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 yellowdiamond2
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 6
Being stood upPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Me too, I'm confused...almost seems like going for gas was a bit premature and he showed up and was possibly waiting thinking SHE was late? And I'm with you, if his car was there, why didn't she go in to clear up any confusion? I'm just not sure that she was really stood up.
 cabanaboy65
Joined: 8/30/2009
Msg: 7
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History
Being stood up
Posted: 9/6/2011 5:13:23 PM
Been there it isn't fun being stood up... before I head out the door, I call & text them to make myself sure they are going to meet me.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 8
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History
Being stood up
Posted: 9/6/2011 7:21:03 PM

I'm confused. The way I'm reading your OP is, you arrived at a restaurant for a 7:00 meet, waited til 7:10, then left the restaurant to go get gas? Then when you returned to the restaurant, your date's vehicle was parked there, but you didn't look for him inside?


...yeah. that is the way i read it as well. You waited for ten minutes, left and came back. saw his vehicle, but did not go in to look for him?? That made no sense. What if he forgot his phone? What if his phone ran out of power? What if.. a thousand things? you know that he is there, but you will not go in?

This is nonsense to me.
 twelfth_dimension
Joined: 7/23/2011
Msg: 9
Being stood up
Posted: 9/6/2011 7:34:49 PM
Sounds like he was 10 minutes late .. so what? You got there 20 minutes early, so it felt like you were waiting a long time. Distorted perception, happens all the time.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 10
Being stood up
Posted: 9/6/2011 7:54:07 PM

My dad said, if you fall off the horse, get back up on it and ride, or you'll never ride again. So ok dad. I'll take that advice.


Good advice---if you were actually on the horse to begin with.

The guy was only ten minutes late---but you were already out of the starting gate by the time he arrived.

Personally, I would have been more patient and given him another ten minutes before leaving the restaurant---but that's just me.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 11
Being stood up
Posted: 9/7/2011 12:24:10 PM
Just a story. . . . We had made arrangements for a first meet. About half way between us: 2 hour drive for him, two and a half for me. I got there about ten minutes early, and headed around the side to the rest rooms. and then at noon, went in. He wasn't there. I waited two hours, and then called him. He was home. He'd gotten there at ten, and waited two hours for me. . . . When he checked his date book he admitted he'd gotten the time wrong, was terrifically embarrassed, and the next weekend *he* did virtually ALL the driving. But we laughed that we were the same kind of people. Ones who'd wait two hours for a date to show. And ironically, if I hadn't been early, or had just gone straight in through the front door, I would have bumped into him leaving.

The make-up date lasted 12 hours, and we had a very good time. Very glad that neither of us had a hissy fit.


edit: No cell coverage where I live, so I don't own one. Spotty cell coverage between where we met and his home.
 ekw1234
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 12
Being stood up
Posted: 9/7/2011 9:43:17 PM
OP I think you got anxious because he wasn't answering the phone which is understandable. I have been stood up before, as in really stood up, after driving 25 miles to get to the date. I waited a half an hour and called several times. Then I just went to a movie by myself and went home. The next day the guy calls to say that he just freaked out and to give him a second chance and bla bla bla. Well I said no coz i think standing someone up is a deal breaker. Now I like to arrange for dates close to my home and will not even leave home if he doen't answer the phone. But to me its not that big a deal, if the guy shows up, takes one look at me and leaves, that's fine. If he does not pay for my drink, fine. If he does not look like his photo or he is 50 lbs overweight, fine. If he's a jerk to the waitress,that is a terrible deal breaker but fine... and the list goes on. I only focus on having fun and protecting myself, and not allowinganxiety to get in the way of a good time.

