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 ZachariahTicer
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 26
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What's up with this?Page 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

Ok.. Maybe I will take you guys' advice into account and change the word prefer. I thought saying I prefer to date men that have not been married was clear enough. But, yes it's all left up to interpretation.


No it's not up to interpretation, and you should take the advice because we are correct. You are not. I really don't mean this to sound mean, it's just you're not being honest to these men. You have this absolute deal breaker and it is not worded as such on your profile. It's that simple. The word preference is not clear enough.

As it stands this is what your profile is saying: I am mostly interested in dating men that have never been married, but I am open to dating one that has been. That's what preference means.
 spunkymomto2
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 27
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 1:36:55 PM
what about us people who didn't have a choice in the divorce? Where the spouse just blindsided us and we didn't agree with the divorce, asked to go to counselling, try to work things outetc, but the spouse refused. So am I damned too because I'm divorced when I didn't have a choice in it?
 Radicam
Joined: 9/26/2010
Msg: 28
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What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 1:47:54 PM
I'm saddened to hear you are shackled by religious beliefs; I have NO issue with those that are religious; I have big issues with those that believe that THIS centurys interpretation of the Bible is what rules, rather than common sense. AT THE TIME of Christ, couples lived together for at least a year before getting married! (Review the Dead Sea Scrolls). So, THEIR idea of marriage was alot DIFFERENT than todays... but that is never laid on the congregation.

Worse: those that belive in Genisis and Creationism...
No amount of talk about "worldviews" and "presuppositions" can change a simple fact: creationism has failed to provide an alternative explanation for the vast majority of evidence explained by evolution.
It has failed to explain: -Why birds still carry genes to make teeth, whales to make legs, and humans to make tails. -Why the fossil record proposed by modern scientists can be used to make precise and accurate predictions about the location of transition fossils. -Why the fossil record demonstrates a precise order, with simple organisms in the deepest rocks and more complex ones toward the surface. -Why today's animals live in the same geographical area as fossils of similar species. -Why, if carnivorous dinosaurs lived at the same time as modern animals, we don't find the fossils of modern animals in the stomachs of fossilized dinosaurs. -Why/how the broken genes that litter the DNA of humans and apes but are functional in lower vertebrates. -How the genetic diversity we observe among humans could have arisen in a few thousand years from two biological ancestors.

If God created the world that scientists study,studying the Bible is studying the wrong book. Because if "nature is as truly a revelation of God," it's basically the same thing. Start with a 'good book' on Cell Biology (say: The Cell; by Alberts)
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 29
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 2:18:13 PM
I struggle with this, I've been divorced longer than I was married, so why can I not say single. I am single. How long am I required to let that part of my past define me? I've known people that were in LTRs that last longer than my marriage, yet they are now considered single, while I have to wear the Scarlett "D".
 3xsacharmsotheysay
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 30
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 2:32:43 PM
It's only a Scarlett "D" if you think that way....is your marriage and divorce the only thing that defines you?
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 31
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 2:52:52 PM

It's only a Scarlett "D" if you think that way....is your marriage and divorce the only thing that defines you?


It doesn't define me and that is why I put single in my profile. I also put what I feel that defines me in my profile.

And actually it is a Scarlett letter to others as well.......As we have seen by this thread.

If one chooses not to be defined by a divorce and puts single that is their choice.

I refuse to be defined by a single moment in time, I was married until the judge signed the papers.

That took him all of two seconds to do. So should two seconds of time be the defining moment of my relationship status?.......I don't think so.
 3xsacharmsotheysay
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 32
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 3:13:24 PM
Thats exactly my point... Just as Sweetlady does not let others define who she is based on their belief system, I was asking Priest if he was letting others define who he was based on their thoughts regarding divorce.

Our perception is "exactly that". Will we let others define who we are based on their own perception and moral compass??? It takes a strong being to not let all the criticisms out there lead us to believe who or how we should be perceived.. If you do not believe this take a look at all the postings in these forums..
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 33
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What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 3:18:12 PM
As you get older, you are going to find fewer and fewer men who have never been married.

