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 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 398
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Should money be a consideration in a relationshipPage 14 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
I agree with not spending that much on a first date. How can you tell if she is into you or the wining and dining? Never put the bar that high on a first date because that will become the expectation. You may hear the familiar "You use to do this when we first met...".
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 399
Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/3/2011 6:41:01 PM
^^^ Then you can razzle dazzle her with a "regular" dinner date later and she'll gush all over you! You're so clever, CD.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 400
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Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/3/2011 6:45:03 PM
@Fleuron: Is that an offer? Would you like to be razzled and dazzled?
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 402
Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/3/2011 6:56:10 PM

^^^ Then you can razzle dazzle her with a "regular" dinner date later and she'll gush all over you! You're so clever, CD.


Exactly why would he be expected to razzle dazzle her?

I hear all the time about how ladies want a man to be "real" yet as this response shows a certain amount of "razzle dazzle" is expected.

So tell us which is actually the quality desired "razzle dazzle" or "real"?

Another thought is the "razzle dazzle" reciprocated?
And is that why after a relationship is established the "razzle dazzle" factor is gone?

Go read through some of the ladies profiles on here and see how many are bragging about recently joining a gym or loosing a large amount of weight after ending their last relationship.

I see this a a huge red flag. It screams once I am in a relationship I will let myself go.

Thanks but no thanks.
 henley2011
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 403
Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2011 6:12:11 AM
sometimes they use that tactic to try and get sex. most men don't want to spend money on a date unless they are going to get some sex from you. i always ask them are they going to want sex in return before they buy me dinner.
 finding2011
Joined: 9/26/2011
Msg: 404
Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2011 6:31:27 AM

i always ask them are they going to want sex in return before they buy me dinner.


really? you asked before they pay??? how that can come out in the moment?
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 405
Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2011 6:47:19 AM

sometimes they use that tactic to try and get sex. most men don't want to spend money on a date unless they are going to get some sex from you. i always ask them are they going to want sex in return before they buy me dinner.
hmmmm interesting when I read comments like the aforementioned.... I would say it depends on the type of guy you meet, not all guys are like that. Perhaps if youre meeting guys like that, UPGRADE the guys you seek would be good thing

As in for the guy spending $300.00 on a date? I think that is really stupid, going out to dinner is one thing, spending cash on someone you don't know is kind of stupid, you're trying to impress her and doing it the wrong way, if you do things like that and she has build a high expectation of this is what is going to be like with this guy and then all of a sudden you start dating and you tone it down she may wonder about you? all this in the beginning to impress me and now that we are dating I'm not important enough, now its lets dine at KFC or Popeye's or other crap places.

There are so many things and places you can go when on a date, and yes It requires money, but sitting in a expensive restaurant trying to impress her and hoping the conversation will flow is silly in my opinion.

I get it once you're dating exclusively and you want to hit the good restaurants that I get , because she is worth it and you know her, but for someone you barely know or trying to know is dumb in my opinion.
 yanno35
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 406
Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2011 6:48:15 AM
Honestly,,, I THINK GIRLS SHOULD PAY 1/2 ON A FIRST DATE....if she really likes you, she wouldnt mine!! IF SHE DOES, THEN MONEY IS HER HIGHEST PRIORITY !! too many girls on here want a free ride or free dinner.
 HappyDip
Joined: 9/13/2011
Msg: 407
Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2011 7:01:21 AM

sometimes they use that tactic to try and get sex...i always ask them are they going to want sex in return before they buy me dinner.

I thought this was kind of funny.
I mean if they are using "tactics" to get sex, it means it is their ultimate objective. To just get sex. So they are simply using a manipulative method.
So if they are using manipulative methods to get sex...why would they tell you the truth rather than just what they think you want to hear? Because lying to you, or putting on some facade, is also a manipulative "tactic."

By asking them all you are really doing is putting someone into a corner and dooming yourself to failure. If they say yes, they're the bad guy. If they say no, you have a 50/50 or less chance of them being honest rather than them simply using more tactics.
 Navy_Doc2009
Joined: 4/6/2010
Msg: 408
Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2011 7:35:36 AM
It's absolutely amazing how little some women look at the financial effects it has on a man trying to find a good woman these days. A woman can go on 4 dates a month and it typically wouldn't cost a single penny. A man goes on 4 dates in a month and he's out over $200. Do this enough times and the man is broke and the woman is bitter because the man is seen as cheap.