I don't think you were really stood up because you say you saw his vehicle there. Maybe his phone died. You have to work on your confidence and anxiety. Maybe you are not ready to date coz it can be a roller coaster and you have to have a thick skin and the ability to take dissappointments in stride.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 13
Being stood up
Posted: 9/8/2011 8:02:51 AM

My nephew worked there and was expecting me, so I went back to let him know I wouldn't be staying. Guess whose vehicle was there. Yep, his. I didn't hunt him and haven't call him back, but man. This was my first experience with POF and it was crapy.


Your nephew worked where? The restaurant where you supposed to meet? Some other place? And then this guy finally showed up? To the place where you supposed to meet, or some other place where your nephew worked?

This is confusing as hell.

So, was the guy LATE or did he Stood you up?
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 14
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History
Being stood up
Posted: 9/10/2011 12:29:47 PM
this thread is an object lesson in why it doesn't pay to try to figure out people's behavior. the guy is on his way, shows up 10 minutes late (not unreasonable) and she's not there. maybe he checks his vmail, and there's a message saying she's there, and he probably waits around a few minutes, but no date. wtf? meanwhile, she's claiming HE stood HER up.
 NewYorkbiker
Joined: 2/10/2011
Msg: 15
Being stood up
Posted: 9/10/2011 1:44:56 PM
Being stood up is when someone does not show up! Being late should be a completely excusable first offense! There are so many reasons a person might show up late!
I am usually a very punctual person, but since I moved back to New York a few months ago, being punctual is not the norm anymore. When making plans, whether it be a first meet and greet or a second or third date, I will give the person a time I should show up, but I let the person know that it could be possibly later by up to an hour. And yes, I do leave early enough to make it to where I am going, but I have had it take me 20 minutes to go just a couple blocks. This is New York, you just never know! And I do try and call if possible, but that is not always possible either.
He showed up, the OP should have walked back in and listened to his excuse.
 dd3va
Joined: 11/18/2008
Msg: 16
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History
Being stood up
Posted: 9/10/2011 7:07:31 PM
It never feels good to be stood up and I am sorry that it happened to you. I have been stood up twice by men on pof. It did hurt my feelings at the time but only for an instant. They were obviously not the one.
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 17
Being stood up
Posted: 9/11/2011 6:15:22 AM
OP, I'm not sure who was actually stood up in this story.

Ok, being stood up is not fun. Anticipating a meet-and-greet is not always fun either. But...in my experience, most people don't show up early. So when I arrive someplace 10 or 20 minutes early, whether due to traffic, timing, nervousness or whatever, I remember the clock doesn't start on waiting until the actual agreed upon time. Most show up on time, but 15-20 minutes happens too. 30 minutes AFTER the agreed upon time is a reasonable amount period to wait before considering yourself stood up.

So why did you go get gas only 10 minutes after the time the two of you agreed on? You didn't give enough time to account for traffic, timing, nervousness, etc on his part. And then you called him all those times in what had to be a short time frame? Ack! OCD with the phone!

He showed up, you blew off meeting him when you knew he was there. You left the meeting place without giving a reasonable time for him to show up, and then didn't show up yourself.
 daffie
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 18
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History
Being stood up
Posted: 9/11/2011 6:31:23 AM
ok...
you arranged a meet and greet and he gave you his cell number.

surely he also didn't give you his licence plate number?...
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 19
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History
Being stood up
Posted: 9/12/2011 6:37:53 PM
Your experience was crappy? Glad someone found his post, I'm in his corner.
I once had a meet, was a little leery about it, waited 10 minutes past the agreed upon time and left.
Get home and he called, there was construction, he had to take a detour. I felt like the low life I was for not waiting longer. (We did meet another time).
Left to get gas???? Not even getting that part.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 20
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History
Being stood up
Posted: 9/14/2011 5:45:08 PM

Sorry about this Op, I wouldnt talk to the guy again, he had his chance, Better luck next time, and realize not everyone is going to do that to you.


