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Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 26
What's up with this?Page 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
what about us people who didn't have a choice in the divorce? Where the spouse just blindsided us and we didn't agree with the divorce, asked to go to counselling, try to work things outetc, but the spouse refused. So am I damned too because I'm divorced when I didn't have a choice in it?
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 27
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 2:18:13 PM
I struggle with this, I've been divorced longer than I was married, so why can I not say single. I am single. How long am I required to let that part of my past define me? I've known people that were in LTRs that last longer than my marriage, yet they are now considered single, while I have to wear the Scarlett "D".
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 28
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 2:32:43 PM
It's only a Scarlett "D" if you think that your marriage and divorce the only thing that defines you?
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 29
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 2:52:52 PM

It's only a Scarlett "D" if you think that your marriage and divorce the only thing that defines you?

It doesn't define me and that is why I put single in my profile. I also put what I feel that defines me in my profile.

And actually it is a Scarlett letter to others as well.......As we have seen by this thread.

If one chooses not to be defined by a divorce and puts single that is their choice.

I refuse to be defined by a single moment in time, I was married until the judge signed the papers.

That took him all of two seconds to do. So should two seconds of time be the defining moment of my relationship status?.......I don't think so.
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 30
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 3:13:24 PM
Thats exactly my point... Just as Sweetlady does not let others define who she is based on their belief system, I was asking Priest if he was letting others define who he was based on their thoughts regarding divorce.

Our perception is "exactly that". Will we let others define who we are based on their own perception and moral compass??? It takes a strong being to not let all the criticisms out there lead us to believe who or how we should be perceived.. If you do not believe this take a look at all the postings in these forums..
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 31
view profile
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 3:18:12 PM
As you get older, you are going to find fewer and fewer men who have never been married.

Just out of curiosity, it's ok for a guy to have had a child out of wedlock, but not for him to have been married before?
Joined: 9/2/2011
Msg: 32
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 3:29:07 PM
wondering if the OP has tried the other Christian dating sites, or actually checked out all her Christian- Baptist & church single functions in her area as well as surrounding areas.....this site is very secular, and although some of us are Christian here , not all who say they are (even in church) actually are. Have to be very straight up & honest with yourself & others....especially when you have specific criteria you are looking at. I wish her all the best, however, I do not think she will find what she is looking for on this site....jmho
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 33
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 3:42:29 PM
I didn't say I defined myself that way. I was referring to the fact that there are those, such as the OP that believe it should.
BTW, I believe the OP is wrong about God and divorce. It's been many years so I can't quote chapt. & vrs. but I believe in the O.T. God, knowing man's faults gave a way through the law to allow for it, even though he was against it. Even if I'm wrong, The N.T. tells us us Jesus came to pay for our sins and fulfill the law. And when the crowd was stoning the woman found in adultry we said "Let those among you without this sin cast the first stone.
So if a person is washed in the blood of the Lamb, their sins are forgiven. Therefore if they had been divorced, getting remarried would not be committing adultry.
Joined: 4/4/2011
Msg: 34
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 3:49:10 PM
Yes, it is for religious beliefs. According to the Bible, God doesn't agree with divorce.

Not sure what you mean, there's church singles functions with TONS of divorced people mingling, dating, and even re-marrying.

Must be a certain religion that is opposed to marrying someone who is already divorced? To find even a person from church that's never been married (esp at your age bracket) is indeed a rarity, EVEN in amongst the Christian community.

Just out of curiosity, it's ok for a guy to have had a child out of wedlock, but not for him to have been married before?

Yeah, I know you said that you're not interested in dating men who have been married, but won't date someone with MORE than one child.

That would mean, you'd be willing to date a person who had a child out of wedlock?

Divorced single parent = will not date
Single parent that's never been married = you WILL date?
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 35
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 4:27:57 PM
OKAY - I'm gonna suggest you buy a box of condoms and spermacide to keep at home. You will INEVITABLY meet men who will LIE ABOUT VENEREAL DISEASES and VASECTOMYS. I don't care how many times some guy says "don't worry" or "I took care of it".....

