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 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 165
What's up with this?Page 8 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
look-let's try something here, folks...
Let's quit making this thread all about the OP and religion and make it about people who "split hairs"play the "semantics and technicalities" , the "everybody does it" card when you put something on your profile that is not the truth...when it comes to important things like marital status, age, or going widely under-or over- things like income and education,and of course, personal appearance and physical condition.

Let's cast aside consideration for others who might be interested in dating you.
Let's make it about YOU(using "you" in a general sense, not singling out any one specific poster)-and point out that when you "shade the truth" or "take advantage of a technicality" or hide behind some "principle" to obscure a factor that could well be a dealbreaker to a prospective romantic partner-YOU( using "you" in a general, group sense, not singling out any specific person) may be wasting YOUR time on this prospective partner,when the actual fact comes to light.

And, there ARE people who do not wish to become involved with a person who has been divorced.Yes, mostly this is a religious/ethical principle,based on the premise that only death of the spouse severs the "spiritual" aspect bond of marriage. Some people just plain do not give recognition to the "secular"sociolegal process of divorce-if someone has a living spouse,they are a married person.
And as one of the OPs posts bore out, there ARE divorced people who do not consider themselves free to become involved with a new romantic interest. I have also encountered people of both genders who hold that tenet.

The OP is not passing judgement, casting aspersions, or holding herself as superior...she is simply making a commentary on the "technically acceptable" action of divorced persons stating their marital status as "single".

As "technically acceptable" as this practice may be, it CAN be a dating issue for a person who regards marriage as a bond that can only be broken by the death of one spouse...even if the secular authorities have granted the severing of the social and legal bond.
Considering much of the content of this thread,probably the OPs' commentary has done little to convince people that they should check the "divorced" box on the form if they have a living spouse-even though the sociolegal aspects of the marriage have been vacated by official decree. So my recommendation to her is to CLARIFY what a dating prospect means by "single"-ASAP.

The OP cites her personal interpretation of the Bible and tenets of her belief system as her reason for not wanting to date divorced men.

There are also people who simply do not wish to date a divorced man or woman, because of a personal principle that may have been formed for one or more reasons they hold to be valid.
Bottom line, regardless of what "dating site advice" gurus say is permissible, it's probably the most HONEST thing to do, to identify oneself as divorced if that is what you are. If nothing else, it will keep you from wasting time in contact with people who are too old-fashioned, judgemental, religious,narrowminded,self-righteous...WHATEVER! to consider a divorced person to be the same as a single or widowed person.
Cindy O
 Mangelhaft_
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 166
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What's up with this?
Posted: 10/3/2011 10:15:04 AM
Mangel- No a man is not married to a woman if he lies with a woman. A man should marry a woman if he lies with her. But, that has nothing to do with my question. My question was "Why do divorced people list themselves as single?" It so funny how people like to jump on the bandwagon of Anti-religion but totally ignore the point of this post.


Pick and choose. Live how you feel is right, but if you are going to follow an organized religion follow it completely. If you want to take the bible literally you have to be fluent in ancient Aramaic, ancient Hebrew, and ancient Greek, among others. By the way, the bible is the word of man, inspired by god, translated with political agenda.

The answer has been given many times. The reason that this topic has become religious is that with added information it has evolved. You do not like the answers that you were given. You refuse to accept them and wear the "holier than thou" cloak, while being entertained by stoking the fire.
 Sweetlady950
Joined: 9/27/2011
Msg: 167
What's up with this?
Posted: 10/3/2011 4:52:06 PM
Zachariah.. She asked me my reason for not dating divorced men. I answered the question. I told her that it is a religious reason and what it states in my religion. What's the problem with that??? It's funny because the person, who asked the question, was perfectly fine with the answer because it explained what she was curious about. From what I recall from her posts she doesn’t necessarily feel the same way, but she is capable of respecting my beliefs while still maintaining her own. But, all of these other people have a biiiig problem with it..LOL. I can care less about what they believe so why do they care about my beliefs?? It's because people just love to jump on the anti-religion bandwagon. I refuse to go back and forth with them because no matter what they say, I hold my religious beliefs close to me and will continue living my life as I have been.
 sactowndude
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 168
What's up with this?
Posted: 10/3/2011 5:02:06 PM
I respect other peoples religious beliefs but if you are over 30 and looking for a single mate with no children you will be looking for a long time....especially on a dating website. As you grow older your prospects get less and less.