Just out of curiosity, it's ok for a guy to have had a child out of wedlock, but not for him to have been married before?
 earthboundangel67
Joined: 9/2/2011
Msg: 34
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 3:29:07 PM
wondering if the OP has tried the other Christian dating sites, or actually checked out all her Christian- Baptist & church single functions in her area as well as surrounding areas.....this site is very secular, and although some of us are Christian here , not all who say they are (even in church) actually are. Have to be very straight up & honest with yourself & others....especially when you have specific criteria you are looking at. I wish her all the best, however, I do not think she will find what she is looking for on this site....jmho
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 35
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 3:42:29 PM
I didn't say I defined myself that way. I was referring to the fact that there are those, such as the OP that believe it should.
BTW, I believe the OP is wrong about God and divorce. It's been many years so I can't quote chapt. & vrs. but I believe in the O.T. God, knowing man's faults gave a way through the law to allow for it, even though he was against it. Even if I'm wrong, The N.T. tells us us Jesus came to pay for our sins and fulfill the law. And when the crowd was stoning the woman found in adultry we said "Let those among you without this sin cast the first stone.
So if a person is washed in the blood of the Lamb, their sins are forgiven. Therefore if they had been divorced, getting remarried would not be committing adultry.
 Here_In_Florida
Joined: 4/4/2011
Msg: 36
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 3:49:10 PM
Yes, it is for religious beliefs. According to the Bible, God doesn't agree with divorce.


Not sure what you mean, there's church singles functions with TONS of divorced people mingling, dating, and even re-marrying.


Must be a certain religion that is opposed to marrying someone who is already divorced? To find even a person from church that's never been married (esp at your age bracket) is indeed a rarity, EVEN in amongst the Christian community.


Just out of curiosity, it's ok for a guy to have had a child out of wedlock, but not for him to have been married before?


Yeah, I know you said that you're not interested in dating men who have been married, but won't date someone with MORE than one child.

That would mean, you'd be willing to date a person who had a child out of wedlock?

Divorced single parent = will not date
Single parent that's never been married = you WILL date?
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 37
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 4:27:57 PM
OKAY - I'm gonna suggest you buy a box of condoms and spermacide to keep at home. You will INEVITABLY meet men who will LIE ABOUT VENEREAL DISEASES and VASECTOMYS. I don't care how many times some guy says "don't worry" or "I took care of it".....

....until you READ THE MEDICAL DOCUMENTS and SPEAK TO THE PHYSICIAN, you don't know if it's true.

NOW -- you're bringing down fire and brimstone over a guy who didn't say he was divorced ---- maybe he thought he'd bring it up on date #5, after you realized you like him and it doesn't matter. Who knows?

But!!! NOW WE KNOW that you FREAK OUT about such details, so you're only recourse to do double-triple check everyone out by calling their lawyers, accountants and doctors to verify information --- and to CYOA by using double-layed protection.

Welcome to Your Life.

...or you could be a little less picky, and a little more forgiving....
 Tim0066
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 38
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 4:41:36 PM
Why do people post threads that have already been posted dozens of times... we specifically state DO NOT POST QUESTIONS THAT HAVE BEEN ASKED OVER AND OVER AGAIN... but people still seem it IGNORE what we wrote. How dare they!

Kinda silly of me to make a mountain out of a mole hill isn't it... sort of like you making such a big deal over something so little... your post is no more then a "whine" which is yet another thing we specifically say not to do or you'll be deleted...

With no racist intent... "Aren't you the pot calling the kettle black"

Techincally... Divorced = Single
 SweetLady95
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 39
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 4:52:21 PM
Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. I have no issue with anyone else's belief or thoughts. I can respect other people's opinions. So, respect mine. I will not marry anyone that does not fit into my way of life and that's my right. If I never get married because of that, so be it.. then that is God's will. But, honestly It's not hard to find others that have not been married here in NY . That's probably because people here tend to get married later in life. It seems like those here in this forum that have been divorced take some offense to my explanation or feel that they are being judged. I'm not judging you. Only those without sin can be the judge. The only one that fits that criteria is God. So, let Him Be the judge.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 40
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What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 5:58:43 PM
Well darn, I guess I need to read the Bible again...I thought it said that the only reason to get a divorce is because of adultery but that one should not marry again, not that one can remarry. I thought remarriage was for widows(ers). Of course the real point of all that is to make damn sure you know who you are getting married to and not to make the mistake in the first place.
 SweetLady95
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 41
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 6:49:25 PM
It is my understanding that a secular marriage counts as well in Christianity, but not in the Catholic Church. I am Christian so it counts to me. The Bible is silent when it comes to a civil wedding. In the days of Christ, people didn't get married in church buildings nor were they married by ministers, but God still recognized their marriage.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 42
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:22:18 PM
OP - most all people your/my age have been married before.