This makes no sense. perhaps he is not the sort to talk/text while driving (I know that I am not), Perhaps he simply forgot his phone or it lost power (I am not sure how that makes him stupid. I am sure that in your adult life you have forgotten something at some point. It does not make YOU stupid. It's life and it happens.)
In the end he was about ten minutes or so late and the OP was NOT stood up. She saw his vehicle there, meaning that he showed up and was obviously waiting for her. She decided whatever she decided and did not go inside to see what the deal was. Which is her right, but ten minutes late is hardly a federal crime in the dating world. She can believe what she wants, but in the end she stood him up. As in she knew that he was there waiting for her. There in what is socially considered a reasonable amount of time and decided that she was leaving anyways.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 21
Being stood up
Posted: 9/14/2011 6:52:21 PM
Dorkvader27 (Msg 58):
It happens. Some guys will go look for you and if they don't like what they see they will just leave.


Is it possible the OP did this to the guy? She did say she went back to the restaurant to talk to her nephew. It's hard to believe she would go back there to talk to the nephew and not even look around to see if she could spot the guy to see what he looks like. Maybe she omitted this part to avoid looking like a b1tch when she fled because she didn't like what she saw.

I still don't understand how she recognized the guy's car if they never met. Also, where I live, it's against the law to use a cell phone or text while driving (IMO, a very good, long overdue law).
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 22
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History
Being stood up
Posted: 9/14/2011 8:57:22 PM

Either way, whether he didnt like to text or call while driving, pull over let someone know you're running late, is that too much to ask for?
And if the phone had lost power? Or he forgot the phone? Or he was on the freeway and pulling over is not a realistic option? But even more to the point at what point does she have some responsiblity to her own situation? You are concentrating on the wrong angle here. For the sake of argument yes, he was duty bound to call. That said, the OP left after ten minutes and when she returned he was there. He obviously showed up and was waiting on her. The OP, knowing that he did not stand her up at all, chose to leave him there. She knew that he came there to see her and have the date. She simply decided that ten minutes is an unreasonable, unforgivable amount of time to make her wait and moved on. Which would be fine except... she went on to create a thread about what a jerk that HE was. Like he did HER wrong! Why would you ignore the FACT that in reality, she stood him up? Yes he should have called, but if he was on the freeway it would have taken more than the ten minutes that he was late to pull off and call. That is a stupid thing to do. If they are in a State where it is illegal to text/ talk on a phone while driving or he just does not feel it is safe then he should not do it. It's stupid. If he forgot his phone or it lost power then he could not call her. It's not reasonable. Ten minutes is a reasonable amount of time to wait. An accident on the highway, getting a ticket or just traffic while easily cause this delay.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 23
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History
Being stood up
Posted: 9/14/2011 9:04:24 PM

Either way, whether he didnt like to text or call while driving, pull over let someone know you're running late, is that too much to ask for?
And if the phone had lost power? Or he forgot the phone? Or he was on the freeway and pulling over is not a realistic option? But even more to the point at what point does she have some responsiblity to her own situation? You are concentrating on the wrong angle here. For the sake of argument yes, he was duty bound to call. That said, the OP left after ten minutes and when she returned he was there. He obviously showed up and was waiting on her. The OP, knowing that he did not stand her up at all, chose to leave him there. She knew that he came there to see her and have the date. She simply decided that ten minutes is an unreasonable, unforgivable amount of time to make her wait and moved on. Which would be fine except... she went on to create a thread about what a jerk that HE was. Like he did HER wrong! Why would you ignore the FACT that in reality, she stood him up? Yes he should have called, but if he was on the freeway it would have taken more than the ten minutes that he was late to pull off and call. That is a stupid thing to do. If they are in a State where it is illegal to text/ talk on a phone while driving or he just does not feel it is safe then he should not do it. It's stupid. If he forgot his phone or it lost power then he could not call her. It's not reasonable. Ten minutes is a reasonable amount of time to wait. An accident on the highway, getting a ticket or just traffic while easily cause this delay.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 24
Being stood up
Posted: 9/14/2011 9:27:03 PM
Maybe...I should reread her post..because I am sure she called her second time to him at ten after...then decided to go get gas..investigated an accident..got gas....then drove by the restaurant and noticed his car...oh..and made a 3rd call to him in the meantime.
He was more than 10 minutes late.
Now....He gave her his cell# and I have to say...I don't know many young men that have not got it attached to their hand..,,,and doesn't it beep when you have a message???
After 3 calls unanswered by him....when he had made it to the restaurant...why did he not call her then???
Absolutely...she did the right thing! I feel people who disregard or use lame excuses for keeping people waiting on them...shows an agrrogance and disrespect for others.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 25
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History
Being stood up
Posted: 9/14/2011 9:56:00 PM

