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 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 26
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Deep sleep nude photo shootPage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I would contact an attorney and have them draft a letter requesting the guy destroy the photos.
When my Ex owned his business and a client gave us any issues with bills we found an attorneys letter carried a huge amount of weight. Most people sh1t a brick when they get one.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 27
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Deep sleep nude photo shoot
Posted: 9/6/2011 7:40:46 AM
gaby..

You can worry and fret, but the best advise one can give you is that if there are such pictures, and if they are used criminally, or in any manner to cause you pain and suffering, then you have recourse. Other than that..you will never know that they still exist/were destroyed, or are used against your wishes.

Tough situation..I'm sorry.
 nottyman
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 28
Deep sleep nude photo shoot
Posted: 9/6/2011 7:43:52 AM
Sick **stard, he should be hung by his nutz for even doing that without your permission first....
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 29
Deep sleep nude photo shoot
Posted: 9/6/2011 7:44:51 AM
I will never know if he deleted them, because he never had the decency to come to my house or make an appointment to meet with me so he can delete them in my presence. Any feedback on this?

You wouldn't know if he deleted the photos even if he had done those things. There's absolutely nothing you could have ever done or can ever do that will gaurantee those photos are gone. As a practical matter, the only thing you can do is to stop worrying about those photos.

In the same situation, I would be extremely angry. If he refused to hand over the pictures and delete the pictures from his camera where you can watch him do it, I'd be calling my lawyer about invasion of privacy laws in my area. This is a tough one because there may be an implied consent if you were sleeping nude at his house. Your lawyer could write him a demand letter or you might want to check in with the police.

I'd be nailin' his azz to the wall somehow. That you can be sure of but it's always good to check with the law to find out how much time you'd do on a first time offence for assault. Some things are just worth it!!! That's just SOOOO wrong!!!

You might be angry and it certainly seems wrong, but as a practical matter, there's little you could do, even if you had the legal system behind you, which in this case is questionable. Suppose your lawyer calls him and let's him know that he'll take legal action if the guy doesn't agree to ``hand over the pictures and delete the pictures from his camera where you can watch him do it.'' Assume further that the threat is credible enough to get the guy to agree to that. What have you gained apart from deleting the images stored on his camera and on whatever other device from which you watch him delete the photos (at least the ones you knew were there)? Are you going to be able to find every copy of copy of those images, even on a computer to which you are given unrestricted access? No. If you looked at every file on the computer, at best, you might fimd a file named something like, blah.bin that is really a photo, but you won't have anyway of knowing what an encrypted file is or even that it's an encrypted file and not just some random binary file. At this point it's more about damage control than anything else.

Once the photo is taken, it would be difficult if not impossible to have every copy of that photo deleted, unless you invent a time machine to go back and prevent the photo from being taken. If this was easy to do, the movie studios wouldn't be spending zillions of dollars trying to figure out how to prevent people from copying movies and software companies woudn't be spending zillions of dollars trying to prevent people copying software. They've figured out that once a file can be copied, it can't be controlled. It's really too late to do much beyond living with it. That sucks for her, but reality is what it is.

The operative word in this entire debate is PERMISSION!

Morally, yes. Legally, no. If it were illegal to take photos of someone without permission, you would have to get a release form from everyone in a photograph before taking it. The law tries to specify conditions under which permission is needed, but this is difficult to do. Probably your best recourse against any of those photos may be 18 USC section 2257 which requires those who distribute sexually explicit content to maintain records verifying the age of the models. The law makes it an offense to not maintain such records regardless of the age of the model, so that even if you're 80 and obviously over 18, it's still an offense to not have a release form on file. He obviously does not have a release form for those photos, so if those photos ever appear in public, you may have a case against him.

 orionids4ever
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 30
Deep sleep nude photo shoot
Posted: 9/6/2011 8:37:28 AM
You are right. After all the contributions, I have come to the conclusion that I must let it go. I tried everything to get him to delete them. Now I have to trust my "good luck" that he doesn't take this beyond just keeping them for himself. Thank-you for the "rational" contribution.
 orionids4ever
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 31
Deep sleep nude photo shoot
Posted: 9/6/2011 9:39:24 AM
There are two sides and I represented them:
1. He took pictures of me while I was sleeping and admits doing so. To keep things simple, the pictures were taken and they exist. He says there is nothing wrong with doing that because he is telling me about it. He would say the same thing to you if he was asked about it. He really believes this!
2. I did not give my permission to him to take these pictures. I was not conscious and I had no say in it.

