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Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 51
lack of desire for a relationshipPage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Go get your testosterone levels checked. A friend of mine went through the same thing. He lost interest in dating, getting to know them and going out to dates seemed like too much of a hassle. When we saw a hottie - he was like "meh"... then went to doc and found out that he had the test levels of a 70yr old. He is on TRT now and horny like a mothe...... He is about your age too....
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 52
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/12/2011 5:31:10 PM

also suspect, that being alone after such a long time kinda grew on me in a way, that anyone trying to break into my little world seems like an intruder who just steals my time and holds me up while I got things to do and things I want to do.

I think that's it right there...and there is absolutely nothing wrong with what the old books called "single blessedness".
It sounds like your biggest concern is what other people think/how your life appears to you gonna push yourself into an unwanted relationship because you're so worried about what other people think?
Enjoy your independence and autonomy. If you happen to meet up with someone that the Universe wants you to be with, it will happen quite easily and naturally...anyway that has always been my experience.
It's the relationships you push yourself into, the ones you accept because of an aggressive pursuit by the other person,the ones you engineer because you feel some kind of family or social pressure,that will come around and bite you.
Those who mentioned illness or a bout of depression were bringing up good points, extreme withdrawal/listlessness can be a symptom of illness, either mental or physical (or both, even). But if your interest in everything else in life is fairly normal, most likely you just are comfortable where you are at right now, and that's not anything to be alarmed about.
Cindy O
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 53
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/12/2011 6:44:24 PM
I feel similar to that way you feel after being rejected countless times. Instead of getting back on the horse, I stay on the ground. There are of course some people who dont need a relationship, I can understand. It may be painful, but all the rejection is definitely worth possibly finding a great woman.

Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 54
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/12/2011 7:30:52 PM
There has been times when I am not pushing it, I am not actively looking, but my ears are up. What it means to me, is that I am spending time working on me, emotionally, physically, spiritually. I spend time doing my sport. I spend time helping other people. Working, I spend time with friends, male and female. With that said, my desire, or my libido has not come down. If anything gone up.

However, I am so damn picky that I cannot sleep with just anybody. But do I want a relationship? Absolutely. But one that fits my criteria.
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 55
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/12/2011 7:51:02 PM
This is not normal at OP's age.He may have low test levels but I think it is time to talk to a professional about his feelings.Life is to short to waste it.
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 56
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/17/2011 12:33:47 PM
I'm going through that right now. I feel emotionally drained from my previous relationship and decided to give myself a break from dating and sex. My desire for sex is declining because I’m not in a serious relationship and casual sex is not for me. I feel I don't have the energy to date and lost interest in having a long-term relationship. All I have to offer is friendship and nothing more. I'm not depressed, I still go out and hang out with friends I just want to stay single and not involve with anyone for a long while until I'm ready to date.
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 57
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/17/2011 1:31:35 PM
I'm also going thru that right now. I am simply completely burned out on having to wade through all the lies, deception, BS, and drama I've run into in the last four years. I just can't do it anymore. At this time in my life, I want complete honesty and that is very hard to find. I refuse to settle for anything less; it's like I am literally unable to do anything less.

So many people don't know themselves at all, (or they do but think they're hiding it but don't do a good job) but they want to pretend they're someone else - someone who has integrity, humility, good intentions, character - in order to get what they need - admiration, sex, looking "normal" to society, etc.

I haven't in my life met many men at all that I respect; who really are emotionally mature and who put others' needs before their own. When I come upon one of those, that's who I'll consider letting in. Until then, I'm happy no longer wasting my precious time, energy, or heart babysitting any a$$clowns, nutjobs, or wingnuts.
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 58
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/17/2011 2:18:43 PM
"lol...sad part is that when you feel this way, and don`t have a desire or need to be in a relationship, that is when women usually come out of the wood work and are most interested in you."

Well, all I can say is that when I see a man whose head isn`t built on a swivel... yes, its very attractive. Rare... and very attractive.