If you stick to a narrow dogmatic rule should people in an abusive marriage stay together?
 Sweetlady950
Joined: 9/27/2011
Msg: 169
What's up with this?
Posted: 10/3/2011 5:02:11 PM
Ladyc4- It's good to see that you totally understand where I am coming from. Many of these posters appear to be stubborn and just want to argue. They are making up things that I have never said nor implied.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 170
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What's up with this?
Posted: 10/3/2011 5:31:14 PM
@Sweetlady950: Did not know you had a sweety. Is this recent or been going on awhile?
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 171
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What's up with this?
Posted: 10/3/2011 5:58:53 PM
I'm actually really surprised at the way this thread went. I ignored any religious overtones that might have been interpreted from the OP's second post, simply because I assume that most peoples' interpretation of the Bible will be different, assuming they are wont to glean any sort of meaning at all from it, or simply just aren't religious and it wouldn't matter anyway in that case.

The OP could have said instead, as actually I did many years ago (for personal reasons, not religious ones), that she simply preferred to marry a man who had never been married before so that they could experience that as a "first" together. Similar to how childless people often seek childless partners, to experience that, too, as a "first" together. I did that too, at one point (actually, covered both those items in my first marriage, lol, although not for religious reasons on my part). Most, or many, would have been supportive.

Man, though, make a mention of God being the reason, as the OP did? And all hell breaks loose.

Ironic.

Pun intended, lol.
 Iascaireachta_arís
Joined: 7/28/2011
Msg: 172
What's up with this?
Posted: 10/3/2011 8:27:58 PM

Anti-religious people came running.

my point exactly. You knew the question would be asked, you knew how you would answer, and you knew it would cause a debate. I rest my case

Do you take responsibility for YOUR deception?!?!?
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 173
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What's up with this?
Posted: 10/3/2011 9:42:55 PM
While I am in the OP's camp on this issue, understanding her unwillingness to take up with a once married man, I would be interested in her take on this aspect of the challenge. That being, what about a man that was married before a justice of the peace, i.e., a purely secular marriage, divorces (say, not his wish), later has a come to Jesus moment (either a conversion ala Damascus Road or walk to Emmaus) and then meets you. Not all that unlikely in this world. Would he be marriage material?

Now what bothers me, and this might be splitting hairs in your world, is that in the above situation the fella has engaged in something no different than shacking up and fathering a child, which you deem acceptable (?) for marriage, though less than desired, since in neither case has the man "stood" before God, family, and friends and had a spiritual or ecclesiastical union. Do you get my drift?

OP, I'm not splitting hairs with you. I have, and will continue to, wrestle over this issue of married before God myself. I try to avoid legalism in my journey (really helped the pharisees, eh?) but being the frail man that I am I do stumble.

I hope you do find a man acceptable for you and before God. That would be a blessing.

TK
 marko1433
Joined: 5/7/2010
Msg: 174
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What's up with this?
Posted: 10/4/2011 12:34:53 AM
My first ex wife divorced me for a crack head and left me with two kids..if that makes me a sinner then I guess my ex was Satan and I should have shot her..thanks for clearing this up for me and a large part of the male population..stuff like this makes me wonder why we dont let Islam win
 Mangelhaft_
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 175
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What's up with this?
Posted: 10/4/2011 10:37:01 AM
For the record, I am not anti-religious: I am anti-hypocrisy.

MARKO1433 --->
stuff like this makes me wonder why we dont let Islam win
WOW!! I am also anti-ignorant.
 Sweetlady950
Joined: 9/27/2011
Msg: 176
What's up with this?
Posted: 10/4/2011 5:43:47 PM
Cooldog- Yes! I do have a sweety Yes, it's a new love-a rekindled love, but a new beginning. God has blessed me with a good man.

Tarnished- In the past, I wondered about secular marriage as well. I spoke with a Pastor about it and he said that a secular marriage is acceptable in God’s eyes. He said that the Bible does not state that you must be married in a church or by a Pastor. If you take all of the necessary steps to be deemed married in your land and if God approves of your marriage, God will recognize your marriage. BTW, this relates to my faith, which is Baptist.
Tarnished- we all stumble. The only one that does not stumble is God. But, He knows our heart and he sees us trying to living according to His word everyday. He knows we will stumble, but he will always be there to catch us when we fall.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 177
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What's up with this?
Posted: 10/4/2011 6:11:37 PM
@Sweetlady950: Hope it all works out. He is almost as good looking as I am. Just kidding! Great hair style just like mine. Not kidding!
 northwickedwitch
Joined: 11/30/2009
Msg: 178
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What's up with this?
Posted: 10/4/2011 9:05:12 PM
"""If you take all of the necessary steps to be deemed married in your land and if God approves of your marriage, God will recognize your marriage."""

