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 4everRadiant
Joined: 1/16/2011
Msg: 76
Religion and DatingPage 4 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
I do believe it's possible for two people from such different persuasions to be in relationship, however both parties would truly need to be highly respectful of the other's beliefs and not attempt "to convert" the other. And, given that religion and politics are so highly intertwined, each would need to respectfully agree to disagree concerning politics.

The relationship scenario you put forth would be very challenging, yet if you Love someone, you Love someone. How much to do Love one another, if at all? Or, do you think you could eventually Love one another? If you could, that might be the determining factor as to whether or not to proceed. In the context of Love, neither of you would attempt "to convert" the other, one way or another. Love does not coerce. In a relationship, people change and grow individually and as a couple and this unfolds over time. When Love permeates two Souls they change, and this change takes place in a gentle manner such that both Souls are served.

You share "I am simply trying to get her to accept who I am and allow herself to be in a relationship with a non-Christian." You can't "get her to accept" who you are; she either does or doesn't. If she does, and you her, then great. If she doesn't, it might be time to let go; it might be time to accept that she doesn't accept you, as you are...
however beautiful you may be.

All the best, to both of you.
 riveroflife2
Joined: 3/14/2011
Msg: 77
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/22/2011 11:23:49 AM
no, do not pursue. those differences are important and will be huge once the butterflies are gone.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 78
view profile
History
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/22/2011 11:53:25 AM
I put religion in the same category as politics, as far as a consideration for long term compatability. I don't think it's so much the same or similar beliefs, it's the importance of either in both people's lives. Religious beliefs doesn't hold the same level of importance or involvement for everyone, same for politics.

There are successful, long term relationships where the partners are of vastly different religious beliefs, so it is possible. The question is, is it probable? If you're already questioning it, then it's best to move along.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 79
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/22/2011 12:59:36 PM
^^ I just wanted to say that I've missed your posts, nice to see you participating again :)

(formerly sassyaquarius)
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 80
view profile
History
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/22/2011 6:36:25 PM
"So please stop calling us "nutty" because its not us your calling nutty but god."

Look, hon, God's not worried about anyone calling him nutty, trust me and neither should you be. God doesn't need defending.

*waves to shakti* Hi sweeite, good to see you too!
 ModernTLC
Joined: 10/2/2011
Msg: 81
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/22/2011 8:02:41 PM
You will find that there is going to be a lot of friction and disagreement. Depending on personality types it could even get personal or hostile.

You are wise in that you have picked up on this major difference of opinion, listen to it and exit while its amicable. Unless you plan to completely change your line of thinking and become the same religious nut?!?
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 82
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/22/2011 8:49:29 PM
G0dR0cks:
If you said Islam you would probably be killed for calling them nutty.

Atheists are the nutty ones

Atheists hardly know what a Christian is.
Surely you jest?

I agree that the Op's (whose account was deleted btw) use of the word nutty wasn't the most appropriate.. but you are essentially asking for others to respect your religion while simultaneously making ignorant comments about another.. not to mention making disparaging comments about atheists.. you do see the irony there, don't you?
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 83
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History
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/22/2011 10:25:01 PM
I do my best to avoid all delusional people....bible thumpers or otherwise....................................
 RoxanneR
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 84
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/23/2011 12:09:32 AM
Bible-thumpers, religious nuts, goody-two-shoes-- Some of the names that Christians get called. There are many who get over-zealous and try to convert everyone, but others let our actions speak for us.
I went to a conference when I was a teenager, and one good piece of advice was: No missionary dating. I will be friends with a non-Christian, but I will not date one.
Sometime after that conference, the youth minister at my church gave this message: Religion was man trying to reach out to God. Christianity was when God reached out to man. The Pharisees of Jesus' time were trying to get to heaven by keeping the Ten Commandments and all the other laws. They criticized Jesus for healing on the Sabbath. The Law condemns us; Jesus came to save us so that we are not condemned by that Law.
Call me a religious nut if you wish, but I know where I'm going when I die.
I would recommend that she not date you if you're going to be so disrespectful as to call her a religious "nut." Whether or not you're trying to be funny, it's still an unkind thing to say.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 85
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History
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/23/2011 4:48:21 AM
First off, really, name calling is an immature behavior. When you put down a whole group of people, that speaks more about the one who's saying it than it does about the group being dissed. Not all christians are alike, not all muslims, catholics, atheists, men, women, ad nauseum. When you put down a group it's showing the ignorance of lumping them all together as if they were all the same.

Secondly, people who say derogatory things about another group of people, applicable to not just religious groups, are showing intolerance. People who are intolerant make it difficult to form and sustain relationships. I won't date someone who shows the signs of being intolerant, and the few people I know who are intolerant are very lonely and disconnected. It's a behavior that produces the result of alienation.