We as men can't win in the dating world these days. With the implementation of online dating, women are more accessible and have many more options. Money shouldn't be an issue. I hear so many women say, "It doesn't matter. I make my own way." If that were the case, I encourage women to switch places with a man and invite him out to dinner.

Remember, the first date sets the tone of the possible relationship. If the relationship is started off on a monetary note, the whole relationship is about money. I've adopted the philosophy that every first date should be a walk in the park (literally) and maybe a coffee or smoothie. One of my best dates was a free concert in the park. We walked around the park for a couple hours and enjoyed each other's company during the live music. Total cost...$3.00 for 2 bottles of water.

If you must try to impress her with expensive dates, move on.

Ladies...expect what you produce. If you expect an expensive dinner...pay for it yourself. It's called "psychological reciprocity." Do something nice and the other person will feel morally inclined to do something nice in return.

OKAY...SIDE NOTE. Also, sex isn't payment for an expensive dinner. Too many times we hear about women saying "he got laid." Last time I checked, "BOTH" people got laid. If you feel sex is payment, you're calling yourself a prostitute. I only say this, because one of my female friends said this to one of her girlfriends. I laughed and said this to her. Her response..."I didn't get off...he did." lol
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 409
Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2011 7:46:27 AM

It's absolutely amazing how little some women look at the financial effects it has on a man trying to find a good woman these days

what's amazing about it? why is it the woman's responsibility to look at the financial effects when men are so willing to foot the bill? it's HIS money... it's amazing to me that you actually expect the woman to somehow take responsibility for what HE is willing to spend in the eternal quest to get laid.



A woman can go on 4 dates a month and it typically wouldn't cost a single penny.

well according to you, that's just us "being bad and being good at it", right? *wink*
and if that's really "typical" then it's only because the men are typically willing to spend that kind of money every month on their social lives, and maybe that's because they typically expect free "dessert". either way they have no grounds to complain because nobody held a gun to their head and forced them to spend $200/month on dinner dates.

not picking on you but actually agreeing with you here.... you quoted the woman saying "he got laid" but in the same breath you are saying "she got fed". what's the difference when everyone is bringing it down to the dumbest common denominator? how much fun can you really have when every encounter becomes a contest for resources.... sex vs. food/money?



If that were the case, I encourage women to switch places with a man and invite him out to dinner.

why would i do that? i'm gonna buy dinner for some man i just met for the first time who don't even know? meh, i don't think so... for a first date i expect something relatively simple or at least non-expensive, and i fully expect to pay my share. if all dates were planned that way, neither side would have have ANY grounds to complain about their so-called "expectations"....



One of my best dates was a free concert in the park. We walked around the park for a couple hours and enjoyed each other's company during the live music. Total cost...$3.00 for 2 bottles of water.

that's an excellent date idea.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 410
Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2011 8:20:38 AM
WOW...just wow!! This thing went in the toilet fast again.

I guess in the end, the rules are: there AIN'T no rules!!

Look we'll continue to read "he was cheap" or "he expected sex" or "she was a golddigger or dinner whore" until there is no one left on the forum..it's just the way it is.

In the end while I wish it could be "what's right", it has to be "what's right for me" and everyone has to embrace that concept. There are no universal rules, some guys will have it better than others. That doesn't make them about sex, or foolish with their money.

I don't like applebees, olive garden or red lobster. Doesn't mean that it isn't right for someone else. If I choose to spend $100 on dinner, that's fine with me, shouldn't be a problem for someone else to hear that. Doesn't mean I will expect sex, means I want an animated conversation with a dinner partner.

If I choose to take her to a concert that sets me back $500 on tickets, cause I bought them from a scalper, A. that's no ones business but mine, B. if I'm OK with it, why should she have a problem with it.

Yeah some guys will b1tch about the cost of a date. Definitely a mistake, but who knows the story, maybe the last 5 dates were horrendous and he is projecting. No different than dating a woman who sits there and b1tches for an 1 1/2 hours about her EX or the traffic she encountered coming to meet you.

