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 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 51
Religion and DatingPage 3 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
^^ Not if one of the parties is a fundamental christian. Someone who clings to exclusivity of truth is not able to step into any kind of middle ground. It's black and white only.

And if the fundamental christian let go of the beliefs that they've held as true since time began? Well, those types of crises are not enjoyable to deal with. On either side of the equation.

I've seen people pretty close to tortured over this and frankly, love should not be like that.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 52
view profile
History
Religion and Dating
Posted: 9/14/2011 1:05:45 PM

Neat sounding title, BTW...


Well that explains your self titling of not one..but three. I am sure you would've added more if you could have.

Okay then..in my self defining terms, you like to use big words, but haven't a clue what they mean, so you apply them to yourself, making up your own terms.

I bet it takes you an couple of hours to order Chinese, huh?
"How many columns do I get to choose from?"

Yeahhh..that's the ticket..yeahhh.
I'm..I'm (fill in as the need suits) ..yeahhhh, that's what I am..
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 53
view profile
History
Religion and Dating
Posted: 9/14/2011 1:06:09 PM

Neat sounding title, BTW...


Well that explains your self titling of not one..but three. I am sure you would've added more if you could have.

Okay then..in my self defining terms, you like to use big words, but haven't a clue what they mean, so you apply them to yourself, making up your own terms.

I bet it takes you a couple of hours to order Chinese, huh?
"How many columns do I get to choose from?"

Yeahhh..that's the ticket..yeahhh.
I'm..I'm (fill in as the need suits) ..yeahhhh, that's what I am..
 RandomScause
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 54
Religion and Dating
Posted: 9/14/2011 1:28:47 PM
++++Someone who clings to exclusivity of truth is not able to step into any kind of middle ground. +++++

You are right, I can't put a word against that.

But for this reason there is the first choice I offered aside from the conventional one. If exclusivity of truth is essential, then that does not have to change. At all. The person can keep exclusivity of truth. He or she only needs to change the truth he or she feels exclusive about, and worth clinging to.
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 55
Religion and Dating
Posted: 9/14/2011 1:45:22 PM
I met this extremely beautiful woman couple days ago... (offline).... After a few minutes chit chat I noticed her Michele Bachmann sticker on her Ipad case. And of course, upon further investigation ... It's confirmed that she was a total nutcase and a big Bachmann fan/supporter. Hmm... Yes .. same Bachmann who thinks hurricane Irine was god's way of warning us ... yes yes ... gay hater with the gay husband... running for presidency of US of A...

Me being an agnostic ... how could I date someone like that ? You need to be able to respect your partner. Meet in the middle when it comes to "core" values/ideas. How could I date someone if I think she's being an idiot.. ?... Too bad... she was really hot.. what a waste...

You need to share similar if not the same views when it comes to politics and religion, imo.
 RandomScause
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 56
Religion and Dating
Posted: 9/14/2011 1:56:27 PM
+++++Yes .. same Bachmann who thinks hurricane Irine was god's way of warning us ... yes yes ... gay hater with the gay husband... running for presidency of US of A...

Me being an agnostic ... how could I date someone like that ? You need to be able to respect your partner. ++++++

You said how can you date someone if you need to respect your partner.

In my opinion dating someone does not make her or him your partner.

If I were you, I would date her, to the depth and extent to which she lets you, and not form a partnership with her.

-----------

Edit: on further thoughts, it may just be a phase with her. Like the miniskirt, the twist, ragtime, and the Internet.

She'll grow out of it eventually, we are sure.
 AndyP15
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 57
view profile
History
Religion and Dating
Posted: 9/14/2011 2:08:37 PM

I am liberal-minded. I accept the diversity of beliefs an people in this world even if I hold a differing belief or opinion. Also this means, that I am changing my opinions and world views as I grow older.