....until you READ THE MEDICAL DOCUMENTS and SPEAK TO THE PHYSICIAN, you don't know if it's true.

NOW -- you're bringing down fire and brimstone over a guy who didn't say he was divorced ---- maybe he thought he'd bring it up on date #5, after you realized you like him and it doesn't matter. Who knows?

But!!! NOW WE KNOW that you FREAK OUT about such details, so you're only recourse to do double-triple check everyone out by calling their lawyers, accountants and doctors to verify information --- and to CYOA by using double-layed protection.

Welcome to Your Life.

...or you could be a little less picky, and a little more forgiving....
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 36
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 4:41:36 PM
Why do people post threads that have already been posted dozens of times... we specifically state DO NOT POST QUESTIONS THAT HAVE BEEN ASKED OVER AND OVER AGAIN... but people still seem it IGNORE what we wrote. How dare they!

Kinda silly of me to make a mountain out of a mole hill isn't it... sort of like you making such a big deal over something so little... your post is no more then a "whine" which is yet another thing we specifically say not to do or you'll be deleted...

With no racist intent... "Aren't you the pot calling the kettle black"

Techincally... Divorced = Single
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 37
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 4:52:21 PM
Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. I have no issue with anyone else's belief or thoughts. I can respect other people's opinions. So, respect mine. I will not marry anyone that does not fit into my way of life and that's my right. If I never get married because of that, so be it.. then that is God's will. But, honestly It's not hard to find others that have not been married here in NY . That's probably because people here tend to get married later in life. It seems like those here in this forum that have been divorced take some offense to my explanation or feel that they are being judged. I'm not judging you. Only those without sin can be the judge. The only one that fits that criteria is God. So, let Him Be the judge.
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 38
view profile
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 5:58:43 PM
Well darn, I guess I need to read the Bible again...I thought it said that the only reason to get a divorce is because of adultery but that one should not marry again, not that one can remarry. I thought remarriage was for widows(ers). Of course the real point of all that is to make damn sure you know who you are getting married to and not to make the mistake in the first place.
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 39
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 6:49:25 PM
It is my understanding that a secular marriage counts as well in Christianity, but not in the Catholic Church. I am Christian so it counts to me. The Bible is silent when it comes to a civil wedding. In the days of Christ, people didn't get married in church buildings nor were they married by ministers, but God still recognized their marriage.
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 40
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:22:18 PM
OP - most all people your/my age have been married before.

I am divorced.

but I am also single.

divorced sounds soo negative nelly.

if you ask me - i will tell ya w/out hesitation but I don't go around advertising ""hey, it didn't work out the first time, so here we go again""

additionally, I assume all women in their mid/late 30s have been married before until proven otherwise.

so this guy you liked and had spent some nice time with...did you end it with him merely because he was divorced ??

anyone these days can get divorced once...

it happens.

hell half of us have been.
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 41
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:44:42 PM
Boondock, it's funny because I don't assume that everyone our age have been married. I guess it's because many of my college friends are now getting married and just starting families. But Yes, I will stop seeing him because he has been divorced. My intent is to meet someone that I can eventually marry. There is no way that I can marry him.
Joined: 3/11/2008
Msg: 42
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 9:20:54 PM
SweetLady- you have every right to your criteria whatever they are. Just make it clear - then it's less likely you'll be in the forums asking "What's up?" and subject to a religious debate.

On the other hand, if you're looking for a religious debate, go to the forum dedicated to Religion and dive in.
Joined: 8/15/2011
Msg: 43
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 9:25:42 PM
I got married when I was 17, divorced less than a year later... I'm not divorced. I was divorced ten years ago.