And I found it!!! Her "loophole" for those of us who figured she'd slip up some way.
"if god approves your marriage", so, in my mind now, a guy "god" never "approved" his marriage, she is free to marry, correct? . I mean, really, who's gonna go ask "god" if he approved this man's first marriage? If he didn't approve, therefore he won't recognize the marriage as valid....

I know, I'm splitting hairs, but this OP bugs me, lol. Once again, late night entertainment.
 Sweetlady950
Joined: 9/27/2011
Msg: 179
What's up with this?
Posted: 10/5/2011 3:30:09 AM
Yes, you guys both have that handsome Stone Cold and Micheal Jordan Look!
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 180
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What's up with this?
Posted: 10/5/2011 7:05:10 AM
I'd be too scared to even consider dating a woman like the OP incase I used the wrong fork in a fancy restaurant and she burned me alive thinking it meant I was possessed by demons or summat

 lovefun99
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 181
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What's up with this?
Posted: 10/5/2011 8:27:22 AM

if God approves of your marriage


Well, i'm confused now... How do you know if God approves or disapproves a marriage?

Wouldn't God disapprove of a mariage where there was abuse, cheating, no love,lust or a number of other bad things?

Would God only approve of a marriage if the couple were loving and stayed together forever? (Remember that God knows all and sees all, future, present and past)

Since God is not available for comment tell me how in the world do you know if he approves of a marriage!? grrrrrr
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 182
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What's up with this?
Posted: 10/5/2011 8:30:53 AM
I suspect he talks to her regularly

Well, not THAT regularly, just when shes between prescriptions
 Sweetlady950
Joined: 9/27/2011
Msg: 183
What's up with this?
Posted: 10/5/2011 8:41:54 AM
When the pastor spoke of approving of a marriage, he was speaking of same sex marriages. There are relationships that are spoken of in the Bible that God does not approve of. You guys are sooo funny....I just got to laugh.LOL I love how you hear one thing and just run with it..
Good thing the OP-only dates HANDSOME, Intelligent, Godfearing men.. like the one she has found- U have nothing to worry about ;o)
 northwickedwitch
Joined: 11/30/2009
Msg: 184
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What's up with this?
Posted: 10/5/2011 10:00:08 AM
lovefun99, my question exactly!!!!

sl95 or 950 whichever personality u r using right now, if u r really into the bible, u will know that according to it, there is no such thing as god approved same sex marriages!!! Me personally, im glad laws are allowing it, i have a very happy gay friend as a result of it.
But OP, you still have not answered our question, how do you know god approves of a marriage or not so you can know if your dating a guy you can marry? Although i can still keep on thinking that with your logic, if you like the dude enough, you will convince yourself god didnt approve his first marriage and therefore you are free to marry him. Good call, i like that, silence is assent.
 lovefun99
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 185
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What's up with this?
Posted: 10/5/2011 11:32:27 AM

When the pastor spoke of approving of a marriage, he was speaking of same sex marriages.


So god approves of all same sex marriages no matter the circumstances as long as they were never previously married or are widowed?

I doubt that God would approve of an arragened marriage where there was no love or what about a marriage between a child and a grown man? Happens all the time in certain parts of the world but I guess it's ok because they have not been married and are opposite sex, right?

What about "forced" marriages? Ok as long as the rules are met?

I don't think that the God I believe in would see any of those or my other examples in my last post as "approved marriages" just because they are not same sex and the people have not been married.

Your God scares me.

here is a bit of informnation from a Baptist point of view:
http://en.allexperts.com/q/Baptists-954/divorce-remarriage-4.htm


Tara, in the context of 1 Cor. 7, and Matt. 5, if either the husband or the wife is
guilty of infidelity, or is unwilling to stay with the other spouse after their
conversion, the other spouse is free to file for divorce. No, it is not specific to
the wife, but in the context of these Scriptures it is.

"If I remarry a Baptist who was never married, would that be considered adultery?"

Tara, in this question there are a myriad of circumstances that would cause me to
give you a different response. I will however, give you a few circumstances, and the
responses I would give to each.