But to answer the question... I`ve been in the state you are in now for most of my life. I think it sometimes comes from bad experiences wherein you just begin to equate relationships with stress and chaos... but I also think you can become bored with relationships just like you can with anything else. After all it takes alot of energy, mentally, physically, and emotionally to pursue, date, and sustain a relationship... there comes a time when you just need a break. To be alone and be who you are and to rediscover your other interests...

I`ve accomplished alot in my life compared to those around me who are the types that always have to be in a relationship... Sometimes relationships are so consuming and require so much work that it can choke out other aspects of your life before you realize what is happening.... and we all have other needs that are ours alone, apart from anyone else. There is nothing wrong with you if you don`t desire a relationship... its more likely there is something wrong with you if you can`t be without one for any length of time...
Joined: 8/10/2011
Msg: 59
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/17/2011 5:27:01 PM
yesss,im in that same situation :)))) there just not important to me right now,i think its beacause your mind is set elsewhere; whatever it is ,thats what have your attention right now , & realationships are on the backburner,,or is that just my situation,lol
Joined: 8/29/2011
Msg: 60
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/17/2011 6:30:18 PM
I am relieved to see I am not the only one, feeling this way.
I kept thinking .".this too shall pass," 3 yrs,... still, really not that much into "going through the process" all over again.
It's work...with no guarentees, we should be use to that by's called life.

I've looked at hundreds of pics, and couldn't find not one man, that caught my eye, or even remotely attracted to? I Really thought there was something major wrong with me.
So I was surprized to see this post. I'm not as weird as I thought I was! ")

The only thing that sort of concerns me, is that being single, too long, has a tendancy to make a person selfish. The syndrome.
As a couple, you have another human being to consider, and be accountable to. Not so in singlehood.( My children are grown. Grandchildren out of state.)
When we are single, we can:
Do whatever you want, when you want, how you me gets old.
I keep very active in volunteering, or helping friends, to off set that, my work deals with people all day long too. It keeps Me.., My ...and I... at bay
Joined: 9/10/2010
Msg: 61
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/17/2011 7:59:31 PM
sometimes buddy theres something on your mind thats bigger right now,im turned off with these woman right now because they play so many games,im just waiting for a real one,something good will happen for ya
Joined: 7/27/2011
Msg: 62
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/17/2011 8:14:50 PM
AintNoDeal... I don't see him as stressing over it, or "annyoed". I see him as trying to catagorize where he's at. Cause here's the problem...

Society and media, our families, our friends, everyone is a couple... The box society tries to put us in says to be a couple. I mean don't you remember being in school and if you didn't have a girl friend/boy friend you didn't fit it? You felt different? Out of the loop?

what he's going through I have experienced myself, and not just the "I don't want a relationship" phase but the slight confusion that goes along with it.

I don't think he needs a profesional. I think he's on that fence trying to decide if this is acceptable, this place he is at... I think he needs to tell society to kiss his ass and go be happy being single.
Joined: 7/27/2011
Msg: 63
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/17/2011 8:22:30 PM
Statemachine... and others who agree...

You wrote:

This is not normal at OP's age.He may have low test levels but I think it is time to talk to a professional about his feelings.Life is to short to waste it.


So what you're saying is that if you don't have a person in your bed, in your life, in your business, up your ass... then you're wasting your life???? That is so offensive to me.

What you've done is lumped him up with everyone else. What's wrong with him climbing out of the box and doing something different? I have serious issues with people who think that if another person is different, looks different, acts different, has different goals, or is in a different place in their life, then something horrible must be wrong with them...

The reason I find this whole opinion offensive, is that I am there with him. I have a high sex drive, I am very active, I am so not depressed, I love men, I enjoy spending time with my men friends (and no I dont "DO" them), but I don't need a relationship right now. I am very happy where I am at and applying your opinion to myself, I find it offensive. (I said that more than once didn't I... oops)