Those are the two sides. Quite simple. I don't see how talking different tongues is involved in this. The fact that he took the pics in the first place is proof that I can't trust him and that he is immoral. To tell me about it doesn't change the fact that he is in control in this situation and I have had no say in participating in this act. He can live his life peacefully with no concern whats so ever and I may worry for the rest of my life if these pictures will turn up somewhere and perhaps cause me to loose my job. The point here is : I didn't get to decide if I want to take this risk. He decided it for me by taking those pictures. I don't see how that can defended as ethical just because he told me he did after the fact.

Please note that I am not calling this person any names or expressing any anger towards him that would indicative of any vindictive behavior. It is obvious that I am stating only the facts here and my concerns. I don't care about anything else.

Again: If some takes nude pictures of you when you are in a situation in which you can't decide if you want this or not, it is a violation of trust within itself. He can't show me anything but that. He committed an act that does not make him "trustworthy". So it is a contradiction within itself to say: hey, I violated your trust to show you that you can trust me.
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 32
Deep sleep nude photo shoot
Posted: 9/6/2011 9:53:13 AM
1. He took pictures of me while I was sleeping and admits doing so. To keep things simple, the pictures were taken and they exist. He says there is nothing wrong with doing that because he is telling me about it. He would say the same thing to you if he was asked about it. He really believes this!

that's like saying i borrowed your house for a big party while you were out of town, but i told you about it so that makes it okay. you have a real genius of a guy there; maybe you shouldn't be so quick to give him up.



2. I did not give my permission to him to take these pictures. I was not conscious and I had no say in it.

i had a BF do this to me once. i put enough psychological pressure on him that it didn't take him long to cave like a house of cards and delete the pictures from the camera right in front of me, before he had a chance to make copies. but it's not always possible to make somebody extremely uncomfortable, if you see what i'm sayin, and apparently the timing was not to your advantage anyway. so you're in a tough spot. to basically repeat what's already been said, you could pursue this legally but the cost of doing so is prohibitive and when faced with "a letter from your attorney" or whatever, all he has to do is say that he has destroyed the pictures.... how would you prove otherwise? if he keeps them in secret, your entire claim is moot. the only way you could practically make anything stick is if he were to post them publicly in some manner. have you ever considered revenge and retaliation.


vvvvv
I am still not sure how to process this experience and how I can learn from it because I would have never thought that this person would do this let alone turn out to be who he is.

people are like that, full of nasty little surprises. the only thing you can do is extend a reasonable level of trust in others and continue to take the chance of having that violated in some way, and/or put more time and space between yourself and the next guy before you end up naked and asleep in his apartment or whatever.

in the end, who among us has not violated another's trust at some point in our lives? it ain't anybody here, that's for sure. 'tis life. not justifying the behavior by any means, but suggesting that changing your attitude about what happened is the best way to process it. is there a lesson in forgiveness in it? i know i had to learn that lesson at one point, and it involved some things nastier than a few naked pictures. dunno, for you to figure out for yourself.
 orionids4ever
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 33
Deep sleep nude photo shoot
Posted: 9/6/2011 10:12:37 AM
I am not a vindictive person. Two wrongs don't make a right. This is to the core who I am and I will not let him or anyone change that in me. What I did try to do was a somewhat desperate attempt. I broke up with him over this issue and then I thought I could act like I want to continue being with him and then get my hands on his phone that way. However, I had to give up on that idea because he was already suspicious about that. He knows what consequences this could have for him. Besides, that was just my desperation and helplessness taking over my rationality. As I said, I am ready to let this go and hope for the best. I don't want to hurt anyone, just want to love and be loved, and that is how we make ourselves vulnerable to people. By opening up and trusting. It is a gamble. I am still not sure how to process this experience and how I can learn from it because I would have never thought that this person would do this let alone turn out to be who he is. Perhaps I can learn from this not to be so trusting. Don't know, time will tell. There is the right person out there for me, I just have to keep an open mind and not let something like this corrupt and destroy my belief in that.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 34
Deep sleep nude photo shoot
Posted: 9/6/2011 10:20:00 AM
The fact that he took the pics in the first place is proof that I can't trust him and that he is immoral. To tell me about it doesn't change the fact that he is in control in this situation and I have had no say in participating in this act.