Maybe...I should reread her post..because I am sure she called her second time to him at ten after...then decided to go get gas..investigated an accident..got gas....then drove by the restaurant and noticed his car...oh..and made a 3rd call to him in the meantime.
He was more than 10 minutes late.
Now....He gave her his cell# and I have to say...I don't know many young men that have not got it attached to their hand..,,,and doesn't it beep when you have a message???
After 3 calls unanswered by him....when he had made it to the restaurant...why did he not call her then???
Absolutely...she did the right thing! I feel people who disregard or use lame excuses for keeping people waiting on them...shows an agrrogance and disrespect for others.

I guess that youshould. But by just re-reading it you will come to the same conclusion.
I had a "Meet and Greet" with someone on POF. He called the night before and verified it. Said I could call him if I needed to and gave me his cell. I got to the restaurant 20 minutes early...traffic wasn't bad...so I called to let him know. He didn't answer. Ok, busy driving. Our time was 7p.m. 7p.m. came and went. No phone call. 7:10 p.m. I called to make sure he was ok. No answer. First I though something was wrong. I left to go get gas while waiting for phone call and saw accident. Thought it might be him so I went to check it out. Nope. I call one last time and this time it went STRAIGHT to his message...phone turned off. Tad upse, but ok. My nephew worked there and was expecting me, so I went back to let him know I wouldn't be staying. Guess whose vehicle was there. Yep, his. I didn't hunt him and haven't call him back, but man. This was my first experience with POF and it was crapy.

My dad said, if you fall off the horse, get back up on it and ride, or you'll never ride again. So ok dad. I'll take that advice.


You then have to bring something of yourself to the process here. He may have been anywhere from ten to twenty minutes late. She left after ten minutes so as she was leaving he may have been walking in. He may have walked in five minutes later or even just as she saw his car. It would generally take about ten minutes to do what she claims to have done. Twenty minutes is around the limits that reasonable people would wait.
Why would you LEAVE after ten minutes? What have you lost after ten minutes? It's still a reasonable amount of time. So then she calls...

Nope. I call one last time and this time it went STRAIGHT to his message...phone turned off. Tad upse, but ok.

Sher has 'decided that he turned his phone off. It is just as likely that it lost power. It happens. But she is now upset. If it has no power or he forgot it at home then no amount of beeping will let him know that she called (and for the record I have an Android and it does not beep if I have a message).
In the end she left the restaurant after waiting ten minutes, came back around ten minutes later and there he was. He obviously showed up so no matter what happened she was not stood up. The date shows up then there is no Stood up. It's called late. He may have been ten minutes late or twenty minutes late. The fact is that the OP left at the ten minute mark and frankly that is not reasonable. She had a nephew that worked there. She could have left a message with the guy through the nephew in case he came by. She chose not to show any initiative or foresite in this situation. The OP came back and there he was, but instead of going inside to see him, SHE decided to leave... standing him up.
Is she entitled to leave? Yeah sure. It's a free country but, she proceeded to make a thread out of the experience talking about Daddy said if you fall off the horse get back on again. She was not treated poorly or stood up here. She simply became upset and left. The plain truth is that he showed up in the time that normal people would wait for a date. Would he owe an explaination and an apology? Of course! But they could have simply laughed about it and gone on with the date. his wrong doing was being 10-20 minutes late. Hers was leaving him waiting when she actually KNEW that he was there waiting on her, essentially standing him up.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 26
Being stood up
Posted: 9/17/2011 5:37:39 AM
(raises hand) Excuse me. How did you know it was his car?
Could he maybe have been held up by the traffic caused by the accident?
Could he have walked in after you left to go get gas, and why would you do that?
I think he thinks he was the one that got stood up, and technically he was.
He's guilty of being late. Your the one that did the standing up.
 RT_2
Joined: 11/5/2010
Msg: 27
Being stood up
Posted: 9/18/2011 1:43:14 PM
The OP says this was her first experience with POF, making her post this month (September 2011), and she joined the site in 2009. Hmm.