congrats! you should be a Reagan conservative by the time you are 40!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 58
Religion and Dating
Posted: 9/14/2011 2:45:50 PM
~OP~ Can it work? Of course. Will it? Not likely. The romantic love of my life was Muslim, I am (if needing a label) Buddhist/Taoist with a twist of Hinduism thrown in. I learned a great deal from him about his chosen faith and vice versa. However, we were much older in years than you, we had both long ago learned the fine art of "live and let live" and we loved each other enough to not let this be an issue. Fast forward to a year ago and place me with a Christian man that was exceptionally likable and self-professed "acceptor" of my beliefs. Until that didn't suit him any more. The thumping started, my eyes glazed over and that was that. It's really a tough thing to mesh two vastly different mind-sets on religion although it can and will always happen for some. If she's professing to following the Bible "literally" ~ she's either not quite certain what she's reading (or maybe her interpretation is different than literally speaking) or she's not quite sure what "literal" means because literally speaking? She'd not be dating ANY man that was not of her chosen faith if she were literally following the Bible. And if she is "literal"?? Here's what you can expect:

1 Corinthians 15:33
Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”


2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?


2 John 1:9-11
Everyone who goes on ahead and does not abide in the teaching of Christ, does not have God. Whoever abides in the teaching has both the Father and the Son. If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not receive him into your house or give him any greeting, for whoever greets him takes part in his wicked works.


Deuteronomy 7:3-4
You shall not intermarry with them, giving your daughters to their sons or taking their daughters for your sons, for they would turn away your sons from following me, to serve other gods. Then the anger of the Lord would be kindled against you, and he would destroy you quickly.

And so on and so on and so on. Only you know what you can deal with. I can't do it and won't try again. It's just simply too taxing for me. Good luck to ya.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 59
Religion and Dating
Posted: 9/14/2011 3:22:21 PM
Random:
If exclusivity of truth is essential, then that does not have to change. At all. The person can keep exclusivity of truth. He or she only needs to change the truth he or she feels exclusive about, and worth clinging to.
But that's asking them to convert to your idea of truth..

And if you know fundamental christians like I do, it aint gonna happen! lol..

A person really shouldn't continue to see someone based on the hope that they'll change to suit you better, it's simply not healthy. Either you can accept them as is (and vice versa), or you walk.

Sometimes it is like speaking an entirely different language. Instead of learning each others.. I think the best way to deal with this is to create a new one in the space between.. but for some that simply isn't possible.
 RandomScause
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 60
Religion and Dating
Posted: 9/14/2011 3:50:18 PM
Again, you are dead bang-on, shakti. But... but what if you accept them as they are... warts and religion and all... and you are happy with what you got...

... and then they change. No, not from religious to atheist, but from clean and tidy to careless with the socks. Or from rich to poor. Then what.

Or... you refuse to take them as they are... and you walk. Then what will you think when you hear that this very likeable and compatible person all of a sudden changed her belief, her entire weltanschauung, and she now subscribes to the same beliefs as you? "You" as in "general you".

The thing that this thread misses is that people change. I've seen a whole number of fundamental Christians become atheists. No kidding. Their number is whole, but I admit, not large. At least not large here in America. In Europe in a span of 30 years about half the population left their devoted Christian beliefs behind. For nothing, for atheism.

Some people say people DO NOT change. Some people say that people do change. Of those who say people don't change, some of them change, and change their opinion on changes occurring in people.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 61
Religion and Dating
Posted: 9/14/2011 7:11:15 PM

Again, you are dead bang-on, shakti. But... but what if you accept them as they are... warts and religion and all...
I did just that. Unfortunately I wasn't afforded the same level of acceptance.

... and then they change.
I like change. And I choose men with good character, so whether those changes necessarily forward the relationship, I'm betting they'd be positive ones.

A bigger concern for me are those who REFUSE to change.

No, not from religious to atheist, but from clean and tidy to careless with the socks. Or from rich to poor. Then what.
Err, then we'd talk about it? lol...

Or... you refuse to take them as they are... and you walk. Then what will you think when you hear that this very likeable and compatible person all of a sudden changed her belief, her entire weltanschauung, and she now subscribes to the same beliefs as you? "You" as in "general you".
That is a very good question actually. At this point it goes beyond mere religion for me. But at one point I would have been ecstatic.

The thing that this thread misses is that people change.
You don't have to tell me twice!

I was raised Baptist, later became an atheist and now consider myself spiritually eclectic with leanings toward eastern philosophy. And I've seen others make huge leaps as well.

But I refuse to have someone hold me at arms length because I don't come all packaged up in the 'appropriate' religious wrapping. I don't want to get all into my personal story, but I gave it my all and I learned that hope is at times a four letter word.