Thirdly, as a southern baptist bible thumper, my relationship with God is personal, it doesn't affect me what people say about it or call me. I don't have patience for immature adults. I have friends who are atheists, buddhist, catholic, jewish and we do, at times, talk about our religious beliefs, but we also talk about other things. We practice tolerance which is showing love and acceptance, and our differences does not keep us from having a relationship. I'm not an expert, but from what I know one of the major tenets of most religions, other than a relationship with a supreme being/creator, is that it promotes peace and relationship with others. A good example of a person of any religious group would show love towards their fellow man and acceptance. Those who are intolerant can't get along with anyone who's not like them, hence the loneliness.

That completes my sermon (just kidding) it's a sad commentary that more people have been killed in recorded history over religious intolerance than any other cause.
 amethystdancer14
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 86
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/23/2011 5:16:40 AM
OP, one of the most important things with compatability is core beliefs. Its the principals that we as human beings hold the most strongest and closest. If there is a clash with a core belief, there is unfortunately a hurdle that may be very difficult to jump over.

It seems to me that if you are questioning this, then you have doubts as to proceeding with the relationship. At the end of the day, you have to weigh up whether can you live with someone who has such beliefs so different to your own. As much as she can't ask you to change for her, you in turn can't expect her to change her values either. So its something you have to decide that you love that person so much that you can completely accept who she is.
 SylvanSwan
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 87
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/23/2011 6:02:42 AM
RoxanneR said:

...but I know where I'm going when I die.

Because I don't share your same beliefs, does this mean I will be going elsewhere?

@bucsgirl: I really liked your "sermon" LOL, especially this:


When you put down a group it's showing the ignorance of lumping them all together as if they were all the same.

What comes to mind is the movie "Passion" by Mel Gibson and how he portrayed the Jewish. Anyone else think the same....?

I have no idea why some think that others need to be "rescued" and that if they don't accept certain ideas that our afterlife will be somewhere unpleasant? I abhor the idea of some kind of punishment awaiting me either in my present or after life because I'm not "saved" ?

No matter what anyone believes, we all should be striving to be good and kind to ourselves and to our fellow man and animals. To do the best we can (and be good while doing it), keep "reward" and "punishment" issues out of your life, and use your talents to your full potential.

And most of all, just enjoy life!
 notinterestedjustlooking
Joined: 10/20/2011
Msg: 88
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/23/2011 10:44:23 AM
I believe that people's feelings change all the time and since love is just another emotion but can last longer than other emotions it all depends on what makes each of you happy and what you both want out of life, it's got to be a 2 way street not one more than the other.

Love should be taken like any other emotion. It should not be considered to be something that is very special. It should not be taken so seriously that it leads to self-deterioration and other problems in life. After all love is just another emotion.
 musical_turtle
Joined: 3/11/2011
Msg: 89
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/24/2011 10:17:31 AM
I'm Catholic, and I prefer to date someone who is too.
I wouldn't change my religion for a partner either.
However, some people aren't religious and don't mind dating people who are different from them...others don't mind dating people from another religious background as long as they don't have to convert. It all depends on the two people involved, whatever works =)
 albanyguy77
Joined: 1/13/2011
Msg: 90
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/24/2011 10:40:23 AM
depends....if the person is a nut about it.....if she or he keeps it low key....good...if not...bye bye
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 91
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/24/2011 4:27:48 PM
Strange Design- If she is a true "religious nut". I don't see how it will work.
For a relationship to work, you have to respect each others beliefs.
If you really like her and want the relationship to continue, you need to talk to her about this NOW.
Let her know what you believe, find out if she can accept the fact that you aren't religious/christian, ask yourself if you can live with her beliefs and go from there.
What you should NOT do is think you can change her mind or spend your time with someone who insists on "saving" you. Nu-huh, no way for me.
Btw- I respect everyone's beliefs regardless if they are religious or not, to each their own. I just could not be in a relationship with someone who is extremely religious.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 92
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/24/2011 4:34:18 PM
Every couple and their backgrounds will be different, so you can't make a generalized, one size fits all, statement about how a couple will or should react with religious differences. I worked with a guy who's Atheist and his wife is a Jehovah's Witness. They seemed to work out their differences and have a kid (could be more by now). They learned to respect each other's views on religion-or in his case, non-religion. He didn't mind the wife taking the kid to her church/place of worship, as long as he wasn't asked to attend. Everyone was surprised that they were able to make it work.