Anyone is free to plan any date they want. A walk in the park, coffee at starbucks(yucko to me), dinner at micky d's or a nice restaurant.

This place is what you make of it. A great experience or a sh1tty one.

Everyone has some great points, YES some guys will have a problem paying $200 a month on dates, YES some women will encounter men who expect sex in return for dinner, YES some men will encounter women who want to dine and dash at the end of the date leaving you with the tab, YES some women will order the most expensive things on the menu and drinks galore.

None of those rise to the level of capital crime. So if you have a problem with $200 a month, date less or find cheaper alternatives, don't b1tch about guys who CAN afford that and more. If you don't want to have sex, DON'T!! Leave him standing there, when you get home block him on your phone and on here. If she turns out to fill up on soup and apps and makes excuses to have her main course wrapped and leave, don't sweat it, just think about if she gave you any hints that she was that way and block her.

Oh and one more thing, some guys want to go dutch. There's nothing wrong with that, it doesn't make them cheap, it means most seek equality. YES there are cheap ones in there, it's up to you just like I said to discern cheap from looking for equality.

It really is that simple...
 inthroughtheoutdoor
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 411
Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2011 8:35:58 AM
We as men can't win in the dating world these days.

This is no different that if I were to say that women can't win in the dating world these days because of the variety of opinions that both men and women have regarding women having sex on a first, second, third, fifteenth or fiftieth date.

The problem with either of those position is that it means that a person is putting their power in someone else's hands. Both men and women can decide for themselves what is both acceptable and comfortable for them and from that point on, seek and only date like-minded individuals.

Men whining about the amount of money they HAVE TO spend on dates even though they obviously resent it and/or can't afford it if they risk "going broke" is as ridiculous as women whining they HAVE TO have sex even though it's obvious they resent it and/or couldn't afford it (mentally, emotionally and/or spiritually) at that point in time.

For the millionth time, unless there is a gun to your head, NO ONE is forced to do anything they don't WANT to. How many times and how many ways can this be explained before it starts to sinks in??? We are adults and as adults, we are responsible for our actions and for grown men to go on and on and on about how they resent and don't think it's fair they have to pay and blahblahblah poor me someone or something has control of my wallet and my brain too apparently is beyond ridiculous.

Using your example of a man "having to open his wallet" four times in one month possibly putting him at risk of going broke makes as much sense as if a woman came here crying about being emotionally broke by being forced to open her legs to four different men in one month. I guarantee you that such a woman would be laughed out of her own thread as well as being called every derogatory name imaginable.

Yet it's okay for men to come here and openly admit that they seemingly have no mind of their own, no control over their own lives and are just basically puppets on a string that anyone can pull in any direction and somehow we're supposed to feel sympathy for them.

The solution to "winning" in the dating world is simple. You choose to pay? Then pay and shut up about it. You don't want to pay? Then DON'T. You choose to have sex? Then have sex and shut up about it. You don't want to have sex? Then DON'T. There are plenty of people, both men and women, both in this pond and out in the real world who think like we do on those issues - the "winning" solution is to seek and date ONLY those people.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 412
Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2011 12:32:20 PM

@Fleuron: Is that an offer? Would you like to be razzled and dazzled?


Of course I would! But don’t do it too soon, or I’ll expect it all the time.


Exactly why would he be expected to razzle dazzle her?


If you had followed the thread posts (like the one directly above the post you’re quoting) you’d know what was being discussed. Everyone knows you like to focus on any excuse to be an azz. Leave me out of it.

I’m sure you’re intimately familiar with women saying, “thanks but no thanks.”
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 413
Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2011 12:42:07 PM

If you had followed the thread posts (like the one directly above the post you’re quoting) you’d know what was being discussed. Everyone knows you like to focus on any excuse to be an azz. Leave me out of it.

I’m sure you’re intimately familiar with women saying, “thanks but no thanks.”


I did read the post above and many more. Nowhere was razzle dazzle expected of mentioned until you did so.