O.P. Go do what you want. Go do what you are comfortable with. Let me tell you something OP. YOU are responsible for your own happiness. YOU ARE. Not me, not Sally, or Betty, or Susy, or whoever walks by with a skirt and a twinkle. If you are happy, if you are content, you do what you want. When you get to where you do want someone in your life, you will be more rooted, more grounded, and will make a better choice than someone who feel that life is not complete unless they have their soulmate.
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 64
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/17/2011 9:39:24 PM
Nobody said OP had to have a women in his bed on any regular basis.What he did mention were feelings about keeping people out.And this woman that wanted to date him....anything wrong with blowing the dust off here and there?OP is too young to fall into this pattern,obviously he is attractive to women,he doesn't have to dedicate his life to them,just a little interaction would be good for him.
Joined: 9/6/2011
Msg: 65
view profile
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/18/2011 12:12:58 AM
yeah i am at this point right now but i think its cuz im happy with myself...doont get me wrong i get lonely at times..but ive been trampled on and put down so much ...ive jus found myself ...i had to make myself happy! ive dated and it was good...all the way around but jus deep inside me i wasnt ready the happiest ive ever been! with myself my career my whole outlook on day ill run into the one im suppose to be with but im happy waiting for now! God has a plan for me! i jus cant see it yet
Joined: 7/27/2011
Msg: 66
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/18/2011 1:42:44 PM

Nobody said OP had to have a women in his bed on any regular basis.What he did mention were feelings about keeping people out.

Uh... yea someone basically did. Dude said he must have low testosterone levels and he should go see a shrink.

And why is he too young? Is there a book somewhere with graphs and age limits? I'm not trying to argue or be a smarta*ss, I'm just saying we should be a little more open and a little more accepting.

I didn't read his post as saying he didn't want female interaction, he just doesn't want the clingy kind. I can't say I blame him.
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 67
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/18/2011 2:40:45 PM
Look, if the OP feels "poorly" or "off" or "not himself" in a wide spectrum physical and/or emotional range... things like fatigue, low-grade pain, loss of interest in several activities he usually enjoys, finds himself withdrawing in general, rapid weight loss or gain,trouble with stamina,focus-then I agree he should be talking first of all to his primary care physician. He could be experiencing a hormonal or other metabolic imbalance, he could be developing a physical illness, or he could be developing a clinical depression( or some combination of these situations).
However, if he feels OK other than having a lack of interest in busting his ass to acquire a "relationship", I'd say he should just go with the flow and trust the Universe to unfold as it should for him.
If the OP was talking about embracing and enjoying marked social isolation across the spectrum, that would be one thing...but he's just not particularly interested in dating and relationships right now. Perhaps he's one of those individuals that just isn't comfortable in the closeness of a relationship unless it feels very very right,and quite often THOSE wonderful connections just simply happen, without a bunch of "partner shopping" social activities.
Cindy O
Joined: 9/1/2011
Msg: 68
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/19/2011 10:39:32 AM
I don't think it's lack of desire but more a waiting period in between the lies and fake promises.

We need to rebuild the strength to try again.

My mom always said there are far worse things than being single.

She's so right. I enjoy being single going home doing what I please. I used to think it's selfish but's it's not.
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 69
view profile
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/19/2011 11:25:47 AM
I don’t worry about finding or desire a relationship right now, because I am so busy that I really don’t have the time to put into one. I do keep my eye out, but I haven’t met anybody that I would want to spend time with to be frank. As far as sex goes I don’t think about it. Life is too short to sit around worrying about finding sex somewhere, just for the sake of a feeling... I got those under control a long time ago! I’m not saying I don’t like sex, because what human being doesn’t?

So, I guess to answer your question I just don’t worry about such things. Things happen when they will and the chips eventually fall as they may, so the saying goes...
I think you are figuring out that life is not all about sex and finding that someone to make you feel complete? I think you have realized that you got other things in your life that are just important, and maybe these other things must come first for a change? Maybe your plate is full right now?

Anyhow, I think you are ok, I think just like another poster mentioned somewhere on here that you might be going through a transition of some sort. Just go with the flow and don’t worry about it, unless of course you think you need help, then by all means go to a therapist, nothing wrong with that to sort things out!
I’ve learned that “personal relationships” are like having another full time job, they take a lot of work!
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 70
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/19/2011 12:05:02 PM
@OP: complete_moron.
Have a look at the web site below; I saw a summary chart on the effect of neurotransmitters at my new doctor's office last week that seemed relevant to what you are experiencing.