But I don't think this thread misses a thing. The man was asking as to others opinions and many have shared. Perhaps it has brought some clarity? Who knows.
 RandomScause
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 62
Religion and Dating
Posted: 9/14/2011 7:17:53 PM
Shakti, I have my own thoughts about eastern religions, but they are thoughts of a philosopher. I am not going to allow myself to hijack this thread. Please write me a few words here on PoF and send it to my inbox. I will reply promptly. I hope I won't get punished for putting in this very post, but if I do, I shall not be bitter and I will understand the reason for getting punished - the reason of breaking the rules.

So I am willing to, and as you can see, I do, sacrifice my creature comfort, I risk punishment so I could engage you in a private email conversation about eastern thought.

May Gods save my blessed soul.
 Strange_Design
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 63
Religion and Dating
Posted: 9/14/2011 9:21:32 PM

If this girl's religion bothers you then leave her alone.
.

Her religion does not bother me. What bothers me is that she doesn't think she can be in a relationship with a non-Christian because of a literal interpretation of the Bible.

My point is anthropologists are generally more open minded and tolerant about others belief systems. This means that we examine our subjective, ethnocentric viewpoints (i.e. - me calling her a "religious nut" because I don't quite understand everything that goes into her belief system) while trying to understand another culture.

Also, there is a difference between interacting with people in general who have varying ideological beliefs than you and being in a romantic relationship with them.
 Jer13601
Joined: 1/30/2011
Msg: 64
Religion and Dating
Posted: 9/14/2011 9:34:21 PM
No. Relationships are made up from mutual ideals, spirituality, goals, and aspirations. This person is not for you.
 Strange_Design
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 65
Religion and Dating
Posted: 9/14/2011 9:40:01 PM

BTW it is a little disquieting to read you referring to her as a "religious nut". Not really a comment I would personally equate with an open minded respectful attitude towards others.


"Religious Nut" is a subjective, yet accurate term for the way I was feeling when I started this thread. Also, she knows I think of her this way and it is not intended to be slander. We have discussed religion at depth and I have no problem sharing my viewpoints with her.

Disguising terms with proper, politically correct jargon (like "devout religious person") does not capture or convey the emotional attachment I intended when I started this thread. To me, it is ingenuous to consistently use neutral terms when there is sentiment attached to them, especially when it concerns a personal matter.

Acknowledgment of subjective bias, I would argue, is necessary in order to really understand the context of the situation. Without it, this would just be a tentative discussion about religion and dating.
 Strange_Design
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 66
Religion and Dating
Posted: 9/14/2011 9:52:41 PM

In none of your posts did I get the idea that you have any respect for this Christian Lady. Actually, what I did grasp from you is you seem to believe that it is your right and privilege to belittle the Christian woman. I find you very offensive. Is your intent only to get in her pants and then cast her aside. Do you wish to corrupt her and then beat her with failed morals.


If I did not have any respect for her than I would have discontinued contact a long time ago. Also, we share similar morals - hers just happen to be more rooted in the Bible.

And ... how am I corrupting her? I am simply trying to get her to accept who I am and allow herself to be in a relationship with a non-Christian. I am not trying to change or "corrupt" her fundamental beliefs.

It seems that you have a very narrow outlook on life. And you presume to know what my intentions are? I am glad to see that you have "outstanding" moral character.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 67
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/21/2011 2:28:40 PM
I agree with Carolann on this one. I am a christian ( more like a back sliding Chirstian the badass type and yes they do exist ) and I dated someone I worked with in the past and I took her out to the movies with me on a date and my church friends were in line. We say hi to them and I introduced them to my date, while in line one of the church members are telling me that I should convert her. I'm like not my choice to force her to change, it's her choice weather she wants to or not. We just walk off and say bye and she told me she wouldn't change and I'm like good you shouldn't have to if you don't want to.

People shouldn't have to force others to change and I don't care if Christianity is right even tho I'm Christian, but before I choose to be converted I read thru scripture and prayer with God to decide what he really wanted out of me and to find out for myself. I choose God to be part of my life because I surrendered it. I chose God over myself.