No, it doesn't change anything. Morally, it was wrong for him to take photos which you wouldn't have consented to. (Although, there's a little ambiguity in that. I'vetaken photos of my fiancee without her prior consent, the only difference being that she was free to get rid of them afterward, which she has done more than once. The ambiguity that exists here makes it difficult to legislate. Most people would be pissed if they needed a consent form on file to take photos.)

I may worry for the rest of my life if these pictures will turn up somewhere and perhaps cause me to loose my job. The point here is : I didn't get to decide if I want to take this risk.

No, you didn't get to decide, but unfortunately, you're stuck with the risk. You could also get killed if a tire blows out on your car, and as a practical matter you really don't have a choice to not drive, either. You could lose your job a lot more easily if you couldn't get to work. However, some things are simply not within your control, so worrying about them only makes you upset. The saying, ``You can be right or you can be happy,'' applies here.
 orionids4ever
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 35
Deep sleep nude photo shoot
Posted: 9/6/2011 10:29:54 AM
O.k. to make this really very clear. This was not just some guy I met and slept with after a couple of dates. We were in a relationship. When you are in a relationship you make love and you fall asleep naked with your partner. What am I doing wrong here? What is the time frame for doing this. Is four months too short for being intimate and sleeping over? As a mature independent woman involved in a relationship with an assumed mature independent man, one would assume that this is a sufficient amount of time to be involved in a trusting relationship. Of course, this is all relative.
 forumjunkie942
Joined: 8/15/2011
Msg: 36
Deep sleep nude photo shoot
Posted: 9/6/2011 10:30:28 AM
Just on the surface, I have serious doubts you have legal standing if he never publishes them. Even if he does, it could get murky. But as others have said, it's probably best to get a lawyer and review the specifics of your situation.

Seems like a scumbag move to me, to photo someone asleep as such.

Question - How long did it take for you have sex with this person from the time you met them?

I'm not here to judge how fast people hit the sack, but I will say, waiting isn't such a bad thing in many cases, esp in ones like this, where it's better to see the dark side before the horizontal mambo, not after.
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 37
Deep sleep nude photo shoot
Posted: 9/6/2011 10:35:24 AM
O.k. to make this really very clear. This was not just some guy I met and slept with after a couple of dates. We were in a relationship. When you are in a relationship you make love and you fall asleep naked with your partner. What am I doing wrong here? What is the time frame for doing this.

i was stating what i thought were the reasonable options, not passing judgment on your moral character. i certainly didn't mean to suggest that you were doing anything wrong or being unreasonable. you are a big girl, you can sleep with a guy whenever you want to do it.


Is four months too short for being intimate and sleeping over?

i don't know, some people think 6 months is too soon, some people think 6 days is too long, and some people think it's too soon if you aren't married. it's your perogative along with whoever you're sleeping with, but the time frame for another person violating your trust knows no bounds. that's all.

vvvv of COURSE there is an expectation of privacy, otherwise they'd be naked out on the street and going at it like dogs. don't quit yer day job. ;)
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 38
Deep sleep nude photo shoot
Posted: 9/6/2011 11:19:50 AM
If you were at his house naked you have no expectation of privacy.

That isn't true. If it were, it would be legal for you to install hidden cameras in your bathroom or a guest bedroom and take videos. You do have some expectation of privacy in another person's home, although I don't think this case is particularly clear cut from a legal standpoint.

This was not just some guy I met and slept with after a couple of dates. We were in a relationship. When you are in a relationship you make love and you fall asleep naked with your partner.

I don't think anyone is suggesting otherwise or even suggesting anything based on a judgment about your relationship. If anything, the fact that you had a relationship with this person would make it even more difficult to take legal action. The fact is, this person is lacking integrity and although that's morally reprehensible, it's not, in and of itself, a criminal offense as spelled out in the law. It may be, but I'd guess pursuing that angle would be frustrating at best.