A) First, and foremost, God hates divorce. I do not have to tell you how much heart
ache and pain it causes. The Lord is grieved when anyone goes through the ravages of
separation. So my first response is this, is there absolutely no way of
reconciliation with your former husband? I do not know anything about what happened
(nor am I trying to pry) but this is often over looked by people. If there would be
any way of reconciliation, I suggest this first.

B) Second, if there is no hope of reconciliation (and this very well may be the
case), and the man you would consider marring has not been divorced, then no, t is
not adultery because your divorce was Biblically based.

C) Third, if this man has been divorced, but for un-Biblical reasons (he committed
adultery or was unwilling to live with his former spouse after her conversion) then
to marry him would be adultery.

D) Fourth, If the man has been divorced, but his former wife was the one who caused
the divorce (she committed adultery or was unwilling to live with her former spouse
after his conversion) then it would not be adultery.


Some more reading
http://truthmagazine.com/archives/volume35/GOT035222.html
 REB30
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 186
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What's up with this?
Posted: 10/6/2011 3:59:43 AM
I did not see the OP damn anyone to hell. She just said she preferred not to date divorced men which is her right. Whether she feels that way because of the baggage issue or her belief system does not really matter. I will say that the exact wording in the Bible is that you can get a divorce if your spouse cheats on you but you may not remarry. I am not saying any of you have to live your life by this precept.
 northwickedwitch
Joined: 11/30/2009
Msg: 187
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What's up with this?
Posted: 10/6/2011 6:38:37 PM
lovefun99, thanks for sharing, its interesting and a Baptist point of view? Strange, OP says she's Baptist. Wonder which Baptist church she's from.

Reb30, why would you think any of us think she is daming someone to hell. What i can tell, and for me personally, she spouts a good talk but cant back it up. That's all im debating. I could care less if the woman never got married, she's just getting attention and its sick. For one thing, she is on a secular dating site, and she is advertising for a husband on a site where married men abound, and freely admits she has a "sweetie". Again i say, something fishie here....
 Sweetlady950
Joined: 9/27/2011
Msg: 188
What's up with this?
Posted: 10/6/2011 7:42:04 PM
Northwickedwitch- Obviously you are the one that is seeking some attention (probably don't get much of it), so here, now I am giving it to you. Feel better now???
You claim "I spout a good talk, but can't back it up." Back up what???? What are you talking about??? I have said that I will never date a man that has been married. I can back that up because my track record of the men I have dated has show that I would never do that, but of course you wouldn't know this because U don't know me! I have said that If I date a man that has been married that I MYSELF AM COMMITTING A SIN and that's why I won't date them. I can back that up as well by citing several verses in the Bible, but I won’t.. GO READ IT! I said that God does not approved of Gay marriages and that’s what my Pastor was referring too. This can be backed up as well. Again, It’s in the Bible. GO READ IT!

As far as you not caring about whether or not I ever get married, who said you did???? Who bought that up??? You just care about the fact that I said I won’t date divorced person because it’s a sin on my part. Why do you care about that though? You never even took the time to get a divorce. You’re still married! But I won’t get on that..That’s a whole other issue.

Then you say that I’m on a secular dating site. WHAT??? What are you talking about? Where does it say that this is a secular dating site? This site is not exclusive to non-religious people. Obviously it isn’t because they have a section which asks for people’s religion and a drop down arrow that allows for many different selections. Believe it or not.. the world is not like you and everyone on this dating site is not like you either. There are plenty of religious men on here and I know this because I have encountered them!

Then you say that I'm advertising for a husband where married men abound. Again, What are you talking about??? All of the men on here are not married, divorced or separated.

Then you want to mention my Sweetie. Yes, I have one!!! We weren’t together when this thread started which was in August 2011. But as of October 2011 yes I have a sweetie… A 32 year old handsome man, that has never been married, doesn’t have kids, is a Christian… and has the same views on life as myself.
 northwickedwitch
Joined: 11/30/2009
Msg: 189
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What's up with this?
Posted: 10/10/2011 5:07:08 PM
You haven't won, I chose to give up. Can't have a war with an unarmed person. Its thanksgiving here in my home, you dont't fit in. There's no room in my heart or home for stupidity. Not posting again on this thread. But just one more word, i have all the attention i need, and dont tell me to read the bible, I'm a reverend....done my fair share, probably much more than you since you rely on your pastors to tell you things, have a good life, peace out.
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