I am divorced.

but I am also single.

divorced sounds soo negative nelly.

if you ask me - i will tell ya w/out hesitation but I don't go around advertising ""hey, it didn't work out the first time, so here we go again""


additionally, I assume all women in their mid/late 30s have been married before until proven otherwise.



so this guy you liked and had spent some nice time with...did you end it with him merely because he was divorced ??


anyone these days can get divorced once...

it happens.

hell half of us have been.
 SweetLady95
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 43
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:44:42 PM
Boondock, it's funny because I don't assume that everyone our age have been married. I guess it's because many of my college friends are now getting married and just starting families. But Yes, I will stop seeing him because he has been divorced. My intent is to meet someone that I can eventually marry. There is no way that I can marry him.
 ShellLadySD
Joined: 3/11/2008
Msg: 44
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 9:20:54 PM
SweetLady- you have every right to your criteria whatever they are. Just make it clear - then it's less likely you'll be in the forums asking "What's up?" and subject to a religious debate.

On the other hand, if you're looking for a religious debate, go to the forum dedicated to Religion and dive in.
 addictedpoetess
Joined: 8/15/2011
Msg: 45
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 9:25:42 PM
I got married when I was 17, divorced less than a year later... I'm not divorced. I was divorced ten years ago.

I usually bring it up pretty soon in any conversation, so I dont' see it as lying... I have a boyfriend anyways, but that's a pretty nit picky thing to me.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 46
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What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 9:40:57 PM
Sweetlady-
I for one think divorced is divorced and NOT single...otherwise we would have no need to differentiate. i don't care how people WANT to spin it or twist in the wind. THAT would be my caution flag. Divorced would be fact, single would be a conscious omission of that fact.

Now, speaking as a christian, take issue with the deeming a person unacceptable because they have sinned. Though divorce is a serious matter in God's opinion (Malachi 2:16), it is not the unforgivable sin. If you confess your sins to God and ask for forgiveness, you are forgiven (1 John 1:9) and can move on with your life...of course moving on would be, for a christian, in a walk that is closer to Jesus...I say closer because we ALL fall short of perfection.
 Iascaireachta_arís
Joined: 7/28/2011
Msg: 47
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 10:16:27 PM

Only those without sin can be the judge. The only one that fits that criteria is God. So, let Him Be the judge.
I'm confused. If only God can/should judge...why is it considered a sin for someone to be divorced in the OP's eyes? Shouldn't God just be the judge of that too? I don't understand how to pick and choose what God should be the judge of...
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 48
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What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 10:39:01 PM
Divorce is a sin- THAT is in the bible as I referenced...it's just that some are forgiven- also in the bible as I referenced, Iascaireachtarís. The question should have been, if God can forgive, why can't the OP?
 ZachariahTicer
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 49
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What's up with this?
Posted: 9/14/2011 2:49:21 AM

I for one think divorced is divorced and NOT single...otherwise we would have no need to differentiate.


Yeah in your viewpoint then there would be no deference in meaning. A lot of posters here would disagree with that based on disagreement in the meaning of 'divorce'. Many of us view 'divorced' to by synonymous with 'single'. I know I do personally. If you are separated with your X and have no ties to them emotionally then 'divorced' should be functionally treated no differently then 'single'.. It's the same... unless there is a religious reason to see it otherwise... which I am guessing there is...?


i don't care how people WANT to spin it or twist in the wind. THAT would be my caution flag. Divorced would be fact, single would be a conscious omission of that fact.


Hey that is a fact. Religious background or not, people should be honest either way...
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 50
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/14/2011 8:34:32 AM
OP, IMO, you are judging a person just because they've been through a divorce. JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE JUDGED.
Just because someone has been through a divorce doesn't make them less of a person in God's eyes. This, IMO, shouldn't be the defining only factor in who you choose to date.

At some point, maybe you will realize your limiting yourself by having that thought.
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