As far as the ad hominem attack that just shows you have no debatable points so you attack the one challenging your statements.
 henley2011
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 414
Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2011 2:19:53 PM
Sir, Talk is cheap. Men play allot of games with women. they will tell you one thing and mean another.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 415
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Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2011 2:33:24 PM

I did read the post above and many more. Nowhere was razzle dazzle expected of mentioned until you did so.

Looked like a bit of flirtation between a couple of posters, to me. Kinda nice to see in the midst of all the other stuff. Why bring negativity into it ....

Everyone knows you like to focus on any excuse to be an azz

 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 416
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Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2011 5:03:38 PM
@4ms4me: Yes you're right, I'll cop to it. A little flirtation going on. A little fun to lighten up the mood here. Great observation!

@Fleuron: Touche'! You got me again!
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 417
Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2011 5:16:54 PM
Yep, I was flirting, just a little.

Men like Cooldog (and others who know who they are) look better and better to me every time some jerkoff posts.
 john36602000
Joined: 9/19/2011
Msg: 419
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Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2011 5:59:32 PM
As far as doing it for sex. I think your dead wrong. She wanted to and I turned her down. So no, it wasnt all about the sex. It was about going out to have a good time and getting to know someone.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 420
Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2011 6:25:31 PM

Hey Fleuron....I think most of us reading the thread understood the flirtation going on...and liked seeing a lightening of the mood here.
Some guys have got to learn to relax and breathe sometimes. They don't have to spout their dogma on every "money" thread.


No dogma at all the questions I posed that was not answered was a actual question I would like to have the answers to.

If I missed the humor I apologize.

However the question about which is actually desired being real or the razzle dazzle?

The other things brought out is if a man remarks on prices being high he is a whiner if he spends to much on a date he is attempting to buy the lady.

So what is the correct etiquette.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 422
Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2011 7:24:02 PM

Awe crap Mjyawn...now I have to think again....darn you and your pointed questions!!

Again, I can only speak for myself....as I have not, as yet, been elected as Queen of the Universe. I would prefer a guy be "real". The whole point in meeting a fella...and then going through the dating process, is to discover what he is truely all about. Fantasies that crumble are so very disappointing.
If having a bit of the "razzle dazzle" is part of the real him...then how lucky for me:) I'm going to want to razzle dazzle him right back.

As Not-Queen-Elect...I am not sure what proper etiquette would be, with regards to your second question. I know what I prefer...and that is a guy that doesn't spend a lot on a first meet(in fact, sharing the cost would be just fine)...and also doesn't whine about what has been purchased. I would end up feeling a bit guilty(if it was his "insisted" treat) or irritated(if we were sharing costs) and that's not a good feeling to leave a meet/date with. I have no problem if we are both looking at the menu with shock at the price of a glass of wine...then we can kvetch together...buy a bottle of wine from a liquer store and go for a walk/talk.

Hey...when a small glass of wine costs as much as entire bottle from the store...somethin' ain't right!


Thank you for a very realistic and well thought out answer.

As I agree with what you have posted. To me there should be a first meet to see if there is an attraction for a first date.

The first date should be realistic to what would be sustainable on a week to week basis.

The "razzle dazzle" should be for special occasions ie birthdays and the like maybe a treat to a concert of a favorite band if they have one close.

I know sometimes I am taken as being on the defensive or that I don't like the other gender nothing could be further from the truth.

I just know the other gender is not as "snow white" as some on here want to paint them and neither is my gender.

There are good and bad from each gender......being truly honest and both putting the relationship on a level field is rare.

First dates are always tricky as each person has such different expectations. Thus the idea a first meet is a good idea to screen people for a first date.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 424
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Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2011 7:40:43 PM
I will clear this up. Razzle and dazzle was used figuratively between Fleuron and I . For me it's about reciprocating. As long as it's not one sided and keeping things realistic for the first meet/early dating process.

Reciprocating is not always about being exactly 50/50 as there are always variables. It's simply a feeling that there is give and take from both sides. If both sides feel ok with this, then an acceptable balance had been reached.

Does money matter? For myself, the answer falls between no and yes. As long as both parties bring something to the table and work together as a team.
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 426
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Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 10/5/2011 10:03:41 AM

Does money matter? For myself, the answer falls between no and yes. As long as both parties bring something to the table and work together as a team.


Spot on !!!
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