In the unlikey even that the photos ever come back to haunt you, you can always claim that those photos were photoshopped to place your face on another person's body. You aren't likely to end up working anywhere someone would care enough to do an analysis of the photo to try to figure out whether or not all of that photo is you.
 southmeetswest
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 39
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Deep sleep nude photo shoot
Posted: 9/6/2011 11:25:10 AM
it is more often that in public you have no expectation of privacy
 orionids4ever
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 40
Deep sleep nude photo shoot
Posted: 9/6/2011 11:40:06 AM
Well, actually, I do! And there would be no questions asked about how and why this photo appeared on the net. I would immediately be terminated, no questions asked. This has happened over an over again to people working in my profession. That is why I am so worried. My concern is very reasonable. However, as I said before, I am letting it go, because I have no control over it. With time I will hopefully forget about it and hopefully I will be lucky and the guy has a drop of sympathy for me and doesn't do it.
 RandomScause
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 41
Deep sleep nude photo shoot
Posted: 9/6/2011 12:49:07 PM
Well, actually, I do! And there would be no questions asked about how and why this photo appeared on the net. I would immediately be terminated, no questions asked. This has happened over an over again to people working in my profession. That is why I am so worried. My concern is very reasonable. However, as I said before, I am letting it go, because I have no control over it. With time I will hopefully forget about it and hopefully I will be lucky and the guy has a drop of sympathy for me and doesn't do it.

Whoa.

Bang.

There is your ticket.

This is where the criminal law would kick in (you have to be able to prove it was him who took these pictures, first), and then the tort law.

If you can pove that the pictures posted on the net or anywhere or shown to someone you know or don't know, that would constitute "dissemination" of voyeurism, were taken by him, then he could be nailed. The criminal judgement is not you concern, but his criminal conviction is. You could sue him for all your lost wages, between the moment you got fired and your retirement age, you could sue him for your personal damages, both financial and social/ moral, and for anything else your lawyer could think of. Judgment in your favour would be nearly automatic.

Remember, any legal entity, that is, human, among other things, who sees the pics, and you get a whiff of it, means to you that he broke the law. You need to prove only that the picture on public display (which qualifies any number of third party elements, such as a monk alone in a monastery who has a vow of silence, and never will talk-- he is part of the public, he is human, he has human perception) was indeed taken by him.

You can only gain from this, lose your chains, and you have nothing to lose.

I wish I were in your situation.

Your only worry that remains is that he spend his money before the courts deem it to be transferred to you. That's your worry now.

And the photographer is not very likely to want to go to jail, so you are pretty safe from having to worry about his financial standing at the time of his conviction.

BTW, I haven't read the entire thread: What's his profession? If he is in the professions, then you can rest assured. If he is a mafioso, or a Nigerian scammer, or any ole' guy off this website(**), then you can laugh all the way to the bank very soon.

(**) disclaimer: this I can't substantiate, as I have no personal experience with any of the guys who date women on this website, I am only and solely making this daring statement becasue I read the "relationship" and "dating advice" forum posts. Started by women. If I offended anyone, I apologize, and it is certainly only my opinion, actually made in a jostling, jokular way, which most don't get on the forum, no matter how well they can spell, so I apologize and I say it is not really something I meant, I mean it as a comedic opinion.
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 42
Deep sleep nude photo shoot
Posted: 9/6/2011 12:56:00 PM
^^^op, maybe you should consider making it a part of your confidential personnel records that you were in a relationship with a man who took pictures of you without your knowledge or permission and then refused to dispose of them, and that those pictures could easily be misperceived as compromising your professional integrity given their nature, should they ever appear in public -- again without your knowledge and permission. i certainly wouldn't be willing to jeopardize my career for the sake of some a-hole ex-boyfriend and his disgusting camera fetish. i'd be pre-empting anything he could do that would be that much of a threat to my livelihood, no question about it.

