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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Am I in denial or just a bad person?      Home login  
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 NolitaFairytale
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 81
Am I in denial or just a bad person?Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
It wasn't the best thing that you did, but you found out he's a liar and a cheater and it should be a good thing for you that you're rid of him. If a guy goes on POF regularly and isn't a forum user, they're still looking, if the people were his friends he could have added them to msn or facebook or texted them, no need for POF.
 graytemplesandeyes
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 82
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Am I in denial or just a bad person?
Posted: 4/3/2012 9:24:09 AM
I think neither.

The guy was a bum. He wasn't worthy of trust and you rightly didn't trust him. For him to throw it back on you was pretty weak.

His correct response, if he cared for you at all would have been confession and contrition. He did neither.

It's hard to give up a reasonably long relationship, and you are calling that denial. It's not. You've experienced loss. Do a little grieving and then with wisdom, move on.
 KingofSnuggles
Joined: 5/17/2011
Msg: 83
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Am I in denial or just a bad person?
Posted: 4/3/2012 3:29:19 PM
I will say, both parties have some SERIOUS responsibility for the outcome here - neither are free from fault. If you had suspicions as stated before then you should have confronted him (in an adult manner not an attack) or just decided that if his actions causes suspicion then it probably wasn't what you were looking for in the first place and ended it.


people that just lie to lie. It makes me ill.


Then you should be making YOURSELF sick, since you (a) pretended to be him while texting the female friend and (b) not just being upfront with him about what you did BEFORE you go texting her again from your own phone.


In the end, yes your spidey senses were right but your method in getting there.......EPIC fail!!


Best of luck with the next guy!
 HerImperfectsoul
Joined: 9/16/2008
Msg: 84
Am I in denial or just a bad person?
Posted: 4/3/2012 4:04:17 PM
Maleman999 -Are you frigging kidding??????????????
 HerImperfectsoul
Joined: 9/16/2008
Msg: 85
Am I in denial or just a bad person?
Posted: 4/3/2012 4:08:12 PM
King of snuggles---Considering the guy has been lying to her all along, do you REALLY think he would have poured out the truth to her if she asked? Come on now, if he were that upfront, he would'nt have done it in the first place. She needed closure, and she got it. Been there, done that.
 JoseMadre
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 86
Am I in denial or just a bad person?
Posted: 4/3/2012 4:09:19 PM
Sounds like he opened the door by not alleviating your concerns, which it turns out were well founded. I'm not convinced you did anything wrong with his phone, but even if you did, his violations against you were 100 times more serious.

So are you a bad person because the man you were seeing was sneaky and you caught him? My vote is a resounding "No." You are better off without someone like that.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 87
Am I in denial or just a bad person?
Posted: 4/3/2012 4:17:18 PM
He has a right to feel very violated by your actions, however, if he had been honest with you, you never would have overstepped your bounds like you did. Deep down your gut was telling you for a long time he wasn't being honest, but you handeled the situaton wrong. Chalk it up to experience, in the future, walk away before you do this again.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 88
Am I in denial or just a bad person?
Posted: 4/4/2012 3:45:17 PM
I'm lost.... Did she ever actually answer to whether or not she actually used her words and talked to the guy about if it is / isn't anything more than just casually dating?

Cuz I know, me personally, especially if I'm dating someone for 9 months, if I'm looking for something serious, I'm not going to wait around for anyone that isn't.

It's a harsh thing to say, but if you never talked to him about that specific issue, on whether or not you two are being serious about each other, then it's your own fault that he was talking to other people. If you wanted a monogomous relationship out of it with that guy, you should have said something during that 9 months.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 89
Am I in denial or just a bad person?
Posted: 4/4/2012 4:24:04 PM
StarCAGirl- I don't think you are a bad person. However, this whole thing strikes me as immature.
At a certain point you have to realize that a direct approach is best. If you aren't sure where you stand, ask. If you know what you want tell the other person.
Snooping through someone's cell phone is something you don't do.
We have instincts for a reason, if you don't trust someone and there's a valid reason why, you should listen to your inner voice and walk away.
Better luck next time (and for the record you are better off without him, liars and cheats rarely change).
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 90
Am I in denial or just a bad person?
Posted: 4/4/2012 10:23:20 PM
these are dating sites; not friends sites. so many guys cheat and so many let them.

I can't believe that within 9 months of knowing someone you are with him and you are giving him money. So many online go so freaking fast.

Get the money and run; dont walk run. This is a dog and you need to pick a better guy next time.

You did nothing wrong; you weren't cheating. he was.

Women always think they have this magical thing when in reality it's not half as good as they think. This guy is a dog; a dirty dog; move on.

Never met a cheater yet who says,"yes, I'm a cheater".
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 91
Am I in denial or just a bad person?
Posted: 4/5/2012 5:12:44 AM
ur 52 yrs. old?/ i would expect this from someone half ur age..but not at 52!! You're very attractive and can look in my phone anytime..
 TallTony40
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 92
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Am I in denial or just a bad person?
Posted: 4/5/2012 7:11:43 AM
Well I would not care one bit if a girl i was seeing looked at my phone or anything of mine, Private is something you don't want a stranger to see, but the person you are with should know you would have nothing to hide, we live in a world where the majority of people are still good honest and kind hearted, don't waist your time on anyone who can be so deceitful, and don't listen to negative comments made about you, you gave your love and your trust to someone who betrayed that, your actions were out of shock and horror at what you had discovered and i understand!
 Julietsdestiny
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 93
Am I in denial or just a bad person?
Posted: 4/5/2012 7:29:41 AM
Wow OP.....Your 52 years of age and are doing things a 10 year old would do and so is he.
If you lend a person money then don't expect to get it back unless you have a written contract!
Actually texting these women from HIS private phone? Are you kidding me?
If anyone did that to me then they would be long gone.
You are insecure, controlling and a down right nasty person.
Lay off the booze (more than 3 x a week) and you might be able to think straight.
I look forward to your drunken reply.
 FNADude
Joined: 7/22/2011
Msg: 94
Am I in denial or just a bad person?
Posted: 4/5/2012 9:19:39 AM
Dating for 9 months may not be enough to violate his privacy - you should have just assumed the worst and kicked his butt out!!

I was married to a cheater so I feel your pain. I believe that marriage creates a bond that surpasses privacy. So if you were married you would have every right to check his phone. If you are married and your spouse claims rights to their privacy then you need to contact a lawyer because the end is near.
 Meems919
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 95
Am I in denial or just a bad person?
Posted: 4/5/2012 9:27:00 AM

Women always think they have this magical thing when in reality it's not half as good as they think


Really. All women do this. Wow. Good to know.
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