I usually bring it up pretty soon in any conversation, so I dont' see it as lying... I have a boyfriend anyways, but that's a pretty nit picky thing to me.
Joined: 7/28/2011
Msg: 44
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 10:16:27 PM

Only those without sin can be the judge. The only one that fits that criteria is God. So, let Him Be the judge.
I'm confused. If only God can/should judge...why is it considered a sin for someone to be divorced in the OP's eyes? Shouldn't God just be the judge of that too? I don't understand how to pick and choose what God should be the judge of...
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 45
view profile
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/14/2011 2:49:21 AM

I for one think divorced is divorced and NOT single...otherwise we would have no need to differentiate.

Yeah in your viewpoint then there would be no deference in meaning. A lot of posters here would disagree with that based on disagreement in the meaning of 'divorce'. Many of us view 'divorced' to by synonymous with 'single'. I know I do personally. If you are separated with your X and have no ties to them emotionally then 'divorced' should be functionally treated no differently then 'single'.. It's the same... unless there is a religious reason to see it otherwise... which I am guessing there is...?

i don't care how people WANT to spin it or twist in the wind. THAT would be my caution flag. Divorced would be fact, single would be a conscious omission of that fact.

Hey that is a fact. Religious background or not, people should be honest either way...
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 46
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/14/2011 8:34:32 AM
OP, IMO, you are judging a person just because they've been through a divorce. JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE JUDGED.
Just because someone has been through a divorce doesn't make them less of a person in God's eyes. This, IMO, shouldn't be the defining only factor in who you choose to date.

At some point, maybe you will realize your limiting yourself by having that thought.
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 47
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/14/2011 9:07:17 AM
This religious conversation is useless. Explaining things to people that do not follow my way of life is also useless. I have my beliefs, and you guys have yours, so let's leave it at that! To the people that answered my question, thanks for the reply. The point of my question was to get the mindset of those divorced that lists themselves as single, and I have. Although, I may not agree with the reasons you may have decided to put single instead of divorced, I am capable of understanding where you are coming from. I thank God for giving me the ability to see things from all sides, and giving me the intelligence and direction to make decisions that are pleasing to Him. I now know not to assume that someone has never been married just because they list single on their profile. Happy Fishing!! :o)
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 48
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/14/2011 10:21:30 AM
OP that's the thing about A PUBLIC INTERNET FORUM. It's just everyone's who posts OPINION. You don't have to like it or agree to it. Everyone also knows there's 2 things you NEVER talk about because it's two things that people WILL NEVER agree on(nowadays most can't even agree to disagree) and that's politics and religion...................
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 49
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/14/2011 10:41:20 AM
Everybody has a set of preferences and that's up to you what your preferences are. As someone who previously labeled hersef as Christian and will no longer; I just likke to point out a few things to someone who lives their lives judging other people based off specific verses in the bible. So this is what I want to leave you with OP:
There are many book that were written as part of the bible and are not in it---human editing
The books that are in the bible were not written in english and had to be translated--possibility of human error, ever heard the sentence 'lost in translation'
And, the books that are in the bible were edited by priests so that their congregation would learn what the priest wanted them too---human editing and opion

So, how can the bible possible be 'The Word Of God' when it is so clearly the words of men. And also, if you are going to learn from the bible, why not learn morals and values instead of ways to condemn people for mistakes.
The people I have known to be truly 'connected to god' are forgiving, may not associate themselves with people who currently sin, but will forgive the past. And know how to show unyielding love for their brothers and sisters (which is all mankind in the Christian faith).
Just my opinion, take it as you will.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 50
view profile
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/14/2011 10:44:30 AM

Yes, it is for religious beliefs.

Right...Are you a virgin? Have you followed all of the tenets of the Bible, strictly, without wavering?

I don't think so.

You need to go to a Christian/religious based online date/meet site and ask some questions about if a divorced person is still married in the eyes of God, and how they should never date, or remarry. See what kind of answers you may just shock you.
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