any reasonable person would understand the difference between being naked in bed in the context of what's assumed to be a normal adult relationship, and having pictures of it splashed across the web against your knowledge & will. you shouldn't have to pay for the difference with your job.
 skyydogg22
Joined: 4/3/2011
Msg: 43
Deep sleep nude photo shoot
Posted: 9/6/2011 3:19:39 PM
Delete them from what? Memory card? Phone? Internet?
At the very least, send a registered letter reiterating the facts: he told you he took these photos of you without your knowledge or consent.
Find out what the law is in your state. You own the rights to your image. Tell him that. There are civil and criminal penalties from publishing your photos without a model’s release. If he ever emailed the photos (even to himself) and showed someone else, you could sue for damages.
Your best option is to get legal representation.
 Sully8545
Joined: 12/12/2009
Msg: 44
Deep sleep nude photo shoot
Posted: 9/6/2011 3:43:46 PM
That's just awful. A complete 10 on the jerk meter. Definately see a lawyer to see what you can do. You were violated.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 45
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Deep sleep nude photo shoot
Posted: 9/6/2011 3:53:13 PM
.........total 100% jerk,but there are nasty people out there........
so you should be more picky
 orionids4ever
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 46
Deep sleep nude photo shoot
Posted: 9/6/2011 4:03:34 PM
I am picky! If you met him and knew him you would never assume that he would do something like this. There are couples that are together for years and they don't know what the other is capable of. Why does this somehow have to be my fault? I did nothing wrong in this whole scenario. I was a caring, kind, supportive and loyal girlfriend to him. I have done nothing to bring this about.
 joemac356
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 47
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Deep sleep nude photo shoot
Posted: 9/6/2011 4:50:32 PM
Well, Your Honour, it is my testimony before you that I have not reviewed the original poster's profile, nor have I seen any evidence of the alleged photos. I have, however, read this thread in its entirety.

I am seeing this from my own remote perspective.
OP, do you know he actually took photos, or are you just believing his assertion that he took them?
Have you seen them? Do they show your unmistakable image, especially your face?
He could be very well just blowing smoke and this whole matter is rendered moot.

If he has taken such photos, most likely, given the amount of available pornographic photos and videos, what he has isn't very special. No offense, but unless the photos he took are extremely outrageous in content, there is nothing special about them. He's likely to get bored with them and forget about them, if they do exist.
If he has taken these photos, tipping him off that you're even contemplating legal action is likely to:
A) piss him off
B) give him cause to make copies and clear the originals from his phone/camera, if not already done
C) give him reason to feel vindictive
D) alert him to the degree that this bothers you, thereby elevating the importance of said photos

I would cut your losses and do your best to forget the whole incident. I know, it's a very nefarious, creepy, slimeball thing for him to do, but it may turn out that the more attention you draw to it, the more costly it could become. Not to trivialise his behaviour, but there have been far more heinous acts that have gone unpunished.
Such is this civilised world.

On behalf of the rest of us decent men, I'm sorry you were betrayed.
It doesn't mean all men, or most men, are untrustworthy.

Good luck, whatever your decision.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 48
Deep sleep nude photo shoot
Posted: 9/6/2011 4:54:40 PM
If you can pove that the pictures posted on the net or anywhere or shown to someone you know or don't know, that would constitute "dissemination" of voyeurism, were taken by him, then he could be nailed.


This is why I agree with the paralegal that at the very least, OP should have a letter sent from a lawyer specifying her objection to the photography and request to destroy/delete the files. ESTABLISH A RECORD that you objected to this incident so that if an employer wants to be harsh, you have EVIDENCE IN RECORD that shows you are not at fault and the employer is being unreasonable. It may not save your job, but then again, it could give you a chance to save your job instead of being tossed out with the trash.

NOW IS THE TIME TO DOCUMENT --> IT SHOWS YOU MEANT WHAT YOU SAID

What's the price of a lawyer's fee to write a letter - compared to "peace of mind" and saving your job/career in the future? A penny today, a dollar tomorrow.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 49
Deep sleep nude photo shoot
Posted: 9/6/2011 5:12:28 PM

Any feedback on this?


Unless you were cheating on your hubby,s/o,are the model pillar of your community,or sleeping with the boss, I wouldn't worry about it.

And do you really think with all the fake photos out there, that yours will make a difference? Are you a politician? oh no! lol
 daffie
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 50
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Deep sleep nude photo shoot
Posted: 9/6/2011 5:32:51 PM
if you've never seen these photographs how do you know they really exist?
your ex may have told you he took the pics., just to upset you.
if you're in a deep sleep they can't be too racy, more like pics., of a corpse.

why be so upset about something that may have happened? the guy's obviously a jerk. be thankful he's no longer in your life!...
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