However I don't agree people being force to change themselves when they feel they don't want to. They should change for themselves because they DECIDE they want to do it. I will not date someone that is atheist but will date someone that is a believer in God of another religion or Christian.
 pretzelman60
Joined: 9/27/2011
Msg: 68
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/21/2011 3:38:18 PM
No No No, and may I also say NO! This is why I clearly state in my profile, I am not interested in a Christian. I like open minded people, and Christians are incapable of having an open mind. In fact, I can't think of any religion that I would want involved in any relationship I have. I would have absolutely nothing in common with religious fanatics. Been there, done that, and wore out many t-shirts. Before I even go out on a first date, I MUST know what religion that person is. I have a very open mind on any subject that can cross my mind, BUT, not Christians. Having been ordained in 1978, I came to know just what religious fanaticism can do. I believe in separation of chuech and state, but even more in separation of church and me.

JMO
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 69
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/21/2011 3:47:22 PM

Let's assume you meet a great and attractive person and they feel attraction for you too. Then as you get to know them more, they turn out to be a religious nut (let's use Christianity as an example) and take a completely literal interpretation of the Bible.


For me , that attraction would die like pouring a bucket of water over a lit match.



So here's the question: If the other person (me in this case) is a liberal, open-minded person that shies away from organized religion, is the relationship worth pursuing?


Only if the person kept their religion to themself.

IMO religion/spiritual belief is a personal thing that should only be shared if it benefits the relationship somehow. Otherwise, leave it be.
 VirtuallyLove
Joined: 9/8/2011
Msg: 70
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/21/2011 4:05:10 PM
Well, it all comes down to the question: Can you accept your partner's different beliefs? If you can, no problemo. If however, your partner "clings to exclusivity of truth," as Shak mentions, and thus cannot accept your differences in belief - then BIG problemo.

Ultimately, any difference which one or both partners can't accept will doom a relationship. Could be religious or politics or mouthwash or anything else.
 Louanne57
Joined: 10/15/2011
Msg: 71
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/21/2011 4:32:33 PM
The relationship may work until the idea of children come into the mix. If it hasn't been discussed on how they would be raised, then that is where the problems will arise. Doesn't work unless, one person doesn't care what faith the other person raises the children as.
 fit2date
Joined: 9/18/2009
Msg: 72
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/21/2011 5:09:33 PM
Why don't you just try to learn her religion if you feel strongly about her. You do not have to believe. All this other BS your writing about is just a waste of time. If you put as much effort in learning her religion as you put into this thread you would have somewhat of a relation with her. You defend yourself well, but it is all excuses. Either drop her or understand her. Plain and simple. Give and take. If she doesn't want to further the relationship..... well that happens religion or not.
 fit2date
Joined: 9/18/2009
Msg: 73
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/21/2011 5:16:10 PM
No it is not. You already closed your mind to religion. It is a big deal for you not to believe or respect the belief of others. If that person has a belief you should respect that, but you threw that out the window. Do not call yourself open minded when you have not even attempted to understand the bible. It has taken scholars decades to decipher the bible and you are no scholar. You need belief.

Belief is a strong mind-set. I am pretty sure there was a lot of people who thought Pres. Kennedy was wacked out of his mind when he said he wanted to put a man on the moon, but others had belief and therefore succeeded.

If you want conscious freedom of guilt, than stay an atheist. You may say your open minded but I believe your open minded self will close up real quick, with anger, when it comes to religion.

I do not believe in organized religion but I do listen and learn, I do believe in God. I do not force my beliefs on anyone because I am not well versed enough to explain it all. I do find refuge and guidance in the bible and it has helped me through some trying times and succeed in life.
 Lifelearned
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 74
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/22/2011 3:06:02 AM
As a follower of Christ, it is my strong opinion that no individual should try to forcefully convert another individual to his/her beliefs system, especially in a romantic situation. You can maybe present your beliefs and the reasons behind why you belief in what you belief, but it is up to God to open that individual's eyes, not you. Having said that, the bible teaches that Christians are called to preach the gospel and it maintains that there is no salvation outside of Christ and that's what some people are having problem with (which is understandable). Therefore, in my opinion, if you are going to be with someone who is a believer or a non-believer, you better make sure both of you are compatible on a physical and (non)spiritual levels. Anything less than that could create contention and strive which could eventually end the relationship on a bad note.
 missfifty
Joined: 9/18/2010
Msg: 75
view profile
History
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/22/2011 6:20:31 AM
The first post I have read that made an sense. Thanks for the post.
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