We're lucky not to live in a country where the church runs the country and people have no say in what religion they follow, like in many middle east and some African nations. Anyone who questions or makes a remark deemed derogatory about the state religion in those countries is punished by death. I will never understand the theory that if you don't follow their religion, you should be killed, and this practice is accepted by all. The middle east is a gun powder keg waiting to explode because Israel, being a Jewish country, is surrounded by ultra religious non-Jewish countries. And both sides feel that anyone who isn't of their religion must be killed.
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 93
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/24/2011 5:18:22 PM
Bucsgirl, very well said. As for me, one of the few things about which I am intolerant is ... um ... intolerance (wry grin).
 RoxanneR
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 94
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/25/2011 9:09:24 PM
To SylvanSwan--
Actually, it does, but that's a completely different subject from this thread. I'm not going to discuss it here. This thread discusses relationships between "religious" and "non-religious" people, and it should remain that way. If you wish to discuss with me what you mentioned in your post, please message me, and I will do my best to tell you why I believe in Christ.
 virVerus
Joined: 2/5/2011
Msg: 95
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/25/2011 10:43:12 PM

Let's assume you meet a great and attractive person and they feel attraction for you too. Then as you get to know them more, they turn out to be a religious nut (let's use Christianity as an example) and take a completely literal interpretation of the Bible.

So here's the question: If the other person (me in this case) is a liberal, open-minded person that shies away from organized religion, is the relationship worth pursuing?

I follow another religion and have found that it can be hard to be in a relationship with someone who follows a monotheist religion and wishes her partner to share her faith. As a polytheist, I respect others' religious beliefs while not following them myself. Our polytheistic ancestors generally did not require their spouses to give up their own tribal beliefs in order to follow the other one's. More often than not they were mixed. Even Christianity was mixed in with old practices and beliefs, especially in hearth religious practice at home. Just 100 years ago in the Scottish Highlands people were still observing the Celtic fire festivals and worshiping Bride (Brigit) as well as the Christian Trinity, even if they didn't do these things at church.

The Carmina Gadelica ("Gaelic Songs, Prayers, and Spells")
http://www.sacred-texts.com/neu/celt/cg1/index.htm
http://www.sacred-texts.com/neu/celt/cg2/index.htm
 JCinVicBC
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 96
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History
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/26/2011 4:31:27 AM
Highly likely it wouldn't work for me, and probably the exact same is true for you. I respect people's right to believe what they want, within reason (ya know, as long as it's not harmful to themselves or others, or whatever), and I don't believe that religion alone should get in the way of love. I'm willing to date someone of pretty much any religion, though I'm an atheist myself, and though some religions would likely be more compatible with me than others. But someone who is strongly religious is likely to have many values that conflict with mine (such as on the subject of gay marriage, for example--it applies to several of my friends and family), and that would pretty much be a dealbreaker in a relationship.

It's likely that as time goes on, you'll find many such issues that are detrimental to your relationship. If you can make it work, that's great, and all power to you, but I'd advise against any conversations on philosophy or theology, or any potentially contentious issues, as they're going to end up hurting both of you.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 97
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History
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/26/2011 7:58:35 AM
"I think if one can turn away love in a world where it is all too rare"

The way it's worded makes it sound so simplistic, as if you have love, everything else just falls into place.

I would and have, turned away "love" because of incompatibility in lifestyles. Being a couple, whatever the status is, involves merging two lives, families, etc. To use an extreme example, perhaps, I broke it off with someone after discovering he was an alcoholic. His drinking had alienated him from his family. He's a great person (when sober) very caring, and lots of great qualities but his alcoholism was distruptive and not something I would want in my life. Turned away love, you betcha, saved myself a ton of heartaches and problems, no doubt.
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 98
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/26/2011 8:57:26 AM
OP ~ This hits home to me more than others because I am a open minded spiritualist living in a bible belt community. I'm not full blown liberal but defiantly not full blown conservative. I am the type of person that sees things on a case by case scenario. I'm not on either side until I see both sides of the story...

In saying that I don't know if I could date a ultra conservative or even ultra liberal. My match would be someone that is in the middle like me. Like I said is rather hard to find someone where I live....but I'm not giving up.

It's important to me to find someone that is my match with this as well. As much as I don't want to date someone that is ultra conservative, thinks anything but missionary is wrong, thinks that we need to go to church more than we are at home, and many other issues....I don't want a ultra liberal that doesn't believe in God at all and does everything to "buck" the system. Either extreme isn't appealing to me...thus is why I want someone like me in the middle ground....
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 99
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History
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/26/2011 9:04:59 AM
"Being an alcholic,,,,is the same as a Catholic marrying a protestant?"

You are making a leap in...reading comprehension? I didn't ever say or imply they're the SAME at all, I specifically said I was using it as an example of a difference in lifestyle.

A difference that would make a relationship incompatible is just that, whatever the difference is. There are many people that may love each other, but could not or would not LIVE WITH each other.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 100
Religion and Dating
Posted: 10/26/2011 9:08:00 AM
RoxanneR:
...but I know where I'm going when I die.

Sylvan Swan:
Because I don't share your same beliefs, does this mean I will be going elsewhere?

To SylvanSwan--
Actually, it does
Wow.

It must really be something to have the same certainty that God does.

Why would she write you up to have you tell her she'll go to hell if she doesn't believe the same as you??

And as much as you want to say it is off topic, the sentiment you have expressed is VERY relevant to the thread.
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