimes just do your best
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