Also, ensure that you include brains and maturity as well as beauty in your criteria for female company. If you are in the near-Mensa range yourself, anything less will lead to frustration and disinterest in the longer haul. And ditch the self-effacing monicker.
Joined: 9/9/2011
Msg: 71
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/19/2011 1:41:25 PM
A breakup launches us into uncharted territory. Everything is disrupted: your routine and responsibilities, your home, your relationships with extended family and friends, and even your identity. A breakup brings uncertainty about the future. What will life be like without your partner? Will you find someone else? Will you end up alone? These unknowns often seem worse than an unhappy relationship.

Recovering from a breakup is difficult. However, it’s important to know (and to keep reminding yourself) that you can and will move on. But healing takes time, so be patient with yourself.

Romantic relationships begin on a high note of excitement and hope for the future. When these relationships fail, we experience profound disappointment, stress, and grief.

Grief is a natural reaction to loss, and the breakup or divorce of a love relationship involves losses.

Grief can be paralyzing after a breakup, but after awhile, the sadness begins to lift. Day by day, and little by little, you start moving on. However, if you don’t feel any forward momentum, you may be suffering from depression. When grief triggers depression, the sadness can be unrelenting and overwhelming. Some people describe it as “living in a black hole” or feeling numb, lifeless and empty.

Support from others is critical to healing after a breakup or divorce. You might feel like being alone, but isolating yourself will only make this time more difficult. Don’t try to get through this on your own.

Reach out to trusted friends and family members. People who have been through painful breakups can be especially helpful. They know what it is like and they can assure you that there is hope for healing and new relationships.
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 72
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/19/2011 11:18:51 PM
You are talking about many different issues here.
It is normal after dating without any success for awhile to want to just take a break.
Having a low sex drive at your age tells me that there maybe several things going on.
Are you taking test boosters, have you been working on building to aggressively?
Is your health in order, maybe you need a physical.
Are you depressed? It sounds like you have lost your mojo.
Maybe you need to just take a break, everyone of us has moments where your faith in relationships has hit a road block. Ussually this happens when you are really dissapointed about someone and you just will not admit that to yourself, because if you did you would have to admit that you are morning the loss of what you really believed could have been. let it go........and just succumb to the dissappointment and then focus on other things like helping others, find the light and then your feelings of desire will return.
Joined: 1/30/2011
Msg: 73
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/20/2011 10:30:19 AM
OP, everyone goes through this. People get overwhelmed by work, stress, the prevailing negativism we face from the news, friends, family, work, etc. It can ware anyone down after awhile. You should have no worries. Take a deep breath and take a break. Stop looking so hard for Miss Right or thinking about what the future may hold. Get out of the rat race and take time for yourself: re-engauge in some hobbies or activities you haven't done in awhile. Things will click for you.
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 74
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/20/2011 11:32:35 AM

Has anyone gone through a period, when they don't want any relationships at all? I'm not talking about being upset from coming out of a relationship or disappointment from relationships and people, but for some unknown reason you just don't want to be in one and you can't even explain it why not?
Also having a very low sex drive, which even surprises you, how you are not even looking for a sexual encounter? Again, I'm not saying that someone who has some chronic low-sexual drive, but someone who used to be very active but now suddenly you feel nothing?

I dont think not wanting to be in a relationship is wrong. I've had some family tragedies after breaking up with my ex and I'm just now feeling good emotionally to have fun again.

A low sex drive has never occurred to me but with your military background you might want to talk to someone. Your profile and your post seems a little sad and dark. We all go through bad stages in life.
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 75
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/20/2011 6:00:07 PM

I'm not talking about being upset from coming out of a relationship or disappointment from relationships and people, but for some unknown reason you just don't want to be in one and you can't even explain it why not?
Also having a very low sex drive

I have.

I think I was, perhaps am, at a point where I am still happy to be at "content" after a drama filled end of a relationship; a relationship which, in itself, took alot out of me!!

I think my d*ck and my brain powwow and decide that getting sex MAY put us out of this easy breezy zone we're in.
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