Because her nephew worked at the restaurant, it's likely she picked the site for the date and the man was kind enough to go somewhere convenient for her where she would feel comfortable. His being slightly late could be a combination of traffic problems from the accident and his being unfamiliar with the restaurant location.

My dates are almost always punctual. When the two of us meet at the site of the date (as opposed to one person driving to the other's home and driving together, in which case she's usually ready to go when I arrive or vice versa), usually I get there a bit early and she's already there. I've been stood up only once by anyone on here; it happened this summer. It wasn't a first meet; she and I had seen each other *nine* times before. I was the one who had suggested we get together for that day, but it was her idea where/when to go. She and I chatted online earlier on the day of the event. I told her when I was leaving home, so if she already knew she wouldn't go, she had plenty of opportunity to tell me she wouldn't be there (around 10:00 AM I told her I'd leave home around 2:00 PM, and just before 2:00 I wrote "shutting down in a few minutes, see you there"). We were supposed to meet around 6:00 for a performance whose gates opened around 7:00. When she still wasn't at the location around 6:50, I called her: after 4+ rings, it went to her voicemail and I left a message saying exactly where I was. She did not reply (she's attached to a "smart phone" 24/7). When I got home, there was no phone message, email or messenger message. Can't remember the last time I encountered someone so discourteous and uncommunicative. She's unreliable and inconsiderate; she clearly cannot be trusted. Having still not heard from her within 48 hours of being stood up, I discarded her phone number and removed her as a contact from the messenger. Good riddance! Friends/coworkers/acquaintances asked if I would contact her again; they approved when I said I wouldn't.

The day wasn't a total loss. I had something else to do in the area for several hours before the ill-fated planned event (left home around 2:00). Had a terrific time at the earlier event. Perhaps I scheduled the two events because I intuitively knew she might pull something rude such as standing me up without letting me know. Once it was obvious she wouldn't show, I noticed there were quite a few appealing women at the event. A man in the row behind me remarked, "There sure are a lot of blondes here!" I pointed to the empty seat next to me and dryly said there'd be one more if she hadn't stood me up.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 28
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History
Being stood up
Posted: 9/18/2011 6:05:16 PM
I am not sure how one would tell a car from any other car being one person's ride unless he said here is my plate number.
Something seems very muddy to me.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 29
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History
Being stood up
Posted: 9/19/2011 2:33:50 PM

How ever this horse bucked you off and kicked you while you were on the ground.


Wholly Sh!t I just fell off my chair and hit my head...
I have not laughed like that in one heck of a long time! Thanks

Now what were discussing here?
Right being stood-up...
*brush myself off, trying not to laugh, clearing throat, I mean fingers*
I am with the "time warp theory"-----You got there too soon and gave up to fast.
 Caringheart2011
Joined: 4/28/2011
Msg: 30
Being stood up
Posted: 9/20/2011 6:24:19 PM
Apparently she can't come up with an explanation ?

I also wonder how she find out that was his car ?

So sorry Princess he was so late .......10 minutes .
I think you gave him a favor. He is better off, never to meet you.
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